642 
THE BUBAL NEW-YOMIR. 
SEPT 22 
Numerous. 
A PAINFUL DUTY. 
The days are growing shorter no w. 
But doesn’t it seem droll 
To go, with perspiring brow, 
To buy your winter coal? 
. Somerville Journal. 
What burns to keep a secret? Sealing wax. 
Agricultural Epitomist. 
In what color can a secret best be kept? In 
violet (inviolate).— Medical Classics. 
To young men: It is better to be fast asleep 
than fast awake.— Washington Critic. 
The musicians in a brass band may not be 
schoolmasters, but they are tooters neverthe - 
less.— Valley Chronicle. 
The reason that birds clean out a fruit tree 
so quickly is that they take the fruit away a 
peck at a time.— Boston Bulletin. 
Citizen —“Well, Mr. Isaacstein, whom are 
you going to vote for ?” Mr. Isaacstein— 
“ Benjamin und Levi. Ah, dot vas a fine 
dicket.— Texas Siftings. 
Patient (to dentist):—“ The tooth next to 
that ’un aches too, doc. Dentist. Yes, it aches 
in sympathy.” Patient:— “Yank it out; durn 
such sympathy!”— New York Sun. 
Foreign Music Shop on Union Square.— 
Fashionable lady (to German Clerk): “Has 
Schubert written any new songs lately ?’> 
Clerk: “No, madam, not since he died.”— 
Indiana Farmer. 
Mr. Fauxpas (to his neighbor at dinner) 
—“ You must have thought it awfully stupid 
in me to have made that remark.” Miss 
Society—“Why, no; I thought it quite 
natural.”— Harpers' Bazar. 
Gaiters Were New to Him. — Uncle Zekel: 
“ Scuse me, young man, but you’re looking so 
spruced up ter-day, thet I presume you’ll 
thank me for tellin’ you that yer stockins is 
kinder coinin’ down.”— Time. 
Bobby: “I guess you must be a lady-killer 
Mr. Sissy.” Mr. Sissy (complacently):'“Aw, 
d’ye think so, Bawbby?” Bobby: “You must 
be; Clara said that after you left last night 
she nearly died laughing.”— The Epoch. 
“You should be a base-ball player,” said 
the beetle to the spider. “ Why so ?” inquired 
the latter. “ You’re so good at catching 
flies.” “True, but I’d fall a victim to the 
fowls.” And he went behind the bat.— Life. 
“Beggar: “Will you please give me a 
dime, Sir? I’m deaf and dumb.” Gentleman: 
“Deaf and dumb?” Beggar: “I mean I’m 
blind. It’s me twin brother who is deaf and 
dumb, sir. We look so much alike that I get 
mixed up myself sometimes.— Troy Press. 
“Look Here!” she exclaimed. “This is 
terrible. You charge me 25 cents for that 
card of buttons, and back East I could get 
them for ten cents.”—“Yes, ma’am, but just 
think of the elegant climate you get thro wed 
in with every card of buttons.”— Santa 
Barbara (Cal.) Press. 
Lady (at the polls): “I want to vote, sir.” 
Election judge: “All right, mum; how old 
are you?” Lady (flushing): “What?” Judge: 
“How old are you?” Lady: “Do I have to 
tell that?” Judge: “Certainly.” Lady (tear¬ 
ing up the ticket): “Thanks, I don’t want to 
vote that bad. Good-morning.”— Vox Populi. 
A bright young man, who lives in Hart 
county, recently visited a friend of his mother. 
She asked about his mother, and inquired if 
she raised a good deal of poultry this year. The 
young man scratched his head in perplexity 
and then replied: “N-n-no, ma’am; she 
planted a good deal, but the chickens 
scratched it all up.”— Savanah News. 
Store Clerk: “A hammock, miss? Cer¬ 
tainly. Here is one warranted to sustain a 
weight of 390 pounds. Young Lady (solus) 
“—290—let me see. John weighs 164 and I 
weigh 125—five and four’s nine with nothing 
to carry; two and six is eight with nothing to 
carry; one and one is two; total 289. (To the 
clerk.) Well that’s mighty near, but I guess 
it will do.”— Boston Courier. 
The “NEW” 
BIGHT SPEEDY Shelter. 
Patented Jan. 30 th, 1877; other 
Patents applied for in 1888 for the 
Orent Improvement* 
.Made Tlti* Season. It is 
;the practical hand Sneller 
of the World, proven by 
I Thousands of Testimonials. 
It will shell any corn 
perfectly. 
.. _ Warranted for five Years. 
KSSf StfSitStBS , r ffi&U ®- 
EMULATION. 
Little Tommy Roach, who has great genius, and may be a comic artist some day, has been 
told that Benjamin West made a brush from the hair of a cat’s tail. Thomas succeeds in mak¬ 
ing a brush, but the cat has lost all enthusiasm. 
gU x srctlancous itmtising. 
BARN FLOOR 
■s Horse Power. 
— s 
*■» 3 
*■ m 
-■ c 
This power is easily folded when not In 
use. Just the thing every farmer 
who has feed to cut, corn to shell, or anything one or two horses can do. Agents wanted SJ 
bend for Circular and Prices. SMITH WOODAJID, Kalamazoo, Mich. 
GOOD NEWS 
TO LADIES. 
Greatest inducements ever of¬ 
fered. Now’s your time to get 
up orders for our celebrated 
Tens and Coffees, and secure 
a beautiful Gold Band or Moss 
Rose China Tea Set. DInner Set, 
Band Moss Rose Toilet Set, Watch, Brass Lamp, 
or Webster's Dictionary. For full particulars address 
THE GREAT AMERICAN TEA tO., 
P. O. Box 289. 81 and 33 Vesey St., New York. 
FARM ENGINES 
Upright and Horizontal, 
Stationary, 
Portable and Semi-Portable. 
