^ J * -—- 
“I 'have a wonderful ear,” said a 
conceited musician in the course of 
conversation. “So has a jackass,” 
replied a bj slander. 
A young lady, just from boarding- 
school, on being told by the servant 
that they haduo gooseberries, exclaim¬ 
ed, “Why, what has happened to the 
goose ?” 
Speak of a man’s marble brow, and 
he will glow with conscious pride, but 
allude to his wooden head and he’s 
mad in a minute. Language is a slip¬ 
pery thing to fool with much. 
Why don’t you keep your hands 
clean?” asked a Detroit parent of bis 
nine-year-old son the other day. “Oh, 
it takes too much time, and times are 
hard now,” was the reply. 
Irascible Old Party: “Conductor, 
why didn’t you wake me up when I 
asked you? I am miles beyond my 
station?” Conductor: "I did try, and 
all I could get out of you was: ‘All 
right, Maria. Get the children their 
breakfast, and I’ll be down in a min¬ 
ute.’ ” 
A little squint-eyed Chicago boy 
pranced up to his mother and said, 
“Mb, haiu’t I been real good siuce I’ve 
begun goin’ to Sunday-school?” “Yes, 
my lamb,” answered the maternal 
fondly. “Anl you trust me now, 
don’t you, ma?” “Yes, darling.” 
“Then,” spoke up the little innocent, 
“what makes you keep the cookies 
locked up in the pantry_the same as 
ever?” 
“Well, Father Brown, how did you 
like my sermon yesterday t” asked the 
' preacher. “Ye see, parson,” was the 
reply, “I haven’t a fair chance at 
, them sermons of yourn. I am an old 
man now, and have to set putty well 
*. back by the stove; and there’s old 
Miss Smith’n Mrs. Bylan’s darters, ’n 
Nabby Burt, ’n all the rest sitting in 
front of me with .their mouths wide 
open a swallerin’ down all the best of 
, the sermon, ’n what gets down to me 
is putty poor stuff, parson, putty poor 
* • stuff!”' * 
i • - . - - - 
TUI 1W**t. rttVJiOHKfcn 
/ 
JUNE 27 
Detkrminkd to Wait for the Passenger Train. 
Pat (breathlessly) —Faith, thin, an’you’re the baste that’s too foine to ride in a freight thraiu! Sure the boss has spoilt ye intoirely a-sphaken _ 
til his naybors ov your feme treed, but I’ll kapd’ye «od yer equals, sor, if me armcn don’t break. 
It seems Impossible that a remedy made of such 
ronmon, simple plants as Hops, Huchu, Mandrake, 
DandeMotfeet?., should make so many and such great 
• a ' .t-dres as Hr>p Bitters do; nut when old and young, 
’ .. rl^h (yulpooivpaf'torviDd doctor, lawyer and editor. 
V,s . * ah testify to liSvIng been cured by them, you must 
'"•A-’* ... y * ffallev?, gad jry for yourself and doubt no longer. 
• * - Gentlemen— Yeur Hop Bitters have been of great 
valutfV) me. 1 was laid up with typhoid fever for 
. over two mor tba, and could got no re Her until I tried 
your Hop Bitters. To those suffering with debility, 
or any one in feeble health, I cordially recommend’ 
them. J C. STOETZEL, 033 Fulton st,, Chicago, Ill. 
(•At'HKO.MO CARDS 10 ,-, 12 Hidden Name 
uv « aro 8 l 0 e G. I. ltEEDdCFO., Nassau,N.Y. 
WHITMAN’S n r e e V atent 
guaranteed 
8 CPKIUOK t« »oy 
LEVER PUES8 1 
NOW MADE. 
REBOUND 
PLUNGER PERPETUAL 
Received First Premium at N. V. State Fair, JSfiC 
1831 and 1882, and Grand Gold Medal in 188? Ove 
8rid others, also California State Fair ir 
1883. The only perfect Hay Pres,. made. Puts 10ton: 
In ear. Most simple and durable, A bale every: 
minutes. Warranted superior to nnv. :t bales u 
any other Pres*' 2. Send for Circulars Also Hiirst 
IF YOU EXPECT TO RAISE 
TURNIPS, 
Turnips for the Tnblc. 
Turnips for the Cuttle, 
You will buy Titruip Seed that will grow Into 
Turnips of It. 11. ALLEN COMPANY, 
Dealers in Reliable S eds for the Farm, and Garden, 
189—191 Water Street, New York City. 
EPPS’S 
G ratcful-Comforting 
COCOA. 
BUCKEYE 
SEND FOR*CIRCULARS. 
Grain Drills. Cultivators. 
Seeders. Mowers. 
Spring Tooth Harrows. 
Cider Mills, etc. 
P. P. MAST & CO., 
SPRINGFIELD, OHIO. 
o 
R C H I D 
S 
LARGEST COLLECTION IN 
A H Elf 1C A. Cheap as Good Hokes . 
