4888 THE RURAL fNgW-WRREVI. 383 
]ess discontent. Sometimes the home nest is 
full, and womanly girls find it irksome to 
share their parents’ income, which is too 
small perhaps to make all comfortable. In 
such cases they are justified in seeking to earn 
for themselves, but usually even then it is 
better not to leave the covert of a home. 
Country girls, too, sometimes have aspirations 
and think they were born for better things 
than a humdrum life on the farm. These 
naturally seek the city, dazzled by its allure¬ 
ments, and oh! how sad the results generally 
are, for where one succeeds nine are likely to 
fail. Would that more real knowledge of 
the city life—its work-a-day life—could come 
into our farm homes, for the glamour of ignor¬ 
ance now leads many astray. 
Self-abnegation forms a large part of a 
mother’s nature; therefore it is almost invar¬ 
iably the mother’s own fault if she does the 
disagreeable work herself. It is so hard for 
her to see loved ones doing work she knows 
they hate. Yet, if she does all the disagree¬ 
able work it is cruel kindness to her children, 
for when the time comes—as it surely will — 
when each must bear his and her own burden, 
the untrained muscles are apt to fail, and the 
unused strength prove only weakness. 
Stylish dressing, neatness, a glib tongue and 
a general air of knowingness are the chief at¬ 
tractions of a city man, and these are attrac¬ 
tions through novelty. Country beaus are 
often quite as good-looking physically and 
they may wear equally good clothes, but they 
generally lack the style and air that prove so 
taking with even sensible girls. Then the city 
chap has so much knowledge of human nature 
—he must have if he is not a fool, continually 
elbowing so many different people—he knows 
bow to adapt himself to the company he is in, 
and though perhaps a boor at heart, he knows 
how to “play polite” and show a deference he 
does not feel, all of which is very agreeable 
to Miss Country-Maid. Then he can tell mar¬ 
velous tales of all the beauty and elegance of 
the to her comparatively unknown city. He 
does not tell of the hurry and worry and work; 
of the long walks or disagreeable car rides 
through dirty, ill-smelling streets; the squalor 
and the poverty; the starvation wages, and 
the dingy boarding-house, which perhaps he 
calls home. These he wisely omits and leaves 
Miss to imagine that the City is a fairy land, 
whose inhabitants are a favored people for 
whom only pleasant sights and sounds are 
created. — 
If every farmer would by example, as well 
as precept, teach his children that his occupa¬ 
tion is one of the highest; that instead of be¬ 
ing low and degrading, requiring only brawn 
and muscle, it is a vocation demanding the 
best use of every faculty of man; if he would 
show by his conversation, manners and dress 
—yes, even dress—that he is a gentleman, and 
that he is not ashamed of the fact that he helps 
to feed the world, there would be found but 
few daughters who would assert that they 
would not marry a farmer. It is because so 
many farmers belittle their calling, by talk¬ 
ing in a sort of “Uriah Heep” way, calling 
themselves “poor,” “plain,” “ignorant” men, 
whose only pride is in rough manners and un¬ 
couth clothing, that the country girl gets dis¬ 
gusted with them. She gets tired of eating 
specked apples and seeing good ones sent to 
the city. It doesn’t satisfy her, when de¬ 
nied some comfort or luxury, to be told that 
she is only a poor farmer’s daughter, and must 
not expect such things. Then sometimes she 
hears much grumbling over the weather and 
the crops, and she often knows by experience 
how uncertain is the income received for all 
their hard toil. Perhaps she sees her friend, 
the wife of some clerk or artisan, apparently 
not working so hard as she does, aud having 
many more good times and enjoying herself 
more. But she sees only the bright side, and 
does not know all the discomforts of such a 
lot—such as the fear of loss of situation, dread 
of sickness, when, if the bread-winner be the 
victim all income will stop, and the frequent 
changes of home and consequent loss of sweet 
associations. It is a sure sign that something 
is wrong about her home life when a country 
girl asserts that she will never marry a far¬ 
mer. 
THE REASONS FOR THINGS. 
RENA ROSS. 