8 to 16 Horse Power. 
Illustrated Pamphlet Free. Address 
AMES LEFFEL &, CO. 
SPRINGFIELD, OHIO, 
or 110 Liberty St., New York. 
ISLAND HOME STOCK FARM. 
Savage & Farnum,Impor¬ 
ters and Breeders of Per- 
cheron and French Coach 
Horse8,IslandHomeStoek 
Farm, Grosse Isle, Wayne 
County, Mich. We offer a 
very large stud of horses 
to select from, we guaran¬ 
tee our stock,make prices 
reasonable, and sell on 
easy terms, Visitors al¬ 
ways welcome. Large 
catalogue free. Addresy 
Savage «fc Farnum, 
Detroit, Mich. 
Percheron Horses. 
French Coach Horses. 
Order on trial, address for circular and location of 
Western and Southern Storehouses and Agents. 
P. K. DEDERICK &. CO., Albany, N. Y. 
DEDERICK’S 
PRESSES. 
the customer 
keeping the one 
that suits 
F M PI R F POWER and SEPARATOR 
L.ITII III L* BEST, CHEAPEST and 
MOST IMPROVED In the market. 
We also manufacture Field Rollers, Plows, Feed Cutter and Crusher 
Hand & Power Corn Shelters, etc. Send for Illustrated Catalogue & 
^fice List. 8. 8. MESSING KB S» SON, Tatamy, Northampton Co. Pa* 
The Great Butter Herd! 
I 
HOLSTEIlsr-FRIESIAlSr CATTLE, 
CLYDESDALE, PERCHERON, FRENCH COACH AND HAMBLETONIAN 
HORSES, BERKSHIRE AND CHESHIRE SWINE. 
The Lakeside Herd of Holstem-Friesians slants un- 
rivaled in average production of Milk and Butter. All interested 
are invited to send for Catalogue, giving complete records and pedi¬ 
gree* of every animal in the herd, and to personally investigate the 
truth of thitf statement before purchasing. A large and very choice 
stud of Clydesdale Horses of all ages, fine young Percheron Stallions, 
elegant imported French Coach Stallions, Standard Bred Hambletonian 
150 Cows in Advanced Registry. Stallions, of the best trotting strains. Registered Berkshire and 
Cheshire Swine. Prices low-for quality of stock. 
SMITHS, POWELL & LAMB, Syracuse, N. Y. 
In writing always mention The Rural New-Yorker. 
RUSTLESS 
IRON WATER PIPE. 
Send for catalogue. 
Uranian, Dow «fc Co., Bo»t« 
THE WELLS RUSTLESS 
Ag’ts lor New Knglund. 
IRON On., 
ItiCIlirStroet, New York. 
EVERY 
SEND FC 
BICHMOMD CITY Mil I WORKS 
HICHMOND, IIMUIAIMiL. 
, CORN & COB CRUSHERS, 
FRENCH BUHR MILLS, 
PULLEYS, SHAFTING, BELTS, &c. 
/LIIUXj g-uabauteed. 
DESCRIPTION AkD PRICES. 
WORK 
FOR A LI, S30 a week and expenses 
paid. Samples worth $5 and particulars 
free. P. O. VICKERY, Augusta, Maine. 
^MIMC REVOLVERS. Bend stamp ror price 
Vallnd llsttoJ. H. Johnston & Son,Pittsburg, Pa. 
Newand Rare Plants,Orchids, k. 
A Large Collection of Hot-house and (ireen- 
bouHC Plants, carefully grown, at Low Rates. 
ORCHIDS, a very extensive stock. East Indian, 
Mexican, Contral and South American, &c Pitcher 
Plants, a large collection ; Roses, Clematis, &c. 
DUTCH BULBS, 
Large Importations from Leading Growers In 
Holland Fruit and Ori - 
Catalogues ou application. 
__ __„ _ _ig ( 
Holland Fruit and Ornamental Trees, «fcc. 
JOHN SAUL, 
Washington, D. C. 
CENTS WIL L GET T HE 
National Stockman 
AjDFARMER Ev rS: G 
The BEST and BRIGHTEST FARMER’S PAPER. 
/>PAGES, CLEAN, FRESH AND RELIABLE. 
dm\J DEPARTMENTS EACH ABLY EDITED. 
« C HI *1.00 for flvp copies to January 1,1889. 
9 C IH $1.50 for 1889, and get balance of’88 free. 
Samples Free. AXTELL, RUSH & CO. Pittsburgh. P*. 
1-WILLIAMS 
Grain Threshers, Horse Powers, and Engines. 
Highest prize awarded these machines at the New 
York State Ag. Soc.’s latest trial, overa large num- 
Ss. Johusville. Montgomery Co., New York, 
-O 
-o 
l 
ORN GROUND™SHUCKS,COB^GRAIN 
Is the MOST ECONOMICAL FEED for ALL KINDS OF STOCK 
The nutriment in shucks and cobs is utilized as feed; the bulk increased; and the 
labor and cost of husking saved. The shucks and cobs also aid digestion, and 
largely prevent Colic and other troubles. 
BSSCIENTIFIC 
CUES BEST MILL ON EiAH-TH. 
Is the only Mill made entirely practical for such work, which will also grind 
any and all other kinds of Grain. Will be in operation at all leading Fairs 
and Expositions this Fall. Don’t fail to see it before you buy, and examine our 
PATENTED^DOUBLE BREAKERS, SUPERIOR GRINDING PLATES AND SAFETY BOTTOM 
intended to prevent breakage, should iron or other hard substances get into Mill. We will ^end on 
trial to any responsible party. Catalogue Free. Address ,_ ? _ _ 
O. 
