i89o 
THE RURAL NEW-YORKER. 
59 
gives tis confidence in ourselves and also 
gives others confidence in us. The truth¬ 
ful and sincere have always, when the oc¬ 
casion demands it, the courage to give 
their opinion and their reasons for it, and 
if it is not pleasant to hear, it will ever be 
received with respect. But a person may 
he sincere and still heed the old adage that 
“the truth should not be spoken at all 
times.” AUNT RACHEL. 
T RUE sincerity is one trait; brutal 
frankness decidedly another; yet. 
how often we discover the latter masquer¬ 
ading in the guise of the former. They are 
as unlike as the diamond in the rough is 
unlike the polished gem. Who would not 
choose the crystal, clear, flawless, perfect, 
in preference to the rough stone yet to be 
tried at the lapidary’s wheel ? The first 
shows its worth in every light, while to 
purchase the unfinished gem, would be 
risking one’s money on an uncertainty. It 
depends in a measure upon the natural 
tact of the would-be reformer, as regards 
the effect of criticism. What one may say 
with perfect candor will be well received ; 
while the same words coming from another 
equally warm-hearted, leal and true, will 
arouse every atom of combativeness in our 
composition. One need not see every 
trifling fault. The habit of criticism is a 
cultivated habit. It lies with the critic to 
say whether he will delve for gold or for 
mere dross. Yet when a dear friend is be¬ 
ing chained, unconsciously, perhaps, by 
some foolish or sinful habit, ’tis hardly 
right to stand by and not help. For in¬ 
stance : I had fallen into the foolish way 
of using quaint speeches, caught up here 
and there from uneducated people—phrases 
that tickled my fancy, some really witty, 
all well enough to use once or twice; but I 
used them constantly and unconsciously 
as well, till my brother said : “ Sis, if you 
are not careful you will soon be unable to 
talk plain English. ‘A word to the wise ’ 
—you know the rest.” I had a hard battle, 
but am very glad I was warned in time ; 
for since my victory I have met with a 
woman, bright, pleasant to know, who is a 
victim to the habit of misplaced witticism 
that held me “ in thrall ” ere I saw “ mysel 
as ithers ” saw me. MAT BEE. 
T HE most charming, reliant, and de¬ 
sirable friend is the one whose de¬ 
meanor is frankness unadulterated. Any 
one who has lived to middle life has seen 
exhibitions of generous frankness. Inso¬ 
lence or impudence has no affinity with it; 
the true definition is honest regard for 
others’ feelings. Egotism and frankness 
are as far removed as the east is from the 
west. We may think we are very wise and 
that we are in a position to give our friends 
a rigid criticism, yet no man knows every¬ 
thing—or woman either. Alas ! how little 
we know of all the great ungleaned harvest 
of culture and education ; but have you 
never met people who thought they knew 
it all—yea, more; who made grimaces 
wnen you stumbled in grammar or slyly 
winked an eye when you frankly gave an 
opinion or laughed in their sleeve (a trick 
discernible on their faces) when you un¬ 
wittingly made a slight mistake? They 
deliberately write on their countenance, 
which speaks louder than words: “You 
ignoramus !” and give no opportunity for 
correction or apology. Sincerity and her 
twin sister, frankness, make a well- 
matched team, and it is a great cause of 
regret that more people are not possessors 
of such desirable steeds for their own bene¬ 
fit as well as that of their friends. Dear 
girls just on the threshold of womanhood, 
while it is as easy to cultivate the art of 
frankness and sincerity devoid of imperti¬ 
nence as it is to simper and giggle at every 
one and everything you see, improve the 
time by nourishing if you have, acquiring 
if you have not, the spirit of frankness. 
Do we wish to see a generation of hypo¬ 
crites ? Then let us continue in the usual 
way with a total disregard for frankness. 
“FELTCFE FARNSWORTH.” 
H ERE is a display of sincerity which 
some of you may consider severe, but 
which was justifiable in my eyes. An old,but 
misguided friend of the family, one time 
brought to our home a spiritualist medium 
who impressed me from the first as a 
fraud, but who enjoyed the full confidence 
of our friend. Out of respect for the latter 
we received her friend hospitably and made 
Uer stay as pleasaut as possible; but 
she succeeded in making us very uncom¬ 
fortable by going through with her trances 
and as she was inspired by an Indian doc¬ 
tor she interspersed her medical directions 
with suggestive war whoops and the 
brandishing of an imaginary tomahawk. 
