494 
JULY IS 
THE RURAL NEW-YORKER 
ijmuormis. 
He sat at the further end of the sofa mop¬ 
ping his brow. “It is very warm,” he said. 
“Yes,” she answered, “You luke-warm.” 
“What are your views regarding the Chi¬ 
nese question?” asked a reporter of an almond- 
eyed knight of the washboard. “Three centee 
col las; ten centee shirtee; fl’ centee cuff,” 
was the intelligent answer. 
Little Bertha: “Yes, mamma, I took 
three bonbons out of the drawer.” Mamma: 
“That was very naughty, my child; but I will 
forgive you, because you confessed it.” Little 
Bertha: “Then give me the other, mamma, 
for I really took only two.” 
“There seems to be a protuberance on the 
side of this boot,” said Miss Blank. “It comes 
just under a corn and troubles me greatly.” 
“Ah, yes, I see,” replied the cobbler, with an 
insinuating smile; “under the mis-ill-toe.” 
Miss Blank is carried out insensible. 
“Arthur, where is a capstan on a vessel?” 
asked his wife. “Where is the capstand?” 
repeated her husband, who has wisely adopted 
the business principles of trying to make his 
wife think he knows everything, “why, in the 
hall, dear; it’s simply a nautical term for a 
hat-rack, you know.” 
“Sold again!’’—Robinson (at the window): 
“Hullo! There goes that woman Brown’s so 
dead sweet on!” Mrs. R. (rushing up with ex¬ 
citement): “Where?—who?—where? What, 
that—In the grey? Why, George, how ridic¬ 
ulous you are 1 That’s his wife.” Robinson: 
“Exactly, my dear!” 
“Are you married?” asked the judge of a 
mau who had been arrested for vagrancy. 
“No, 1 am not married, but my wife is.” “No 
trifling with the court.” “Heaven save us! 
I’m not trifling with the court. I was married, 
but got a divorce, my wife got married agaiu, 
but I didn’t, so I am not married, but my 
wife is.” 
Reproachful mother to her five year old 
delinquent: “Now. Mary, when you say your 
prayers to-night, you must tell God of that 
naughty thing you said to mamma to-day.” 
Mutinous five year old: “No, I needn’t.” 
Mamma, taken aback: “No, you needn't! 
Why not?” Five year old, triumphantly: 
“No use. He heard it.” 
“For what we are about to receive may the 
Lord make us truly thankful,” devoutly mur¬ 
mured Dusenbury, sitting with folded bauds 
at the dinner table. Then looking disdain¬ 
fully over the dishes set before him he snarled: 
“Good gracious, Maria, how many times do 
you want me to tell you that I don’t hanker 
for cabbage and corned beef more tban three 
times in one week!” 
A critic dropped into a studio in Paris one 
day recently, stepped before a portrait of a 
lady on an easel, and remarked: “It is very 
nicely painted; but why did you take such an 
ugly model?” “It is my mother,” calrnly re 
plied the artist. “Oh, pardon a thousand 
times!” said the critic, in great confusion. 
“You are right; 1 ought to have perceived it; 
—it resembles you so much.” 
Pickens County, Ga., has a post office 
marned “Talking Rock.” The origin of the 
name is thus stated. Some one discovered in 
the vicinity a large stone, upon which had 
been painted the words: “Turn me over. It 
required considerable strength to accomplish 
this, and when it was done, the command, 
“Now turn me back and let me fool somebody 
else,” was found painted on the under side of 
the stone. 
gjftiSMUanjeottiS 
THE MONOPOLIST. 
HOLSTEIN CATTLE. 
SOO HEAD OIV HAND 
Every Animal 
Largest and 
Choicest Herd 
in this 
Country, 
Selected by 
a Member of the 
Firm in Person, 
Over thirty yearly records mail*' la this herd average 11,212 lbs. 5 ounces; average age of cows 4V$ years. 
In 1881 our entire nerd of mature cows averaged U.164 lbs. 15 ounces, In 1*82 our entire herd of eight throe- 
year- olds averaged 12,888 lbs. 9 ounces. April 1.1384, ten cows In this herd had made reoordB from 11,000 to 
18,000 each, averaging 15.608 lbs. 6 8-in ounces. For the year ending June, 1384, live muture cows averaged 15,621 
lbs. 1 2-5 ounces. Seven heifers Of the Netherland Fatally, five or them 2 years old and two S years old, aver¬ 
aged 11.556 lbs. 1 2-5 ounces. 
BUTTER RECOKDS-Mne cows averaged 17 lbs r>M) ounces per week Eight heifers, three years 
old, averaged 18 lbs. 4*4 ounces per week. Eleven heifers, two years old and younger, averaged 10 lbs. 8 ounces 
per week. The entire original Imported Netherland Family of six cows itwo being but three years old) 
averaged 17 lbs. 6 1-6 ounces per week. When writing always mention K. N.-Yobker. 
SMITHS, POWELL 4k LAMB, Lakeside Stock Farm. Syracuse, N. Y. 
