Wherein manufactories differ from clocks: 
It is tbe hands which strike in the former.— 
Lowell Courier. 
“Carpets are lower than ever,” says an 
advertiser. How can that be? They were on 
the floor before.— Farmer's Call. 
A poetess sings: “I threw my love to 
him, and it hath gone astray.” Of course; a 
woman never can throw straight.— Credit lost. 
“Sixty million people in America mostly 
fools,” said Mr. Carlyle. Ah? We didn't know 
so many Americans had bought Mr. Carlyle’s 
books.— Cambridge Chronicle. 
The difference between a cat and a comma 
is that one has the claws at the end of the 
paws, while the other has the pause at the 
end of the clause.— Credit lost. ' 
“A Thousand and One Words” is the name 
of a new novel. We presume it is the descrip¬ 
tion of the parting of two women at the rail¬ 
road depot.— Yonkers Statesman. 
“Ain’t that a lovely critter, John?” said 
Jernsh, as they stopped opposite the leopard’s 
cage at the Zoo. “Waal, yes,” said John; “he’s 
dreadfully freckled, aiut he?”— New Age. 
This ambiguous notice adorns a ladies’ 
cabin in a Hoboken ferry-boat: “These seats 
are for ladies. Gentlemen will not occupy 
them until the ladies are seated.— New Age." 
“Are we going to have a picnic this year?” 
inquired a youngster of his Sunday-school 
teacher. “Why, what do you want of a pic¬ 
nic?” “Nothing much, but I can get six new 
scholars in a hurry if you are going to have 
one.”— Hartford Post. 
“MR. Jones,” said little Johnny to the gen¬ 
tleman who was making an afternoon call, 
“can whisky talk?” “No, my child; how 
ever can you ask such a question?” “Oh, 
nothing, only ma said whisky was beginning 
to tell on you.”— Hotel News. 
The Fortnightly Review says brain work 
should be forbidden after diuuer, and the 
interval between it and bed-time be devoted 
to recreation and amusement. Them’s our 
sentiments, only we want the dinner hour 
fixed at noon, sharp,— Free Press. 
School Teacher— “Now, Master Thomp¬ 
son, tell me the denominations into which the 
money of the United States is coined. ” Master 
Thompson—“Don’t know.” School Teacher— 
“Don’t you know how the money your father 
brings home every Saturday is divided?” 
Master Thompson—“ 'Taint divided. Ma 
takes it all.”— Philu. Herald. 
Little Jenny’s big sister is entertaining 
Mr. Skibbers, and thinks she can get along 
without any assistance; so she pats the little 
one on the heal, and says: “Come, little pet, 
it’s time your eyes were closed in sleep.” 
“Gue&s not,” said Jenny, “Mother told me to 
keep my eyes open when you and Mr. Skibbers 
were together!”— Credit lost. 
“Wattle I do for quiet?” saida setting hen 
to her guardian rooster. “Chanticleer the 
barnyard?” he suggested. “Cackleate that 
may do some good.” ’’Very well, I’ll do so 
and comb back at once.” “Thanks, I’m on 
nest in this matter, and speak eggs-actly as I 
feel, when I say I hope you will always be so 
kind. ” With a rosy blush the rooster went and 
shooed the chickens over the fence and quiet 
reigned.— Merchant Traveler. 
As a train was approaching Cleveland it 
parted in the middle and the bell-rope snapped 
off like thread, the end of it striking an old 
lady on her bonnet. “What is the matter?” 
she exclaimed. “Oh, the train broke in two,” 
replied a gentleman who sat in the next seat. 
“I should say so,” the old lady said, looking 
at the broken bell-cord. “Did they s’pose a 
trifling little string like that would hold the 
train together ?”— Credit lost. 
A small Somerville boy goes frequently to 
a neighbor’s house to buy fresh eggs. He is al¬ 
ways given eggs of the Plymouth Rock varie¬ 
ty, which have a shell of chocolate hue. On 
the last occasion that he was sent after eggs 
three of the ordinary white-sbellcd variety 
were given him with the Plymouth Rocks to 
make out the dozen. He received them w ith 
a great deal of suspicion, and a few minutes 
later rushed into the presence of his mother, 
highly excited: “O, mother!” he cried, “what 
do you think? Thpy’ve cheated us! They’ve 
given us three that ain’t ripe.”— Credit lost. 
comprises (O useful tools, ns follows: Adjustable 
Screw Driver, Hand Vise. Wrench, Nad Puller. Large 
Urn. Flyer*. Hammer, Leather Ptmeli, Wire Cutter, 
Small Gas Fivers, Pincers. This Is not a cheap east Iron 
tool, like ho ninny of the so eatlod Combination Tools 
on the marker, Intt Is made of the best steel, well pol- 
Isluxl ami tlrxl-ela.su In every respect. It In useful In 
the store, office and house; convenient to carry under 
a carriage seat In ease of accident, ami a most Inge¬ 
nious and desirable Implement for various purposes. 
