fioU 
THE RURAL NEW- VORKEXV 
July 3, 1909. 
HUMOROUS 
Earnest Female: “Professor. I hear 
you are a great ornithologist.’’ Pro¬ 
fessor: “I am an ornithologist, 
madam.” Earnest Female: “Then 
could you kindly tell me the botanical 
name for a whale?”—Boston Transcript. 
“Is he a good watch dog?” “Best I 
ever owned; but you've got to learn to 
understand his signal. When there’s any 
suspicious character prowling around he 
sticks his tail between his legs and puts 
up the mourn fulest howl yon ever 
heard.”—Chicago Tribune. 
“Did you have a pleasant time at the 
picnic, Ronald? I trust that you re¬ 
membered to Fletcherize, and masti¬ 
cate each mouthful one hundred times.” 
“Yes’m, an’ while I was chewin’ m\ first 
bite the other boys et up all the grub.” 
—Life. 
Shoe Salesman: “I’m afraid these 
shoes will pinch you a trifle, madam. I 
suggest that you try what we call our 
—h’m—our contracted No. 6.” Cus¬ 
tomer: “No, sir; I won’t wear a No. (5. 
Have you an expanded No. 5?"—Chi¬ 
cago Tribune. 
"What do you think of tariff re¬ 
vision ?” “Well,” answered Farmer 
Corntossel, “it strikes me that the tariff 
is a good deal like the weather. No 
matter what kind you get, it’s pretty 
sure to be bad for somebody’s busi¬ 
ness.”—Washington Star. 
“Fancy old Bill, of all people, going 
into the gunpowder shed with a lighted 
candle!” remarked the proprietor of an 
explosive factory to his foreman. “I 
should have thought that would be the 
last thing he’d do.” “Which, properly 
spcakin’, it were, sir!” responded the 
foreman.—Melbourne Leader. 
So Cayuse Charley met his fate at the 
hands of a posse?” “Yep,” answered 
Three-finger Sam. “What was the 
trouble?” “His immejit difficulty was a 
lack of judgment as to speed. He helped 
himself to a horse, but didn’t pick one 
that was fast enough to keep ahead of 
the party as went after him.”—Wash¬ 
ington Star. 
The countryman came into the city 
dentist’s to have a tooth pulled. “You 
can do it without hurtin’, can ye?” he j 
asked anxiously. The dentist explained j 
that it could be done by giving gas— 
which would only cost five shillings ex¬ 
tra. “Five shillings extra!” exclaimed 
the sufferer. “That’s a good deal, ye 
know. Couldn’t you gimme kerosene 
instead ?”—Melbourne Australasian. 
Mr. Smith: “What’s the matter? 
Here are the elder children fighting in 
the streets, the younger ones crying in 
the nursery, no sign of dinner, and I’m 
as hungry as a bear. Where’s my wife?” 
Maid: “She gave orders not to dis¬ 
turb her, sir. She’s upstairs in the li¬ 
brary writing an article for her club 
on how to make the home folks con¬ 
tented.”—Baltimore American. 
“You have stated,” said the badgering 
lawyer to a witness, “that you were born 
in 1886. Now you say you were born in 
1887. An incriminating discrepancy— 
though perhaps you may be able to ex¬ 
plain it.” “Certainly I can explain it,” 
retorted the witness. “There’s no in¬ 
congruity there. I was born in 1886 and 
just stayed born. Why, I’m born yet.” 
—Youth’s Companion. 
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0. W. Ingersoll, 246 Plymouth St., Brooklyn, N.Y. 
Practical Tools 
To produce a level surface requires a keen plane; to make an exact 
mortise calls for a true-edged chisel; to bore a smooth hole you must have 
a clean-lipped bit in a steady brace; to saw a straight edge demands a 
perfect saw; and so on through the realm of practical work. 
Tools that get out of order quickly are useless to the worker. Right 
here the value of 
mn mm 
Tools and Cutlery becomes supreme. Scientifically forged, shaped, tempered and 
finished, they not only do their work with absolute accuracy, but maintain their fine 
work i ng qualities through thick and thin. 
Thus the name Keen Kutter stands everywhere for the most 
practical tools for practical work. This is worth remembering 
when next you buy tools . 
- Keen Kutter Tools include Carpenter Tools of all kinds, Farm 
and Garden Tools. Also a full line of Scissors and Shears, Pocket- 
knives and Table Cutlery. 
If not at your dealer’s, write us. 
SIMMONS HARDWARE CO. (Inc.), St. Louis and New York, U. S. A. 
The Aristocrat of Moderate 
Priced 
Cream 
Separators 
We are often asked the reason for the 
great success of the 
United States Separator 
In a nut shell it is this: 
U. S. Cream Separators are made of the best material,are most 
thorough in shimming and most durable in Wearing qualities. 
Every UNITED STATES owner will standi back ol these facts. 
In every line there is one best. Why? Because that one is the standard. 
So it is with Cream Separators, the United States is the Standard Cream Separa¬ 
tor. Many thousands being operated in all dairy sections have established 
its value. 
Promises and performances. There are cream separator manufacturers 
that promise great things—on paper—but in actual daily use their 
machines cannot fulfill their glaring claims. 
When some glib salesman claims he has something equal to the 
,, n United States, make him show you proof. It is one thing to make 
a claim and another thing to prove it. 
The United States has the proof. For it Holds the 
World's Record for closest skimming in fifty consecutive 
runs, covering one month, at the Pan-American Exposition 
from the milk of ten different breeds of cows, a 
record never having been equalled. 
