BARN-YA.RD STUDY.—THE REVENGE OF A DUCK. 
offl.it anti junior. 
a Taking man. 
He took her fancy when be came; 
He took her hand, he took a kies; 
He took no notice of the shame 
That glowed her happy cheek at this 
He took to coming afternoons; 
He took an oath he’d ne’er deceive; 
He took her father's silver spoons. 
And after that he took his leave. 
[ Mrs. Hemans. 
--- 
“ESQ.” 
A young mart, whose money didn't hold out 
so Ion? as the State Fair, dropped into the 
telegraph office yesterday and sent a dispatch 
to his father In an interior town to forward 
him cash to reach home with. When the re¬ 
ceiving clerk saw that, the dispatch read, “To 
John Blank Esq.,” he suggested that a saving 
could he made by erasing the “ Esq.” 
“ Well, mehbe you think you so, but I don’t.” 
replied the sender. “ When I am home I can 
call him ‘ dad ’ all day long, but when it comes 
down to black and white you have got to * Es¬ 
quire' him right np lo the nines, or walk home 
by the dirt road. Don’t you dare leave that 
off—not with the roads as dirty as they are 
now!" 
In about an hour the following answer was 
received: 
To- 
“ John Blank, Esq.,” forwards you $10, and 
you can have more if you want it. 
John Blank, Esq. 
“ Didn 11 tell ye," chuckled the young man 
as he read it. “Dad’s common enough when 
we’re all at home and rushed to get fall wheat 
in, but the minute his back gets rested and a 
stranger comes along he weighs more to the 
ton than any “ Esquire” on legs. I tell ye, you 
don't know a man till ye've hoed corn with 
him !”—Detroit Free Press. 
THE MIND READER. 
With sudden burst of pent-up ire. 
Cries Dick, no longer cool, 
” You either think I am a liar 
Or most consummate fool.” 
Says Harry, •• Since you force me, Dick, 
A fool I was inclined 
To reckon you until so quick 
And true you read my mind." 
Boston Transcript. 
RATHER AWKWARD. 
Young RatUeton Bragge, (affably to middle- 
aged stranger whom he finds alone in Brown’s 
studio:) •*Good picture, ain’t it ? Old Stilton's 
bought it. The Duke, you know. Brown’s 
going down to Stilton to shoot. Wish I could 
go with him, but I’m booked in Loudon till 
Christmas. Just mv luck! Capital old boy, 
Stilton ! Looks like an old clothesman. Gets 
tight after dinner; tells rurnmy stories; makes 
you roar. Fine old place, capital shooting! 
Awf'ly jolly girls, the Ladies Cammemberu 
Nearly a dozen of them, all freckled. Duch¬ 
ess tremendous matchmaker. Bag yon before 
you can say Jack Robinson if you don’t look 
out! Awful fun the old Duchess! D'you hap¬ 
pen to know her by sight ? Shiny red nose, and 
as underhung as a bulldog. Ah ! here’sBrown at 
last.” (Enter Brown, suddenly.) “Ah, Bragge, 
how are you? Let me introduce you to the 
Duke of Stilton ?” 
--- 
JOINT STOCK IN A KITTEN. 
A lady contributor tells this story: “I had 
been out in Westchester county on a visit, and 
while there I found a kitten which I brought 
home as a plaything for my two children. & To 
prevent any dispute about the ownership of the 
puss, I proposed, and it was agreed, that the 
head should be mine, the body should be the 
baby's, and Eddy the eldest, but three years, 
should be the sole proprietor of the long and 
beautiful tail. Eddy rather objected at first to 
this division, as putting him off with an ex¬ 
tremely small share of the animal, but soon j 
became reconciled to the division, and quite 
proud of the ownership in the graceful ter¬ 
minus of the kitten. One day soon after I 
heard poor puss making a dreadful mewing, 
and called out to Eddy, ‘ There, my son, you 
are hurting my part of the kitten; I heard her 
cry. ‘No, I didn’t mother; I trod on my part 
and your part hollered.’ Wayne Press. 
Oh, those memories all flow inward. 
On my tired heart to-day. 
And I almost smell the clover. 
While I list the robins lay, 
later. 
Sweet the summer breezes gently 
Sweep along the cottage thatch. 
And I almost smell the clover, 
While I list the robins batch. 
LATEST. 
And while autumn winds are sighing, 
Echoing my heart’s sad throbbin’s, 
Yesterday we shot and made a 
Bully pot-pie of the robins. 
A letter, addressed as below, was sent to 
the New Haven post office, one of the locali¬ 
ties where Postmaster-General Key’s “ mis¬ 
direction order” was a peculiar injustice: 
Mr. Enos A. Hale, 
Assistant Postmaster, 
840 Orchard street, 
New Haven, 
City of New Haven, * 
Town of New Haven, 
County of New Haven, 
State of Connecticut, 
United States of America, 
Western Continent, 
Planet Earth, 
Solar System, 
Universe. 
■ - » 
SQUASH. 
Ah, there you lie in beauty manifold; 
Though graceful less than phlox or mignonette, 
You move the soul with thought divinely set 
To loveliest music. As I watch your gold- 
En face I long, indeed. I long to hold 
Yon in my hand in the shape of a piece of pie. 
Meeting a newsboy whose face was scarred 
with scratches, and looked like a map of some 
great railroad center, a Register reporter asked 
the youngster what the matter was. “ Feller 
spoke disrespectful of my sister ; said he’d bet 
she was cross-eyed, and 1 sailed in.” “ Is 
your sister cross-eyed?” asked the reporter. 
