422 
THE RURAL NEW-YORKER. 
June 3 
From Day to Day. 
HATS. 
The more I think of this and that, 
The more I wonder why a hat 
Should be a garden or a hearse, 
A chicken-coop, or even worse— 
A natural history parade 
Of murdered things in every shade. 
The more I wonder why its crown 
Should be a landscape, red and brown, 
Of Autumn leaves, bedecked and strewn, 
With cherries bright that come in June. 
And is it just an idle whim 
That builds a plaza for a brim, 
Then bolsters it with plants and flowers, 
And litters it with Eiffel towers f 
No wonder men are prone to swear 
At the obstructions women wear. 
The more I think of everything, 
From polar snows to birds in Spring, 
The more I wonder why a man 
Should wear a black inverted can, 
The which is dearer to his heart 
Than pen can paint or tongue impart. 
—Life. 
* 
We have heard a good many crimes 
imputed to the English sparrow, but 
never, until lately, did we imagine that 
this impudent little foreigner could be 
accused of arson! A sparrow was re¬ 
cently responsible for a small fire in 
Chicago. The janitor ©f an apartment 
house started a bonfire to burn some 
garbage. A sparrow engaged in 
erecting a family residence nearby, 
plucked a piece of rag from the 
pile, probably with the idea of using 
it for portieres. The rag was on 
fire, and the bird, deciding that it 
was rather too warm for decorative 
purposes, dropped it into a pile of 
rubbish, which blazed up, consum¬ 
ing a telephone pole and a fence 
before it could be extinguished. 
The incendiary got away. 
A New Jersey high school re. 
cently engaged as Latin teacher 
a serious young man who was 
exceedingly good to look upon, and 
some of the silly young women 
under his care endeavored, in every 
way, to attract him. The young in¬ 
structor, however, appeared so en¬ 
tirely oblivious of their charms, 
individual and collective, that the 
girls had decided him to be a 
human icicle, when one of them 
made exulting remarks of superior¬ 
ity, which gave the impression that 
the teacher had, in her case, dropped 
his icy demeanor, and given evidence of 
ardent admiration. There was a lot of 
gossip, which filtered into the local 
paper, and finally, the young teacher 
was called before the school board, upon 
the charge of kissing his pupil ! The 
teacher declared his innocence, and the 
featherbrained girl who had caused the 
trouble tearfully owned that she had 
purposely given a wrong impression to 
her classmates. The girls have all been 
sharply reproved, and it is now said that 
the young Latin teacher has now adopt¬ 
ed, towards his class, a manner which 
would make an Alaska glacier feel genial 
by comparison. The New York Sun 
says that it is fortunate that he was 
acquitted, judging by the experience of 
a young man who kissed a New Jersey 
girl without permission recently. First, 
the object of the salute removed a hand¬ 
ful of his hair, and gave him a souvenir 
mark of her finger nails in exchange; 
then the family dog removed a portion 
of his apparel, and didn’t give him any¬ 
thing in exchange; then the damsel’s 
mother arrived, and with the aid of a 
broomstick, raised a large lump on the 
site formerly occupied by the ravished 
hair; then several burly citizens pushed 
themselves in where they weren’t 
wanted, and beat the visitor almost to a 
jelly ; then came a garbage cart, and con¬ 
veyed him to the office of the Justice of 
the Peace, who gave him a lecture on 
the unwisdom of his breach of etiquette, 
and fined him $25, and finally he was 
escorted to the borders of the village by 
a crowd of enthusiastic inhabitants 
armed with switches, and permitted to 
depart in the midst of a shower of ani¬ 
mal, mineral and vegetable testimonials 
collected for the occasion. And ever 
since, the Jerseyites have been blaming 
themselves for having let him off too 
easy. 
* 
At Oakes, N. D., a great gopher hunt 
was recently organized. It lasted for a 
week, and was terminated by a supper, 
served by the women of the different 
churches, and paid for by the party of 
hunters who came out second in the con¬ 
test, the hunt being arranged in oppos¬ 
ing sides. The hunters turned in 14,547 
gopher tails, for which the county pays 
a bounty of two cents a tail. The little 
pests have become quite scarce in that 
locality, and the hunt may be regarded 
as a financial success, too. Here in the 
East we hardly realize the damage caused 
in some sections by this queer little 
rodent. This reminds us, too, that the 
name gopher means three entirely dif- 
money’s worth, anyway ; why need you 
say anything if the check isn’t just 
right?” On further questioning, we 
were told that the waitresses are docked 
for slamming dishes, for dropping any¬ 
thing, for talking to customers, for al¬ 
lowing the spoon to be taken out of the 
sugar bowl, and for a number of other 
things, most of the fines being 25 cents. 
The waitress said that she would think 
more of her employers if they took the 
texts off the wall, and applied them to 
their dealings with their help. We 
haven’t decided yet what to do the next 
time we get a short check. 
New York City health authorities are 
now conducting an active campaign 
against all classes of quack doctors and 
unauthorized practitioners. Several cases 
recently before the public show an amaz¬ 
ing credulity and superstition on the 
part of persons otherwise intelligent. In 
addition to the Christian Scientists, who 
are under a cloud in consequence of the 
death of a suburban patient who was re¬ 
ceiving their ministrations, a variety of 
other self-styled “healers” have been 
brought into public notice lately, includ¬ 
ing some “ hypnotic doctors.” One pain¬ 
ful case was that of a little girl whose 
injured foot was treated by heathenish 
incantations until acute gangrene re¬ 
sulted. A “ Koch Lung Cure ” establish¬ 
ment, which has been defrauding un¬ 
fortunate consumptives, recently fell 
her cries. He went to the rescue, but 
could not move the machine to release 
the unfortunate young woman. A physi¬ 
cian and a machinist were sent for, and 
the machinist had to take the machine 
to pieces before the young woman could 
be released. The physician then ex¬ 
tracted the needle and dressed the 
wound, which was not serious, in spite 
of the painful experience. 
