58 
THE RURAL NEW-YORKER 
TAN 25 
other in silent, unspeakable memories at 
the moment of last parting. 
Madame de Stael said love is an em¬ 
blem of eternity: it confounds all notions 
of time, effaces all memory of a beginning, 
all fear of an end. 
Humanity, says Richter, is never so 
beautiful as when praying for forgiveness, 
or else forgiving another. 
Truthfulness is a corner-stone in char¬ 
acter, and if it be not firmly laid in youth 
will ever after be a weak spot in the foun¬ 
dation .:. 
And may we not in speculative moods, 
asks Lewis, consider death as the grand im¬ 
patience of the soul to free itself from indi¬ 
vidual activity—the yearning of the crea¬ 
ture to be united with the Creator. 
Domestic (Lonomij 
CONDUCTED BY MRS. AGNES E. M. CARMAN. 
TRUE SINCERITY". 
U NDER “ Sunday Evening Talks at the 
Rural Grounds ” in the R. N.-Y. of 
December 21, we introduced the subject 
of sincerity which had just then been 
warmly discussed by the Rural people at 
their last meeting. The questions brought 
up were whether tine sincerity really re¬ 
quired one to state disagreeable personal 
truths to friends and acquaintances. Did 
friendship or kinship authorize uncompli¬ 
mentary frankness ? Shall criticism enter 
the family circle ? Shall the members of a 
family sit in judgment one upon the other ? 
In fact, shall the plain, unglosssed truth 
always be spoken to relatives and friends. 
We invited discussion of the topic and 
herewith give the replies. 
To me the habit of criticism savors of 
vanity and egotism, for one who criticises 
another, clearly gives expression to an idea 
of superiority as measured by the person 
who is the critic. It is not a question of 
sincerity or of truth, because no person can 
be sure of being always right or of seeing 
the truth as it really is, and so one may 
therefore be in danger of committing an 
actual wrong and severely wounding a 
friend or companion by criticising hastily 
and without really knowing the precise in¬ 
tention of the person. It is the intent 
which makes the fault, and no superficial 
evidence will reveal a person’s intent. 
In discussing such a subject as this, one 
should consider the example given by that 
perfection of humanity, Jesus Christ, in 
his association with his friends. If any 
criticism or fault-finding in the world 
could ever have been justified, surely the 
Great Example to the human race might 
have been severe in his remarks upon the 
conduct of his associates. But what gen¬ 
tleness, kindness, consideration and scrupu¬ 
lous care not to wound the sensitiveness of 
his companions, were exhibited in his in¬ 
tercourse with them. And we, full of 
faults ourselves, and rarely looking within 
our own hearts for causes of self-complaint 
and abasement, are too apt to criticise our 
friends, quite forgetting the fact that we 
to them may appear full of faults. Mat¬ 
ters of opinion or belief, or even habit, 
when not positively injurious to others I 
think should be treated with respect for 
the rights of self-judgment and with due 
regard to the possibilities of our own mis¬ 
takes in estimating the right or wrong of 
them. “ Judge not, that ye be not judged.” 
“Judge not according to appearance.” 
“Why judge thy brother ?” “ If we would 
judge ourselves we judge others.” “Nor 
should we become judgesof evil thoughts.” 
All these quotations from the best guide 
we possess in regard to our conduct towards 
other persons, our guide to truth, to kind¬ 
ness. to justice, to the truest politeness, 
might be considered in regard to this mat¬ 
ter of sincerity and criticism under dis¬ 
cussion. 
What is true ? Who among us knows the 
truth ? Who can say he or she is right and 
the other person is wrong ? In all our in¬ 
tercourse with others the hasty word 
should be avoided with the greatest care. 
