i6 
THE RURAL NEW-YORKER 
JAN. 4 
jBnnuurmts. 
The Rural New-Yorker is prepared to 
offer very liberal terms to good, rcsponsF 
ble permanent agents. Correspondence 
solicited. 
THE TIMID SOUL. 
I do not want a dog for fear he’ll bite me ; 
. Ido not wish a girl, for fear she’ll slight me; 
I do not want a horse, for fear he’ll kick me ; 
I do not wish a friend, who’ll mayhap stick me; 
I do not want to live, for really I 
Am fearful, when life’s over, I must die.— Puck. 
A Feather Duster—T he carrier pigeon. 
— Time. 
Every miss hasn’t a mission. Neither 
has every man a mansion.— Life. 
Personal Intelligence.— That which 
keeps us from reading the trash so headed 
— Puck. 
Whiney : “ Let me have a dollar’s worth 
of court plaster.” Druggist: “All right. 
Been buying a bicycle ?” “ No, I am shav¬ 
ing myself.”— Chicago Liar. 
McCorkle : “Isn’t Briggs naturally a 
lazy man?” McCrackle: “Not exactly 
lazy ; but he seems to think it is unhealthy 
to work between meals.”— Life. 
A kiss is said to be something which 
“ comes by male, but never by post. ” This 
is an error : we have often known kisses 
to come by the gate post.—The Jerseyman. 
From the number of honeymoons that 
are actually spent in Europe we are moved 
to remark that the Atlantic Ocean has 
been frequently crossed in love.— Burling¬ 
ton Free Press. 
^Proprietor (of cheap restaurant): 
“ Yes, I want to hire a man. Are you wil¬ 
ling to do any kind of work ? ” Applicant: 
“ Oh, yes; I am perfectly willing to do any 
work but eat here, sir.”— Time. 
Mary: “Mebby I’m ugly now, mum, 
but in me day I’ve broken a great many 
hearts.” Mistress: “Well, Mary, if you 
handled hearts the way you do my best 
china, I believe you ."—Lebanon Gazette. 
At a Grocery Store : Mrs. Snoozers : 
“Land alive! What are you going to do, 
Mr. Greengoods, with all these coops of 
chickens?” Mr. Greengoods: “A great 
scheme of mine. Eggs laid while you wait, 
you know. I’m tired of the kicks against 
my eggs.”— Chicago Heiald. 
The Chicago Idea. — Teacher (in a 
Chicago school-room): “Who discovered 
America ? ” Bobby : “ Christopher Colum¬ 
bus.” Teacher: “And where did he first 
land?” Bobby: “InChicago.” Teacher: 
“ You may tell me what city he visited last 
of all.” Bobby: “New York.”— Time. 
Doctor, (entering the room of an ague 
patient): “ Well, have you taken the med¬ 
icine I left?” Patient: “Not yet, doctor.” 
Doctor: “How’sthat?” Patient: “Why, 
I am only following instructions on the 
bottle. ‘ Shake well before taking,’ and I 
haven’t finished shaking yet.”— With The 
Wits. 
Minister (talking about the tongue): 
“ Dearly beloved, it is a little thing, I 
know. But once let it burst its confines, 
and go wandering off, uncontrolled, and it 
will cause its owner untold trouble. And 
I—” Crasher (waking up): “ What’s he 
talking about ?” Smasher: “I’m not quite 
sure, but I think it’s a collar button.”— 
Lawrence American. 
A Good-natured Wife.— The following 
anecdote as told by an English clergyman 
was found in an exchange. The teller of 
the story says: It must be remembered 
that the kettle referred i was hung in an 
old-fashioned open lii e-piace. A man in 
Sussex, whose wife was blessed with a re¬ 
markably even temper, went over the way 
to a neighbor one evening, and said: 
“Neighbor, I’d just like to see my wife 
cross for once. 1 ve tried all I know, and I 
can’t make her cross no way.” “ You can’t 
make your wife cross ?” said his neighbor. 
“ I wish I could make mine anything else. 
But you do just what I tell you, and if that 
won’t act, nothing will. You bring her in 
some night a lot of the crookedest sticks 
you can get, them as won’t lie in no form, 
and see how she makes them out.” The 
pieces of wood were accordingly brought in, 
as awkward and crooked and contrary as 
could be found. The man went away early 
to work, and at noon returned to see the 
lesult of his experiment. He was greeted 
with a smiling face and the gentle request: 
“ Tom, do bring me in some more of 
those crooked sticks, if you can find them; 
they do just fit around the kettle so 
nicely !”— The American. 
HIS FIRST OFFENSE. 
Mr. Hyson: Mr. Cypher, you were absent without leave yesterday. 
Mr. Cypher: Yes, sir. I was married very unexpectedly yesterday. 
Mr. Hyson: Well, sir, you will please see that it does not occur again. 
THE MAMMOTH BUTTERFLY PANSY is 
r _ selection 
V^HK °I the largest flowers and grandest colors of 
A tllis beaul| f u l strain Many of the flowers will 
y Taao cM measure three inches across, and the colors 
Hr-; " , are perfectly dazzling, consisting of Bt UE, ORANGE, 
CARMINE ’ BLACK, WHITE, BRONZE, CRIMSON, eto., marked 
JjSjdR and commingled in all conceivable and wonder- 
J * V, .•I ful ways. So highly do we value this new and 
mx&L \'c x exquisite strain that we illustrate them by 
' ’v f) a 8 ra,1cl colored plate in our Catalogue of 
•' ./ S\ this year. 
iqgA ( ' Seed mixed all cdors, per packet, 40 cents; 
■ 3 packets for $1; 7 packets for $2; 12 packets for $3. 