THE BED OPEN. Fig. 108. 
ferent creatures, in different parts of the 
United States. In the North and West, 
it means a burrowing animal of the rat 
tribe ; in some parts of the South, a bur¬ 
rowing land turtle, and in other southern 
sections, a burrowing snake ! The dic¬ 
tionary tells us that the name gopher 
comes from a French word meaning a 
honeycomb, this being suggested by the 
extensive burrows made by these three 
different little mining engineers. 
* 
We usually eat our midday luncheon 
in one of the big quick-lunch places near 
the Post Office—a place where hurrying 
thousands are fed every day, and where 
framed Scripture texts adorn the walls 
side by side with warning notices which 
teU the visitor to beware of thieves. 
Sometimes the waitress, in her haste, 
makes a mistake in the check, and gives 
a 15-cent check for a 20-cent lunch. 
When this has happened, if not rectified 
by the waitress, we have always men¬ 
tioned the matter to the cashier, and 
paid the full amount, instead of the 
amount of the check. Calling the wait¬ 
ress’s attention to such an error lately, 
she told us that every time such a mis¬ 
take was made, the waitress was fined 
25 cents. “ Most people don’t say a 
word, unless we charge ’em too much,” 
she said, “ but when you pay that extra 
five cents and tell the cashier your check 
ain’t right, the girl that give it to you 
is docked, and she can’t afford it. Dear 
knows you never get more than your 
THE BED CLOSED. Fig 169. 
foul of the Health Board here ; this fraud 
was selling, for $9 a bottle, an invaluable 
cure which consisted of three minims of 
chloroform and two ounces of water, the 
whole worth about nine cents ! We are 
willing to admit that, in our younger 
days, we have charmed warts away with 
a salted carrot, but that has been our 
only effort in the line of unauthorized 
medical practice, and if we ever have to 
wrestle with any ailment beyond the aid 
of a hot bath and a dose of boneset or 
herb tea, we shall look to a regular 
physician for a cure. 
« 
A young woman in New York State, 
while operating the sewing machine, be¬ 
came the victim of a common accident 
with some unusual developments. Her 
finger was in some way penetrated by 
the needle, which, becoming bent, could 
not be withdrawn. She was alone in the 
house and, unable to move, it was fully 
an hour before a chance passer-by heard 
A Child’s Folding Bed. 
A CONVENIENT PIECE OF HOMEMADE 
FURNITURE. 
Doubtless many women readers of The 
R. N.-Y. have often wished for a neat, 
compact child’s bed—one that will fold 
up and occupy but a minimum of space, 
and be entirely out of the way, yet, when 
in use, be right at hand where the little 
ones may be quietly and easily cared for 
during the night. 
At Fig. 168 is shown open a child’s 
folding bed embracing these features— 
being, besides, quite an attractive piece 
of bed-room furniture. 
While the price of such a bed is about 
$6 or $8, when purchased from a dealer, 
this one cost us nothing but our own 
work during a few very rough Winter 
days, as it is purely a product of our 
home workshop, and was constructed 
from material at hand. The case, or up¬ 
right part, is six feet in height, and is 
made of beautifully-grained chestnut, 
finished in oil. The body of the bed 
proper is 32x54 inches, and 12 inches 
deep. It is made of one-half-inch 
White poplar. The sides and ends 
are mortised solidly into corner 
posts 2x2 inches in size. These 
posts, as well as the “spindles” (I 
suppose the women would term the 
latter “insertion”) were neatly 
turned upon a lathe (a homemade 
lathe, too), making a very attractive, 
light yet strong and rigid body. 
The bed is supported at the foot 
by wrought-iron rests which are 
formed of one piece of %-inch rod. 
This support is secured by small 
bolts to a one-inch square piece of 
hardwood of equal length which, in 
turn, is hinged to the bottom of the 
bed. This support takes care of 
itself, as when the bed is opened, 
the legs by their own gravity drop 
into the proper position, and when 
folded up, they swing in against 
the bottom of the bed, entirely out 
of the way. 
The head of the bed is not 
pivoted directly to the sides of 
the case, but is suspended upon two 
% x 1-inch strap-iron arms, 24 inches in 
length, which are fastened by heavy 
screws, one upon each side of the inside 
of the case, at the proper height and near 
the back. The lower ends are bolted to 
the body of the bed at points equally 
distant from the bottom of the case and 
the ends of the body, which will cause 
the body, in folding, to swing snugly 
into its case, where it will remain with¬ 
out danger of falling outward, as it 
automatically locks itself in position. 
The case should be fastened by hooks 
and screw-eyes to the wall. Two hooks 
will be quite sufficient. 
Fig. 169 shows the bed closed. The 
curtain is supported by a neat, remova¬ 
ble curtain-pole, and may either be re¬ 
moved or folded back upon the case when 
the bed is to be lowered. It may then be 
replaced as shown in Fig. 168, affording 
excellent protection from draughts. 
Ohio. F. H. BALLOU. 
WALTHAM WATCHES 
The best and most reliable timekeepers 
made in this country or in any other. 
The “Perfected American Watch,” an illustrated book of in¬ 
teresting information about watches, will be sent upon request. 
American Walt ham Watch Co., Waltham, Mass. 