r l he safest and best advice in ninety-nine 
cases out of a hundred is, “ Don’t.” Don’t 
now, at any rate; consider awhile. Let us 
reverse the conditions and think how we 
should feel if others should act toward us 
as we are about to act toward them. We 
are all clothed with imperfections. And 
young persons especially, inexperienced in 
regard to human nature and the differ¬ 
ences of thought and habit, and too apt to 
think they know all that older persons do 
and a good deal more, should be very care¬ 
ful and wary of criticising their friends and 
of doing some wrong to them, wounding 
their self-respect, or making them feel un¬ 
comfortable because something has been 
done that is thought weak, or foolish, or 
even wrong. Sincerity consists in opening 
our minds and thoughts to our friends 
when they knock at the door and invite 
comment, not in offering advice, or making 
remonstrance or complaints of our own mo¬ 
tion. “Who art thou that judgest another; 
for wherein thou judgest another thou 
condemnest thyself,” is very apt to be the 
case of any person who calls in question the 
conduct of another person. “ To our own 
Master we must stand or fall,” and when 
any person turns his own thoughts within 
himself, how much there is in every one of 
us which calls for the greatest sincerity, 
truthfulnes, and humility, in the judging 
of the personal character, habits and con¬ 
duct. DR. HENRY STEWART. 
T HINKING over the question of 
courtesy and sincerity, the thought 
comes home to me with force that if we 
could reach the true ideal in our inter¬ 
course with others there would be no need 
to ask the question. Our own shortcom¬ 
ings and our common dependence upon the 
same Creator ought to make us humbly 
anxious to be true toward every one and 
the largest sincerity can never be evil, 
though it may sometimes be resented. 
But oh, we are so little and mean compared 
to the wholly sincere, true man who can 
see beyond his own littleness and recognize 
some good in every creature. 
For all the shortcomings of others he sees 
some excuse: some privation, some hun¬ 
ger, some disappointment or some natu¬ 
ral lack causes the imperfections of his 
neighbors and calls for more sympathy 
than censure. He can love the boy whose 
temper is ugly, because he sees, beyond the 
temper, the nagging and thwarting that 
have set it crosswise, and the boy has 
many good traits. The girl who goes 
whining about unhappy and disagreeable is 
borne with patiently by this sincere critic, 
because he sees the good in spite of the 
whining, and knows it only needs a fair 
opportunity to change the little girl into a 
happy one. 
Each one makes a reputation and his 
words have weight accordingly. The man 
who is known to be continually finding 
fault with his neighbors is suspected of 
some selfish motive if he singles out any 
one for praise, and the man who says 
pleasant, flattering things to your neighbor 
and ugly things of him as soon as his back 
is turned, is soon distrusted by all and his 
kindest words, even when genuine, are 
counted worthless. There are people who 
cover every unpleasant thing with a 
friendly insincerity—to put it mildly—but 
they are known as double in thought and 
word and their kindness is not wholesome. 
Sincerity is a beautiful thing and worth 
all the effort it costs to reach it. It is the 
stumblers who want to be sincere and do 
not know how, who bring every-day truth 
into disfavor; they want to step out of 
habits of half-truth and no-truth in one 
grand blaze of sincere speech and action 
and they bring trouble down upon their 
whole neighborhood, and then declare sin¬ 
cerity and kindness cannot live together. 
Does it show true sincerity to say some¬ 
thing unkind out of the many things that 
might be just as truly said ? Shall we say 
to the girl starting off for a visit: “ How 
ugly your hands do look!” or shall we say 
nothing of that unavoidable defect, and ex¬ 
press some pleasure in the hair that looks 
unusually pretty or the new hat ? One is 
no more sincere than the other. We do 
not utter all our thoughts; which shall we 
leave silent ? All the true ones? “Now 
don’t say what you think for pity’s sake or 
there will be trouble.” Is the person so 
addressed incapable of thinking anything 
true or kind that he must be urged to hide 
his thoughts ? 
A little genuine kind thinking is the 
remedy for insincerity: there are always 
kind things we may think of if we will; 
but we like to set some people outside the 
farthest limit of our charity and throw at 
them all the spiteful things we feel toward 
every one else as well as toward them ; but 
if we are honest, even these outcasts from 
our sympathy ought to be within the circle 
of our kind thoughts, not out beyond all 
we think tolerable or endurable. 
