558 
THE RURAL HEW-YORKER. 
Jtjjmtturmts. 
It is useless to try the mind cure on a dude. 
An Irishman watching a game of base ball 
was sent to grass by a foul which struck him 
under the left rib. “A fowl, was ut? Begorra, 
I thought it was a mule. 1 ' 
An exchange says; “A miss in Iowa has 
hair that sweeps the floor.” Now if this miss 
had hair that could cook, wash and iron, and 
milk the cows, what a bonanza she would be 
as a wife. 
Macon, Ga., Telegraph: “Albany boys 
hardly past the spanking age,” says the Me¬ 
dium, “are inveterate cigarette smokers.” 
The boy who smokes cigarettes is never past 
the spanking age. 
At a negro wedding, when the minister 
read the words, “love, honor, and obey,” the 
groom interrupted him, and said: “Read that 
again, sah; read it once mo', so’s de lady kin 
ketch the full solemnity of de meanin’. Ise 
ben married befo ! .” 
“HalloI” said a policeman the other night 
to Brown. “What are you sittiug out here in 
the cold for ? Why don’t you go into the house ? 
Have you lost the key?” "No,” responded 
Brown; “I—hie—haven’t lost the key. I’ve 
—hie—lost the keyhole.” 
“I’VE the hardest name in this town,” said a 
workingman to a citizen the other day. “I’ll 
bet a dollar you haven’t,” replied the citizen. 
“Done,” said the workingman. "My name is 
Stone.” “Pass over the coin,” said the citi¬ 
zen. “My name is Harder.” 
A negbo being asked what he was in jail 
for, said it was for borrowing money. “But,” 
said the questioner, “they don’t put people in 
jail for borrowing money.” “Yes,” said the 
darkey, “out I had to knock the man down 
free or fo’ times before he would lend it me.” 
“No," said the Vermont deacon, “I don’t 
approve of hoss racin’, but when another 
member of the Church becomes so godless as 
to try to pass me on the road cornin’ home 
from ineetin’, I feel It my duty to the church 
to let out a little on the reins just to keep him 
from puttin’ his trust in earthly things.” 
GIVEN UP BY DOCTORS. 
••Is it possible that Mr. Godfrey is up ard at work 
and cured bv so simple a remedy r 
“1 assure vou It is true that he is entirely cured, 
and with nothin* but Hop Bitters; and only ten days 
a«ro hl« doctors save him up and stud lie roust die. 
^veil aday! Thafs remarkable! T will go this day 
ami get some lor iny poor George-I know hops are 
g °now ro GET SUCK.—Expose yourself day and night, 
eat too tnttoh without exercise, work too much with 
out rest. doctor all the time.take all the vile nortrums 
advertised, and then you wUl want to kno\\ 
BowToditT Wkix.-W hich Is answered lu three 
words-Take Hop Bitters! __ 
THE 
ROSS 
For Ensilage and Dry Fodder. 
The heaviest, strongest, and best Gutters in 
the World. Adapted to all kinds o! powers, very 
easy i mining, and have immense capacities. A 
trial of the Ross Machines Ml competition with 
others wil! fully substantiate the above claims. II- 
1 Iustrated circular ami book on Ensilage sent tree. 
E •" ROSS & GO., SPRINGFIELD, Ohio. 
Drawer A G. rora«£S*.v of fucton a v- 
GOOD NEWS 
10 L ADIES. 
Greatest inducement* ever of¬ 
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Orders for our celebrated Tea* 
and CoU'eeM.aiid secure a beauti- 
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TeaSet. erHandaeme Peoprated 
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„ THE GREAT AMERICAN [TEA GO., 
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THE - 
GreatAmerican 
T - 
I ■ 
Company 
HERD OF HOLSTEIHS. 
5) 
18.1201* lbs. from March 90. IMS, to Mitred 20. UW8. 
23,7T r >ki Ihii. ,, May 28, l3tt3, to May 2#, 1881. 
Not till! largest but the nnest herdiu America, lu 
wldeti will be found representatives of nearly all the 
noted families In thin country, prize winners and 
their direct (lmwendaate. The lurgesi. records have 
been iniidt by memburg of tills uc*rd. 1 rlncc ji 
Wayne 2d 786, the great butler bulk and CotmUintyu 
2010, sire Constants u 1-’>7 N. H. B., 'lain Hetje ot3 N.H. 
(record Ktilbs.i, granddani Oude Betjc (record 
ltja.l. at head of herd. Fifty calves, of superior 
breeding and great merit, released from quarantine 
December 17th. if. G. STKVKNH. Alllcil, N. Y. 
CHEEK 1 
Man with Basket—“Say, Boss, want to buy any apples to-day ?” 
Rural Gent —“No, I have plenty on my own place.” 
Man —“No, you haven’t; these are the last ones you had 1” 
<v T p '°- YAL f v 
General Office Cotton Exchange Building New York 
ZHAUffK (NCtlAVfR 10 SP/hlCt 'jI H( * Tflfflf 
*et*n Cowh hit 
K»even 8-year 
aged 12 lbs. 11- 
week. The e 
averaged 11% 
Stock. 