“ Hain’t got no sister," was the reply. “It 
was the principle of the thing what I got 
licked for." 
--- — 
Squaws of big chiefs oft remind us, 
We should pick our squaws with care; 
So we may|not leave behind us 
Half our natural crop of hair. 
--- 
“ You see, massa.” said the old colored 
washerwoman, “ since dey’s got dese here big 
crayvats, we don't hab so much to do. De 
gemmeu puts on a big crayvat now-a-days, 
instead oh a clean shirt. You don’t know 
lunch about dese matters, but if you take off 
all the cravats in this town, and make the 
gemmen show up, landsakes! you’d see de 
worst lookin’ white men you ebber laid yo’ 
blessed eyes on ."—Syracuse Herald. 
— - ■ 
Tossing upon a Bed of Agony, 
Tortured In every Joint with Inflammatory rheu¬ 
matism, Is a prospect which may become a melan¬ 
choly fact if the twinges of the dread disorder are 
not checked at the outset. Persons of a rheumatic 
tendency And Hostetter's Stomach Bitters a useful 
remedy, nor do they encounter the risk In using 
It they do from resorting to that active poison col- 
chleum, which Is often employed to arrest the 
malady. The use of the Bitters Is equally ak effec¬ 
tive in its results, and is attended with no risk. 
There Is ample testimony to prove that the medi¬ 
cine possesses blood depurating qualities of no 
common order, besides those of a tonic and gen¬ 
eral alterative, it stimulates the action of the 
kidneys and promotes the removal from the sys¬ 
tem of rm purities which develop disease, and are 
fraught with serious danger. Fever and ague, 
dyRpeaia, debility, nervousness, constipation, &e , 
are remedied by It. 
P. O. Box 4235, 
Stores, Hotels. 
Restaurants, Club 
consumers will find 
to send Postal Card 
dress, and get the 
VeseySt. I 
NEW YORK.! 
Boarding Houses,' 
Agents and larga 
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to the above ad- 
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N. B.—Be¬ 
ware of imi¬ 
tators. 
COMPANY 
S3*-NO , 
HUMBUG. 
plDER PRESSES AND GRATERS^ 
V-/ Boomer tv Bobohjebt Press Go.. Syracuse. N. Y. 
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~ - ^ 88 Slimmer 8L, Boston. 
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PURDY 
VftitfVWTil 
paper on 
or Address PURDY 5 "'o 
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The New Voyage of the Paper Canoeist. 
FOUR MONTHS IN A SNEAK-BOX. 
In the" Vwage of « Paper Canoe," In' * Four Months in a Sneak-Box," 
The author visited “ the oystarmnn 3 ud fishermen Anmfartam* oue of smallest and most 
living along the lonely beaches of the eastern shores kV-'U", i. fU '" “ T' n 'i'b American model. de- 
Maryland ami Virginia: the surf men and )whthmL.e rn,nU.UU t> i’ , 'U men w the New Jersey Coast of the 
keepers of Albermarle, I’amplico and Core Sound* in v JP cvn t ly Introduced to tile guuning 
North Carolina; the ground nirtulSBtiWs^wboLi'in'lvfl Bwnetrat SneakBox." This curious 
the upland* thaUkirith "networkt“f mwka <bougl, only twelve feet in 
ponds and sounds from Bogue Inlet to GaiiL-’lo-,n-lifj hogt.h. i'ruvcd a most comfortable and serviceable 
piny-woods people, lumbermen, nod turpentine disbd down author rowed lu It more than »,6uu miles 
lers on the little bluff* that Jut into the fuitnesHteofthr m-tenfo,.-,* or!Mb’-mxlpm fivers, and along the 
great swamp* of the crooficd WacoamawRteSr• the LifvovajU 5 , ^ , reached flic goal of 
representative* r.d the ouco poiverfiUrire.|,i»utifii.'»rlH 0 u » mouth of the wild Huwauee River.- 
tocracy of the Santee and Pe ter lin ers' fim entered « » tLc ‘ termiDUa of l “". ' oyage of the Paper 
In ‘ * Four Months in a Sneak-Box," 
The author procured one of the smallest and most 
boat*. a jwolv Auu ricjin model, d«- 
; i *-- 1 • • ' rp ...» VUU »-■»»! 4 
tocracy- Of the Santee and 
Kiverfl; the colored Canoe.” 
and mm non little craft, though only twelve feet in 
length, Proved a moet comfortable and serviceable 
dnw.'i author'rowed m itmore than a,«tu miles 
ftowu the Ohio and Minmh*Ipiu rivers, and alone the 
ci last of the Gulf of M .-xleo, until he reached the goal of 
his voyage, the mouth of the wild Huwauee River — 
which was the terminus of his.* “ Voyage of the Paper 
auu trie Buwaucc t,tie wild river of song, the Islander 
on the Gulf of Mexico, where he terminated his ion 
Journey;—utl have coutnlinted to make the • Voyage o 
the Paper Canoe ’ a success." ^ 
f^Ption by the American people of the 
author a first Journey to the great southern sea, and its 
n 10 * 1 liriuin ttuli France within so 
0{ . lt s . R l']»earanco In the United States, 
TOhnne tf0lUa * fed to snve toe public a companion 
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ALSO, 
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J. & J. DOBSON, 
CARPET MANUFACTURERS AND RETAILERS, 
40 AND 12 WEST 14th 8T., N. Y., 
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JOHN VAN GAASBEEK, MANAGER. 
Cl Ikl E T CAC supplied to consumers at 
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P.O.B.,**” th ' ,r "‘ 8 ‘"“' »„ Iwk OM,. 
