A marriage ceremony is very much like a 
street-car strike. It’s nothiug more nor less 
than a “tie-dp.” 
It is a sure sign that the fools are not all 
dead, when a fat man tries to be a dude and 
wear tight pantaloons. 
Now that the funnyisms of Lord High Exe¬ 
cutioner in “The Mikado” are becoming stale 
don't style them chestnuts. Call ’em Ko-ko- 
nuts. 
What must we do to be saved ?’,’ asked a 
Sunday School teacher of her pupil. “Git 
lost,” was the very suggestive, but incorrect 
reply. 
First small boy—“Say, Johnnie, where are 
you in Sunday-school ?” Second small boy— 
“Oh, we’re in the middle of original sin.” 
First small boy—“That ain’t much; we’re 
past redemption.” 
A young gentleman asks the editor to tell 
him which is proper for him to say on leaving 
a young lady friend after a late calL Answer: 
Either is proper; but always speak the truth, 
even if you have to say good morning. 
The j r oung lady having asked her S. S. 
class what lesson was taught us by the parable 
of the wise and foolish virgins, one of the 
smallest girls answered: That we should 
always be on the lookout for a bridegroom. 
“You say the trout weighed ten pounds?” 
away.” 
“I’D like you to help me a little,” said a 
vagrant, poking his head into a country 
shop. “Why don’t you help yourself ?” asked 
the proprietor. “Thank you, I will,” said the 
tramp, picking up a bottle of pickles and two 
loaves of bread and then vanishing. 
would come over to-night and hear me play, 
and he said, ‘No, thank you; I’d like to see 
your grand farther.’ Wonder why he is so 
much interested in grandpa ?” 
“Bobby,” said the minister at the dinner 
table, “what do you expect to be when you 
grow up?” “I’ll be a minister, I think.” 
“That’s a laudable ambition, indeed, Bobby. 
Do you think you will like to be a minister ?” 
“Oh, yes,” Bobby replied, “l’a says you’ve 
got the softest job in town.” 
Doctor: “Your wife is in a very critical 
state, and I should recommend you to call in 
some specialist to consult on the case.” Hus¬ 
band: “There, you see, doctor, I was right 
again I 1 told my wife long ago she ought to 
get proper medical advice; but she thought 
you would be offended.” 
A newly married lady, not well posted 
about household matters, said to her grocer 
not long since: “I bought three or four hams 
here a couple of months ago, and they were 
very fine, nave you got any more of them?” 
Grocer—“Yes ma'am, there are 10 of those 
hams hanging up there.” “Arc you sure they 
are off the same pig?” “Yes, ma’am.” “Then 
I’ll take three of them.” 
A good old deacon in Central Illinois who 
lost all his big drove Of swine by bog cholera 
took the matter so lightly that his wife felt 
called upon to reproach him, “Deacon,” said 
she, “I should think you would be ashamed of 
yourself, it looks to me as though it was a 
considering 
west"®!"?! 
<)2 
The Cold-Water Dip, 
THYMO.OHflSOL.) 
A very highly concentrated, non-potsonous fluid— 
mixes readily wit h cold or warm water—the simplest, 
safest, surest cure for TICKS, 
LIC E, 
MANGE, SCAB, all Insect Pests, all Skin troubles, and 
many other Diseases of Live Stock. Recommended by 
ntauv prominent Breeders. See circular, sent on ap 
plication. T. W. LAWFOUII & CO., 
Baltimore, did. 
COLD SPUING HERD, A. .1, C. O. 
ST. 11 EL I Elt 11UGO POG IS, No. 18550: Grand¬ 
son of SToKE POGIs Sd; Sire or MARY ANN OF ST. 
LAMBERT. WTO. With butler record of :tc. lbs. 12 oz. 
In seven days. Terms s.50. 
Jl DD 11. HKADLEY, Lyons, N. Y. 
Also, a tine Draught Gelding, tlveycurs old. buckskin 
color; Hue back.; sired by Scotland Glory. Price $800. 
I 886 Tariff (3632) I 886 
RECORD 3:30 8 - 4 . 
Will Stand for a limited number of Mures at the GO 
SHEN DRIVING DARK STABLES. Circulars giving 
full particulars sent on application 
,1. >. I GATES, Goshen, N. Y. 
POLOMUS 4090. 
BY 1IAA11 ETONIAN. 
Dam MISS MCLEOD I Dam of LORD NELSON), will 
Serve Mares the present seasou. 
Send for circulars. 
.1. C. HOW LAND, CHESTER. Orange Co.. N. Y. 
A few choice well-bred COLTS from 1’uLONlUSfor 
Sale at low figures, consist lug of Two Standard bred 
STALLIONS and Four GELDINGS. 
1886 BLACKWOOD 1886 
Will Stand for Limited number of Mares for the pre¬ 
sent season. 
Term*, KTII for ihc* Season. 
RECORD , 2:31 AS A THREE YEAR OLD. 
Is by A I, EX ANDKII’SNOIUl A N (Sire of LULU, 
2:15, and MAY yCEEN. 2:20): Dam by MAM Bl£ I NO 
CHIEF (Sire of LADY THORN, 2.IS). 
