800 
THE RURAL NEW-YORKSR 
i oner 
10. 1008. 
HUMOROUS 
I shot a sparrow in the air; 
It fell to earth, I know not Adhere. 
But, judging from this quail cn toast, 
Here is my sparrow or its ghost! 
—Credit Lost. 
“Ain’t your egg cooked enough sir?” 
“Yes, Mary, but it wasn’t cooked soon 
enough !”—Evening Telegram. 
“The buckwheat cak»s at my board¬ 
ing-house always remind me of a base¬ 
ball game.” “How so?” “The batter 
doesn’t always make a hit.”—Puck. 
“We had mind reading at our house 
last night. Johnny hid a pin and papa 
tried to find it.” “Did he succeed?” 
“Yes, he found it the moment he sat 
down.”—Baltimore American. 
Little Willie: “Say, Pa, does phil¬ 
osophy help us to endure trials ?” Pa: 
“It helps us to endure the trials of 
other people, my son, but it usually falls 
down when applied to our own.”—Chi¬ 
cago Daily News. 
“How much for the job, doc?” “One 
dollar. That’s reasonable enough ?” “I 
s’pose so, but I do hate to part with 
money. Take it out of my pocket while 
I’m under the influence of the gas.”— 
Louisville Courier-Journal. 
“Looks like rather poor soil in this 
part of the country,” said the stranger. 
“Well, it ain’t,” replied the native. “A 
man over on the adjoining farm 
plowed up a tin can with $50 in it 
one day last week.”—Chicago News. 
“I notice you ain’t callin’ on Maggie 
Jinks no more!” “Nope; an’ I ain’t 
goin’ to. De last time I went derc dey 
t’rew me out, slashed er bucket of hot 
water on me, an’ sicked de dorg on me! 
I guess I kin take a hint!”—Harper’s 
Bazar. 
Creditor (determinedly) : “I shall call 
at your house every week until you pay 
this account, sir.” Debtor (in the 
blandest tones) : “Then, sir, there seems 
every possibility of our acquaintance¬ 
ship ripening into friendship.”—London 
Tit-Bits. 
Sperm Whale (nervously) : “Well, 
I’ll have to be going. So long, old 
man.” Shark: “Why, you aren’t afraid 
of the Octopus, are you ?” Sperm 
Whale: “Well, you see, he represents 
the Standard Oil Company, and I’m an 
individual producer.”—Puck. 
Tommy: “Ma, I met the minister on 
my way to Sunday school, and he asked 
me if I ever went fishing on Sunday.” 
Mater: “And what did you say, dar¬ 
ling?” Tommy: “I said, ‘Get thee be¬ 
hind me, Satan,’ and ran right away 
from him.”—Judge. 
“I’ll take your damage case,” said the 
lawyer, helping to his feet the man just 
hit by an automobile. “Thank you,’’ 
replied the victim, “I’m not much hurt, 
but I recognized that measly chauffeur. 
He may have a case for you later.”— 
Philadelphia Ledger. 
The Ostrich: “Oh, oh, doctor, I’ve 
such a pain!” Dr. Pelican: “What 
have you been eating?” The Ostrich: 
“Only some needles and a few spools 
of thread.” Dr. Pelican: “Er-um. 
You’ve undoubtedly got a stitch in the 
side.”—Good Housekeeping. 
When you write advertisers mention The 
R. N.-Y. and you’ll get a quick reply and 
“a square deal.” See guarantee page 10. 
SAVE HALF Your 
Paint Bills 
By using INGERSOLL PAINT — proved 
best by 66 years’ use. It will please you. 
Only Paint endorsed by the “Grange.” 
Made in all colors,—for all purposes. 
DELIVERED FREE. 
From the Mill Direct to You at Factory Prices. 
INGERSOLL PAINT BOOK —FREE 
Tells all about Paint and Painting for Durability. 
How to avoid trouble and expense caused by paint* 
fading, chalking and peeling. Valuable information 
fra* to you. with Sample Color Cards, Writ* m«. DO 
XT HOW. X can *av* you mousy. 
0. W. Ingersoll, 246 Plymouth St.. Brooklyn. N.Y. 
1 £ ouldn’t you like to have 
this /eautiful Victor in your home? 
Think of hearing right in your own parlor the latest 
popular songs by the greatest singers of the day ; the old- 
time melodies that are ever new ; the music of famous bands 
and orchestras ; the magnificent voices of the world’s fore¬ 
most operatic stars! 
All that and more the Victor brings to you no matter 
where you live. And as you listen you forget it’s a Victor — 
everything is so real and true to life that you imagine 
you are listening to the performers themselves. 
Think of having such a wonderful musical instru¬ 
ment in your home—how much pleasure it 
brings to yourself and family ! 
There will be no more long 
winter evenings with time hanging 
heavy on your hands ; but there 
will lie an abundance of good 
healthy music and fun for every¬ 
body in the house. 
Young and old alike will en¬ 
joy it, and all will feel the better 
and brighter and happier for 
hearing it. 
Don’t go without a Victor in 
your home. Don’t shut out of 
your life the melody and fun that 
make home a home indeed. 
