826 
THE BUBAL ffIW~Y®RKER. 
DEC 8 
tynmoxons. 
THE WAR OF WORDS. 
The baby rolls upon the floor, 
Kicks up bis tiny feet, 
And pokes his toes into his mouth, 
Thus making both ends meet. 
The butcher slays the pensive pig, 
Cuts oft his ears and feet. 
And grinds them into sausage meat, 
Thus making both ends meat. 
—New York Journal. 
4 shamrock—T he paste diamond.— Life. 
In English, the average Russian word is a 
pronounced failure.— Puck. 
When squashes are converted into pies, they 
become some pumpkins.— Puck. 
Traveler (rushing into station): “Isthe 
train late?-’ Porter: “No, you ar eP—Otawa 
Witness. 
“Shall' I sing for you, Tom? “Have you 
a song with a refrain?” “Yes.” “Well, then, 
please refrain.”— Detroit Free Press. 
“What are the wild waves saying?” has 
become such a frayed-at-the edges-phrase that 
it has been replaced in circles of taste by. 
“What’s der breakers givin’ us?”— Time. 
When a young lady gets married her father 
or some relative generally gives her away, 
but when the courtship is in progress the 
younger brother frequently manages to do 
it.— Oil City Blizzard. 
City Poet: “What a very queer looking 
yellow weed that is.” Young Lady: “Yellow 
weed! Goodness me! This is the beautiful ‘Gol¬ 
den Rod’ that you raved about in your last 
poem.” Michigan Farmer. 
•‘Going to be away six months, eh? Arn’t 
you afraid something will happen to the wife 
and children while you’re gone?” “They’re 
safe enough; I left them in Philadelphia. 
Nothing ever happens there *y° u know!”— 
Puck. 
School Teacher: “Johnny what is the 
second letter of the alphabet?” Johnny: 
“Don’t know.” “What flies about the gar¬ 
den?” “When?” “In the summer.” “Oh, I 
know; mother after the hens,”— Farm 
Joutnal. 
» 
First City Man: “Eddication! oh, rub- 
bisj \ . There—I’ve oily ad 
Schoolin’ <&11 my 'life!” Second C^en- 
“Ob, Isay! You must ’a’ wasted that time 
most awfully, old fellow. He-he-he!”— Lon¬ 
don Punch. 
A city young man who, while summering 
a week in the country, fell in love with a 
pretty dairy-maid, proposed and was rejected, 
told his friends when he returned home that 
he only got one “milkshake” while he was 
away.— Norristown Herald. 
Young Lady: “Will you please give me a 
small bottle of eyether?” Omaha Drug Clerk: 
“Of what, miss?” “Of eyether please.” 
“Eyether? eyether? I do not think we have 
it in the store.” “Oh, yes, I’m sure you have. 
It is sometimes called ether by ignorant 
people.”— Omaha Herald. 
“How is it, my dear,” said a husband to his 
wife, “that while you and your sister Ellen 
are so much alike in most respects, you are 
married and she prefers to remain single? 
Surely she has had offers enough.” “Yes, 
love, but Ellen was always more difficult to 
please than I.”— New Hampshire Patriot. 
Mistress: “Well,Bridget, did you see the 
dentist?” “Yis ma’am.” “Did he pull your 
tooth?” “Sure, ma’am, he didn’t lay a han’ 
to it to pull it. He scooped it out wid a wee 
hoe, an’ thin he druv it into stay feriver wid 
a plug on the top o’ it to kape it tight. I’ll 
never be caugnt doin’ the likes ag v in, ma am. 
What with him up-sittin’ the sate he put me 
in, an’ tyin’ a dirty bit av an old gum shoe in 
me mouth fer a bib, an’ makin’ a noise the 
size o’ a coffee-mill in me head, I’d laver 
walk the flure an’ scrame.— Puck. 
CONVINCING. 
“ Dey is shust a little short, but den you is a growin’ poy.” 
“ But woant dey be shotah when I grows, boss ?” 
“ Mein Kracious ! Do you tink your feet vill grow down the floor into ? You vas a crazy, 
eh ? Of course you grow up into ’em.” 
A 
SPINWALL 
POTATO 
PLANTER. 
' Absolute Guarantee given to do 
PERFECT and RAPID WORK. 
Write for illustrated circular. Mention this paper. 
BETTER 
,!WlHWAll MFC CoJ 
: JHREE RIVERy 'THAN EVEk. 
PLANTS CORN 
Distributes Fertilizers 
ASPINWALL MFG.CO. 
THREE RIVERS. MICHIGAN 
FOR BUTTER FACTORIES 
ON THE 
Cream Gathering® Plan*. 