For particulars, address 
COFFIN*. ZIMMER & CO., 
GLENS FALLS. NEW YORK. 
Pasturage furnished for Mares from a distance. 
THE SEASON <>E 1886. 
Sired by livsdyk’s llnmbletoninn, dam by 
Seely's American Star. He Is the sire of Inez, 2:22‘i 
(trial 2:181; Uve others with records better than 2:80, 
and eighteen more with records better than 2:40. 
Terms $30. 
Send for circular. 
HARRISON MILLS, 
GOSHEN, ORANGE CO., N. Y. 
Sale of the Celebrated 
NEW-YORK MILLS HERD 
Of Pure Bred autl Registered 
AYRSHIRES, 
The Property or the late Samuel Campbell. 
This valuable nerd will be offered at Public Sale 
(without reserve) at. the furiu. at New-York Mills. 
Ouelda Co., N. Y., 
On WEDNESDAY. June 23, 1886, 
AT 11 O'CLOCK A. M. 
New-York Mills Is near Utica. N. Y.. and can be 
reached by Utica and Wliltesbucn si reel ears. 
Wagons will connect with the ztn.-et cars at the 
Lewis House, Yorkville. 
For Catalogue or other particulars, apply to 
.1. S. CAMPBELL, 
New-York .Mills, N. Y. 
Acknowledged 
by all to he 
THE 
BEST 
HOLSTEIN FREISIAN CATTLE 
IMPORTED AND HOME BRED. 
WHAT OTlttCltS SAY. 
“The finest herd this season.” Dr. Farrington, U. S. 
Quarantine Station, N. J. 
"As a herd, away upl up! up! 1!"—Dudley Miller 
Esq., Oswego, N. Y. 
Young Cows; Yearlings with Calf, Yearling Bulls, 
nud Spring Calve#' Prime Stock. No fancy prices. We 
mean business, G. W. THOMPSON & SON, 
Stilton. N. .1., P. U. It. 
JKttgKV KLIP, I'lJlolMM UlYv. 
< ln *Wr Whltr, Hi rttklilri' \ York¬ 
shire 1 * 1 *%. NiUllulottii, I oUwulil 
IhiWIl Hhr p AHil I WbIh 
Sroti-h I’hIIm Nboph”rl l>o»r«. anil 
Kanry I’oullry. Nrml for inlnlotfue 
W.ATLEK IJUKPKE AC0.Fhll».r» 
Cwaiii Ttiretfben** uuouualeu incapacity foraep- 
a fill inr soil III. _ — 
tom billed Grain and Clover Threshers, 
fully equal to regular grain machine- on grain, and a 
genuine Clover Holler in uddlllou. 
Two Speed Traction vV IMnln Engines, 4 to 15 
Horse I'owin', positively the most deal ruble for Light¬ 
ness, Economy. PoW ,-r and Safely. Boiler baa horizon¬ 
tal rubes, and Is therefore free from the objectionable 
features of vertical boiler#. 
Ilorse Power#, both Lever and Kiel less Chain. 
All sizes. Send for Catalogue. Address, 
THE WESTINGHOUSE CO., 
Schenectady, N. Y, 
MORRIS, LITTLE & SON, 
Manufaoturer # Brooklyn, K. 1L, N. Y., Box 3. 
uud Doncaster, Englund. 
to sell our Rubber Printing Stamps. Sam 
R 
“MARCHMOOR FARM.” 
II ■ DD A DPU II Q Nli HG72; slro Orange Peel* 
HlrrAllbnUO P. 2 *; Dam King's Fertile, 
No. 22765. Service Fees, $100. 
DDIPlITCnil No. 11671, sire Farmer's Pride 
DlflUll I OUR P. S22; Dam Nellie Flanders, No 
22764. Service Fees, $100. 
DDIunr uFDfl Sire Nero, P. s. 249; Dam Mrs. 
I KllluC H L II U Lauglry. C. 3746. Service Foes, 
$100. CI1AS. II. HOE, 
New Brunswick, N. .1. 
' W IT 11 IMPROVED FORK, 
is the strongest, lightest draft and ealsest working 
Tedder In the market. No breakage of forks or 
springs. Agents wanted. 
B. & J. W. BELCHER, 
Box 75. Chicopee Falls, Muss. 
CIDER 
r y *- Lil., a _ ■ ._ rnrr 
Should send lor onr CDIC 
New Catalogue, moiled rnvw 
Boomer dt Uoeehert I'reet do., Oyra- 
OUM, N. Y. 
QU ANTIT Y A QUALITY of Work! 
SBr’ 5 KS 2 ». W. GRAY’S SONS 
' Patkntkeh and Sot.K Manuxactobeks.' 
MlDDLEl’OWJi SPRINGS, Vermont. 
THE MUDGETT ! HAY TEDDER 
Attention Is call¬ 
ed to the in¬ 
creased excel¬ 
lence of tills iii- 
c o m parable 
■a it eli ine. Buy 
it, with the pri¬ 
vilege ol' re¬ 
turning R at any 
Umowithin thirty 
days, O.O.D. for 
full price paid, if 
not absolutely 
siuctory in evrry respect. 
ndsonte (llustrated Pamphlet on application. 
