©38 
THE RURAL, NEW-YORKER 
November 28, 1908. 
HUMOROUS i 
A fellow often gels a jar 
Upon the stair 
And tumbles like a falling star, 
I do declare, 
All through a step he reaches for 
That isn’t there. 
Thus oft an apprehension throws 
Us with a twist. 
I think of. all the earthly 1 , woes 
• Upon the list, • 
The ones that jar us most are those 
That don't exist. 
—Louisville Courier-Journal. 
“Do .you consider your nerve is suffij 
‘ciently .steady to fit you for an airship 
navigator?” “Well, I’ve been out in a 
■canoe with a nervous fat girl.”—Cleve¬ 
land Plain Dealer. 
I 
Farmer (showing town nephew round 
his farm) : “That bull is two years old.” 
Nephew: “How do you know?” “By 
his horns.” 'Oh, to be sure; he has 
■only two.”—Credit Lost. 
The New Curate (inquiring for 
parishioner) : “Pardon me, is this No. 
15?” Lady of the house (appearing with 
infant in her arms) : “Lor’ bless you, 
no, sir! This is only my sixth!”— 
Punch. 
“This has been a delightful Summer,” 
said the Billville citizen. “You bet it 
has,” was the enthusiastic reply. “We 
killed 42 rattlesnakes and sold the rat¬ 
tles for 50 cents apiece!”—Atlanta Con¬ 
stitution. 
Inexperienced Guest (at hotel desk) : 
“Send a hammer up ter my room.” 
Clerk: “What do you want with a ham¬ 
mer?” Inexperienced Guest: “Got to 
have it ter break into til’ pesky globe, 
so I kin blow out th’ light.”—Credit 
Lost. 
Lady in touring car beckons to pedes¬ 
trian. “Will you kindly do me a small 
favor, sir?” “Certainly, madam.” “Then 
please stand out in the middle of the 
highway and let me see how quickly 
I can stop my car without hitting you. 
I'm afraid this brake is out of order.”— 
Cleveland Plain Dealer. 
Little Archie and his mother sat in 
the crowded street car, on their way to 
the theatre. Suddenly the lad, who had 
never .yet been in a real theatre, loudly 
asked: “Mamma, did you say we were 
to sit in a box at the theatre?” “Yes, 
dear. Now sh!” “Well,” added the en¬ 
thusiastic child, “I hope that all the 
while the curtain’s up they’ll leave the 
lid open!”—The Circle. 
Bill Nye in his earlier days once ap¬ 
proached the manager of a lecture bureau 
with an application for employment, and 
was asked if he had ever done anything 
in that line. “Oh, yes,” said Bill. “What 
have you done?” “Well,” replied Bill, 
“my last job was in a dime museum, 
sitting in a barrel with the top of my 
head sticking out—posing as the largest 
ostrich egg in captivity.”—Argonaut. 
Papa was about to apply the strap. 
“Father,” said Willie, firmly, “unless 
that instrument has been properly ster¬ 
ilized I desire to protest.” This gave 
the old man pause. “Moreover,” con¬ 
tinued Willie, “the germs might be re¬ 
leased by the violent impact of leather 
upon a porous textile fabric but lately 
exposed to the dust of the street which 
would be apt to affect you deleteriously.” 
As the strap fell from a nerveless hand, 
Willie sloped.—Philadelphia Ledger. 
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Every reader of 
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can be depended upc 
©Rural New-Yorker should carefully read every word of this advertisement. It tells bow to get this 
ent on the easiest terms imaginable. < Whether or not you think of buying a Victor, we advise you to use the 
la ogues and full infdrmation-?it place's you under no obligation. The Victor Company is entirely reliable and 
**>: stand hack of every. statement it makes. ■ 
I I ■ - ' ! 
You fan get this beautiful Victor 
orllthe easiest kind of terms 
Think of it ! The great¬ 
est musical instrument in the 
world right in your own 
home on such easy terms 
that you’ll never miss the 
money. 
You can enjoy its varied 
and abundant music and en¬ 
tertainment while you are 
paying for it. 
Almost before you know it the payments 
are finished, but the pleasure keeps right 
on—fresh every day. 
The Victor is bound to get in every 
home. How long, will you keep it out of 
your home ? Why deprive 
yourself of this great pleasure? 
The charming music; the 
delightful fun ; the refreshing 
entertainment of which you 
never tire—all these you owe 
to yourself and your family. 
Don’t be without a Victor 
in your home. Don’t wait 
until you save the entire 
amount. Every day without a Victor is a 
loss you can never make good. 
„ Get a Victor. 
Get it on the easy-payment plan. 
Get it to-day. 
Buy right at home 
There’s a Victor dealer in your locality 
Why send your money hundreds of miles away when you can 
buy a Victor on easy payments right here in your own locality from 
a man you know? 
i • ■ 
We’ll give you his name and address, j Think of the greatest 
advantage. Think of the convenience. Think of the satisfaction. 