In repose her manner was what might be 
called “ limp,” but when “ under inspira¬ 
tion” her energy was quite remarkable 
and her facial contortions worthy of deep 
study. 
The head of the house rather enjoyed it, 
having a becoming curiosity to see what 
would come next. A friend visiting us, re¬ 
monstrated with the woman fordoing what 
we disapproved of ; but she asserted that 
she could not “help it”-. The doctor 
was very tyrannical. After the woman 
had trampled all the rights of her hostess 
under foot, and forfeited all claims to our 
good-will, she and our friend bade us'adieu 
and I vowed the former should never have 
an opportunity of taking a like advantage 
again. 
A year went by and, late one afternoon, 
I beheld this medium driving into the yard 
alone. I recognized that the fateful time 
had come when I was to assert my rights, 
so I girded on my armor and met her at the 
door. I greeted her coolly and she re¬ 
marked, in a winning voice : “ Perhaps 
you do not remember me,” “ Oh ! yes I re¬ 
member you,” I replied convincingly, and 
waited to hear her errand. She stated that 
she was on her way to W-and that our 
friend had suggested that she should stop 
with us for the night. She was perfectly 
willing to pay etc., etc. I listened to all 
she had to say and replied, with great firm¬ 
ness. “ It is not a question of pay, but be¬ 
fore I let you in I wish to tell you the 
truth. I will not allow any such perform¬ 
ances as we were treated to last year. You 
offended me very much, but if you can 
come and act as a rational being should, 
you are welcome; but if not I cannot en¬ 
tertain you.” By this time she had come 
inside the screen door and grasping me 
fervently by the hand, she said with great 
emotion: “I’ll do it, I’ll doit. You are 
honest; people would get along better if all 
were as much so.” And she spent the night 
with us quite comfortably having no ap¬ 
parent trouble to “help it,” seeming to 
have gained wondrous control over her 
movements since the year before. 
When she had gone, the head of the 
house marveled that she had not shown 
any of the peculiarities that distinguished 
her former visit. I dryly remarked that 
she had received her orders at the front 
door and followed the instructions strictly. 
Did I do wrong ? s. J. L. 
R EPROOF “is like snow: the softer it 
falls, the longer it dwells upon, and 
the deeper it sinks into the mind.” If we 
all had that perfection of love or charity 
that Paul describes in the 13th chapter of 
Corinthians, the question of using unvar¬ 
nished truth would be an easy one to de¬ 
cide. I believe it to be, not the sincerity 
of a disagreeable truth from those whom 
we love that offends or helps us, but the 
spirit that prompts it. It is the perfection 
of friendship to be able to say, and a test 
of a noble nature to be able to receive, un¬ 
pleasant truths without offense. But in 
all personal criticism let us remember that 
“a great hand is careful lest it crush.” 
MRS. A. L. L. 
S INCERITY is a jewel rarely worn with 
grace. We sometimes read about its 
wonderful capabilities for doing good, and 
if it be properly used I have no doubt of 
its efficacy. But as the world goes, the man 
or woman who tries to carry sincerity 
through all the walks of life will be pro¬ 
nounced either rude or very eccentric; and 
the person’s room will usually be more en¬ 
joyable than his or her company. Sin¬ 
cerity is a severe critic. People laugh at 
school-girl friendship, and say it never 
lasts. It might last forever, if sincerity 
were blind to shortcomings. 
“I always liked M. till she began to lec¬ 
ture me for my foibles,” said one friend of 
another ; “ I know I’m not quite as nice 
as she is, but I don’t want her to tell 
me of my faults; it makes me almost 
hate her.” 
If this person had been flattered by the 
would-be sincere friend, she would never 
have allowed hatred to enter her heart. So 
I think that one who would feel it his duty 
to say to a friend what he might say of him 
in his absence would get no thanks for his 
loyal sincerity. That children receive even 
life-long injuries from “flat-footed” 
sincerity is only too true. Some years 
ago little 10-year-old Hattie came flying 
home in a great rage from a neighbor’s, de¬ 
claring that she would never go to Mrs. L’s. 
again. Upon inquiry, her mother learned 
that the lady had told the child that she 
could never look well because she had such 
a big, homely mouth. The girl is now 4 a 
young lady and her mouth is no more ques¬ 
tionable than thousands of others. But 
she is so sensitive in the presence of 
strangers that it amounts to positive dis¬ 
tress. Sincerity to be acceptable must be 
thoroughly imbued with the divine com¬ 
mand : “ Love ye one another as I have loved 
you.’ 
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