832 
THE RURAL NED W-YORKER 
August 12, 1911. 
HUMOROUS 
Dentist (after examination) :—“And 
will you have gas, madam?” Nervous 
Patient: “You don’t suppose I’m going to 
let you tinker with my teeth in the dark, 
do you?”—The Tattler. 
“How did you get the bruised face?” 
“It was caused by the hatrack last 
night.” “Accidentally?” “No; I think 
it attacked me purposely.”—Kansas City 
Journal. 
Speedy (phoning from farmhouse to 
garage) : “I guess you will have to 
come and get me. I’ve turned turtle. 
Voice: “This is a garage; you want the 
aquarium.”—J udge. 
Doctor: —“What your husband needs, 
Mrs. Naggett, is a complete rest. I have 
prescribed a sleeping draft.” Mrs. Nag¬ 
gett:—“Very well, doctor; when shall I 
give it to him?” Doctor:—“Don’t give 
it to him at all. Take it yourself.”—The 
Throne. 
“Mrs. Binks, do you believe in the 
physical castigation of children?’ “No, 
I don’t believe in any of these new¬ 
fangled ways o’ doin’. I hold to the i 
good old-fashioned way o’ givin’ 'em a 
good spankin’.”—Baltimore American. 
Sadly the dog’s owner watched it 
chaw up a seedy-looking individual. 
“Call your dog off,” shrieked the vic¬ 
tim. “He’ll murder me. Call him off, 
man 1” “Sorry,” replied the owner 
sadly, “but really I can’t. I only bought 
the dog this morning, and I forget to 
ask what his name was.”—Credit Lost. 
Speaking with a young lady, a gen¬ 
tleman mentioned that he had failed to 
keep abreast of the scientific advance of 
the age. “For instance,” he said, “I 
don’t know at all how the incandescent 
electric light which is now used in some 
buildings is produced.” “O, it is very 
simple,” said the lady. “You just turn 
a button and the light appears at once.” 
—Tit-Bits. 
“Doctor/’ sighed the haggard man, 
“I’m in a terrible state! I haven’t slept 
a wink for nearly a week. The cat next 
door howls all night. Can’t you do any¬ 
thing for me?” “Yes, I think so,” said 
the doctor. “Let me see. This powder 
here will work the trick, I think. You’ll 
sleep now all right.” “Oh, thank you, 
doctor! When do I take it?” “You 
don’t take it, my dear sir. You give it 
to the cat.”—The People. 
An old North State darkey was sent 
to a hospital in Charlotte for treatment. 
Upon his arrival he was placed in the 
ward and one of the nurses put a ther¬ 
mometer in his mouth to take his tem¬ 
perature, and when the doctor made the 
rounds he said to him: “Well, my man, 
how do you feel?” “I feel right tol’ble, 
sah.” “Have you had anything to eat?” 
“Yassah.” “What did you have?” “A 
lady done gimme a piece of glass to 
suck, sah.”—National Monthly. 
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Write for This Book 
“Concrete in the Country’ 
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Address the nearest office of the Company . 
UNIVERSAL 
PORTLAND 
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CHICAGO 
72 West Adams St. 
PITTSBURG 
Frick Building 
COMPANY 
MINNEAPOLIS 
Security Bank Building 
HARVEY BOLSTER SPRINGS 
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823-873 Loc R Stroet, Cincinnati, Ohio (62) 
Tho World's Largest Manufaclurers of Stool Rooting 
ms ACE 
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Jure conducive to good health for the flock; 
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JXhi* can bo done in a few moments with the 
No. 11 
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This light, $2.50 tool will also take 
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freo. of complote line of garden 
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BATEMAN' M’K’O CO. 
•■Box 1023 Gubnloch N. J. 
MAKE MONEY 
for FARMERS 
It is easy to make lumber for 
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No experience needed. Get 
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American Saw Mill Mach’y Co. 
129 Hope St., llnckettslown,X. J. 
1582Terminal Bldgs., New York 
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UAKVESTF.lt with Binder Attach¬ 
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M OTOR CARS have become a factor in modem farming. 
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Write for catalogue and complete information. 
International Harvester Company of America 
(Incorporated) 
101 Harvester Building Chicago USA 
