®lit aittr ittraor. 
WATERMELONS. 
Come to the mortal as he site 
Upon a dry-goods liox and sips 
The nectar of thy Juicy lips— 
Come to the youngster as he flirts 
Across the high and peaked fence 
And moves with ecstacy Intense 
Thy charms from off the native vine 
And thou art terrible. 
O. August-horn monstrosity ! 
Incarnate colicosity! 
Beneath thy emerald bosom glow. 
Like glittering hubbies in the wine. 
The lurid tires of deadly woo. 
And from thy fascinations grow 
The pain, the cramps, the pang, the throe— 
And all we fear or dream or know 
Of agony is thine ! 
[St. Louis Times-JownaL 
METALLIC SHINGLES. 
Gold Medal Awarded at Paris Imposition, 1878, 
?' 
A JOKE RETURNED. 
The Palmyra Enterprise, published in Jeffer¬ 
son County, Wisconsin, relates this dog story— 
a pretty good one. A gentleman connected 
wit h the United States Lake Survey, in this city, 
was engaged one day ou the skirt of a wood in 
Indiana. Near him. sleeping lazily in the sun, 
lay his faithful dog. Tiger. Thinking to have 
some fun with the dog, he gave a shout and a 
jump into the thicket as if all the game ever 
protected by game laws from marauding hunt¬ 
ers was thrashing through the bushes. As he 
expected, Tiger came bounding aud barking to 
the fray, aud soon detectiug the trick that was 
played upou him, sneaked back to his lair and 
lay down again. The surveyor resumed his 
duties, and was hard at work for two or three 
hours, when, all at once, the dog rose from his 
sleep, set his ears and eyes in directiou of the 
wood, gave a bark and made a rush te the 
forest depths. The surveyor followed the 
noble brute to a tree up which he was sending 
canine congratulatious to the prey ; but when 
tne surveyor came and began anxiously to scan 
the boughs for the hiding game, Tiger gave a 
satisfied "Ah Wooh!” bestowed a glauce of 
coutetnpt at the surveyor, and striking a dig¬ 
nified gait, walked back to liis couch with 
the appearauce of a dog that had sqnarcd up 
all accounts with the Lake Survey, aud had left 
nothing due ou either side. 
THE REASO 
Father to Professor —“ How is it that my son 
Professor —" Perhaps it lies in the family.” 
A little fellow rushed into the street re¬ 
cently to look at a monkey that accompanied 
au organ-grinder who was playing in front of 
au adjoining block. Never having perused 
the ••Origin ol Man,” he gazed in wonder and 
admiration for a few moments, aud then rush- 
iug into the house he met his grandmother, to 
whom he addressed this inquiry: "Grand¬ 
mother, who made monkeys?” "God, my 
boy,” replied the old lady iu her candid way. 
" Well,” said the excitable grandson in rejoin¬ 
der, "I’ll bet God laughed when he got the 
first monkey done!” 
Pertinent Queries. —What does billet 
doux? What cheek did countersign? Who 
ever saw a hood wink ? Who ever saw a pig 
iron ? Wliat does egg plant ? Why did the 
thunderbolt? Who ever heard a toot ball? 
Why did the dew drop ? Where does clock 
work ? What did plow share ? Who ever 
saw a wheel weight ? For whom did penuy 
weight ? Who did tin foil ? What did brandy 
smash? What did grass plot? What was it 
grape shot ? What did the pick pocket ? Who 
did the goose berry? fs it jokesjliat Jim 
cracks ? 
Next year should be a very prosperous one 
for clergymen, besides being leap year, seven 
eclipses arc announced. Eclipses of the moon 
are welcomed by lovers, but nothing en¬ 
courages courtship more than a comet with a 
tail H,000,000,0uu,b00,500.670 miles in length 
sweeping across the heavons during the sum¬ 
mer nights. Notwithstanding its enormous 
size, a youug lady cannot catch a glimpse of 
the celestial wouder without leaning her head 
on her young man’s shoulder aud have him 
poiut it out to her .—Norristown Herald. 
Pkbault dined one day with a miserly 
painter, who gave him to eat a soft-boiled egg 
and a little viuaigretle, washed down with 
some Suresnes of a bad year. " We will re¬ 
peat this little debauch,” said his host, folding 
up his uapkiu, "whenever you like.” "All 
right,” said Preault, glaring at his entertainer 
wall hungry eyes, “ suppose we repeat it right 
now .”—French Wit. 
Little Laura was tired and sleepy ou New 
Vear's night when she prepared for bed, and 
forgot to say her " Now I lay me,” and in 
apology to her mother tor the neglect, 6aid, as 
sue tugged away at her little stockings, " I 
loaldn’i go to heaven to-night, mamma, any¬ 
way in the world, tos I'm too tired!" 
•• You made a fool of me,” said au irritated 
man to his wife, " and that’s the way you got 
me to marry you.” "My love," sweetly re¬ 
sponded the wife,” “ You do yourself an in¬ 
justice. Call yourself a fool if you please, but 
remember that you are in all respects a self- 
made man.” 