No doubt the isolation of ordinary farm 
life is one potent reason why many country 
girls like city life. Young people especially 
crave society, and the social life, the activity 
and excitement of the city possess for many 
an irresistible fascination. A distaste for the 
labor incident to farm life, the love of dress, 
the desire for opportunities for self improve¬ 
ment, ignorance of the “dark side”of city life; 
all these play their part in producing discon¬ 
tent among farmers’ daughters. But what¬ 
ever may be the special reason in each case, I 
think that as a general thing—not always— 
there is something wrong in the home itself ;not 
because it is a country home,but because there 
has been a lack of right influence and teaching 
—a lack of sympathy, love, harmony, fun, un¬ 
selfishness, or something else that might and 
ought to be in every home on earth. The family 
temper usually takes its tone from the parents, 
and if the father be harsh, grumbling, unap¬ 
preciative, and the mother be peevish, fault¬ 
finding or discontented, how can the chil¬ 
dren be expected to regard home as 
the dearest spot in the world, whether 
it be on a farm or elsewhere? To 
speak from my own life, and I am a 
farmer’s daughter, I can say that no matter 
where I went away from home, nor how keen 
were the pleasures experienced, I was always 
glad, yes, eager, to get back again. We had 
music, books, periodicals, literary and social 
gatherings, picnics, entertainments, school 
and church, occasional trips to the seashore, 
visits to distant friends, some pet occupations 
aside from the daily routine work, and we 
were happy. Father and mother were always 
genial, courteous, kind, hopeful, and sympa¬ 
thetic—a model couple. My brothers were 
my devoted lovers, and I never yearned for 
city employment. 
In the majority of cases where the mother 
does most of the work^I think she herself is 
at fault. Her mistaken love for her daughters 
leads her to ignore their best interests and her 
own rights by assuming tasks that are too 
burdensome for one, but which would be com¬ 
paratively light if shared by all. Self-denial 
is very well for all to practice,but self-obliter¬ 
ation is the duty of no one, and the woman 
who thus victimizes herself does a double 
wrong, and gets little credit for her sacrifice 
either. 
Probably most people admire polished dia¬ 
monds more than those in the rough, and prop¬ 
erly too, but the mistake that many country 
girls make, and city girls as well, for that mat¬ 
ter, is in supposing that polish is a proof of the 
diamond’s genuineness. There is a great deal 
of polished worthlessness in this world, and 
many a girl has been deceived by it to her 
lasting misery; but there is no sense in affect¬ 
ing to despise easy, agreeable manners or neat, 
well-fitting garments. A young man may 
have|these and be neither a dude nor a villain; 
indeed there is little excuse in these days for 
his lack of them if he be a gentleman at heart, 
and is willing to improve his opportunities. 
There are, perhaps, some exceptionally coarse 
natures that are incapable of taking on polish 
no matter what may be their surroundings. 
Such people confound foppery with real re¬ 
finement, and sneer at both. They are uncouth 
in speech and manner and make a virtue of 
their very boorishness, as if their lack of pol¬ 
ish indicated the diamond. They are social 
outlaws, and no matter how correct the mor als 
of such a man, no true girl of refined feeling, 
who valued her lifelong happiness, would con¬ 
sent to marry him, any more than she would 
consent to link her destiny with one of those 
moral lepers who stake their reputation on 
the cut of their coats or the angle of their 
bows. 
I do not know, but it seems to me that girls 
who say that they will not marry a farmer 
must be either very unfortunate in their farmer 
acquaintances, or have a low estimate of the 
qualities required in a husband to insure a 
life of domestic happiness. I know of no class 
of men in whom a girl runs less risk of bsing 
deceived as to character, and I am glad—yes, 
proud—that my husband is a farmer. He has, 
perhaps, enjoyed better educational and social 
advantages than many others, but I am per¬ 
suaded that no other calling can produce men 
of more sterling worth, purity, integrity, good 
sense, intelligence, independence,or any other 
qualification that helps to make a real man, a 
real gentleman. I love the quiet, the serenity, 
the beauty and freshness of country life, and 
am glad that the early years of my little ones 
can be passed amid the healthful influences of 
a fruit-producing region, and in comparative 
freedom from the temptations of city life. 
CAUSES OF MISTAKES ABOUT CITY 
AND COUNTRY LIFE. 
FROM GLADDYS WAYNE. 
To one so strongly attached to parents and 
home as never to have been tempted by the 
outside woi’ld to leave them, it is difficult to 
understand why so many farmers’ daughters 
leave their homes for employment in the cities. 
If there is one reason more general than anoth¬ 
er, perhaps it would be found in the fact that 
girls like to be independent, to have means at 
their command—an income of their own— 
and fancying that employment in a city is an 
easier and pleasanter mode of gaining a liveli¬ 
hood than work on a farm, they seek the 
former. Many farmers are unable to do as 
well by their children as they would like to do; 
Others are able, but too thoughtless, or not 
willing to provide suitably for the comforts 
of a daughter, to make home attractive to or 
furnish those aids to labor which would rob 
the hard, unpleasant tasks of half their bur¬ 
densomeness. If there is a remedy for this 
early flitting from the home-nest, I think it is 
in the line of more liberal appropriations and 
expenditures, and that the father’s hand is the 
one to apply the remedy. Let some source of 
profit about the farm be appropriated to the 
daughters’ use, making them feel that they 
are something more than unpaid servants. 