' or PRIVATE DAIRIES, 
THEGOOLEYCREAMER PROCESS 
EXCELS ALL OTHER METHODS. SEE RECORD: _ 
COLD MEDALS at Richmond, Va., Exposition, Oct. and Nov., 1 888. 
COLD MEDAL at BAY STATE FAIR, Springfield, Mass., Oct., 1888. 
COLD MEDAL DELAWARE STATE FAIR at Dover, Oct., 1888, 
FOUR First PremiumSoutofpossibleSix at Buffalo N. Y. Exposil ion Sep. ’88. 
FlVO First Premiums outof a possible Seven at Bay State Fair, Oct. 1888. 
First Premium on Factory Butter at Maine State Fair, 1888. _ v 
First Premium on Factory Butter at New Hampshire State Grange Fair, 1888. 
First Premium and Sweepstakes, Vermont State Fair, 1888. 
COLD MEDAL, PARIS, (France,)Expositions, ’79 and ’82, after TESTSof SIX 
WEEKS at the Palaceof Industry in competition with allleadingsystems of the world. 
COLD MEDAL at Royal Agricultural Exhibition, London, England, 1879. 
COLD MEDAL andS wee pstakesat International Dairy Fair, N. Y., ’78 &’79. 
COLD M ED AL Berks Co., Pa, 1885. 
SILVER MEDALS awarded are too numerous to mention. 
DO NOT PLEDGE YOUR MILK, until you have examined Into the 
COOLEY SYSTEM of CREAM GATHERING. It Is less 
labor, less expense and pays better net proceeds. Full line of ENGINES, 
CHURNS and everything used In BUTTER FACTORIES or Private 
Dairies. Send for Illustrated Circulars before purchasing of others. 
VERMONT FARM MACHINE CO., Bellows Falls, Vermont, 
SCIENTIFICSE 
he BEST MILLon EARTH 
has our SAFETY BOTTOM intended to prevent breakage should 
Iron accidentally get into Mill. Other improvements adapt Mill to grinding 
EAR CORN with SHUCKS on. 
A great saving of feed as well c.s labor of Husking. 
The coming Feed for practical, economical Feeders. 
Try it. Can only be made practically on the Scientific 
which also grinds any and all other kinds of Grain. 
UIP PIIADA nyi'Tf [fa [c? Gr outer durability 
ww E V<* Ur\ r \UvJ u &EL and better results 
than can be obtained with any other Mill. 
tilP PI I A E7 A MTCC the Strongest, the simp- 
W t G U A A INfl | E ELlcst and the cheapest 1>1 ill 
quality of work, life-time of plates, and other 
parts considered. Sent on trial to responsible parties. 
— Numerous sizes for all Powers. All fully guaranteed. 
Catalogue. Address THE FOOS MFC. CO. SPRINCFIELD.O. 
I Cannot Find 
any other medicine that 
does me so much good as 
Dr. Seth Arnold’s 
COUGH KILLER. 
Mrs. Susan Abbott, Fair- 
lee, Yt. 
[ Druggists, 25c., 50c., and §1.00. 
ELLY’S DUPLEX GRINDINGMILL 
BETTER than the “BEST MILL ON EARTH.” 
For CORN and COB and all kinds of CRAIN. 
Sizes: 2 to 12 Horse-Power. Will grind from 8 to 50 Bushels per hour. The 
only Mill that grinds on both sides of the Devolving Burr, giving Double the 
GRINDING SURFACE of any other Mill made. Every Mill fully 
warranted. Our new Hand Book for Farmers and Feeders sent Free. 
SPRINGFIELD ENGINE &. THRESHER CO. Springfield, 0. 
UNDOUBTEDLY. 
You will be puzzled when you endeavor to 
select Holiday Gifts. There is an endless 
variety of articles, but the one which will 
surely be appreciated is the “Kodak” 
Camera—a combination of usefulness, novelty 
and beauty. 
CANTON IKON ROOFING CO., 
CANTON, OHIO. 
MANUFACTURERS OF THE H. W. SMITH PATENT 
STBEIj roofing. 
Made ofjrenuine Sheet Steel and Calamined Steel. Also 
CORRUGATED IRON Roofing and Siding. Beaded Iron Ceiling and 
Siding, Crimped Edge Roofing and Siding, Roof Paint. Roofer’s Paper, etc. 
Send for Catalogue, Price List, and Samples. Me r ‘*^*4 Rural New-Yorker. 
Hon. John E. Rus¬ 
sell, of Massachusetts, 
says of THYM0-CRES0L 
(the Cold-water Dip) :— 
“It willstimulatetheskin, 
increase the growth of the 
—— wool, and destroy all par¬ 
asites. I would not be without it if it cost $10 a 
gallon. It is the best thing for sores of any kind." 