Sincerity may seem to collide roughly 
with kindness sometimes ; but in the long 
run it will be found more truly courteous 
and kind than 10 times its quantity of in¬ 
sincere compliments or attentions. “Come 
and see me, do.” I go, and discover that 
the sacrifice I’ve made to gain time for this 
visit is worse than wasted, for I overhear 
my hostess say: “ Why didn’t the horrid 
thing stay at home.” I’m tempted to be 
equally insincere and claim to have had a 
dream that warned me to go home without 
delay, with the malicious mental reser¬ 
vation that it was a waking dream. I 
haven’t enough sincere regard for her to 
ask an explanation, and so the visit is got 
through with somehow and we are enemies 
ever after. We might have been very good 
friends instead, if no invitation had ever 
been extended, where none was meant and 
if the more distant interchange of courtesy 
were kept up that would have expressed all 
we felt for each other. 
ALICE EWALDA BROWN. 
S INCERITY means a great deal in this 
world ; but, methinks, it often comes 
in a sadly mixed form. Is it necessary to 
be disagreeable in order to be sincere ? It 
needs a discriminating mind to determine 
how far sincerity may go without placing 
us under suspicion of intent to wound, and, 
if we must err, let it be on the pleasant 
side. 
Honest friendship will point out needed 
reforms in such a way that rebellious feel¬ 
ings will not be raised; but I do not think 
it advisable to search for faults in one’s 
friends, we are so apt to forget our own. 
Be sincere in thinking the best of your 
friends. Always be honest with them ; if 
you have any misunderstanding do not sit 
and brood over it; go to them and ask an ex¬ 
planation, frankly owning your own share 
in the affair and never allow a third party 
to mediate between you. Begin at the 
foundation yourself. Show your sincerity 
by never allowing your friends to be spoken 
of unkindly in your presence without a 
protest. 
Be sincere in all you say, but remember 
silence is often better than wounding un¬ 
necessarily. 
Do not flatter, but praise frankly when 
opportunity offers, and be sincere in your 
invitations and your acceptance of invita¬ 
tions ; never make a convenience of people 
you do not wish to serve as a convenience 
in return. Sincerity reaches so far that 
one can hardly distinguish the dividing 
line between it and unkindness, and there¬ 
fore I think it much better to be sincere in 
all that goes to make a true friend, a kind 
acquaintance, or a pleasant habit of seek¬ 
ing and enjoying the good qualities of one’s 
friends, and when necessary to correct a 
fault, do so kindly, not as though you had 
been longing for the opportunity. And, 
above all things, be as ready to receive 
reproof as to give it. It certainly has a dif¬ 
ferent flavor, oftentimes. 
A person that points out the faults of 
his friends and never finds aught to praise, 
employs his sincerity to aggravate, instead 
of to correct the fault. I knew a young 
lady who never could resist the temptation 
to be sincere (as she termed it), and when 
asked if a certain hat or coat was becoming, 
her highest praise was: “It doesn’t look 
bad,” with a reluctant emphasis on the 
“ bad.” And she was quite shocked when 
a friend, after repeated aggravations, took 
exception to that mode of praise. Sincerity 
is a treasure, but do not confine it to disa¬ 
greeable things ; let it season the good as 
well. s. J. L. 
• * \ X THICK is better, Auntie—to be 
VV polite or a hypocrite?” As I 
looked up inquiringly Mattie said : “ Let 
me tell you what I mean. Yesterday as I 
came up the Church steps to the vestibule, 
Lou rushed up in her boisterous way and 
said she had come visiting, evidently ex¬ 
pecting that I would be delighted to ask 
her into our pew. Now, I don’t like Lou ; 
she is so loud and conspicuous in dress and 
manner, and not at all particular about 
the company she keeps. I did not want her 
to sit with me and neither asked her to do 
so nor apologized for not doing so. You 
know I might have said our seat would be 
full, or something of the kind—I just sim¬ 
ply walked off coolly; and felt uncomfort¬ 
able all through the service. It was very 
impolite I know; was it very wrong? 
“ Well,” I said, “ in this case I think you 
might have been polite without being in¬ 
sincere. It was not necessary for you to 
say you were glad to see her; but you 
might have given her a seat. Wasn't there 
a little pride as to what your neighbors 
would say or think, mixed up with your 
annoyance, and consequent action, or did 
you only wish to be sincere ? ” 
These little-big questions are constantly 
coming up before us in one shape or an¬ 
other, and I confess they often trouble me 
as much as the foregoing incident did Mat¬ 
tie. If any one were to ask me point 
blank: “ Do you believe in sincerity ? ” 
without hesitation I should answer, “Yes,” 
and yet I am sometimes insincere in action 
if not in word, oftener so I think when 
wishing to spare the feelings of my friends. 
