852 
DEC 22 
THE RURAL NEW-YORKER. 
fervor as agricultural writers discuss wheat 
raising, or poultry keeping, although perhaps 
less sensibly, since they seem to go upon the 
premises that the matrimonial market can be 
controlled as easily as that of wheat or pork. 
Whether marriage be a success or a failure, 
there will be marrying and giving in marriage 
as long as the world stands. The truth is, 
that the “success,” that is, the happiness, is 
generally in exact proportion to our deserts. 
Treat marriage as a lottery—invest in it as 
carelessly as you would buy a ticket for a 
church raffle, and you must expect to 
“take your chance,” and need not be disap¬ 
pointed if you lose. Archdeacon Farrar says 
“We talk of human misery; how many of us 
derive from life one-tenth part of what God 
meant to be its natural blessedness.” He 
might have said this of matrimony with 
equal truth. 
Some one has defined matrimony as the 
“Science of living harmoniously for the most 
part of life with another.” One might with 
profit to the rising generation write a text 
book on the subject, and another on “Science of 
Things Familiar,” showing how to avoid such 
familiar things as nagging, fault-finding, 
“open-air criticism,” and the like. 
Let any one who doubts whether marriage 
can be a “ success ” or not, turn to the pages 
of history. Mahomet married a woman 40 
years older than himself, and long years after 
her death,when her successor, the young and 
beautiful Ayesha, asked him: “Am I not bet¬ 
ter than Kadijah ? She was old and had lost 
her looks, and was a widow; do you not love 
me better than you did her?” “No, by Al¬ 
lah!” answered Mahomet, “she believed in 
me when none else would. In the whole 
world I had but one friend and she was that.” 
“ Success” does not depend, then, upon age or 
beauty. 
John Stuart Mill dedicated one of bis works 
to the “ beloved and deplored memory of the 
friend and wife whose approbation was his 
chief reward.” 
In one of his letters to his wife when absent 
from her, Hood writes: “I never was any¬ 
thing, dearest, till I knew you, and I have 
been a better, happier, and more prosperous 
man ever since. Lay by that truth in laven¬ 
der, sweetest, and remind me of it when I 
fail.” In speaking of his wife, Prince Bis¬ 
marck once said : “She it is who has made 
me what I am.” Luther said : “I would not 
exchange my poverty, with my wife, for all 
the riches of Croesus without her.” In his 
“Memoirs” M. Guizot writes: “The most 
brilliant career has only superficial and in¬ 
complete enjoyment if a stranger to the happy 
ties of family and friendship.” So much for 
the success, but alas ! history chronicles fail¬ 
ures as well. 
A celebrated general was dying. His career 
had been so brilliant and fortunate that the 
world looked upon him as a perfectly happy 
man. Honors had fallen upon him fast and 
thick. On his death-bed he said to the friend 
who held his hand, “I thank God that my 
miserable life is ended.” Only this friend knew 
the story of the man’s blighted life. The cold 
selfishness and lack of sympathy of the woman 
he had married had wrecked this otherwise 
brilliant life. She accompanied him from Eng¬ 
land to India, and shortly afterward declared 
that the climate did not suit her and she 
would go home. 
Since every one inust'concede that a good 
marriage is for the best happiness of either 
man or woman, and that a bad marriage is 
the worst of evils, the all-important subject 
for consideration is just how to make a right 
and proper marriage, and, failing this, how to 
make the best of a bad bargain. 
The hardest lesson to learn is self-knowledge, 
and, failing that knowledge, how can one pre¬ 
sume to a knowledge of any one else? If you 
can be brought to realize that you lack 
strength of character yourself, then by no 
means let that quality be wanting in your 
future mate, and, having consciously married 
one whom you know to be stronger than your¬ 
self, never be so weak as to he afraid to 
acknowledge it, or to refuse to be guided by 
the superior judgment. Generally the worst 
of weak persons is their absurd desire to 
pass themselves off for moral, mental or physi¬ 
cal giants. If you are a woman, and must 
take the reins in your own hands, then as you 
value your happiness, do not confess it even 
to yourself—above all, never let your husband 
guess that you are managing him. 
