VOL. XLIX. NO. 2122. 
NEW YORK, SEPTEMBER 27 . i 89 o. 
PRICE, FIVE CENTS. 
$ 2.00 PER YEAR. 
THE FARMER GOES “UP HEAD.” 
[A Doggerel for the Times.] 
Miss Columbia taught our school, down in District Number One. 
She beats all I ever saw—In the school mar’m line—no fun. 
Good enough for recess time, but when school is called. My Stars 
All that fooling could do then was to peek in through the bars. 
School had sort of been run down ; big boys had too much to say, 
Sort of seared the teachers out, came to school to laugh and p'ay. 
Great big fellers short of sense, came to think they owned it nil. 
Picked on little folks for fun, crowded out the weak and small. 
Miss Columbia found that out when she called the spelling class— 
Don’t it beat all how such boys through the spelling book cau pass ? 
These big fellers ranged themselves down before the teacher’s chair, 
Jostling, crowding in a way that made Miss Columbia stare. 
Stoutest boy In school—young Pug Politician stood “ up head; ” 
That belonged to him because he could whip the rest, he said. 
Larry Lawyer, he stood next; he and Pug were hand and glove; 
Rich young Billy Banker next, he stood grinning Just above 
Smart Ralph Railroad ; he touched arms with Mark Middleman, and SI. 
Speculator he stood uext, with the corner of his eye 
On the teacher’s rule : " downfoot,” Franklin Fat mer cooled his heels— 
That's the place he always took. My ! but be knows how it feels 
To be crowded off “ downfoot,” while the others make a run 
Over him to reach the head, stamping on his toes like fun ! 
Miss Columbia saw how 'twas ; “ Now” says she. “I guess I’ll try, 
Something new : you boys have spelled, long enough and therefore, I, 
Seelng’s you are hereto learn, think I’ll get you to define 
Some of these words in my book ; meanings give our language spine.” 
How they growled and shook their heads ! But she didn’t care a stitch, 
" You begin !” she says to Pug. as she tlngered on her switch. 
* First is JosTtCK ! Now,” says she, “Give the meaning of that word ?” 
Then the school-house got so still that a pin-drop could be heard. 
Pug he stood and scratched his head. “Justice ” he could surely spell, 
He could put the letters right; what they meant he couldn’t toll. 
“ Justice? Oh ! That means ” says be, “ Letting me run politics, 
1 Know all the Ins and outs : common people are like sticks. 
Justice never interfeies with a fellow’s honest trade. 
Politics means life to me, that Is where my money’s made!” 
But the teacher shook her head, while poor Pug he stood perplexed. 
Then a minute ticked away. Miss Columbia called out “ Next!” 
Then came Larry Lawyer’s turn, slick as slick and fine as fine ; 
“ Justice ? Why ! yes ! yes ! ” says he, “ that’s a favorite word of mine. 
Justice means a legal fee, meats the papers that I write. 
Means the mortgages and wills and each bitter legal fight! 
Means the law we twist and turn, and the drainage, I suppose 
That has tapped the public chest, under Uncle Sam’s big nose.” 
But the teacher shook her head, while smart Larry stood perplexed, 
Then a minute ticked away, Miss Columbia called out “Next!” 
Then rich Billy Banker tried. He was sort of slow in speech. 
Took his thoughts awhile to turn, though they stood In easy reach. 
“ Justice means the right to hold Uncle Sam’s good cash and pay, 
Not a single cent of tax, and to pile my funds away. 
Justice means the right to charge all the Interest I can get. 
Though It means the ‘ pound of flesh,' what care I for bloody sweat ? 
Justice means that I may lend cash on any terms 1 please, 
Justice means that you keep still, caring not how hard I squeeze.” 
But tho teacher shook her head: while rich Billy looked quite vexed. 
Then a minute ticked away, Miss Columbia called out "Next!” 
Smart Ralph Railroad tried Ais hand, “ Justice means monopoly. 
I may pour into my stock all the ’ water of the sea,' 
I may charge for freight and fares all the traffic well can bear 
If the public don’t like that, they may be-well, I don’t care. 
Justice means my ’ right of way/ Justice means—’ let me alone!’ 
Keep away 1 I own this track. You’ve no right to touch my bone.” 
But the teacher shook her head, while smart Ralph forget his text, 
Then a minute ticked away, Miss Columbia called out “ Next!” 
Then Mark Middleman, he tried: “ Trade is done by Rule of Three : 
Here’s Producer over here, here’s Consumer and here’s me. 
Now, Consumer pays the cash, while Producer has to grow 
Produce ; I take half from ea^h. that’s where ‘ I come in ’ you know. 
Justice keeps trade as It is : each to do his given part. 
Guarantees me my per cent., keeps tlieother twoapart.” 
But the teacher shook her head, while fat Mark he stood perplexed, 
Then a minute ticked away, Miss Columbia called out “ Next!” 
Then Si Speculator spoke • “Justice simply means the chance 
For a gambling 'rado In food. I make prices Jump and dance. 
Justice also means that we shall be always up on top. 
With Producer underneath every time the markets flop. 
Justice means a chance to ply our sll;k trade where’er we will. 
Justice means—’ No questions asked as to how I get my 1111. ’ ” 
But the teacher shook her head. whiieSI. rubbed his head quite vexed, 
Then a minute ticked away, Miss Columbia ca’ledout “ Next,” 
When Frank Farmer cleared his throat, all the scholars snickered out. 
Seemed so silly to expert wisdom from a clumsy lout. 
Frank had always held the butt end of everything, so they 
Got so used to buss him ’round, that he seemed their natural prey. 
But Frauk. he surprised ’em all: “Justice,” says he, “ means fair play. 
God puts power and wealth and all, in our hands to give away— 
For the strong must help the weak ; he who takes an unjust share 
Must expect to meet at last a division full and fair. 
Justice means that things we prize, wealth and all, that are not earned 
Honestly by patient toil,shall be from the holders turned. 
For the poor shall rise at last, bound together brave and strong. 
Hunting out the crimes of years, trampling on the Nation's wrong. 
Touching no man’s honest gain, touching no man’s honest right. 
But demanding that the fraud and the felon see the light.” 
Miss Columbia nodded then : “ Good, my boy ! Well done ! ” she said ; 
” Stay no longer at the foot! Take your proper place !—Up head !” 
Go “up head!” Let “ Justice ” come. Let all men that word define, 
“ Equal rights and honest share /” on that motto form your line. 
Be so Just, so fair so true that you strangle party hate ; 
Right's the only thing in life that can well afford to wait. 
Liftihe fallen, free the slave; give him fullest recompense. 
Build the groundwork of your cause on the rock of common sense. 
Learn that Brotherhoods are strong only when the brothers pay 
Bits of self-denial In from their lives day after day. 
Learn that simple right prevails, and that hope and truth are strong. 
Learn that Justice never yet came from matching wrong for w ong. 
Bound together strong as steel, by the noblest purpose led, 
* Equal rights and honest share ! ” Forward Farmer ! Go “ up head !' 
THE FARMER GOES “UP HEAD!” (See Poem above.) 