Sincerity or silence is always best, but it is 
not easy, if it is possible even to keep 
silence. 
Of all the disagreeable people in the 
world those frank ones who always say 
just what they think, regardless of the 
pain they give, are the most disagreeable ; 
especially in the family circle is their 
bluntness both hurtful and unpleasant. 
Many a child has been embittered, and 
made unhappy and awkward, timid and 
distrustful by the perhaps truthful but ill- 
timed saying of one of these sincere ones 
who feel it their first duty to tell some one 
of his or her faults or imperfections per¬ 
sonal or otherwise. After all, “to do unto 
others as we would have them do unto us.” 
is the best rule to follow, and were we al¬ 
ways to remember it we would not go far 
wrong. As for me, I don’t think it best to 
say to one’s face what I think behind his 
back. I don’t believe much good comes 
from so doing. If I say aught that will 
hurt in any way I want to be honest 
enough to make reparation, either by re¬ 
traction or other action. mary mann. 
S INCERITY is the heart of truth and 
honesty. Truth coupled with satire 
loses its sincerity ; prompted by malice, it 
is heartless and debased. Truth with dis¬ 
crimination, binds “ with hooks of steel; ” 
without discretion it severs the friendship 
of years, and chills the warmest affection. 
Facts are truths, and belong to childhood 
without discrimination, as naturally as 
laughing and crying. 
Deceit is born of example and premature 
exaction. Untimely exaction combined with 
desire, begets dishonesty. Honesty is prac¬ 
tical sincerity, man rendering to man his 
own, prescribed by laws, subject to change 
as man sees his duty to man. Honesty and 
truth beget honor; but honesty coupled 
with compulsion is without sincerity, and 
has no honor. 
Truth unprotected by honor and tact, 
taken unaware by curiosity and impudence 
may be dishonest to itself, betray a confi¬ 
dence and dissolve a friendship, while 
thieves escape assuming all the virtues of 
sincerity. Exaction unprotected by truth 
desires the unattainable, meets disappoint¬ 
ment and begets hypocrisy. Sincerity is 
a born virtue, hypocrisy an aftergrowth. 
MEDORA CORBETT. 
S INCERITY means honesty of purpose, 
and being what we profess to be : and 
to be sincere it is not necessary to be blunt 
in our speech and hurt the feelings of those 
around us. If a person shows us a piece of 
goods he or she has purchased, we need not 
descant on its beauty unless we think it 
worthy of admiration; if we do so contrary 
to our real opinion we are guilty of hy¬ 
pocrisy. 
Some people have a way of excusing 
themselves for rude or cutting remarks by 
saying: “ I am so plain ; I say always just 
what I think, no matter where it hits.” 
To an outside observer they seem only 
egotistical and proud of their lack of re¬ 
gard for the rights of others. We may be 
truly sincere in all we say or do and yet re¬ 
frain from putting all our thoughts into 
words. If a physician had a patient very 
dangerously ill, and should bluntly tell 
him his real condition, the shock of the in¬ 
telligence might precipitate a fatal result. 
Surely good judgment would condemn 
such a course. Few of us would enjoy the 
bluntness which would criticise our faults 
openly and severely. How can we do as we 
would like to be done by if we indulge in 
this habit, and what good could come of it 
either ? Who was ever made better by 
harsh reproof ? Circumstances and a per¬ 
son’s own conscience must decide how 
much bare truth it is safe or wise to speak : 
but that has nothing to do with pro¬ 
fessing for a person a friendship which we 
do not feel, or speaking words of praise 
which we know are undeserved. Sincerity 
Pi-sccUancou.a ^Urcrtisint). 
When Baby was sick, we gave her Castoria, 
When she was a Child, she cried for Castoria. 
When she became Miss, she citing to Castoria. 
When she had Children,she gave them Castorm 