' \ _ •* Free by mail. Plain directions how to raise fine blooming 
— " plants from the seeds accompany each packet. 
With every order for a single packet or more will be sent, gratis, our 
superb Catalogue of “EVERYTHING FOR THE GARDEN," (the price of which is 25 cents) 
on condition that you will say In »hat paper you saw this advertisement. Club 
orders for THREE, SEVEN or TWELVE packets can have the Catalogue sent, when 
l desired, to the separate addross of each member comprising the club. , 
PARCHMENT B PAPER. R 
For free Samples and Catalogue of SUPERIOR DAIRY GOODS, address 
MOSELEY & STODDARD MFC. CO.,Rutland,Vt. 
ASPINWALL 
POTAT 
PLANTER 
PLANTS 
Corn 
^WALLMFCc 
HREE KMMa 
t aneHj^_ D | STR|BUTES 
■iDio i niuu i 
Fertilizers 
ASPINWALL MFG. CO. 
THREE RIVERS, MICH. 
Write for illustrated circular. 
Mention this paper. 
NUMEROUS 
SIZES 
GRINDS EAR CORN 
with or without Shucks on I 
and all small Grains, In fact everything: 
which can possibly be utilised for feed. 
SAFETY BOTTOM Fraetloal Devices I • . 
to prevent breakage should iron accidentally get Into Min.f 
GRINDING PLATES sharpening, double the 
capacity of all others. Sold on trial. All MiUs fully guaranteed. Mini* 
pleat, lightest running, strongest, fastest grinding. Send for circulars. | 
THE FOOS MANUF’G. CO. SPRINGFIELD. O ' 
ADAPTED^ 
FOR , 
iSTEAMK 
state site of roof. 
UMSQUALED 
For House, Earn, 
md all out-buildings. 
.*^ybody can put it on. 
PRICE LOW. 
Write forSomplo nnd IV>nk. 
14:* Dunne St., New Ymk City. 
INDIANA PAINT & ROOFING CO. 
FREE 
HOOK ever Printed. 
SEED 
ONE CENT 
PACKAGE, and 
_up, per rarity, scarcity, 
or cost. 1000000 extras. Cheap as 
dirt by oz. & lb. Send your address. - 
It. H. Shumway, Itockford, 111. § 
SSWES.--- 
t/uinot 
Adjostahleltnnnen 
i au'l .barker. 
PARNELL’S IC FURROWER 
filiHI & MARKER 
Runs Steadily 
ihokN 
ft 3 
Opens a 
adjustablf.^ ^^ l l better row in" 
to all inef|uaL^Jf uflyfither soft or hard 
I ties of ground. -waJrTground than any other Marker. 
Leaves the earth well pulverized at bottom of furrow. 
Marks any width from to 5 feet, and from a mere 
mark to 6 inches deep. 
‘•Take pleasure in recommending it. It does the business; its 
well made and will last for yt*Ts."J.8,Oollitis f Jioorc*loum,N.J. 
“It far exceeds my expectations. If the real merits of tills 
cheap implement were known to potato growers alone, the.sales 
would be immense.'* E.L.Coy. Pres. Wash.Co.{N. T.) Agr.Sudetf 
H ill nnilPUTril Vanufact'r, Moo re* town* 
sWi&IUUunltN .Burlington Yo. t N. J. 
PIANO FORTES 
UNEQUALLED I.Y 
Tone, Touch, Workmanship and Durability. 
WILLIAM KNAHi; <fc CO.. 
Baltimore. 22 & 24 East Baltimore Street. 
New York, 148 Fifth Ave. Washington ,817 ll’k’t Space 
THE BROUGHTON 
MIXER 
-FOR- 
Wall Plaster & Fertilizers 
makcfacttred by 
W. D. DUNNING, 
Send for circular. Syracuse. N Y 
EiUbliiked 1852. | JACKSON BROTHERS 
NEW YOBI STATE DBAIN TILE AND PIPE WOBXS, 
Vain Office. 76 Third Avk.. Albany, N. Y. 
ROUND, SOLE AND HORSE-SHOE TILE, 
over 13 Inches long. By cargo or smallest quantity. 
Our new improved machinery makes -uperior round 
and sole tile, excelling anything offered heretofore. 
First Premium wherever exhibited. Price-list on ap 
plication. Vltrlfled Glazed Pipe and Tile Machines. 
THE ELKHART CARRIAGES, 
HARNESS MFG. CO. 
For ltl Year* have sold con 
i aiimur* 
ut wholesale prices, saving 
them the dealers profit. Ship 
anywhere for examination l>e- 
fore buying. Pay freight ch'g’s 
if not satisfactory. Warranted 
for2years. 64 page Catalog 
Free. AddressW . 1 $. PRATT, 
See’}-., Elkhart, Ind, 
your POTATOES with the 
PROFIT FARM BOILER 
With Dumping Caldron, emp¬ 
ties its kettle in one minute. The 
simplest and best arrangement for 
cooking food for stock. Also make 
Dairy and Laundry .Stoves, 
Water and Steam Jacket 
Kettles. Hog Sealders. Cal¬ 
drons. Ete. Send for circulars. 
. R. SPERRY & CO. BATAVIA, ILL. 
JONES, HE PAYS THE FREIGHT. 
S-TON WACON SCALES, *00. 
BEAU BOX 
- BBASSTABE BEAU. 
Freight Paid. 
Warranted tor 6 Yean < 
Agents Wasted. Send far Tarasa 
FARMERS' 
Barn mad Warehouse Seales. 
JOKES 0? BINGHAMTON. Bmsrhamton.M.Y. 