Enclose Htiitnp f"r Catalonuc. which will give practi¬ 
cal Instruct! nr is how to grow these Queens of Flowers. 
“as&srejr; A. Braekcsridge, 
Mention this paper .) GgvaSstows, Butt (more Co, JUd 
The MUDG-ETT HAY TEDDER 
a 
S 
tc 
o 
M 
u 
O 
E* 
S 
« S 
u o 
PS 
« 0 
Q*" 
10 
to 
o 
A 
J 
a 
© 
•d 
0 
P 
a * 
CD 
<• 
The forks are attached to tb© band If* txi pilch n munuor as to rrmltir bri'ukuirt* almost impossible. The 
ahvanta^es w ♦* tlalto for ilils machine over all other*, Art*; hi pt the *oric. A on it till sfurtyof the cut will 
show the working of it nhtluer than it can be de&crlbrc). Second-On ac omit of th>* peculiar construction of 
the fork, it can be run closer to the* ground. If it strikes the turf, or an Obstruction uf any kind, it slides 
over instead of dlgfilnvc l^to It Third—Vox the same reason, it wlU run one-third light* r than any other. 
Fourth— Because of running closer to the it round, tr will do better work than any other fifth —It will work 
equally well In heavy or light grass. Sixth—It bus higher whuel.N than any other. Circular ft free Address 
B. & J. W. BELCHER, Chicopee Falls, Mass. 
COCO NEWS 
Ifl LADIES. 
Greatest inducements ever of¬ 
fered, Now’s your time to get up 
orders for our celobruUul Teas 
and Collect*.and secure a boanti- 
fol Gold Band orMosa Rose China 
Set, or Handsome Decorated 
Gold Band Moss Rose Dinner Set, or Gold Band Mom 
D ecorated Toilet Set. Tor full particulars addresa 
U.s. STANDARD 
JONES 
o F 
3INCHAMT0N 
5 TON 
WAGON SCALES, 
Iron LcYYfd, Sloel h«Rrib(TA, Bna* 
Tnre Benin und Bourn Box. 
JONES he pays the freight—for free 
Price List mention ihls paper and 
»Udr... JONES OF BINGHAMTON, 
Binghamton, N.Y. 
fVkmJr/rt v ^ 
'POWELL’S PREPARED CHEMICALS 
If so. bo quick and drop a postal I 
to BROWN CHEMICAL CO.. I 
and they WILL SEND YOU. FREE, an attractive book, which tells yon IID\> ID MAKE 
•'IRST-CLAHS FERTILIZERS AT HOME , fur LESS TH AN H ALF their uhiiiiI cost. 
CQ 1 ELL IHTl 
Courses Leading to Degrees. 
Agriculture, Analyilcnl Chcruiatry. 
Arts, Architecture, 
History and Political Science, 
Literuture, Nnturul History, 
Philosophy, Science, 
Science and Letters, 
Chemistry and Physics, 
Civil Engineering. 
Electrical Engineering, 
Mechanic Arts, .Matheumtics. 
To regular atudenta In Arjrio\.lture instruction la 
free. Fnlrance Fsaintnnliim* bnjin at !t .1. it. June 
IS and. Seta, 15.188$. For the UVI7HR8ITT BEOJSTicit, 
giving full Iniormntlon rcapeeling uilmlaaiou, free 
acholarsbl]>a, ftllowahlps, sx|ienKCK, etc., uddieaa 
Treasurer ol Cornell University, Ithaca, N.Y. 
MAKERS 
Should .end for our NEW 
188ft CATALOGUE mailed 
Boomer & Boscliert l’rtss Co. Syracuse, 
F R K 
lease, I. r 
CD IIH’C Slur Cburna. Rapid lea Cream Freeaers, Im- 
OlAIN o proved Tree Tubs, all made of CKDAK. 
niiiinuo hnno for Illustrated circular and prices. 
(jHuHNo. Clement & Duubnr, Pblladeipbla, Pa. 
CIDER 
UCKEYE 
- WROUGHT IRON 
Punched Rail Fence 
Sull.Wo for PrlT.t. IUiUmm*. P.rSi, Cvnrt Its.M,. CimiUrlM 0 tPsU*< 
OtuuudB—ms dr cithsr I'lsln of Ortt.tocbUl Atto, mtuunuturers of tb« 
IRON TUHBU8E Wlfjp XNOiNBS. RI'CKEVli VOUCK ICMft. 
.. .« . BUCKKT* USWN MOWtlta, KTO 
ftcotifor lDustmtcd *u4 Pnect to 
_MAST. FOOfJ dc CO,. Spring field. Ohio. 
Funk’s Calf Feeder 
7'., Ha He you ng Stock 
by hand. Order now. 
or send for circular. 
Ask your dealers for 
thrm. Price oOc. 
Manufactured ami 
for sale by 
E. F. Funk, Bo.r U>, 
DECATUR, ILL. 
e 
t 
