THE RURAL NEW-YORKER. 
H W8P -' 
Alphonse Karr wittily said touching the 
abolition of capital pumshinent for murder: 
“ By all means, only let messieurs the mur¬ 
derers give the example, and cease to execute 
us." 
Tuts is French: A widow is bewailing the 
BUCHAN’S 
Cresylic Sheep Dip 
BUCHAN’S 
Cresylic Ointment. 
one consolation," she sobs out, drying her tears. 
“At all events. I know where he spends his 
nights now!" 
To be trusted: One grocer asked another, 
“Is Colonel - a man to be trusted?” “I 
think you'd find him so,” was the reply; “if 
you trust him once, you’ll trust him forever. 
He never pays." 
A man asked for admission to a show for 
half price, as he had but oue eye. But the 
manager told him it would take him twice as 
long tosee the show as it would anybody else, 
and charged him double.— Cincinnati Satur¬ 
day Night. 
It is believed by some to be lucky if the 
initials of a wedding couple spell a word ; but 
do not tell Frank Osborne so, unless you want 
to see him mad. He married Olive Lena 
Smith, and, if we know anything, an F. two 
O’s, an L and an S spell fools.— Erie Herald. 
A French newspaper says that in a certain 
Irish eathedral there used to be shown three 
skulls, one little one and two big oues, which 
the guide described to visitors as the skull of 
St. Patrick when he was a child, the skull of 
St. Patrick grown up, and the skull of St. 
Patrick as au old man. 
“And how does Charley like going to 
school ?” kindly inquired a good man of a little 
8 ix-.year-old boy, who was waiting, with a tin 
can in baud, the advent of another dog. “I 
like goin’ well enough,” replied the embryo 
statesman, ingenuously, “but I don't like 
stayin’ after I git there.”— Rockland Courier. 
General Gochko, Governor of St. Peters¬ 
burg. is a very practical man. He received a 
letter which said he would he poisoned. Not 
at all alarmed he sent for his cook and thus 
addressed that personage: “You see this let- 
■ ter. Read it. Very well. Now keop iu mind, 
the first time I get the colic I will hang you." 
Standing before a fruit stand a San Francis¬ 
co gamin said: “ Hello! old fellow, how much 
for your oranges?" “Twenty cents a dozen, 
sonny." “Do you throw the thirteenth into 
the bargain?” “Yes, my lad.” “Well, give 
me the thirteenth to-day and I will buy the 
dozen of you to-morrow." — San Francisco 
Golden Era. 
A man who made a business of writing 
obituaries, epitaphs, etc., used to solicit pat¬ 
ronage far and near. Hearing of the death of 
a man iu a distant part of the country, and 
busiues being a little dull, he made a journey 
there. Finding the widow of the deceased per¬ 
son he stated his occupation, and asked if she 
wouldn't like a few lines about her husband. 
“ Lines about him !" she said, wofully ; he had 
all the lines be wanted. If he had had one 
line less, be would have been alive to-day.” 
“What ailed him, madam?” “He was 
hanged.” 
“ I used to think I was a good economist," 
said Aunt Betsy, “ but la! these hard times 
have educated me over agaiu. Seems to rue I 
can make a dollar go twice as far as I used to. 
Instead of painting my kitchen floor this sum¬ 
mer I am going to paper it with common wall 
paper, something plaid, and varnish it. You 
can’t tell them from oil-cloth. Miss Peters has 
got one on her entry that has been iu wear 
seven years. She varnishes it every year and 
keeps a door-mat down. It doesn’t cost as 
much as paint, and looks much better.” Per¬ 
haps some of our economical readers would 
like to try some of these hard-times recipes. 
A Partial Blockade 
Of the main avenue for escape of rt fuse from the 
human system Is utterly subversive of regularity 
among the other organs Let constipation become 
chronic, and, leaving out the Imminent danger of 
Inflammation of the bowels and their total obstruc¬ 
tion occurring, Jaundice Is almost certain to ensue, 
the liver la liable to become engorged, the blood 
and urine are poisoned by the bile, which also vi¬ 
tiates the juices of the stomach, and other unhap¬ 
py consequences follow. Hostetter’s Stomach 
Bitters, a prime tonic alterative, prevents or reme¬ 
dies these results and their cause, as the case may 
require, and Is also signally efficacious In overcom¬ 
ing flatulence, heartburn, and variable as well as 
constipated action of the bowels. It renews nerve 
power. Improves the appetite, stays the progress 
of early decay, relieves the Infirmities of age, and 
Is a pleasant appetizer. 
REASSURING. 
Old Gent (suddenly turning corner iu narrow lane). “Oh!—I say!—Is he?—Will he?” 
(backing iuto Hedge.)—“ Can he -?” 
Farmer—" Don’t take no notice of ’im, Sir ! I’ve got a wee bit check on ’im if he runs!” 
UVA It BED HIGHEST PRIZE AM) 
ONLY 
EI II C T B? J| Q supplied to consumers at 
( I !■ r I rll ^ V" cei8 lower than ever 
■ ■ ■ ■ ■■, ■ “rl v known before. These five 
qualities seldom reach the interior, being sold only in 
lawi cities and among the very wealthy. Send for ro- 
aucea ziricc-listjimd compare with other houses. 
CONSUMfcuS I MPORTING TEA t!0., 
_ _ „ o Church Street, 
P. O. Box 423fi New York City. 
1 \mm ■■ , r - W MEDAL 
PARIS EXPOSITION, 1878. 
SURE CURE FOR F00TR0T. 
BUCHAN'S CRESYLIC SHEEP DIP prevents and 
cures SCAB and all Parasitic Discuses of the Skin. 
Buchan’s Cresylic Ointment hs CERTAIN DEATH 
to the Screw-Worm or Grub. 