POWELL’S PREPARED CHEMICALS 
If so, be quick and drop a postal 
to BROWN CHEMICAL CO.. 
BALTIMORE, sole makers of-_ 
and they WILL SEND YOU, FREE, an attractive book, which tells you HOW TO MAKE 
FIRST-CLASS FERTILIZERS AT HOME, tor LESS THAN HALF their usual coat. 
INVALIDS AND OTHERS SEEKING 
A VOICE FROM THE PRESS. 
I take this opportunity to bear testimony to the 
efficacy oi your ‘ Hop Hitters-’- Expecting to find v. 
them nauseous and bitter and couponed of br 
whlskew we were agreeably surprised at their n •- 
taate, Just like a cuu of tea. A Mr?', crehswell ^ > 
Mrs. Connor, Irlends. have likewise tried, RH' C- ®" 
nounce them the best medicine they have eve N,--en 
for building up str-ngll. and toning apth' QWein. 
T was troubled with costlveuess. headache want 
of appetite. My ailments are now all go® I have 
a yearly eontract- with a doctor to look after Ihe 
health of myself and family, but 
July 25,1378. People'* Advocate, PIttsb’g. “a. 
There is hardly on ndult person living ’".it Is ® OI ?5 t ‘' 
limes troubled with kidney difficulty, which Is the 
most prolific and dangerous cause of all disease 
There 1. no sort or need to have auy form of l idney 
or urinary trouble If Hop Bitters Is taken occasion¬ 
ally, __ 
GOOD NEWS 
I£ I APIES. 
Greatest inducements ever of¬ 
fered, Now'ayonr tiinB’to getnp 
Orders f. r our celebrated Tea* 
andCoireca.and secure a beantP 
ful Gold Band orMorS Roue Chin* 
Tea Set, orHandsonre Decorated 
Hose Dinner Sot, or Gold Band Mom 
D ecorated Toi let Set. For?ull particnlam address 
CIDER 
mm ■ ■ * Should send for our NEW_pn FF 
M A |/lDv 1885 CATALOGUE mailodp net 
Pf| n IVII MO Boomer k Boachert Press Co. Syracuse,!. 
Hit Jilt THftSS FJCTS. 
Lighter Draft with Driver Riding than ordi¬ 
nary Plow with Driver Walking Turns 
square corner without backing. 
Tli- 9 >w is always under control of the Driver; 
sin- ,f) construction, easy to handle, and tudlspen- 
sr ,o every farmer. Write for prices. 
jIIUT moil WORKS 
ELKHART, IND. 
Mention Rural New-Yorker. 
THE GIBBS PATENT “IMPERIAL' 
Steel, Cast, and Chilled PLOWS. 
EQUIPPED WITH JOINTERS, 
CUT!®* 8 * 
MANUFACTURED BY 
BUCHER, GIBBS & CO., CANTON, 0. 
MCSHERRY 
GRAIN DRILL. 
Sows Fertilisers splendidly. It Is very accurate, 
ana strictly first clans. Works to the entire satisfac¬ 
tion of everybody who knows what a Grain and Fer¬ 
tilizer Drill ought to do. All who appreciate excel¬ 
lence and accuracy, prefer the McSllEKllY, 
Mention this paper. 
D. E. McHHERRY <& CO., 
Dayton, O. 
1 WILLIAMS 
Grain Threshers, Horse Powers, and Engines. 
Highest prize awarded these maciilnesat the New 
York State Ag. Boe.’S latest, trial, overa large num¬ 
ber competing. Ample warranty and opportunity 
for trial given. For full particulars address 
ST. □OIINSVILLE AC-R'T. WORKS, 
St. Johnitvilli*, Montgomery Co., New Yoi 
ork. 
RAKE 
Hand-Dump mid Sell-Dump Patterns. 
OVER 100,000 IN USE. 
ITHAPA PORTABLE ENGINE 
Economical, Strong, uml Safe. 
ITHflP.fl BROADCAST SOWER 
COMPLETE In Itself, or ns Attachment to Rnke. 
SUPERIOR GOODTaT LOW PRICES. 
AGENTS WANTED in unoccupied territory. 
Address the manufacturers. (Mention this paper.) 
WILLIAMS BROTHERS, 
ITHACA, NEW YORK. 
AHEAD OF ALL COMPETITION. 
18 8 5. 
PRICES REDUCED! 
r H e J?H 11/ADEIfP H 
Lawn Mower 
Fourteen Sizes and Style* lor Hund Use. 
Weighing Irani til to 51 Bound*. 
THREE SIZES FOR HOUSE POWER. 
Luwn Sweepers, Gram. Edgere, etc. 
GRAHAM, EMLEN It PaSSMORE 
Patentees and Manufacturer a, 
031 IHnrUet Street, Philadelphia, Peun’a, 
Heebner’s Patent Level-Tread Horse-Powers. 
WITH PATENT SPEED 
REGULATOR. 
Hecbnora’ Improved Threshing Machine. Pul- 
lu warranted. Catalogues with valuable Information 
Free. Sole ownersofLevel-tread palents. All others 
Infringements. Heobuer 4k Sons, Lausdale, Fa. 