A Grkenbacker, while denouncing Secre¬ 
tary Sherman as a Shylock, was asked by a 
listener, "Who was Shylock, anyhow?” The 
indignant orator replied in withering tones : 
" Well, if you don’t know, you had better go 
home and read j T our Bible !”—Portland (Me.) 
Press. 
A fellow in a cattle show, where he made 
himself conspicuous by his bluster, cried out: 
"Call these prize cattle! Why, they ain’t 
nothing to what our folks raised! My father 
raised the biggest calf of any man round our 
parts.” " No doubt of it.” said a bystander, 
"and the noisiest.” 
" John, did you take the note to Mr. Jones ?" 
"Yes: but I don’t think he can read it.” 
“ Why so, John ?" " Because be 1 b blind, sir. 
While I was In the room he axed me twice 
where my hat was, and it was on my head all 
the time.” 
“You love me?” echoed the fair young crea¬ 
ture, as her pretty head oiled the collar of his 
summer suit. " Yes,” he said, tenderly, "you 
are my own and only”—" Ilusb !” she inter¬ 
rupted, "don’t say that—be original. That 
sounds too much like Barnum’s show bills.” 
A young Parisiau lady after being relieved 
of a tormenting tooth, laid dowu 10 franc.*! in ¬ 
payment. Looking at the fee contemptuous¬ 
ly, the dentist asked if that was for his servant. 
"No, sir,” responded madarne, with a smile, 
“ it is for both of you.” 
"I suppose the same man,” remarks Josh 
Billiugs, " would live to be eighty years old on 
brown bread, roots, aud green erbs who would 
reach seventy-eight years ou plnm puddin and 
milk punch. Which of the two ways do you 
consider the whlehest ?" 
He was a disgusted boy. He had exercised 
great caution and had finally succeeded in 
crawling, unobserved, under the canvass into 
the tent. And he found it was not a circus, 
but a revival meeting in progress .—Boston 
Post. 
"Why," asked a governess of her little 
charge, "do we prav God to give us our daily 
bread? Why don't wc ask for four days, or 
five days, or a week ?” " Because we want it 
fresh,” replied the ingenious child. 
The following was whispered the other even¬ 
ing at the Theater des Varietes: " Do look at 
that lady! what a low-necked dress she wears!” 
“That’s a postal card costume.” "How so?” 
“No envelope to it.” 
Pious old lady: "Just think. Rose, only five 
missionaries to twonty thousand cannibals!" 
Kind-hearted niece: "Goodness! The poor 
cannibals will starve to death at that rate.” 
"Yes, I waut my daughter to Btudy rhe¬ 
toric,” said a Vermont mother, "for she can’t 
fry pancakes now without smoking the house 
all up.” 
Pupil iu history class (readiug)—"A large 
party of English ladies and gentlemen "—(turn- 
iug over two leaves, continues)—“ and entire¬ 
ly naked, engaged in a terrific struggle, such 
as is seldom seen even in this barbarous coun¬ 
try.” 
The Bible tells us that onr hairs are num¬ 
bered, and we know that they are also some¬ 
times red. . 
•» » » 
When the Bowels are Disordered, 
No time should be lost In resorting to a suitable 
remedy. Hoatetter’s Stomach Bitters Is the most 
reliable and widely esteemed medicine o t Its class. 
It removes the causes of constipation, or of undue 
relaxation of the intestines, which are usually In¬ 
digestion or a misdirection of the bile. When it 
acts as a cathartic, it does not gripe and violently 
evacuate, but produces gradual aud natural effects, 
very unlike those of a drastic purgative ; and Its 
power of assisting digestion nullifies those Irrita¬ 
ting conditions el the mucous membrane of the 
stomach and Intestinal canal which produce first 
diarrhoea, and eventually dysentery. The medi¬ 
cine la, moreover, an agreeable one, and eminently 
pure and wholesome. Appetite and tranquil nightly 
slumber are both promoted by It. 
THE LARGEST ASSORTMENT OF 
-Weather Vanes 
IN .THK COUNTRY. 
Manufactured by 
JbiXlEl tiB 00«, 
54 BROAI FIELD ST., BOSTON, MASS. 
IF" »enrt for I’riee /,<»/. 
C0JM1UA BICYCLE 
A Frictieil Read Machine. 
Endorsed by the medi¬ 
cal profession as the 
most healthful of ont- 
tpor sports. It aug. 
cents three-fold the 
ocomoti v e power of any 
ordinary man. Send 3c. 
stamp for price-list and 
24-page catalogue. 
THE POPE MFG. CO., 
88 Summer St, Boston. 
ENGLISH BREECH-IOADING DOUBU OUN. 
$25; complete with 100shells aud loading implements. 
Sent by express to collect ou delivery. Send stamp for 
illustrated price lint. IIOMKR FISIIER, 
2D1> llrondivii v, N. Y. 
FOR EACH CROP. 
MARES’ COMPLETE .MANURE (" A II It A NO ”) for Wheat, ltye. etc. Fine and dry, adapted for 
drilliug; packed in bags (&*i lbs. each!. Price #40 per ton on ear or boat. 