INVALIDS AND OTHERS SEEKING 
STRENGTH AND ENERGY WITHOUT THE USE OF 
DRUGS, 
Are requested to send for TIIE ELECTUIG RE 
ed for Free Distribution 
It treats of Huttn, Hyoiknk, and Physical Culture, 
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Its pages; and the runny questions asked by suffer¬ 
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ull who are In need of medical advice. 
YOUNG MEN uud others who suffer from ner¬ 
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consulting Da contents. 
The Kleei rlo Review exposes the unmitigated 
frauds practiced by quacks and medical Impostors 
who profess to •■practice medicine," and points out 
the only safe, simple and effective road to health, 
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address, for free copy. THE ELECTRIC RE¬ 
VIEW , 1 1 ti‘2 Broaitwuy, New V urk. 
Courses Leading to Degrees. 
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Art*, Architecture, 
History ami Political Science 
Literature, Natural History, 
Philosophy, Science, 
Science and Letters, 
Chemistry and Physics. 
Civil Engineering, 
Electrical Engineering, 
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To regular students lu Agriculture Instruction is 
free. Ktitrance Examination* begin at 3 A. M. June 
15 and Sept. 13,1883, For the University Register, 
giving full Information respecting admission, free 
scholarships, fellowships, expenses, etc., midi ess 
Treasurer of Cornell University, Ithaca, N.Y. 
“ACME” 
Agents 
Wanted. 
Best Felling tool on 
PULVERIZING HARROW, CLOD 
CRUSHER AND LEVELED. 
•,* Send for Pamphlet containing Thousand* of Tes¬ 
timonials from 18 different States and Territories. 
NASH & ttltOTIlER, 
BRANCH OFFICE: 
Harrisburg, I'a, 
MILLINGTON, 
New Jersey. 
N.B.—“TILLAGE IS MANURE and other Essays," 
sent/ree-to parties who name this paper. 
McSHERRY 
GRAIN DRILL, 
Sows Fertilizers splendidly. It la very accurate, 
and strictly tlrsi class. Works to the entire satisfac¬ 
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lence and accuracy, prefer the MoSllEUR Y, 
Mention this paper. 
D. E. McSIIEKRY <& CO., 
Dayton. O. 
Grain Threshers, Horse Powers, and Engines. 
Highest prize awarded these machines at the New 
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ST. JOHNSVILLF. AGR’L works, 
St. Joliusville, Montgomery Co., New York. 
Cl D E R 
_ _ _ I. n A Hhould send fur oar NEW CDCC 
M A 1/ L D C isk& catalogue matiotr nLL 
III M (V L 113 Boomtr * Bwchert Press Co. Sjmuu.I. r 
MISSOURI GRAIN DHILIi. 
HOLSTEIN-FRIESIAN CATTLE! 
" ALL AGES AND BOTH SEXES. HOME-BRED AND 
Cows and Heifers^ Bred ui boat N el lie rl mid nnd 
!jf If . A . The average Record* of u Herd are the true teat ol 
I VshfU kf The following Milk and Butter Records have all been made by 
I lit Jp-*v n- >. a' f y aulmals now In our Herd; 
I Jjlf milk, hbcords. 
\ W Five Cow» have averaged over 13,000 lbs. In a year. Ten Cows 
V T» ” “ If W ~ have averaged over tH,iK.«l lbs. iti a.year. 
W \\ We. Dinui of about 8U Cows that have made vearlv records exceeding 
|| a rr *r ~ 16,1 00 lbs., anil U of them are now in our Herd and have averaged 
over 17,300 lbs 
Twenty live have averaged over 16,000 lb*. in a year. Sixfy-three, the entire number In the Herd that 
have'made yearly records,liSlud ing fourteen 8-ycar old« ami twenty-omsfi year olds, have averaged U.Tht, lbs. 
5 oxs. la a year 33UTTEII RECORDS. 
With Hirer fi'eed fertilitor Attachment. 
Plants corn aud beans wlibout using any other de¬ 
vices. Warranted tn every respect. 
KilTTI.lt TIGER PANNING MILL. 
Most complete and best sieved Mill In the market. 
Send for circulars to 
GENESEE VALLEY M’F’GCO., 
Ml. Moi-rla, N. A .» U. S. A. 
DOTLESTOWN HORSE HO ,V£7 
SMITHS, POWELL & LAMB, 
LAKESIDE STOCK FARM, SYRACUSE, N. 
With (-rTlier regular incline or level trrad irack. has 
the simplest un-1 most efliclcnt governor made. The 
Doyioatown Junior Threahcr nnd Cleaner 
Da* no superior. For Illustrated Catalogue address 
sole manufacturer, DANIEL HI l.:*H iZEIt. 
Doylestowu, Bucks Co , Pa. 
PURE DIEHL-MEDITTKRItANEAN 
SEED WHEAT. 
Best Wheat now known. Price uml sample given 
on request. WALTER O DELL, 
Soiuernet, Michigan. 
