THE RURAL NEW-YORKER. 
A woman never will be “the oldest inhabi¬ 
tant.” She wouldn’t admit it. 
“What would a woman do without a look¬ 
ing-glass?’ is asked. Use another’s. You 
can’t stick a woman as easy as that.— Chicago 
Ledger. 
Marrying a woman for her money, says a 
philosopher, is very*mueh like setting a rat- 
trap and baitiug it with your own Unger.— 
Church Pi'ess. 
Little Neck clams were invented by a 
Rhode Island man who didn’t want the darned 
things stretching themselves into other States. 
—Fall River Advocate. 
A porous-plaster has been boycotted. We 
defy the best organized boycott in America to 
discourage a porous-plaster after five minutes 
start.— Burlington Free Press. 
“Mamma, did you say the angels soar? 
asked little Jennie Caution. “Yes, dear.” 
“Well, what makes ’em sore—is it because 
they fly so much'?’— Pittsburg Chronicle Tele¬ 
graph. 
An original way of answering two questions 
at a time: “Here, Biddy, my darlint, 
what’s the time o’ night, and where’s the per- 
taty pudding?’ “It’s eight, sir.’ Exeter 
Gazette. 
A bachelor advertised for a “helpmate; 
one who would prove a companion for his 
heart, his hand, and his lot.” A fair one re¬ 
plying, asked very earnestly, “How big is 
your lot?”— Church Press. 
Dinner Table. —Little Millie to her father, 
who has given her the smallest piece of pie on 
the plate: “Papa, why is my piece of pie like 
Europe?’ Papa, thoughtfully: “Idon’t know; 
why is it?” Milli e: “Because it is the smallest 
of the grand divisions.”— N. Y. Telegram. 
“Why did General Washington cross the 
Delaware on the ice during the storm of an 
awful night?” asked a teacher of her young 
class in history. "I reckon,” piped a small 
voice iu answer, “it was because he wanted to 
get on the other side.”— Church Press. 
Discovery in Natural History. —A little 
girl from the citv was on her first visit to the 
country. While riding near Clifton Spi ings 
she saw a lot of cat tails near the road. Oh, 
auntie,” she exclaimed, “I never knew' before 
that sausages grew on sticks!”— Harper's 
Bazar. 
There’s a new baby on Deer-Hill Avenue. 
It arrived the other day. It is a small one. 
Its little five-year-old sister watched it care¬ 
fully for a few minutes yesterday, and then 
turned to the maternal head of the family and 
said: “Mamma, couldn’t papa have paid an¬ 
other dollar and got a larger one ?’— Danbury 
Democrat. 
“Are wc all here?” inquired Mr. Brutal 
Jones of his landlady the other morning at the 
breakfast table. “I think so; one—tw o—three 
—four—yes, you are all here, I believe,” and 
she smiled sweetly; “why ?” ‘ 'Nothing much, 
only I see by the morning paper that a human 
skeleton was picked up just outside the city 
limits. ’’ The smile vanished.— Merchant Trav¬ 
eler. 
A thin old man, with a rag-bag in his hand, 
was picking up a large number of pieces of 
whaleboue which lay on the street. The 
deposit was of such a singular nature that we 
asked the quaint-lookiug gatherer how he sup¬ 
posed they came there. “Don’t know,’ he re¬ 
plied, iu a squeaking voice; “I ’spect some 
unfortunate female was wrecked hereabout.” 
—Exeter Gazette. 
CME 
PULVERIZING 
HARROW, 
SAFE FAMILY REMEDY. 
ESPECIALLY SUITED FOIl 
APPLIED MECHANICS. 
“Now Pap, lay on yer whip, an’ both ends ’ll start.” 
NURSERY STOCK-FALL 1886. 
The old and PVDRPIIOC MIIDOCDICQ CoiMtothel 
Reliable! 0 I liHuUoL ilUnOLIllCO For the Fall of 
Come to the front 
For the Fall of 1886 
with the choicest Stock ot their specialties. STANDARD APPLES, STD. ami DWARF PEARS, 
PLUMS and ('llEKR1ES, over offered to the public, ull young, thrifty aud well rooted. 
placing their orders for the coming Fall. 
SMITHS, POWELL & LAMB, Syracuse, N. Y. 
(When writing always mention Rubai. New-Yorker. 
WILLIAMS, CLARK & CO.’S 
\ f .. A. 
HIGH GRADE 
BONE FERTILIZERS 
FOR 
WHEAT 
• AND 
SEEDING TO GRASS. 
general l 
OFFICE: ( 
v VV~ ' / The Phosphate being derived from Bones, the Animo- 
-Ai —/ ula from Blood and Meat, makes them peculiarly e(li¬ 
fe IB 'fehA clent. Send for circular on the CULTIVATION OF 
I WHEAT. 
Cotton Exchange Building, New York. 
Tut ® 
M I N 0 ® 
! -Two• Bale • press 
■ ■ NA*I1 & DUO., Solo Manufacturers, 
Harrisburg, Pa., A Millington, New Jersey 
F.B.—“Tillage is Manure" and Other ttsat/S t>cul 
free to parties who name this paper. 
Address 
The oulv Press making two bales at a time. I The only Press without complicated parts. Noex- 
The oulv Press fed on both sides of the plunger. I pense for repairs. 
as s>: ! A3SYS2JE ill SSTSMTJSS&S55. ' 
FARMERS’ FRIEND M’F’G CO., Dayton, Ohio. 
