THE RURAL NEW-YORKER. 
NOV 24 
tjmttorous. 
“Tommy, my son, what is longitude?” “A 
clothes-line. papa,” “Prove it, my son.” 
“Because it stretches from pole to pole.” 
An engraver recently made this mistake: 
“Mr. and Mrs.-respectfully request your 
presents at the marriage of their daughter.” 
“This is a nice time to come home, and a 
nice state you’re in.” she said. ll Niee time!— 
nice state? Thanks, lovely. I thought you 
were going to scold me.” 
Woman has to wait until she is asked before 
she can marry. She has no voice in the matter 
until after the ceremony. Then she knows 
how to fnake up for lost time. 
School Teacher: “Which is the highest 
mountain iu our State?” Boy: “Sing Sing.” 
Teacher: “Why?” Boy: “Father went up a 
year ago, and hasn’t come down yet.” 
“Kind Words Never Die.”—How bitterly 
does a man realize that truth when he sees all 
the kindest words he ever used in his life, 
glaring at him from his published letters in a 
breach of promise suit. 
A young man, having asked a girl if he 
might go home with her from singing class 
and been refused, said: “You are as full of airs 
asa mmical box.” “Perhaps so,” she retorted; 
“but if I am, I don’t go with a crank.” 
Jinks: “Your wife is making a crazy quilt, 
isn’t she?” Minks laughingly): “Why, yes; 
hut it is a great secret. How did you know?” 
Jinks: “That patch on your coat looks as if it 
was sewed on by yourself.” Minks, (sadly): 
“It was.” 
The “course of true love,” traced by letters 
in a breach of promise suit read, in this man¬ 
ner: “Dear Mr. Smith,” “My dear John,” 
“My darling Johu,” “My own darling Jack,” 
"My darling John,” “Dear Johu,” “Dear Sir,” 
“Sir,” and all was over. 
A YO 0 N G-society man, whose mind ran on 
some other subject, acknowledged an invita¬ 
tion to dinner as follows: “Your kind invita 
tia® for Thursday evening is accepted with 
regret.” He then lay awake all Thursday 
night wondering why his hostess treated him 
so coldly. 
* Got any cow b-lls?” “Yqg, step this way.” 
‘These are too small Haven't you any larger?” 
“No, sir, the largest ones are all sold.” llus- 
ticus started til, and got as far as the door, 
when the clerk called after him: “Look here, 
stranger, take one of tDese small bells for your 
cow, and you won’t have half the trouble in 
iind'ng her; for when you hear her bell you 
will always know she can’t be far cff.” The 
farmer bought the bell. 
g$t£Kllantou£ gUvfrtteittfl, 
CAN’T GET IT. 
Diabetes, Brlglit's Disease. Kidney, Urinary or 
Liver complaints cannot be contrail'd by yiu or 
your family If Hod Biittrs are used, and If you 
alreany have any of these nlsea-es Ilnu Bil tersls t' e 
only meolclnt- that will positively enre you Don't 
forget this, and don’t get some puffed up stuff that 
will only harm you 
ANSWER THIS 
Can you find a ou;e of Bright's Disease of the Kid¬ 
neys. Diabetes,Urinary or Liver Complaints that Is 
cuiable. that Hop Bluets lias not or cannot cure? 
Ask your n lglibors If they can. 
THE INDEPENDENT 
RURAL NEW-YORKER. 
Will both be sent, one year each, to any person not 
a subscriber to The Independent, lor *4.25. The regu¬ 
lar piiee of both is *5 Make remittances to The 
Independent , V, o. Box 2737, \ew York 
THE INDEPENDENT. 
The London Spectator Buys The Independent is “the 
most inllucntlu! religious organ In the States.” 
ibley’s Tested Seed 
Catalogn. free, on application. Send for it. 
Hiram Sibley & Co., 
Rochester, X. Y., and Chicago. III. 
UULrU NEWS 
IS L ADIES. 
Greatest, inducements ever©? 
fere-d. Now’s your time to ©.tap 
orders fur oar celebrated Tea* 
Hud Colleea.and »eoa rs> a beaut', 
fttl Gold Band orMo»* Rose Uhin* 
——-— Tea Set, or Handsome Decorated 
*d Band Moss Rose Dinner fU, nr Gold Band Mow 
Tor full particulars address 
lICAN TEA CO„ 
! Veset, So, New York, 
will buy the Best Single-Strap Buggy or 
Road-Oart Harness iu the United States 
for the price. Rubber or Nickel Trim¬ 
mings. 4o-page Catalogue free. 