Thus treated, they will stay at home and serve 
the interests of their parents better than 
strangers. 
Either from a mistaken sense of regard (for 
that is not the truest, wisest love which bears 
the burdens by righ 1 ' belonging to others), or 
because at the first she finds it easier to do 
things herself than to be “bothered” with her 
children’s inexperienced efforts, the mother 
too often takes upon herself all the bard and 
disagreeable tasks. So the habit of helpful¬ 
ness in the child is not formed, and “as the 
twig is bent the tree is inclined.” By failing 
to instruct the daughters in household affairs, 
the mother makes a great mistake. Let cer¬ 
tain tasks be required of the child as soon as 
old enough, to be increased and varied accord¬ 
ing to strength and age, thus early forming 
the habit of helpfulness, and let nothing that 
“mother” has to do be deemed “common or 
unclean” for them. Show them that their 
work is appreciated, and there will be fewer 
daughters idling in the parlor while the mother 
is toiling wearily in the kitchen. 
In some instances a certain class of litera¬ 
ture may be in part responsible for the false 
impression often made on the minds of coun¬ 
try girls by men from the city. The “ro¬ 
mance” of city life may lend its charms, cast¬ 
ing a glamour around the city chap and ren¬ 
dering him irresistibly attractive. Sometimes 
it may be love of fancied grandeur; in 
most instances, I think, however, the real 
cause of the mischief lies in the fact that the 
city chap is more polished in manner, more 
gallant than the average country lad. The 
contrast is sometimes very striking, and with 
the average country maid the comparison is 
not in the latter’s favor. In her youth and 
inexperience she fails to perceive, and would 
scarcely believe that “all is not gold that 
glitters,” nor that truest worth is often found 
in plainest garb. Accustomed to the uncouth 
manners of her country acquaintances, she 
is charmed by the gentler bearing of the city 
chap, and simple expressions of politeness are 
mistaken for avowals of personal regard or in¬ 
dications of genuine feeling. So heart follows 
where fancy leads. If the country lad made 
himself as agreeable and attractive in man¬ 
ner as the city chap—which he might if he chose 
—the country maid would learn to prize mere 
conventionalities for just what they are worth, 
and would find the country lad as attractive 
as the city chap. The country lad too often 
despises all sentiment or show of genuine 
feeling, or affects to despise them—which 
practically amounts to the same thing as far 
as the impression he makes is concerned— 
adopts rough ways of speech and manner, 
cultivates slang, is ashamed to be gallant and 
polite—in fact to be a gentleman. If the 
country lad would compare favorably with 
his “city cousins” in the good graces of the 
country maid, let him aim to be truly intelli¬ 
gent, manly and refined, not scorning those 
little points of etiquette and good breeding 
which lend an indescribable charm to manner. 
Let him make friends with the napkin and 
other table requirements, eschew vulgarity 
and profanity, and be genuinely neat in per¬ 
son, and let him not be content alone to be 
true gold but let him also aim to appear so, re¬ 
membering that even true worth incrusted 
with a rough and unpleasant exterior, may be 
deemed like the kernel within the chestnut 
burr before the frosts—scarcely worth the 
trouble of reaching it. 
Not a few country girls object to marry 
farmers because they see farmers’ wives work¬ 
ing late and early with almost never a holi¬ 
day, and often at the greatest disadvantage. 
They deem themselves and such women mere¬ 
ly unpaid laborers. Their tasks are ofttimes 
heavy and unpleasant. They think no other 
life can be so full of self-denial, of toil and 
unremitting care, or so devoid of luxuries, 
nay, even necessaries. They are forgetful 
that there is “a crook in every lot,” that no 
state in life is exempt from care and sorrow. 
Failing to appreciate the many blessings of life 
on the farm (which surely offset many of the 
disadvantages in life which from its very 
freedom and unconventionality is a priceless 
boon) they prefer to risk the untried rather 
than accept the life burdens with which they 
are familiar, and hence many assert that they 
will never marry a farmer. 
■ «♦» 
FROM FANNY FLETCHER. 