You know the man you are dealing with. You know he is responsi¬ 
ble. You know lie will make good everypromise. You can find 
out all you want to know about the Victor J You can select the 
style you like best. You have the full Victor line to select from, 
and you know exactly what you are getting. 
. , ( 
You know you are paying the right price. Victor prices are 
the same all over America. You encourage and support home 
enterprise. And you get a square deal. 
You can hear the different records played before you take them 
—and you don’t need to take any records that you don’t like. 
You get an instrument that you know is in absolutely perfect 
condition, and if anything should happen to it at any time, you can 
get it fixed instantly without taking it apart to try to locate the 
trouble, and without sending to a distant city for a new part—and 
missing weeks of pleasure while you are waiting. 
No matter what style Victor you buy, you get not only the best 
instrument at its price, but an instrument that is more perfect musi¬ 
cally than any make of phonograph or graphophone at any price. 
Every Victor dealer will give you a “square deal” and stand 
hack of any Victor he sells you. He knows that if any defects in 
materials or workmanship should develop at any time, we willingly 
make them good without expense to him or you. 
Anyone can play the Victor 
You have no idea how easy it is to play 
the Victor. 
You don’t need to know a single note of 
music; and yet you can play the world’s best 
music. - 
Even a child can play the Victor. It is 
just as easy as anything can be, and there is 
nothing to get out of order. 
You wind up the .Victor the same as you 
do a clock. Turning the handle winds up 
the motor that makes the turn-table revolve 
on which the record rests. . 
Then all, you do is to put on the Victor 
Record you want.to hear, start the,turn-table 
revolving, place the reproducing needie on 
the record, and immediately-you hear the 
music you have picked out, played so true 
to life that you imagine the performers 
themselves are standing before you. 
The best entertainment 
of every kind 
No matter what kind of entertainment 
you want, you get the best and hear it at its 
best only on the Victor. 
You can hear the stirring strains of cele¬ 
brated hands and orchestras;beautiful sacred 
music; the dear old songs of heart and home; 
the liveliest dance music; solos and duets on 
your favorite instruments; the latest song 
hits;minstrel sliows;the funniest comic selec¬ 
tions; dialogues and recitations of the day; 
classic symphonies of the great composers;tlie 
magnificent'voices of the greatest operatic 
stars; or whatever else you want, you can 
have it on the Victor by the world’s best 
talent, played as the Victor alone can play it. 
A million dollars could not bring together this splendid 
array of talent for even 
Yet you can hear them in your own home 
when you like and as often as you like on 
the Victor. 
They make records only for the Victor, 
because they know that it is the only talking- 
machine that does full justice to their beau¬ 
tiful voices and splendid music—the only one 
that reproduces them absolutely true to-life.' 
Among the grand-opera artists who you 1 
can hear on the Victor only are Caruso, 1 
. • —I 
There is a Victor for every 
purse—from $lO up. 
a single performance. 
Calve, Eames, Farrar, Gadski. Homer,Melba, 
Planeon, Scliumann-Heink, Scotti, Sembrich 
and Tetrazzini. 
Sousa’s Band and Arthur Pryor’s Band 
make records exclusively for the Victor. 
May Irwin, Vesta Victoria, Alice Lloyd, 
Clarice Vance, Richard Jose, Harry Mac- 
donough, Eddie Collins, the Hayden Quartet, 
and other well-known favorites also sing for 
the Victo'r only. 
The Victor turns your home 
into a musical fairyland 
No more dull and dreary evenings after 
the day’s work is done. You need not be 
lonesome for want of amusement. You 
can enjoy the same music and entertainment 
that delights crowded audiences every night 
at the theaters and opera houses in the lead¬ 
ing cities of the world. No matter where 
you live or what kind of entertainment 
you want, the Victor brings it at its very best 
right into your own home. 
Look for the dog: 
on the horn and cabinet of every 
Victor and on every Victor Record. 
Remember it’s to your 
advantage to buy the Victor 
from a dealer in your 
locality. 
Write to-day for 
Victor catalogues 
They show you all the different styles of the Victoi —from §10 up—and tell you all 
about them. 
They give you a complete descriptive list of the 3000 and more Victor Records , 
including everything from popular songs to grand opera. And we tell you 
how you can get any style Victor with a list of records of your own selection, 
on the easiest kind of terms. 
Use the coupon 
Don’t go to the trouble of writing a letter. Just fill in the coupon, 
cut it out and mail it to us to-day. Or you can drop us a postal. 
But whatever you do, don’t delay. Don’t miss this great pleasure. .<^ 
You lose while you wait. Don’t put it off. Do it to-day. 
Victor Talking Machine Company 
20th & Cooper Sts., Camden, N. J. 
Berliner Gramophone Co., Montreal, Canadian Distributors. 
To get best results, use only Victor Needles on Victor Records. 
$ 
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New Victor Records are on sale at all dealers on the 28th of each month. 
Go and hear them . 