King &' Co., Owego.N. Y. 
PATENTS P- SIMPSON. Washington, D. 
obtained. 
C. No pay asked fur patent until 
Write for Inventors' Gnide. 
P 
ORTABIE GRINDING MHLS. 
Guaranteed to give satisfaction or money re 
funded. t TIAKLE8 KAE8TNEK A CO., 
30'A to 31 ‘i South Canal Si., Chicago. 
YDIIU’C Star Chums. Rapid lee Cream Kreesters, Itn 
orAIR w proved Tree Tubs, all made <>f CEDAR. 
nuilDklC Send for Illustrated circular and prices. 
uNUHRo. Clement A Dunbar. Phllndeiohlu. Pu. 
WORK 
FOR A LI, ! 85 to 88 per ilny easily 
made. Cost I v outfit F'REF. Address 
I*. O. VICKERY, Augusta, Me. 
llAF all the SAWS I ever saw saw, 1 never saw a 
U saw saw like this saw saws.” Universal verdict 
rfall using the Battle Creek Patent Self-Feed Wood- 
Sawing Machine. £, Q. Uachiowy Co., Bittl# Crook. MiOh. 
THE PLEASURES OF ANGLING. 
Sportsman: “Say my little girl, won’t you please drive that cow away? She’s drinking all 
the water and I can’t catch any fish.” 
SCIENTIFIC GRINDING MILL 
THE BEST MILL ON EARTH 
For Grinding Ear Corn, Shelled Corn, and 
all Small Grains. Grinding Plates a special 
metal, hard as steel. Have double capacity, 
as they sharpen themselves on being re¬ 
versed. Fully Guaranteed. Send for illus¬ 
trated Catalogue. 
THE FOOS MANUFACTURING CO., 
SPRINGFIELD, OHIO. 
Easton Jtranch Ofiloe, 416 North llroad Street, Philadelphia, Penn. 
ENTERPRISE MANUFACTURING C0„ 
Third and Dauphin Sts., Philadel phi a, Pa. - 
READ “THIS 
Pt 
0=^4 = a 
81 1* i * 
«! ii&i 
P s 
Send fc Catalogue. 
MEV& N THIS PAPER. -"*£WS CAN 
£ Tested and Endorsed t»y ioo Agricultural Journals. 
Farmed Fireside wiy*: j 
testing, each editor immediately 
ord lj.a an Enterprise Meat Chopper for his 
faiv“/ use.” ■ —— 
V~ prefer you buy IVoro your Dealer. If he is out of them, send money | 
v to us. We will ship by next fast train. 
CORN MILL. 
HfKt Corn Cob 
Grinder iu lWorld.| 
ENGINES 
AND 
boilers 
Of ALL • !*■« 
Send for C*t*l 0 goe 
COMMMON SENSE ENGINE CO., 
NprUf&i’ldt Okl*f 
'Grind y° ur own ® one » 
\UMllU Meal. Oyster Shell*. 
||0KAHA >1 Flour and Cora 
UlioftSKANDMIXiIj 
,F. Wilson's Patent). KM* Per 
cent, more made In keeping potii- 
y. Also POWER MII-I.S and* FAKM 
KJBP MILLS. Circulars and Testimonials sent 
application. WILSON OS., Easton, Pa. 
CIDER 
MAKERS 
Should send tor ourNewpp££ 
1 885 Catalog 
Boomer dt Bos 
cuse, N. Y. 
SYRACUSE. NY 
" ' SLHBf^ C 
A SAFE FAMILY REMEDY. 
ESPECIALLY suited for 
■ 
CHILDREN AND DELI¬ 
CATE pers6ns. 
Ewtlrely harmless and 
delirious to lake. Tropic 
Fruit Laxntlve is uneqnl- 
led for Co>k#ilpation,B1l- 
loufneso.SW'k Headache, 
L0»r of Appetite, Com 
plaints cif children, and 
liver,stomach and bowel 
alimenttf generally 
Absolutely safe for de 
ticate and nursing uo- 
Taken eagerly by 
' ild 
men 
infants and children 
Ask for Liquid Tropic-Fruit Laxntlve. Price 
25 cents per bottle. Sold by Druggists. 
MAPI, WO OH 8 T 0 GI PARK. 
HERD OF IOLSTEINS. 