Non-poisonous. Safe in coldest weather. Im¬ 
ported only by T. W. LAWF0RD & CO.. Baltimore. Md. 
Sample by mail, 50 cts. Mention this paper. 
ISLAND HOME STOCK FARM. 
Savage & Farnum.Impor- 
tars and Breeders of Per 
cheron and French Coach 
Horses, IslandH omeStock 
Farm, Grosse Isle,Wayne 
County, Mich. Weoffera 
very large stud of horses 
to select from,we guaran¬ 
tee our stock,make prices 
reasonable, and sell on 
easy terms, Visitors al 
ways welcome. Large 
catalogue free. Address 
Savage & Farnum, 
Detroit, Mich. 
Percheron Horses. 
French Coach Morses. 
Best Farm Boiler 
EVER MADE 
For Cooking Feed' 
lor *tock, Heating 
Milk or ater in 
Dairies, !*iiiall 
Cheese Factories ? 
tor Bath - Rooms, 
Laundries. Scald- j 
ing Hogs, Etc. Ad-' „ 
dress J K. PUR I NT«. N & CO., 
Dallas Center, Iowa. 
GOOD NEWS 
TO LADIES. 
Greatest induceinei^^ver of¬ 
fered. Now’s your time to get 
up orders for our celebrated 
Teas and Coffees, and secure 
a beautiful Gold Band or Moss 
mmnmmm Rose China Tea Set, Dinner Set, 
3 and Moss Rose Toilet Set, Watch, Brass Lamp, 
■ Webster’s Dictionary. For full particulars address 
THE GREAT AMERICAN TEA CO., 
P.O.Box 289. 81 and 83 Vesey St., New York. 
CIDER 
MACHINERY. 
Knuckle Joint and Screw 
Presses. Graters, i levators, 
Pumps, etc. Send for cata¬ 
logue. 
Boomer & Bosehert Press Co., 
118 W. Water St., Syracuse, 
New York. 
GALBRAITH BROS., 
JANESVILLE, WIS., 
—Are the Largest Importers of— 
BRITISH HORSES 
in the world. Have im¬ 
ported three times the 
number of flrst-class prize 
winning horses of any 
firm in the United'States 
and have nowon hand for 
actual sale over 220 
head of 
CLYDESDALE, 
ENGLISH 
SUFFOLK PUNCH, 
CLEVELAND BAY and HACKNEY STALLIONS. 
Prices moderate, terms easy. Correspondence 
Solicited, Send for Catalogue No. 'J. 
SHIRE, 
KNAB£ 
PIANO FORTES 
UNEQUALLED IN 
Tone, Touch, Workmanship and Durability. 
WILLIAM K.1VA15E A CO.. 
Baltimore. 22 and 24 East Baltimore Street. 
New York, 112 Fifth Av. Wasiunuton, 817 Market Space 
THE LICK PICTURES OF THE MOON. 
Referring to these pictures the San Fran¬ 
cisco Call says: “Some of the lunar photo¬ 
graphs taken at the Lick Observatory were 
sent to A. A. Common, F. R. S., of London, 
who pronounces them to be finer than any yet 
made by any instrument. The particular 
value of this verdict lies in the fact that Mr. 
Common is acknowledged to be the greatest 
living authority on astronomical photo- 
giaphy.” The famous little “Kodak” Cam¬ 
era is not adapted to astronomical work, but 
for any sort of instanstaneous “terrestrial” 
photography it is unequaled. Anybody cau 
use it and it makes a most beautiful and ac¬ 
ceptable Holiday Gift. 
iNEWPATENT 
WHIIMAN'S'rE BOUND 
■P LUN 6 ER P ERPETUA L 
Guaranteed superior 
^toany Lever Press now 
_ _ madeffor Hay, Straw and 
Wool. Always vic’torious. Received First Premium 
at til prominent fairs for past five years, over 
Dederiek and others. Illustrated Catalogue Free. 
WHITMAN AGR’L CO.. St. Loais, M* 
Wt also make the best Steam Power Press la 
America. 
ESTABLISHED 1852. 
JACKSON BROTHERS, 
NEW YOBX ITATE DEAIN TILE AND FIFE WOSM, 
MAIN OFFICK. 76 THIRD A VK„ ALBANY. N. Y. 
ROUND, SOLE AND HORSE-SHOE TILE 
Over 13 inches long. By cargo or smallest quantity. 
Our new improved machinery makes superior round 
and sole tile, excelllog anything offered heretofore. 
First Premium wherever exhibited. Price list on ap- 
I plication. Drain Tile machines for sale. 