STRENGTH AND ENERGY WITHOUT THE USE OF 
imt;cs, 
Are requested to send for THE ELECTRIC RE¬ 
VIEW, rah Illustrated Journali, which Is publish¬ 
ed for Free Distribution 
Ittreats of DtitTU, H veil* roc, and Physical Culture, 
and Is a complete encyclopedia of Information for 
Invalids and those whosuffer from nervom.exhaust 
lug and painful diseases. Every subject that bear* 
on health and human liupplress receives attention In 
Its pages; and the many question* asked by Buffer¬ 
ing Invalids who have despaired of u cure are an¬ 
swered, and valuable Information Is voluntered to 
all who are lu need of medical advice. 
YOUNG 51E V and ottiers who suffer from ner¬ 
vous and physical debility are especially benefited by 
consulting Its contents. 
The Electric Review exposes the unmitigated 
frauds practiced bv quacks and medical Imposters 
who profess to “practice medicine," and points out 
the only safe, simple and effective road to health, 
vigor and bodily energy. 
Address, for free copy. THE ELECTRIC RE¬ 
VIEW, 1162 Broadway, New York. 
HERD OF HOLSTEINS. 
ECHO IZI H.HJS7 
|Y%Wk«S.VA\V»fc 1H5 IMKSSI MWAH YAM. 
18.I20W lbs. from March 20. 1882, to 5tareh 20. 1383. 
23,77556 lbs. ., May 28,1383. to May 28, WU. 
Not the largest but the finest herd In America, In 
which will lie found representatives of nearly all the 
noted families In this country, prize winners and 
their direct descendants. The largest records have 
been made by members of this nerd. Prince if 
Wayne 2d T16, the grent butter bull, and Constantyn 
2040, sire Constantyn 157 N. H. B„ dam Betje o43 N. H. 
B., irecord 86 lbs.). granddam Oudc Botje (record 89 
lbs.), at head of herd. Fifty calves, of superior 
breeding and great merit, released from quarantine 
December 17th. F. C. STEVENS, Attica, N. Y. 
DOTLESTOWN HORSE HOnc 
With either regular incline or level tread track, has 
the simplest and most efficient governor made. The 
Doylestowu Junior Thresher ami Clenner 
has no superior. For Illustrated Catalogue address 
sole manufacturer, DANIEL H U l<8M 1ZER, 
Doylestown, Bucks Co , Pa. 
Courses Leading to Degrees. 
Agriculture, Analytical Chemistry, • 
Arts, Architecture, 
’ History uud Pollticnl Science, 
Literature, Natural History, 
Philosophy, Science, 
Science and Letters, 
Chemistry aud Physics, 
Civil Engineering, 
Electrical Engineering, 
Mechanic Arts, Mathematics. 
To regular students in Agriculture Instruction Is 
free. Entrance Examination* begin at 9 A. M. June 
15 and Sent. 15.1885. For the Ustvkiwitv Rkoistkr. 
giving full ln/ormatlon respecting admission, free 
scholarships, fellowships, expenses, etc., addiess 
Treasurer of Cornell University, Ithaca, N.Y. 
MISSOURI GRAIN DRILL. 
With Pnroe Feed Fertilizer Attachment. 
Plants corn and beans without using any other de¬ 
vices. Warranted In every respect._ 
liiTTi.n tiger fanning mill. 
Most complete and best sieved Mill In the market. 
Send for circulars to ____ 
RENEW EE VA LLBY M’F’G CO., 
IUt. IYlorrln, N* i *« U. »• A. 
Paynes’ Automatic Engines i Saw-Mill 
OUR LEADER. 
We offer an 8 to 10 H. P. Automatic. Spark-Arresting, 
Mounted Portable Engine, with Mill, 16 ft. carriage. 
32 ft. track and ways. 2 simultaneous lever sot bcatl 
blocks, 2 % 1 -tnca arbor, 3 changes 
feed: sawyer controls feed-lever 
and head blocks from one position. 
50-loch solid saw. 50 ft. H indi 4-ply 
belting, feed belts, cant-hooks, 
swage, tightener, etc. Rig com¬ 
plete for operation, SI,MU on cars, 
{engine on skids. $100 less. Engine 
will burn slabs from i ho saw two to 
eight foot long, and keep up steam. 
Bond for Catalogue "A.” 
II. W. PAYNE jfc HONH, 
Elmira, N. V.. Box 5*41. 
shafting. Pulleys, and Hanger* 
Manufacturers all styles Automatic Engines from 2 
to 300 H. P. _ _ 
Dm I C DO Field, Road,I.awu,all 
nULLLno‘”glii,. M | Cheapest and 
best. Circulars. Tue United States 
Hard Steel Plow, better than any 
cbl led iron. Apex Harrow, Coru 
Drill, Cyclone cutter. THE NEW 
YORK PLOW CO.. 55 Beekman Si. 
*‘ttnnltao« Congress."96 Pages. 50c. 
