728 
THE RURAL NEW-YORKER 
September 12, 1908. 
HUMOROUS 
Up the stairs crept little Willie, 
Crept as still as any mouse. 
On the stairs he put red pepper— 
Not a dry eye in the house. 
—Credit Lost. 
"Do you subscribe to the platform of 
your party this year?" "Not so much 
as the managers wanted,” replied the 
financier.—Philadelphia Public Ledger. 
Tailor (To Tommy’s mother, who is 
ordering her hoy’s suit) : “Do you wish 
the shoulders padded?” Tommy: “Ma, 
ma, have them pad the seat of the 
pants!”—Life. 
“There is one contrary fact of human 
nature which shows itself concerning 
widows.” “What is that ?” “A man 
is apt to appreciate any widow’s charms 
but his own.”—Baltimore American. 
Faddist Visitor: “Are you allowed 
in this prison any exercise beneficial for 
your health ?” Convict: “Oh, yes, 
ma’am. By advice of my counsel I have 
been skipping the rope.”—Baltimore 
American. 
Binks (who ordered a pancake half 
an hour previously) : “Er—I—say, will 
that pancake be long?’ Waitress: “No, 
sir; it ’ll be round.” Then he waited 
patiently another half hour.—Philadel¬ 
phia Inquirer. 
“It’s really distressing to think,” said 
the wealthy Mr. Farrasy, “that many 
very common and ignorant people will 
be admitted to Heaven.” “Well,” re¬ 
plied Mr. Cutting, “that needn’t worry 
you.”—Philadelphia Press. 
“Can a layman write a will that will 
hold?” “He can if he sticks to ordin¬ 
ary English,” answered the lawyer. “It’s 
when he tries to handle the ‘to-wits,’ and 
the ‘whereases’ that he falls down.”— 
Louisville Courier-Journal. 
“I admire patience an’ self-control,” 
said Uncle Eben, “but when I sees a 
man dat kin keep on smilin’ after he 
done bruise his thumb wif a hammer, 
I can’t help bein’ s’picious of his 
capacity foil deceit.”—Washington Star. 
“To what do you attribute your suc¬ 
cess?” “To taking people at their 
word,” answered the Polonius with chin 
whiskers. “Take a man at his word 
nowadays and it surprises him so that 
he never fails to live up to it.”—Kansas 
City Journal. 
“That man tinkering at that auto¬ 
mobile was a poor man only a couple 
of years ago, now lie’s a successful 
business man. He’s a great pusher!” 
“Well, he needs to be a great pusher if 
he expects to get that auto back home!” 
—Town and Country. 
“Well, Bobby, how is your sister?” 
asked the parson. “Oh, she’s sick in 
bed; hurt herself terrible,” replied the 
youth. “I’m sorry to hear that. How 
did it happen?” “We were playin’ who 
could lean farthest out of the window— 
and she won !”—Lippincott’s. 
When you write advertisers mention The 
R. N.-Y. and you’ll get a quick reply and 
“a square deal.” See guarantee paste 10. 
AGENTS 
CAN MAKE EASILY 
$20.00 A WEEK 
by selling to fam¬ 
ilies our famous 
TEAS, COFFEES, SPICES, EXTRACTS, and 
BAKING POWDER. GREAT INDUCE¬ 
MENTS. For full particulars address 
THE GREAT AMERICAN TEA COMPANY, 
P. O. Box 289, New York, N. Y. 
SAVE HALF Your 
Paint Bills 
By using INGERSOLL PAINT — proved 
best by 66 years’ use. It will please you. 
Only Paint endorsed by the “Grange.” 
Made in all colors,—for all purposes. 
DELIVERED FREE, 
From the Mill Direct to You at Factory Prices. 
INGERSOLL PAINT BOOK —FREE 
Tells all about Paint and Painting for Durability. 
How to avoid trouble and expense caused Ip paints 
failing, chalking and peeling. Valuable information 
free to yon. with Sample Color Cards, Write me. DO 
IT NOW. I can lave you money. 
0. W. Ingersoll, 246 Plymouth St., Brooklyn, N.Y. 
Every reader of The Rural New-Yorker should carefully read every word of this advertisement. It tells you how to get 
this wonderful musical instrument on the easiest terms imaginable. .Whether or not you think of buying a Victor, we advise you 
to use the coupon and write for catalogues and full information—it places, you under no obligation. The Victor Company is entirely 
reliable and can be depended upon to stand back of every statement it makes. 
You need a Victor in your home 
and can get it on the easiest kind of terms 
If you only knew how much fun and entertainment the 
Victor brings into your home, you wouldn’t be without 
one for a single day. 
You know how it is—how you come home in the even¬ 
ing, tired out from your day’s work, and a long dreary 
evening before you. 
That’s the time when you would appreciate some 
amusement to refresh you and make you forget the trials 
and cares of your workaday life. 
You need music and fun to drive away the blues and 
make you feel that life is really worth the living. 
And there’s nothing under the sun that does that better 
than the Victor. 
No matter what you want to hear in the way of enter¬ 
tainment, the Victor brings it right to you while you sit 
in your easy chair. 
That would certainly be great and you would like to 
have a Victor, hut—you’re thinking that probably you can’t afford it just now. 
No one need say “I can’t afford it,” for the Victor can be bought on such easy terms that you never miss the 
money, and the first thing you know it is entirely paid for. 
Under such conditions you really can’t afford not to have a Victor. You're cheating yourself out of a lot of fun 
every day you go without a Victor, Don’t keep it up. Don’t miss this great pleasure. Sooner or later you’ll get a 
Victor, and you might as well get it right now. Do something about it to-day. 