Before you decide examine the United States care¬ 
fully. Ask any of the thousands of satisfied users 
and get their verdict, then have a United States 
selling agent place a United States in your dairy on 
free trial and it will prove all claims. 
In the meanwhile send for illustrated Catalogue No. 159, 
VERMONT FARM MACHINE CO., Bellows Falls, Vi. 
Climax Ensilage Cutter 
Simplest, cheapest and most perfect working of all ensilage 
machines. Cuts and elevates at one operation, with no litter 
or waste. No other style of cutter compares with the 
Inward Shearing Gut 
of knives and the Climax is the only cutter that has 
it. Don’t be caught by bare claims of superiority 
without proof. Read the record of the Fair and 
other Competitive Tests. We are always anxious to 
let the Climax work side by side with any other machine, 
the buyer to take the best. If you want to bo sure of the best, ask 
for the competitive test. Send for free catalog. 
WARSAW-WILKINSON CO., 50 Highland Avo., Warsaw, N. Y. . 
Abenaque Water Supply Systems 
and 
Pumping Plants 
Are described in detail in our new Water 
Supply Catalogue. We can furnish outfits 
for all purposes. Submit us your Proposi¬ 
tion and let us submit Price on a suitable 
system. Engineering advice gladly given 
free of charge. Write for Catalogue “O.” 
Abenaque Machine Works West vlrmon! tation ’ 
Boston Salesroom, 77 Oliver Street 
THE PAPEG I 
PNEUMATIC 
Ensilage Gutter 
will prepare you a better silage and fill your 
silo in less time, with lesr power and with less 
trouble to you than any other blower ensilage 
cutter made. 
It is the most convenient and the easiest to 
operate. It never clogs, never gets out of 
order, never disappoints. We guarantee every 
machine to be perfect and to do the Work 
claimed for it. 
' If you need an ensilage cutter you need a 
Papec. Send for catalog giving full particulars. 
Papec Machine Co., Box 
10 Shortsville.N.Y. 
SMALLEY 
SILO 
FILLERS 
Solid construction throughout. Safety Fly¬ 
wheel, Belt-pulley and Feed Controller. Length 
of cutchanged in a moment. Knives clear easy 
because beveled on out edge. One piece knife 
head strongest made. Gear and sprockets 
covered by shields—safest cutter to operate. 
Blower most powerful built— throws tho fodder 
as well as blows it. Write for booklet 
and get details. 
HARDER MFC. COMPANY. 
Box 11, Cobteaklll, N.Y. 
SILO FILLING 
MACHINERY 
DOSS 
1 m With BLOWER and Traveling 
■ ■ FEED TABLE 
Made 
in sizes 
to suit 
all wants 
from 5 to 
15 Horse 
Power Engine. 
Sold on their own merits. Pay 
for same after tried and satisfied. 
LARGEST CAPACITY AND STRONGEST BUILT 
Write for catalog. We have had 59 years 
experience and are the largest and oldest man¬ 
ufacturers of Ensilage Machinery in the world. 
THE E. W. ROSS CO., Box 13 Springfield, Ohio 
We also make ROSS SILOS and MAHORE SPREADERS. 
A. 
The Complete 
Machine 
BEFORE YOU BUY WRITE FOR 
NEW CATALOG DESCRIBING THE 
s, GUARANTEED MONEY-SAVING 
INTERNATIONAL 
SILOS 1 
strongest built, simplest to put up and easiest operated 
on the market. Adjustable automatic take-up hoop— 
continuous open-door front—air-tight door and per¬ 
manent ladder are some of the unusual features. The 
International Silo Co., Kox 13, Line»ville, Pa. 
WEEDSPORT IMPROVED SILO 
with removable, slid¬ 
ing and interchange¬ 
able doors; best silo 
made; white pine, Nor¬ 
way pine, spruce, cy¬ 
press; hundreds of sat¬ 
isfied farmers are us¬ 
ing them. Brutus, Ca¬ 
yuga and Seneca hay 
racks; handy, cheap, well made and durable. 
Write for catalogue and prices. Address 
THE ABRAM WAI.RATH CO., Weedsporf, New York. 
SILOS 
The “PHILADELPHIA” 
The Best on Earth 
Has the longest test and most in use. Con¬ 
tinuous opening from top to bottom. The only 
Opening Koof made. Ask for Engine Catalogue. 
TANKS AND TOWERS AND 
GASOLINE ENGINES 
Ask for prices and new catalog. 
K. F. SCII LI OH TIC It CO., 10 S. 18th St„ 
Philadelphia, Pa. 
Cuts and Elevates 
7 to 25 Tons an Hour 
GREEN MOUNTAIN 
SILOS 
The best in design, material and 
results obtained. 
Double the profit of the farm. 
Silage superior in every way. 
Construction unanproached. 
Fully guaranteed. 
Write now for . lerature. 
Creamery Package Mfg. Co. 
322-324 Broadway, Albany, N. Y. 
FACTORY AT RUTLAND, VT. 
WAGON SENSE 
Don’t break your back and kill your 
horses with a high wheel wagon. 
For comfort’s sake get an 
Electric Handy Wagon. 
It will save you time and money. A 
set of Electric Steel Wheels will 
make your old wagon new at small 
cost. Write for catalogue. It is free. 
ELECTRIC WHEEL CO.. Boi 88. Quiscf. UL 