Don’t put off buying a Victor 
when you ought to have it right 
now. 
Buy right at home from your local dealer. 
What’s the use of sending 1 your money hundreds of miles away when you can buy a Victor on easy payments 
right in your own locality from a man you know ? 
Buying at home is more convenient and satisfactory—more advantageous and better in every way. 
You know the man you are dealing with. You know he is responsible. You know he will make good every 
promise. You can see and hear the 
Pay for it on such easy terms 
that you’ll never miss the money 
It’s so much easier to pay a little at a time—and it’s the modern way of doing business. 
Buying a Victor on easy payments is having the cake and the penny too. You get the 
delightful music and mirth, and you never miss the money. 
What’s the use of putting off buying a Victor ? What’s the use of waiting until you have 
the entire amount to spare? Why not buy now and enjoy the Victor while you are paying 
for it ? 
The small payments never embarrass you. They are easy—and soon finished. But the 
pleasure keeps right on. 
How can you deny yourself any longer of this varied pleasure when it is so easy to put it 
in your home right now? Why wait? Why not get youh Victor to-day ? 
Entertainment for everybody 
and for every occasion 
The Victor is always ready to entertain 
you whenever you want to hear it and as long 
as you want to listen. 
It entertains young and old alike. It en¬ 
tertains you when you are alone; entertains 
your friends when they drop in to see you; 
furnishes good music when you give a dance 
or have a party, and provides a regular con¬ 
cert before or between the dances. 
And everybody can dance—no one need 
miss dancing to play ; and no one gets tired 
of playing. 
All the rag-time and popular songs and 
operatic selections and everything else you 
want for every day in the week and plenty of 
hymns and sacred music for Sunday or any 
other time. 
Look for the dog 
on the horn and cabinet of every 
Victor and on every Victor Record. 
Some people 
who have 
you know 
Victors 
Hundreds of prominent people of wealth 
and refinement, people who are satisfied with 
notiiing but the best, have Victors in their 
homes because of its wonderful musical 
qualities. 
It is a splendid tribute to the Victor, that 
with all the money at their command they 
can secure nothing that gives them so much 
pleasure and furnishes such good entertain¬ 
ment to their friends as does the Victor. 
President Roosevelt has a Victor in the 
White House. Presidential-candidate Taft 
has a Victor. 
His Holiness, Pope Pius X, has a Victor. 
And among the monarchs of Europe and 
Asia who use the Victor for their royal pleas¬ 
ure may be mentioned the King of England, 
the Emperor of Germany, the Queen of Spain, 
the King of Italy, tiie King of Portugal and 
the Shah of Persia. 
Victor and find out all you want to 
know about it. 
You have the full Victor line to se¬ 
lect from. You know you are paying 
the right price —Victor prices are the 
same all over America. You can hear 
the different records played before 
you buy them. You encourage and 
support home enterprise. And you 
get a square deal. 
If you don’t know who the Victoi' 
dealer is in your locality, we’ll give 
you his name and address. 
All instruments in one 
and the best one 
The Victor is the greatest musical 
instrument in the world. It is all in¬ 
struments in one, and includes the 
perfect human voice. 
The Victor is the one perfect instru¬ 
ment of its kind ; the only one with a 
loud, rich, clear, musical natural tone. 
It is entirely different from any 
other talking-machine you have ever 
heard. It talks more naturally. It 
plays and sings more sweetly. It re¬ 
produces everything, not in a squawky, 
far-off Punch-and-Judy echo, hut the 
actual music or voice with all its 
power, sweetness and fine reality. 
The Victor is life itself. 
I want to say to every reader of 
this paper,that you owe It to your¬ 
self to hear the Victor the very 
next time you pass a Victor store. 
There is a Victor dealer in your 
locality who will gladly play any 
Victor music you want to hear. 
Use the coupon and get the Vic¬ 
tor catalogues and name of your 
nearest dealer. 
Write to-day for 
Victor catalogues 
They show you all the different styles of the Victor —from $10 up—and tell you all about 
them. . , A-' 
They give you a complete descriptive list of the 3000 and more Victor Records . includ- br¬ 
ing everything from popular songs to grand opera. 
And we tell you how you can get any Victor you want with any Victor Records -.O ^ 
you want, on the easiest kind of terms. 
Use the coupon 
4- 
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Do it to-day. Don’t put it off. Don’t go to the trouble of writing a letter. 
We print the coupon for your convenience. Fill it in, cut it out and mail 
it to us to-day. Or drop us a postal. The thing is to do something right ^ 
now. You’re missing a lot of fun every day you’re without a Victor. G 
Don’t wait another day longer. Sit down right now and write for ^ 
o 6 <cV 
Sit down right now and write for 
catalogues. You’ll never regret it. 
Victor Talking Machine Company v 
20th & Cooper Sts., Camden, N. J. 4 
Berliner Gramophone Co., Montreal, Canadian Distributors 
To get best results, use only Victor Needles on Victor Records. 
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A complete list of new Victor Records for October will be found in the October number 
of Munsey’s, Scribner’s, McClure’s, Century and Everybody’s; and November Cosmopolitan. 