It’s to your advantage to buy from your local dealer 
If you don’t know who lie is, we’ll give you his name and address. 
Then you can go to him and see and hear the different styles of 
the Victor and pick out the one you like best—and you know exactly 
what you are getting. That’s better than being compelled to take 
any talking-machine a far-away irresponsible concern has a mind 
to send you. 
It is more convenient, too, for you to buy from your local dealer 
than to send money hundreds of miles away. And if anything 
should need adjusting at any time, you can have it fixed almost 
instantly- no sending to a distant city, no waiting, no missing days 
and probably weeks of pleasure. 
It’s safer too. You know the man you are dealing with. You 
know he is responsible. You are sure of a square deal. 
The price will be right and you will get a full money’s-worth. 
Victor prices are the same all over America. And when you 
patronize your local dealer, you encourage and support home enter¬ 
prise-help along your community. 
Another important thing is that you can hear the different records 
played before you buy, and you take only those you like. No buying 
a cat in a bag. 
Don’t all these things make it clear that you should buy from 
your local dealer ? Think it over. 
The greatest musical instrument 
the world has ever known 
The Victor is all instruments in one, and includes the perfect human voice. 
It is a violin, a flute, a cornet, a full hand or orchestra. 
It is a leading vaudeville artist or a famous grand-opera star. 
Not a fiat, strained imitation, hut pure and perfect as life itself. 
Don’t Confuse the Victor with any screechy, squawky talking-machine you may have 
heard at some country fair. 
The Victor is no more like the old-style talking-machine than the improved harvester 
of the present day is like the old-style reaper. 
Victor Record .s are different, from other records too. You don’t need to he afraid to 
touch them. You can pick them up any way you want—you can rub your hand all over 
them without any injury to the records. 
Any one can play the Victor 
You have no idea how easy it is to play the Victor. 
You don’t need to know a single note of music; and yet you can play the world’s 
best music. 
Even a child can play the Victor. It is just as easy as anything can be, and there is 
nothing to get out of order. 
You wind up the Victor the same as you do a clock. Turning the handle winds up the 
motor that makes the turn-table revolve on which the record rests. 
Then all you do is to put on the Victor Record you want to hear, start the 
turn-table revolving, place the reproducing needle on the record, and immediately 
you hear the music you have picked out, played so true to life that you imagine 
the performers themselves are standing before you. 
You can have this concert in your own home 
The program below will help to give you an idea of program you can arrange 
for yourself and friends at any time, with a Victor in your iiome: 
Dancing in the Barn.Victor Orchestra 
Waiting at the Church (Soprano Solo).Vesta Victoria 
Turkey in the Straw Medley (Banjo Solo).Vess L. Ossman 
Uncle Josh at the Circus (Recitation).Cal Stewart 
Arkansaw Huskin’ Bee.Sousa’s Band 
Lead Kindly Light.Trinity Choir 
The Holy City (Trombone Solo).Arthur Pryor 
When the Harvest Days are Over (Tenor Solo).Harry Macdonough 
Ye Olden Time Minstrels.Minstrel Show 
Bring Back My Bonnie to Me.Haydn Quartet 
Star Spangled Banner.Arthur Pryor’s Band 
These are only a few of the records in the Victor catalogue. There are more 
than 3000 others from which you can make your selections. 
There is a Victor 
for every purse— 
from $10 up. 
The best entertainment 
by the greatest entertainers 
The variety of entertainment you can hear on the 
Victor is practically unlimited. 
You can enjoy the latest popular songs of the day; 
the spirited music of famous hands and orchestras; the 
liveliest dance music ; solos and duets on your favorite 
instruments; sacred music ; old-time melodies; a whole 
minstrel show; the magnificent voices of the world’s 
foremost opera singers—all the wonderful variety of 
melody, sentiment and mirth that only a Victor can 
give you. 
Handsome picture free 
To every reader of The Rural 
New-Yorker who writes for our 
catalogue and mentions this paper, 
we will send absolutely free, a 
magnificent picture of the famous 
painting of “His Master's Voice,” 
beautifully lithographed in ten 
colors on good cardboard, suitable 
for framing. 
Look for the Dog on the horn 
and cabinet of every Victor, and 
on every Victor Record. 
FREE 
Write to-day for 
Victor catalogues 
They show all the different styles of the Victor and tell you all about them. 
They give you a complete descriptive list of the 30IK) and more Victor Records, including a-'' 
everything from popular songs to grand opera. And we tell you how you can get any yC* 
style Victor with a list of records of your own selection on the easiest kind of terms. 
Fill out the coupon to-day^CSir* 
You don’t need to go to the trouble of writing us a letter. Just fill out 
the coupon, cut it off and mail it to us to-day. Or, if you want, you can 
just drop us a postal card. But whatever you do, don’t delay. Do it Av 
to-day—right now—while you are thinking about it. Remember, every CV c 1 
<V 
O' 
& 
v 
Jr. * eo 
-, —.- , — ...it. -~—, 
day without a Victor is a loss you can never make good. Don’t put it off 
Victor Talking Machine Company., 
20th & Cooper Sts., Camden, N. J. 
Berliner Gramophone Co., Montreal, Canadian Distributors 
To get best results use only Victor Needles on Victor Records. 
Rejnember it’s to your advantage to buy the Victor from 
a dealer in your locality. 
C°V 
Jti & & 
& 
fy A” 
A* 
V 
& 
rS 
° SKW ■■ 
-C v e? .’ <*> 
A? 
A complete list of new Victor Records for September will be found in the September number 
of Munsey’s, Scribner’s, McClure’s, Century and Everybody’s; and October Cosmopolitan. 