Don’t begin by thinking that you are marry¬ 
ing perfection. Few of us have begun to fol¬ 
low the Gospel command, “Be ye perfect as I 
am perfect.” Find out the faults beforehand, 
if possible, and then think well whether your 
love is strong enough to bear with them. I 
can only speak for my own sex, but I believe 
that few women who are rightly loved will see 
faults in the husbands who love them tender 
ly, or if they do see them, they will think of 
them tenderly, remembering tjie great love 
that enriches (heir lives. T ^ pf 
those who think that married people can quar¬ 
rel, and make up, and quarrel and make up, 
and have all things be as though the quarrels 
had never been. Your love will be like 
broken and mended china, you will always be 
conscious of the crack—even though you may 
view it from such an angle that you do not 
see the crack, you know it is there. 
Yours for success. a spinster. 
GOLDEN GRAINS. 
“ ’Trs worth a wise man’s best, of life, 
’Tis worth a thousand years of strife, 
If thou may’st lessen, but by one. 
The countless Ills beneath the sun.” 
In Dickens’s “Pickwick,” we find the fol¬ 
lowing bit of philosophy concerning the prob¬ 
lem of the hour: “ Ven you’re a married man, 
Samivel, you’ll understand a good many 
things as you don’t understand now; but 
vether it’s worth while going through so much 
to learn so little, as the charity-boy said ven 
he got to the end of the alphabet, is a matter 
o’ taste. I rayther think it isn’t.”. 
There are two ways, says Franklin, of be¬ 
ing happy—we may either diminish our wants 
or augment our means. Either will do—the 
result is the same; and it is for each man to 
decide for himself and do that which happens 
to be the easier.. 
The Golden Censer says that we can see 
through one pane of glass easily, but through 
ten placed together we cannot see, yet each is 
transparent. By living a day at a time, we 
get along well and all is clear; but we cannot 
with our finite vision, see through all the pur¬ 
poses of God concerning us. 
It is worth realizing, says the Christian 
Union, that there is no such thing as common¬ 
place life or uninteresting circumstances. 
They are so only because we do not see into 
them—do not know them. 
Great as have been the discoveries and 
achievements of science in the last hundred 
years, it is doubtless true that the sum of the 
unknown is yet vastly in excess of that of the 
known, and always will be. Each achieve¬ 
ment or discovery is but a stepping-stone to 
something greater and higher. 
What nothing earthly gives or can destroy, 
The soul’s calm sunshine and heartfelt joy 
Is virtue’s prize. 
One of the illusions is that the present hour 
is not the critical, decisive hour. Write it on 
your heart that every clay is the best day 
in the year. 
Life is a casket not precious in itself, but 
valuable in proportion to what fortune, or 
industry, or virtue has placed within it. 
It is faith in something and enthusiasm for 
something that make a life worth looking 
at. 
W hat a lesson is contained in thesfe beauti¬ 
ful lines by E. B. Browning: 
“ Let us be content to work 
To do the thing we can, and not presume 
To fret because it’s little.” 
The Christian Union says: “Both wit 
and understanding are trifles without integ¬ 
rity. The ignorant peasant without a fault is 
greater than the philosopher with many. 
What is genius or courage without a heart 
Harper’s Bazar says: “Men of brawn, 
when sensitive and kindly,practice a more gen¬ 
erous rule for conjugal partnership than is 
usual amongst men of brain.”. 
A writer in the Christian Union says that 
there is a kind of fish which resembles sea- 
grass. It hides itself in the midst of marine 
vegetation. Below is the head, looking like 
the bulb of the plant, and above is the body 
and the tail, looking like the blade of sea- 
grass. The ocean currents sway the fish and 
the grass alike, and so the little fish escapes 
being devoured by its enemies. They swim 
aloDg, and one can hardly perceive where fish 
leaves off and grass begms, so perfect is the 
disguise. Now, there are a great many Chris¬ 
tians whose lives are so blended witn the world 
that they cannot easily be distinguished. 