MARES’ t'O.URLETE MANURES tor heavy and for tight Boils—substitutes for stable manure. 
Seudfor pamphlets, describing Mopes’ Manures, Superphosphate, Ground Itoue, Peruvinn Gu¬ 
ano, ('beuilcals, etc. 
THE MARES FORMULA Jk PERUVIAN GUANO CO„ 158 Front Street, New York. 
CHARLES V. MATES. General Manager. 
CHEAPER THAN HOME-MADE, 
AND NOTHING- MORE SIMPLE. 
BONES OP iYIYXagA.XiS DISSOLVED XW ACRID. 
BAUGH’S AMMONIATED DISSOLVED ANIMAL BONES. 
This article has been used for years by many of our leading farmers with excellent results, and is now oue 
of the most popular brands we make. Price low. 
i&~ In view of the risk and cost of transporting acid in carboys, this article of Dissolved Bones presents 
great advantages to those farmers who have been making their own phosphates on the farm. 
Circulars furnished on application. All Fertilizing Supplies at the lowest market prices. 
BAUCH & SONS, Philadelphia, Pa. 
Make the best roof In the world 
Superior hi Tin. Cheaper than 
Slate, and lens than the weight. 
Cannot Crack. Fir, 1 roof. Can be 
put on by any Car jam ter. 
76 per cent, saved hi freight, with 
no breakage in carriage Ot putting 
on. iff W ill last a life-time. Send 
for full description up 1 prices to tho 
IRON-CLAD MANUFACTURING CO., 
22 CLIFF ST., New York City. 
pi A| A O 1 supplied to consumers at 
P I N §■ I f U prices lower than ever 
I I II h I known heLore. T hese fine 
Qualities seldom reach the Interior, being sold only In 
large cities and among the very wealthy. Send for re¬ 
duced price-list, and compare with other houses. 
CONSUMER-* IMPORTING T EA CO., 
S Church Siren, 
P. O. Box 4238 New York City. 
The New 
BUCKEYE 
* 3 Printing Press 
PrlnU eftrds Inbt'li Ac. (Strlf-inkrt $5) 18 Ifta'er 
For iMisine?* or pleasure, young or old. Ho your own ad¬ 
vertising And printing. *.‘aUlocrue ol presses, type, nirds, 
tifr„ for 51 humps. Kelsey at Oo. Meriden, i’onn 
GRAIN DRILL, 
As Improved for 1879, 
is an entirely new Grain Drill. Beyond a question the 
best drill ever made. Be sure ami send for our new 
illustrated circular giving Illustrations and descrip¬ 
tions of the improvements. Address 
P. P. MAST & CO., 
Springfield, Ohio. 
— A POWER 
Iffiir 
aF % I if? * Double Platform 
XJEJlr^ GRATER, $40 
pT' I~~ ] SLID f JR CIRCULAR. 
boschekt 
PRESS CO., 
JOHN J. S CHILLI NGER’S 
Also manufacturer of fire-proof Composition, Parti¬ 
tion, Furringa and Ceilings. 
Arched Ure-prooi construction without beams for 
brick-liouses. 
Patentee of the SClIILLTNQJBR Artijtcial Stone 
flagging for Sidewalks, etc 
For further information. Circulars, Plans and Esti¬ 
mates, address .IOI1N J . Ht’IIILLINGER. 
Ill Broadway, N. Y. 
11/T I | A I IP CD ©UTS ia Gmiranleed 
W tLL-AUbtn.f” be tbe be,,t in the 
** w U Gl l» world. Catalogue free. 
W. W. GILES, 149 Clark Si.. Chicago, 111. 
Mill Manufactory 
KiUI>UbIi «1 1351 . 
Oriat lUillo 
OF 
FRENCH Bl HR STONE 
Mil-» tor Farmer*, 
8uw Mill Owner., eto. Price 
from $i'9 up. Complete Mill 
anil 8tidier #98. A boy enu 
gt mil and keep In order, 
adapted to any kind of .ulnt- 
fcle power. Cmnplule Flouring 
and Corn Mill very cheap. 
HOBETEE & KAEMON CO. 
Indlaaapolla, Ind. 
LANE & BODLEY CO.’S 
CINCINNATI 
FARM ENGIriE. 
The beat, the cheapest. moRt efficient and durable 
Engine iu the market. Every Engine is tested and di¬ 
agram cards taken before shipment, and every Boiler 
is insured for one gear. 
Our F.ngines will give from 25 to 83K per cent 
MORE POWER 
With the same amount of fuel and water, than many 
of the engines now in the market. Send for our cat¬ 
alogue and prices. 
LANE & BODLEY CO., 
JOHN AND WATER STS. 
Cincinnati, O. 
f|1 | N jft AHEAD ALL THE TIME. 
• ■ » HJ 1 H The very best tresh goods 
r 1 ! f\Uj direct from the importers 
*4**Nwl til half the usual cost. Best 
plan to Club Agents and 
large buyer*. All express charges paid. Quality 
guaranteed New terms free 
THE GREAT AMERICAN TEA CO. 
P O Box 4235. 31 and 33 Vesev St. N. V. 