For further particulars, send for Price Lists and 
Circulars to 
KIDDER <fc LAIRD, 83 John St.. N. Y. 
FARMERS AND THRESHERMEN. 
If you want a Threshing Machine which is Simple in Construction. Runs Easy, is Durable, has Large 
Capacity, Threshes, Separates, and Cleans grain in a workmaulike manner. 
V eteran Corn Sheller 
FOR HAND OR POWER. 
J list the Thing for Mill, Farm or Plan¬ 
tation. 
Power and Hand Corn Shelters of all sizes 
and to suit all wants. 
HORSE POWERS, JACKS, dec. 
Write for Descriptive Circulars and prices. Ad¬ 
dress SANDWICH MANUP’U CO., 
Sandwich, Illinois. 
jjNt |DA oi^°^p 
POTTED STRAWBERRY P 
! d 
*®3 Printing Press 
PnnU airdi Inbelt Ac, (Self-inker $5) 18 larger slzei 
For buMne.M or plea»ure, young or old. Do your own ad¬ 
vertising mid printing. Catalogue of presses, type, cards, 
for 9 stamps. Kelsey & Co. Meriden, Ooun 
Mill Manufactory 
Established 1851. 
Grrliit MlUtf 
OF 
FRENCH BIHRSTONE 
.Portable XI His for Karmens, 
Saw A1 111 Owner., ft:. Price 
from $80 up. Complete Kill 
arul Sheller $98. K bo; can 
grind and keep Ln order, 
adapted to an; kind „r suita¬ 
ble power. Complete Flouring 
and Corn Mill ver; cheap. 
NOmSE ts MAEldOfi CO. 
Indianapolis, Ina. 
We have the best variety of Agricultural Engines ln 
the Market. Not an experiment, but the result of 
twenty-five years' manufacturing experience. Our 
Engines are first-class ln material ana workmanship, 
bale. Economical, Strong and Durable. Send for cir¬ 
cular. Address, 
ONEIDA IRON WORKS, Oneida, N. Y. 
BIG GIANT CORN MILL 
Every Man His Own Miller. 
The only Mill that win 
grind Corn with Shuck on 
without extra expense. The 
only Mill grinding Corn and 
Cob success! ul!y that will 
gTlnd Shelled Corn fine 
enough for family use. 
Grinds twice ns fast ns any 
other Mill ot same size and 
price. Manufactured by 
J. A. FIELD, SON & CO. 
922 N. 2d St.. St. Louis. 
unuirc >>vt,r * aiii,| 3 agie tiuK 
HUVvKL U and TONIC BITTERS. $1. 
If it fails to cure Ague, Dyspepsia, 
Chronic Liver and Kidney diseases. 
For Circulars, &o„ address 
Or. V. B. HOWE, Keneca Falls. N. Y. 
CATARRH 
Ask your Druggist if his customers don’t suy 
that the Norwegian Balm gives immediate 
relief, in every ease. 
Ask your Druggist if bis customers don’t say 
that the Norwegian Balm is very agreeable, 
and perfectly safe to use. 
Ask your Druggist if his customers don’t 
say that the Norwegian Balm immediately 
cleanses the nasal passages of all foul matter, 
and restores the breath to its natural purity. 
Ask your Druggist if his customers don’t 
say that tho Norwegian Balm is very sooth¬ 
ing and healing, and that “it is really a lux¬ 
ury to use it.” 
Ao>k your Druggistil his customers don’t say 
that tho Check-Spuing, on tho tube of Phelps’ 
Nasal Douche, is a wonderfully simple and 
convenient little contri vunce. 
Ask your Druggist if ho ever sold a Catarrh 
"remedy” that gavo better satisfaction than 
the Norwegian Balm. 
Ask your druggist if he don’t sell more ot 
the Norwegian Balm than of all other “rem¬ 
edies” for Catarrh. 
Ask your Druggist not to try to induce you 
to take some Irritating Snuff or other dead 
stock, because ho is just out of the Norwegian 
Balm. 
Ask your Druggist for Phelps’ Nasal 
Douche or Fountain, with Check-Spring, 
and take no other. 
Ask your Druggist for an 18 Page Pamphlet, 
and read what those who have used the Nor¬ 
wegian Balm say about it. 
IMMEDIATE RELIEF GUARANTEED. 
Quart Bottle, $1. —sufficient for Two Months’ 
> use. Trial Bottle, Twenty-five Cents. 
tt. a. PHELPS, Prop’r, 6 Murray St. N. V. 
TELEPHONES $3 A PAIR. 
mi 
Newest, Cheapest, Loudest 
and Best Telephone for social 
or business use. Transmits 
the voice, also singing and 
music with wonderful effect. 
Only $3.00 h pair. Send for 
23 Circulars and Testimonials. 
Agents Wanted. WM. R. BROOKS, 
Box 169. Phelps, N. Y. 
AND IS FIRST CLASS IN EVERY RESPECT, 
AND AT FIGURES TO SUIT THE TIMES, 
BUY THE WILLIAMS MACHINE. 
But if you do not want a Machine which embodies every quality which a man with brains ln his head would 
call desirable, then buy some other, the chief excellence of which consists in a windy agent or a fancy circular 
and make two deals at the same time ■ Buy a machine und sell yourself. For circular owing full particulars. 
Address M. WILLIAMS A CO., 
ST. JOHNSVIKLE, N. Y. 
C IDER PRESSES AND GRATERS. 
Boomeu At BiianiiKUT Pukkh Go.. Syracuse. N. Y. 
AHEAD ALL THE TIME. 
The ver; best fresh goods 
direct from the importers 
• at half the usual oost. Best 
plan to Club Ageuts and 
large buyers. All express charges paid. Quality 