They are swayed by worldly maxims and 
habits; they share with the world its sinful 
pleasures. The difference between such Chris¬ 
tians and worldlings is not apparent. If this 
is the kind of Christian life you are living, 
you need not be afraid of persecution; the 
world will not think it worth while to molest 
such a Christian as that. You will not know 
what it is to drink of the cup that Christ 
drank of, and to be baptized with the baptism 
that He was baptized with. But let a man 
come out into the open; let him confess Christ 
as his Master; let him engage in some aggres¬ 
sive Christian work, and he will meet the 
same opposition which was experienced by the 
One who said: “ I came not to send peace, but 
a sword.”.• . 
Geo. Eliot say.s;that by d§£jnP£ wjiat is 
perfectly good, even when we do not quite 
know what it is, and cannot do what we 
would, we are partof the divine power against 
evil, widening the skirts of light and making 
the struggle with darkness narrower. 
CONDUCTED BY MRS. AGNES E. M. CARMAN. 
“Every wise woman buildeth her house , 
but the foolish plucketh it down with her 
hands.'" 
EXTRACTS FROM SUNDAY EVENING 
TALKS AT THE RURAL GROUNDS. 
• 
I have always liked to think that the wife 
was the head carpenter, and the husband her 
apprentice in the building of the home house. 
I am, however, fully aware that there are 
plenty of instances where this state of things 
needs reversing, and that the woman from 
incompetency must accept the apprentice’s 
position, while the man assumes the director¬ 
ship, and I also know of those cases where the 
woman buildeth but for the man to pluck 
down with his hands. Still I think that, 
taken all in all, women have more to do with 
the building, be it good or bad, of the home 
house than men. 
* * * 
At least 70 per cent of the troubles we 
meet with in ordinary life are imaginary. 
By that I mean to say that difficulties seem 
worse and worse as we ponder over them and 
try to see how bad they are. We can make 
just what we like of our every-day life. If 
we look for the disagreeable features we’ll get 
them multiplied a dozen times. If we think 
only of the bright, happy parts of life we will 
find just what we are looking for. 
* * * 
Suppose that I am comfortably seated 
reading and mamma whom I know to be tired 
is working. My conscience tells me to go and 
with a cheerful face help her. I go. How 
little that sacrifice is, even though I am tired 
or in the most interesting part of my book, 
compared to the sacrifices I shall have to 
make in after life in order to become a good 
woman. Still that is not the point: that 
sacrifice, small though it is, carries me a step 
on the road to right and by resisting the 
temptation to stay and enjoy my book, I make 
it easier to withstand a greater temptation 
next time. 
* * * 
Now, suppose that I overlooked, passed by 
the thousand chances for doing little deeds of 
kindness around me and prayed to the Lord, 
in all earnestness, to give me a chance to do 
some great deed? Would it be right for me 
to be given that chance? Or if the chance 
was given me, would my character be suf¬ 
ficiently developed to take advantage of that 
opportunity? Of course not. Can a man read 
without learning his letters? When by resist¬ 
ing all temptations that come in my way, 
and by improving every chance for doing 
good, no matter how small the deed, I have so 
developed my character as to be able to 
withstand greater temptations; those tempta¬ 
tions will certainly come and so will chances 
for doing great deeds of kindness. Therefore 
ask by actions rather than by word of mouth. 
* * * 
Everybody knows the old song: 
“Better to hope though the clouds hang low 
And to keep the eyes still lifted, 
For the sweet blue sky will soon peep through, 
When the ominous clouds are rifted. 
There was never a night without a day 
Or an evening without a morning 
And the darkest hour, as the poets say, 
Is the hour before the dawning.” 
My belief is that the man or woman who is 
taught to be self-reliant “to look on the bright 
side” in childhood, will naturally take that 
verse for a life text, and if anybody can 
find a better text than that I would like to 
hear it. 
* * * 
EXTEMPORANEOUS REMARKS BY A NINE-YEAR- 
OLD CHILD. 
Now, take people who don’t'study or read 
much and those who are not interested in any¬ 
thing particular; when they go out visiting 
they say “I don’t like what such a person 
says and I don't'like this or that person” and 
so they gossip. Now, is it right for them to 
gossip? Not being interested in books or pa¬ 
pers, they must have something to talk about. 