LA # VE 
► CHILDREN and deli 
^ CATE PERSONS. 
f <XS \ Entirely harmless and 
/ evVv-C \ rtf/. \ deliriousrotake. Tropic 
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Kv / ! led forCoTisittmtldu. Bll- 
v vy 1 ") * '\V V loubtieso.SIek Headache, 
-' SQXlAJv'X.'' -^ Lous of Appetite, Corn- 
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A Of A I l.\/L II vrr, stomach and bowel 
1/ w S— ailments generally. 
’V ,|c hp Absolutely safe for tie- 
Y Ucat.e and nursing wo- 
\V men. Taken eagerly by 
Y infants and children. 
Ask for Liquid Tropic-Fruit Laxative. Price 
25 cents per bottle. Sold by Druggists. 
PERCHERON HORSES! 
500 PURE-BRED MAULS & STALLIONS 
Of the most popular families, 
all recorded with 
Extruded Pedigrees in 
tbol’erelieron Stnd -IJooks 
of France and America, 
now on hand 
at Oaklawn Farm. 
Roofs, Barns. Fences, Farm U Census, aic., win nui craui ui 
Will protect roofs from sparks. Vuluable for coloring mortar. Samples free. Ask prices or 
Rossie Iron Ore Paint Co., 
OGDENSBURG, N. Y. 
The Percheron is the only French breed pos- 
BPBBimt a Stud-Book in both Franco and ^America 
Where eligibility to entry is baswl onauthento 
nediirree. I barn tx few imported Stallions of 
it w£ ol ; 
>ViiYB©, DuJfajjo Co., Illinois. 
RUBBER ROOFING 
S'* 
'■ - 
.. ft 
r ; - . 
a m • W. 
Costsonly *a.*5persq. (10x10ft.) Lasts - 
alife time on Steep or Flat roofs. Retuly for use. Any¬ 
body can apply it. Illustrated book 1 ree if you menhon 
this paper. \VrUe tit onto to 143 JDuane bt., £>• Y • City. 
INDIANA PAINT AND ROOFING CO., 
unn ■■■■■■ i 
Takee th. lead, does not corrode* like tin or iron, nor 
decay like ehiugleH or tar cotnpomtion*, can* to apply, 
rtnmgand dural.h> at half thn cost of tin Is also a 
8UI18T1TUTK for PLASTED ut llnlf the 
CoHti V tRPKTS and HUGH of same double 
the wear of oil cloths. Catalogues and samples /res. 
W. II. FAY A CO., CAMDEN. N« J. 
£°OOU 1 ^ G 
W V_y ^ ^ Send for prices 
X- and Illustrated Catalogue of 
CINCINNATI (0.) CORRUGATING CO. 
tf’tUueational. 
HT. GEORGE’S II ALL for BOYS ondYOUNG 
MEN, ST. GEORGE'S, MD. Unsurpassed; *230 to *300. 
PROF. J. KINEAR, A.51.. Prin. 
U NION COLLEGE OF LAUI 
The Fall Term will begin Sept. 22d. horeir- f f 
cular address II. BOOTH, Chicago, Iu.. 
NOTRE DAME OF MARYLAND, 
Collegiate Institute for Young Ladies ami Prepara¬ 
tory Sehool for l.iitle Gtrla, F.MULA 1‘. O., Three 
Sllles from Bull Hnore. Md, Cutuluctcd by the Sis¬ 
ters of Notre Dame. Send lor Catalogue. 
RUTGERS COLLEGE, 
NEW BRUNSWICK, N.J.,1 hour from N.Y.on Pa. R.R. 
Year begins (examinations for admission) Sept. 22, 1886. 
SLOAN PRIZES FOB REST (CLASSICAL) 
KNTUA SC K EXAMINATIONS: 1st. SHOO 
iH 1 (Ml CAslI i; ‘id. HdAOsAO CASH). 
Sixteen Pi ufeNMwrs1 no Tutor* Classical course 
full and thorough. Additions m Hehnnlile Apparatus. 
Ample provision for elective work In History, Physics 
and Chemlsirv during Junior and Senior Years. 
French niid (Icnimn Texi-Booli. used iu 
Hisiury and Nuturnl Science. 
SCI ENT 1 Fit' D El* A K TllKNT. 
The New Jersey State College to Promote 
Agriculture and the Mechanic Arts. 
40 Scholarships Free 
Given by the Suite to deserving young men. 
Apply io the County Superintendent ot Education, or 
to the President of the College, 
A practical SelenUlle school or high grade. Two 
courses of Tour years each. "Engineering and Me¬ 
chanics" aud ‘'Agriculture anti Chemistry.' 
Thorough work with constant Held-practice In En¬ 
gineering and Surveying. Careful laboratory work 
III Chemistry, with full uppanmi- tor each student. 
A well-equipped Astronomical Observatory for siu 
denis’ use. Full course lu Draughting. 
FKKNU11 AND GF.HiHAN TAUGHT WITH 
A VIEW TO TO El It I'll ACTIl'A L U*E. 
ROSSIE IRON ORE PAINT 
is made from Red Iron Ore mined In Resale, N. Y.-la the beat and most durable Paint for Tin, Iron and Shingle 
oofs, Barns. Fences, Farm Utensils, Etc., Will not crack or^peeL 
Information, address Linux WAN, Rcrimits Cou.bok. 
MERRILL EDWaRDSGATES, Ph.D.,LL.U.. Piealdent. 
S HORTHAND hv .mill <>. I..'.'.,i,..ny. 