Generally the country girls have a mis¬ 
taken idea that working classes in cities have 
an easier life, work fewer hours, get higher 
wages and consequently have finer clothes than 
the same classes in the country. They are 
also often displeased with rural life because 
the majority of the newspapers and magazines 
are full of “take-offs” on the country lads and 
lasses. I think the fear of becoming a real 
“country jake” induces many a farmer’s boy 
and girl to seek their fortunes in the cities. 
Farmers’ daughters think they have risen sev¬ 
eral degrees in the social scale when they get 
a position of saleslady in a city dry-goods es¬ 
tablishment. They think it far better than 
plodding from daybreak to late evening in a 
farmer’s kitchen, even if said kitchen belongs 
to their own parents. They generally want 
more and better clothes than their parents 
can provide, which is natural, the families of 
poor farmers being the plainest dressed peo¬ 
ple in this part of the world. Of course, rich 
farmers’ daughters rarely seek employment 
away from home. To sum it all up, it is gen¬ 
erally the love of finery they cannot get on 
the farm that induces country girls to seek 
employment in the cities. 
It is the mother’s fault, if fault it can be 
called, which leads her to do the worst part of 
the household work. She wants her daughter 
to have a good time while she is young and 
can enjoy the pleasures of young people. She 
wants to give her time for music, painting, 
fancy work, and all the girlish accomplish¬ 
ments which were perhaps denied her in her 
own youth. Perhaps she feels deeply a dis- 
apppointment of some cherished plan of her 
own girlhood occasioned by lack of time or 
means for its fulfillment, and wishes to smooth 
similar difficulties from her daughter’s path. 
In following this plan she often (not always) 
wakes up to the knowledge that she has reared 
a very selfish, ungrateful child. The major¬ 
ity of young women do not appreciate the 
love and self-sacrifice underlying all this toil 
and drudgery. More’s the pity! If they did, 
there would be fewer heartaches along with 
mother’s hard work. 
To the country maid the city chap is often 
specially attractive because he is more polite, 
and appears to better advantage in society 
than her country beaus. The rural maid is 
usually a great novel-reader, and in the pol¬ 
ished ways of the city gent, his better com¬ 
mand of language and his self-possession, she 
finds her book hero. Some girls in isolated 
country places almost live in books, and the 
plain, uncultured lads of their acquaintance 
fall far below their ideals. Sometimes (not 
always) the latter are far better at heart, and 
truer gentlemen; but polish goes a good 
ways, and sweet sixteen looks through differ¬ 
ent glasses than those she wears at thirty. 
Many a country girl says she will never 
marry a farmer for nearly the same reasons 
that are given for her preference for the city 
chap. Besides, she wants a change in her 
mode of life. She knows from experience all 
about the monotony and hard work of the 
farm. It isn’t the farmer she objects to as 
much as it is being the lady-of all-work in the 
farmhouse, dairy, etc. However, her asser¬ 
tions do not amount to anything, for when 
she falls in love, it matters little to her wheth¬ 
er the favored one is farmer, lawyer, mer¬ 
chant or priest, as the old play goes. 
FROM MRS. B. C. DUNLAP. 
The distance and reserve, which well-mean¬ 
ing parents often maintain towards their 
children, even when grown up; and the un¬ 
developed literary and artistic tastes of the 
children, the exercise of which would pleas¬ 
antly bridge over the otherwise monotonous 
hours of leisure, are fruitful reasons why 
farmers’ daughters not infrequently prefer 
work in the cities to work at home. A person 
of active mind in the country needs to have 
in herself resources for entertainment. The 
charm of change and novelty and gilding 
which youth and inexperience give to distant 
and untried scenes, as well as ignorance of the 
value of domesticities, and of the hard realities 
before a woman who earns her own support 
in the city, also often induces country girls to 
seek city employment. 
It is the mother’s fault almost always if she 
does the most disagreeable part of the house 
work herself. Mothers unconsciously educate 
their girls to be selfish. The mother says to 
herself “I had a cheerless childhood and youth, 
my girls shall have things easier.” So she 
takes up all the hard work such as soils the 
hands and exhausts the muscles, and her affec¬ 
tion makes her a slave to her children. The 
father not being versed in domestic drudgery, 
(how few are,) never thinks so that the work 
is done. He supposes that it is almost like 
waving the hand and it is accomplished. 
His more polished exterior, together with 
an inherent vanity and love of conquest in 
the country girl, renders the city chap very 
attractive to her. My little nephew when he 
had his first coat, said that he wished he could 
go up town and walk up and down the side¬ 
walk and have all the boys stand back and 