Now, we are educated people, but all the same, 
we seem to gossip. Every once in a while I 
hear papa and mamma talking about some 
one. Now, is It right for us to talk about our 
neighbors whence haye otllP)•.things to think 
about; 
When mamma lived in the city I have 
heard her say that she did not know her next- 
door neighbor and when she moved up here 
she thought it very strange that Mrs C— 
with whom she boarded, should take so much 
interest in her neighbors’affairs. 
Now, there are two kinds of gossip. One is 
to so talk of your neighbor as to harm him 
unnecessarily, and the other is to speak kindly 
of him and not injure him. Now, is it not bet¬ 
ter to raise ourselves above all petty gossips 
and to try to make our neighbors better in¬ 
stead of trying to push them down? 
KITCHEN TALKS. 
ANNIE L. JACK. 
December! The word sends a cold shiver 
over us, and makes us take retrospective 
glances. The year is nearly over, with its 
joys aud sorrows, its aspirations and disap¬ 
pointments. Looking over its opportunities, we 
can see how much we have missed, and so be¬ 
come filled with renewed energy to do better 
in the days to come. No class of people are 
more aware of their shortcomings than house¬ 
keepers, and they often feel that they are 
themselves to blame if the domestic ma¬ 
chinery is out of order. It ought to be the 
same, but it seldom is, with regard to the 
physical machinery of our bodies when we 
suffer so many of the ills that “flesh is heir 
to,” but forget the causes, like the pious man 
who called his illness a severe dispensation 
of Providence, when it resulted from over-eat¬ 
ing clam chowder late the night before. I 
was reminded of these things to day when a 
lady of my acquaintance told me that her 
husband was troubled with sleeplessness “and, 
goodness knows,” she said, “he works late 
enough at night to be tired out,” not taking it 
into consideration that the over-tiredness was 
the result of the over-work, and the cause of 
the sleeplessness. 
While reading in the Rural lately of the 
many reasons we have for thankfulness, I 
thought that one should be that there is a win¬ 
ter in our year when long nights and restful 
days recruit our weary bodies after the long, 
tiresome summer hours,when,with all its beau¬ 
ties of nature,there is so much over-work among 
the men and women in a farmer’s home, and 
I often thinlj: what a pity it is when there are 
a few young people in isolated country places, 
that some effort is not made to turn these 
long winter evenings to profitable account. 
Let it be a writing, reading, or any other 
class in which efforts are made for mutual im¬ 
provement, and, if only two or three are 
gathered together, there will be pleasure and 
profit in meeting and helping each other. 
Country boys are too apt to waste the long 
winter evenings sleeping around the stove, or 
loafing around the village store, while the 
girls plod away over the week’s mending or 
some unnecessary fancy work. Let this time 
be set aside for mental improvement, and it is 
most likely the harvest of new ideas and im¬ 
proved culture will very much surprise those 
who take part. 
“OUR BOYS.” 
I want to say just a few words about “ the 
boys” too, since reading what “Myrtle” had 
to say in a late number of the Rural. And 
I do not intend to criticise the dear girl's 
remarks in the least, for I can see from the 
way in which she talks, what a trial it has 
been to her to have all her ideas of neatness 
and order set aside. I have a little girl my¬ 
self who finds the (at times) somewhat un¬ 
tidy habits of two big brothers, who call her 
“little sis” a great trial to her sisterly 
patience, so I know, in a measure, how girls 
feel about it. We, mothers,view these things 
somewhat differently, because we are mothers 
I suppose. While we look deprecatingly at 
the disorder in the parlor, and the mud 
tracks on the kitchen floor, we seem at the 
same time to be gazing far ahead through the 
lapse of years to the time when the boys shall 
go from us, never to be “home boys” again 
And, busy with these thoughts, I think we in 
a measure, lose sight of the disordered rooms, 
in our anxiety to form, with God’s help, their 
principles so that they may withstand the 
temptations assailing them on every side, as 
they go forth to fight “the battle of life. 
How we follow them then with our hopes, 
and our fears, aye, and often with the wish 
as we gather them up in our hearts at night, 
When Baby was sick, we gave her Castoria, 
When she was a Child, she cried for Castoria, 
W hen she became Miss, she clung to Castoria, 
W hep she had Children, she g’ave them Castori% 
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