680 
THE RURAL, NEW-YORKER 
May 6, 1911. 
HUMOROUS 
Jones : “Hi, Smith, who are you work¬ 
ing for?” Smith: “Same people. Wife 
and five kids.”—Lampoon. 
“This contributor stole his poem from 
Shakespeare.” “We’ll fix that fellow. 
Just print it and then send Shakespeare 
a marked copy.”—Toledo Blade. 
Conductor to Passenger: “We ran 
over a cat down the line.” Passenger: 
“Was the cat on the line?” Conductor: 
“Why, of course not. We chased up 
an alley after her.”—Chicago Daily 
Socialist. 
“Aunt Mary, this is my friend, Mr. 
Spiffkins.” “Pm sorry, I didn’t quite 
catch the name.” “Mr. Spiffkins.” “I’m 
really very deaf; would you mind re¬ 
peating it?” “Mr. Spiffkins.” “I’m 
afraid I must give it up—it sounds to 
• me just like ‘Spiffkins.’”—Punch. 
“On the one hand,” said the teacher, 
pointing a long finger to the map on 
the class-room wall, “we have the far- 
stretching country of Russia. On the 
other hand—what do we see on the 
other hand, Tommy?” “Warts!” haz¬ 
arded Tommy, hopeless with fright.”— 
Tit-Bits. 
Native: “Why did you leave the 
civilized East and come out here to the 
wild, unsettled West to live?” New¬ 
comer: “Because the folks around where 
I lived slandered me and said mean 
things about me.” Native: “Why didn’t 
3 r ou make them prove what they said?” 
Newcomer: “They did.”—Chicago News. 
The motorist emerged from beneath 
the car and struggled for breath. His 
helpful friend, holding the oil can, 
beamed upon him. “I’ve just given the 
cylinder a thorough oiling, Dick, old 
man,” said the helpful friend. “Cylin¬ 
der,” said the motorist, heatedly, “that 
wasn’t the cylinder; it was my ear!”— 
Tit-Bits. 
A near-sighted sportsman strolled into 
a little hotel on the shores of Loch Car- 
ron and, complaining, said: “Just seen a 
Seal, shot at it three times, and missed 
it each time.” At dinner an hour later 
he sat next to a tourist who had a band¬ 
age round his head. “Had an acci¬ 
dent?” asked the sportsman. “Acci¬ 
dent,” growled the other. “Attempted 
murder you mean. I was having a bath 
about an hour ago, when some lunatic 
with a gun fired' at me three time from 
the shore and shot part of my ear off. 
I don’t know why such animals are al¬ 
lowed out without a license.” Then si¬ 
lence reigned supreme.—London Tele¬ 
graph. 
“I should like to chat with you a 
while, Mrs. Duggan,” says the young 
lady who has taken up settlement work. 
“I want to talk with you about—” 
“Are ye one of them uplifters?” inter¬ 
rupts Mrs. Duggan, without taking her 
hands from the washtub. “Well—in a 
sense, that is my hope.” “Well, I've just 
this to say. I was one day behind with 
my washin’s last week because of help¬ 
ful visitin’ committee ladies, an’ from 
now on them that wants to improve my 
condition in life will either have to do 
th’ washin’ while I sit an’ listen or pay 
me 50 cents an hour f’r bearin’ them 
through with an interested an’ aspirin’ 
expression.”—Judge. 
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WHAT ! They Need 
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RO OFING 
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Amatite costs no more than the kind of roofings that 
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Sample free on request. Address nearest office. 
Everjet Elastic Paint 
Save money by using this black paint 
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Elastic, heat-proof, durable. Use it for 
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r,rpnrmifl Lice Destroyer 
V^reUIlUlU andCowSpray 
Spray the ben house regularly with 
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spread of contagion. Sprayed on cattle 
it keeps the flics away, and the cows 
thus protected produce more milk. 
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New York Chicago Philadelphia Boston St. Louis Cleveland 
Pittsburg Cincinnati Kansas City Minneapolis New Orleans 
Seattle London, England 
ml 
BUY A NEW YORK STATE WAGON 
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If you want the best made at the lowest 
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Send tor One on Approval. 
Safe delivery guaranteed—no deposit or 
Handy Wagon: Removable seats, references required. Our wagon can sell A No. 1 Runabout: spinulo seat 
drop end gate, strong and dur- itself or there will bo no sale. Write today easy riding, will last for many 
able. Can’t be duplicated any. for catalog of 200 styles and Wholesale years. It defies competition, 
where at retail for less than $80. Price List. Harness Catalog shows equally and retails for $05. 
big values. 
Rochester Vehicle Company, 360 Main St., Rochester, l\l. Y. 
This valuable 
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Do not buy your roofing until after you 
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Send today for free catalog, free samples 
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You can positively save money in buy¬ 
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The Ohio Galvanizing & Mfj. Co. 
No. 3 Ann 
Niles. Ohio, 
HARVEY BOLSTER SPRINGS 
Soon save their cost. Make every wagon a spring 
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GUARANTEED 
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UMMUMlllu Hints to Buyers and Sellers”mailedFroe. 
20th CENTURY AUTOMOBILE CO. 
246 West 49th, near Broadway, New York 
CHARTER 
IF YOU ARE 
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Stationaries, Portables, Etc. 
Want our Catalog? 
State your power needs. 
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Box 2B, Sterling, III., U. S. A. 
AII Goods 
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Built of Southern Pine, 
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continuous door, 10 feet 
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without 
roof. 
$ 89.00 
All other sizes equally 
as cheap. 
« 
Simplex” Water System 
This Hand Power System of 
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capacity, complete, ready to 
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Power out¬ 
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Anybody 
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We also furnish this outfit for power up to 
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26 S. Liberty, Baltimore, Md. 
MANUFACTURERS 
Tanks, Towers, Silos, Windmills, Pumps 
Gasoline Engines, Motors and 
Every kind of Equipment for supplying Water 
WRITE US YOUR WANTS TODAY QUICK SHIPMENTS 
One Man Portable 
Sprayer 
Price Complete 
Spraying Tank, 
100 gal. cap. 
Complete like cut 
$ 11.40 
1000 Gallon Cedar 
Tank 
20 Ft. Steel Tower 
Complete Like Cut 
$ 69.00 
Other Sizes At Equally 
Moderate Cost 
100 Gallon Cypress Tank 
Just the thing 
the farm. 
for 
Can be used as a 
Sprayer by adding 
Solid Cover for 
$3.00 extra. 
Shipped whole, ready for use. Best 
value ever offered at price. 
NOTHING CHEAP ABOUT OUR GOODS BUT THE PRICES. WRITE FOR CIRCULAR. PRESERVE THIS ADVT. 