ECHO 
’ mv-M 3” \ttm Wa vmttt wa v.mh 
tst, 1211)4 lbs. from March Ai. t®2, to March ?o. 1333, 
23,7751s lbs. ,, May 28, UKi, to May 23,1334. 
Not the largest but the finest herd In America, in 
which will be found representative* of nearly all the 
noted families iu this country, prize winners and 
their direct descendants. The largest records have 
been made by members of this nerd. Prince af 
Wayne 2d 736, the great butter bull, and Ponstantyn 
2iuu, sire Constantyn 157 N H. B., dam Betje 6-13 N.H. 
B,. record 36 lbs. i, grand darn Code Bet Km record 8H 
ins.i, at head of herd. Elfty calves of superior 
breeding and great merit, released freyo quarantine 
December litti. F. <). S'lKVEN8. Allien. N. Y. 
Stettin tin allies. 
AUTOMATIC AND 
Plus Slid* V»lvk, 
Stabcrnary, Portable i»u>1 
Tract kin. Cbcspeet 
suit bctrfnr ell pur|Kt«i;n 
Simple, etronp am! Atrr-a- 
bl*. No Karqubar boiler 
etcrespiodol. Saw Mill*. 
Tltreshiug UricMns* ami 
Agrlcaltural linplcrutois 
»uil machinery generally. 
Scud for lUut’.l I ’atalogue 
A., JI. t'a ftfuhnr, 
York, Pa. 
With either regular mcHne or level tread track, has 
the rimplest and mosl efilclent governor madeu The 
Doylesiown Junior Thresher nn«l Cleaner 
has no superior, for illustrated Catalogue address 
sole manufacturer, DANIEL UUI.MII IZKR. 
Doylestown, Bucks Co , Pa. 
Revolver* 
" Rifles. 
_ b^E to! 
'OrcatWcrtor-n' 
OonWorka, Pitt, burgh. 
7,0011 liHALLENGE WIND MILLS, 
IN USE IX E* ERY ijtnte and Territory of 
ili., r. s. It i* a soctl.-aal wheel, t.a, 
been made by u» ' , id years,and has 
never blown down without tower 
Omi king, a record no other mill cun 
show. MH.L8REXT OX 80 DAYS TEHT 
TRIAL. RKST FRED MILLS. CORN 
MtEM.KRS ETC. CittOI* AfJR.XTH 
, W ANTED in all aruualgned territory. Cnt- 
nlogue* free, CHALLEXOR UIMI MILL 
AND FEED M l t.I.CO.. tUUirin. Kane Cu.lU. 
Heebner's Patent Level-Tread Horse-Powers. 
WITH PATENT SPEED 
REGULATOR. 
Ilttebnera’Iniprovrii Thre*h1ng Dlnehinr. Ful 
ly tear ranted. Catalogues w Ith valuable Information 
Frro Sole owner# or Level-tread patents. All others 
frlngementa. Ilrrbiier A Nonit. Laiisdale. Pa. 
tajhiii Agricultural Works, York, 7a, 
arqHbar'B Suodird Engines & Saw Mills 
' c, 
Bond for Il!a»tr»t*d 
Cat«logti«. 
Address 
mailed I 
■ess Co., Syra- 
ork, Pa. 
Tlie Edward Harrison 
MILL CO., 
Mnnof—-■ of It V R l.l'ON'f* 
N't AX OARD CRINDING »»*1 
FLO I RING SIII.I.M ofallbrj, 
and varlctM for Stauu, Water, Wind, 
Ilor.o A Bind Pow«. 
|''ni4v,,lnggr,»tcap*o- 
Ityand durability. Ke¬ 
rry SUlt warranted to 
doju,t what w« claim 
for It. Write audcD. 
A Hi t. r tenrp fur our n,w 
SO pair" IlluOralod catalugne 
and mentionIhl, paitar, Tbe 
Edw.lt»rrl,on Ml )1 Co,, New tlereu,Ct. 
30 Cards 
The new GOLD FRINGE Florals nin*t lovely you 
ever saw,name on,Ilk 1 . 12 new Golden Hidden Name 
tile. 25 plain guilt edge me. !0 grand Stlk Covered 
cards wc For r,Uc. club we t-eno vuki. a Ulug or ulee 
Peuell or line Handkerchief or Autograph or pack 
Cards your name. Scud -at. for agent's terms and 
sum pi case. Holley Card Works, Meriden, Conn 
50 
Chromo or 25 Hidden name Caros, name on, me 
Samples & terms, -te. Crown Ptg.Co., Nortbford.Ct 
