78o 
THE RURAL NEW-YORKER. 
November 21, 1896 
Humorous. 
The bard who wished to see himself 
As others saw ’tis plain 
Had never been a nominee 
An office for to gain. —Uetroit News. 
Miss Vassaii : “ Are you fond of Hor¬ 
ace ? ” Miss Abat War (from Chicago): 
“ Yes, indeed. He never said a better 
thing than, “Go West, young man.”— 
Life. 
Little Boy : “ The preacher says 
there is no marryin’ in heaven.” Little 
Girl: “Of course not. There wouldn’t 
be enough men to go around.”— North 
Lacrosse Argus. 
Mother : “ I gave you a penny yester¬ 
day to be good, and to-day you are just 
as bad as can be.” Willie: “ Yes ; I’m 
trying to show that you got your 
money’s worth yesterday.”— Modes and 
Fabrics. 
A young man took his watch to a 
jeweler and asked the reason of its stop¬ 
ping. “ Well,” said the jeweler, “ there 
is a bedbug in it.” “ Why, how could a 
bedbug get in a watch?” “Easily 
enough,” said the jeweler. “ It went in 
between the ticks.”— Credit Lost. 
Bildad Jones : “ Father, kin I go 
down cellar an’ git some apples ter 
eat?” Farmer Jones: “Yes, Bildad; 
but see ye sort ’em all over fust, an’ 
don’t pick out none but th’ bad ones.” 
Bildad : “ But s’pose thar ain’t no bad 
ones, dad?” Farmer Jones: “Then 
ye’ll hev ter wait till they gits bad, 
Bildad. We can’t afford ter be eatin’ 
good, sound apples thet’s wuth a dollar 
a bushel.”— Judge. 
“ Yes,” said the principal of the young 
ladies’ seminary to the proud parent, 
“you ought to be very happy, my dear 
sir, to be the father of so large a family, 
all the members of which appear to be 
so devoted to one another.” “ Large 
family ! Devoted ! What on earth do 
you mean, ma’am?” “Why, yes, in¬ 
deed,” said the principal, beaming 
through her glasses. “No less than 
eleven of Gussie’s brothers have been 
here this winter to take her out riding, 
and she tells me she expects the tall one 
with blue eyes again to-morrow.”— Credit 
Lost. 
A GOOD-LOOKING, well-to-do bachelor 
was being teased by the young ladies of 
a club for not being married. He said, 
“I’ll marry the one of you whom, on a 
secret vote, you select to be my wife. 
There were nine members of the club. 
Each girl went into a corner and used 
great caution in preparing her ballot 
and disguising her handwriting. The 
result of the vote was that there were 
nine votes, each girl receiving one. The 
man remains a bachelor, the club is 
broken up, and the girls are mortal 
enemies, united in the one determina¬ 
tion that they will not speak to the man 
again.— Modes and Fabrics. 
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of 
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