339 BROADWAY", NEW YORK. 
1=4 V# 4 ajnjTTnJT’TjT 
lirGwiuiGn 
CHESTER STOCK FARM. 
CHESTER CHIKF, Son of RysOYK's HAMILTONIAN, 
will make the season of IW6 fora limited number or 
mares, at S33 for the season. For Fxtended Pedi¬ 
gree, send tor circular. JOSEPH GAVIN, 
CHESTER. Orange Co.. N. Y. 
Youug Stock and Speedy Road Horses for Sale at all 
times. 
SQUAWAKIE HILL FARM STUD. 
CLEVELAND BAY COACH and 
. Thoroughbred Horses. 
iL Catalogue giving full particulars, 
terms of breeding, etc., sent free 
TT on application. Address 
F. S. PEER, 
+ jVMOUNT MORRIS, 
" LIVINGSTON CO., N. Y. 
-o ENGINES 
threshing machines 
HORSE POWERS AND SAW MILLS 
“Yes, sir; it was the biggest trout I ever saw,” 
“And he got away from you?” “Yes.” “Will 
you take an oath to that?” “I’ll take no more 
. Z ■» T _ _ _A_ _A ;a _L« -U . 4 - 
“I wonder what Mr. Fogg meant to-day 
when I told him about our uew grand piano?” 
. _ • ■» ikr tv i i. .i .. or _ .l .j l: 
CHEMISTRY OUTDONE. 
Blue-glass spectacles turn sha vings into hay. A hint to horse-owners. 
HOLSTEIN-FRIESIAN CATTLE! 
When writing mention Rural New-Yorker. 
LARGEST HERD AND LARGEST AVERAGE MILK RECORDS 
8 cows have averaged over 20,000 lbs. In a year. 
5 cows have averaged over 19,000 lifts. In a year. 
10 cows have averaged over IH.dO'l lb*. In a year. 
25 cows have averaged over IR.00U lbs. In a year. 
25 two-year okla have just completed their records, the entire 
lot averaging 12,4119 lbs. 8 oz. each In a year. 
BITTER RECORDS. 
4 cows have averaged 21 llw. HI oz. In a week. 
0 cows have averaged 20 lbs. 9‘-, oz. In a week. 
11 cows have averaged 19 lb#, ' j oz. in a week. 
28 cows have averaged 16 lb#. 18 oz. In a week. 
11 three year-olds have averaged 18 lbs. Ufj oz. In a week 
2i nvo year-olds have av eraged U lbs. 9 oz. In a week. 
This is the herd from which to goL foundation stock. Prices 
low for quality of stock. SMITHS. POWELL «fc LAMB, 
J, vkhsiuk stock Fa km. Syracuse. N.Y. 
THE PEPINO OR MELON SHRUB. 
The greatest novelty in SMALL FRUITS introduced by us to U. S. A. Get GEN* 
UINB stock ijJknta Wom us. Plants by mail prepaid two for |1; twelve for $5. Catalogue 
and circulars iree,''1ml(b‘ess 
GUSTAV EISEN, 
Fancher Creek. Nursery, Fresno, California. 
NURSERY STOCK-FALL 1886. 
SYRACUSE NURSERIES 
The old and QVDAPIIQC k|||DQ[DIHQ Come to the front 
Reliable! U I IlfiuUuL (iUIIuLIiILU For the Fall of 1886 
with the choicest Stock of ihclr specialties, STANDARD APPLES, STD. and DWAKF PEAKS, 
Pl.t .11 S and CII ERR 1ES, ever offered to the public, nil young, t hriUy and well routed. 
Also averv superior assortment of GENERAL Nil KSKItY STOCK both FRUIT AND OR. 
NA MENTAL Including all the popular ORNAMENTAL. TREES, SHRUBS, and ROSES. 
All Nurserymen and Dealer# ar.- cordially Invited to Inspect this superior stock or correspond with us, before 
pluclng their orders for the coming Fall. 
SMITHS, POWELL <fc LAMB, Syracuse, N. Y. 
(When writing always mention Kuiial Nkw-Youkku. 
1886 GAitFlEIzD’8 
“IhB American” <1 HAY TEDDER. 
j o ~ — — «/ v .] *> 
dear,” said the good old man, “if the Lord 
wants to take out his judgement in three-eeut 
pork, into which I would have to be pouring 
good thirty-cent corn if they lived, let us n ^ 
grumble.” §& 
___ *c 
- -o 
&his.ctUanrmi,tf £7 
REMINGTON ^ 
SIMPLE — DURA BjL Ji — EFFICIENT. 
MANLTACTL'KKP AND FOR SALE BY 
AMES PLOW COMPANY, 
QUINCY HALL, BOSTON. 
And 53 BEEKMAN STREET, NEW YORK. 
Agents wanted. Semi for Circular and Illustrated 
Pamphlet of Implements and Machines. 
'LITTLE'S 
PATENT FLUID 
k _ _ J 
iNONY P PIS O N O U SCW 
SHEE? DIP 
AND CATTLE WASH. 