The inamiraernrer’s price on these tools i* I EU 
but In order to get them well Introduced, 1 v 
will, with the llrxi 1,two orders received, send with each 
Tool 12,1 CENTS IN SILVER ax a bonus. Afler 
the first 1.000 tools are shipped, the regular mice of 
$1,50 will be strictly adhered to. Address 
J. II. W. MA ltRIOTT, 1 S. i ‘buries St.. 
BALTIMORE, MD. 
ST. GEORGE’S HALL, for BOVS and YOUNG 
MEN, SI. GEORUE'S. Mil. Unsurpassed; $230 to $300. 
PROP. J. KINK AH, A.M., Frin. 
NION COLLEGE OF LA 
The Fall Term will heglu Sept. 33d. For cir¬ 
cular address It. BOOTH, Chicago, III. 
NOTRE DAME OF MARYLAND 
Collegiate Institute for A ouitg Lailiesand Prepara- 
tory School for Little Girls, EMBLA F. O.. Three 
Miles from lin It imorr. M d. Conducted by the Sis¬ 
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The Cold-Water Dip, 
THYMO.CHESOIj,) 
A very highly concentrated, non poisonous fluid- 
mixes readily with cold or warm water—the simplest, 
safest, surest cure for TICKS, 
MANGE, SCAB, all Insect Pests, all Skin troubles, and 
many other Diseases of Livestock. Recommended by 
many prominent Breeders. See circular, sent on ap¬ 
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Baltimore, ftfd. 
CHEMICALS PHOSPHATE 
I ttutni.r,. .any ooy, in uinjk IIOI K, can mix a 
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” very 8ta,< ’ ** references. CHEAP, GOOD and 
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saved by uring POWKLL’S PREPARED CHEMI¬ 
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BROWN CHEMICAL CO. 
BALTIMORE, MD. 
The Latest Improvement 
BAUCH’S $25 PHOSPHATE 
PURE RAW BONE MEAL, PURE DISSOLVED RAW BONES 
PORTABLE 
And other brands of ANIMAL HONE MANURES are active and permanent fertilizers. Prices von’low 
Send for Baugh’s Phosphate Guide, Price List and Samples. 
Thz Original Manufacturers BAUCH & SONS, ^bJSrtera, 
RAW BONE SUPERPHOSPHATE, PHILADELPHIA, PA. 
PULVERIZING 
HARROW, 
n Clod Crusher and Leveler. 
1 he Best, lool in the world for preparing 
Wheat Ground and for Summer Fallows. 
NASH St ItKO., Sole Manufacturers, 
Harrisburg, Pa„ St Millington, New Jersey 
-V.H.—" Tilla'ji' 1# Manure '' timloih «»■ nuttyn 
free to parlies who name this paper. 
AND 
SEEDING TO GRASS 
The Phosphate being derived from Bones, the Ainmo- 
uia from Blood and Meat, mokes them peculiarly effi¬ 
cient. Send for circular on the CULTIVATION OF 
WHEAT. 
GENERAL 
OFFICE: 
C otton Exchange Building, New York 
FRUIT AND ORNAMENTAL TREES 
SMALL FRUITS, BULBS, SHRUBS AND ROSES. 
Special attention is called to our reiunrkably Fine Stock of 
ST .NDARD M DWARF PEARS 
D F ADL Iff I Eu VT Including such kinds as Niagara, Jessica, Ein- 
131' Ml L V lllLO |r state, Willis,Frances II. Hayes, etc. 
Send for circular to 
\ 1 LEY ENSIL AGE & 
J)RYF0MGF; CUTTER 
(trader f!»parrly/?^jCflS IW»r, 
■""^55/, - IM 1N< V IIALl,. 
IIceii iii an St., 
New York. 
Manufacturers of Agricultural Implements and 
Machines. 
finrUTC UflUTrn Bend for cirouku* and our 
AUc.ll I U (VAN I tU. illustrated Pamphlet, 
NUFJERY STOCK-FALL 1886 
»ld and OVD A P HOC KIIIDOCDICO Com® to the 
liable! OlnAuUvt NUIlOLnlCO Forth* Fall of 
PtoUanm# §Uvjerti£ing 
Dyspepsia, Constipation. Indigi atioi), .luiiudlce, Sick 
Headache, all result from a diseased Liver, and are 
symptoms of Liver Complaint. To all suffering, I will 
send a Valuable Treatise, with full partlcu- l,' if L' «a 
lara for home treatment, -l Jfcxb.Ei 
Dr. li. C. TYLER, DEEP RIVE It, CONN. 
Should send lor our FOCC 
New Catalogue, mailed intu 
Boomer dt Bosahert Press Os., Svra- 
ouse, N. Y. 
(When writing always mention Ruiul New Yokkku. 
