1883.] 
AMERICAN AGRICULTURIST. 
It comes in our way to see the announcements 
of a class of books, the existence even of which is 
unknown to a large share of the community. These 
books have various titles, one of which is given 
above, and they profess to impart a long list of 
valuable secrets, and give recipes for making the 
precious metals, and for doing other things equally 
wonderful. No doubt these books sell, as their 
contents, according to the circulars, can not fail to 
be attractive to thoughtless young people and to 
ignorant and credulous older ones. A sensible 
person, on reading the contents, will say : “ If any 
one of a dozen of these things, which the book 
teaches, is true, this chap should be a millionaire, 
and not tell all about it, at the paltry price of $1 or 
50 cents for the book. ” 
AMZI L. SCHOFIELD. 
You who live in Connecticut, what do you think 
of this view of the case ? Why, instead of peddling 
this “ Wand ” for 50 cents, are you not one of those 
favored ones referred to in your prospectus, when 
you say: “Thousands are Yearly Becoming 
Wealthy Without Labor.” Amzi, why do you 
“labor” to sell this book, spending your means on 
printing, postage-stamps, and all that, when you 
can become “Wealthy without Labor?” Amzi, 
we fear that you lack faith. Why will you 
sell your “ Pure Syrup process ” and others, 
making “ A list of five of the best money-making 
Secrets in the World, All for One Dollar?” Why 
will you sell this book, full of secrets as are secrets, 
for 50 cents ? You say of this very book: “It 
teaches how to extract gold out of all dirt, sand, 
gravel, etc., by a new chemical and very cheap 
process. Amzi, there is any quantity of “dirt, 
sand, gravel,” and we think some “ etc.” in Con¬ 
necticut. Amzi, why don’t you “ extract ?.... 
“ THIS MAGIC WAND,” 
a most absurd farrago of nonsence, is a fair sample 
of a number of books (often the same book with a 
different title) that are being clandestinely offered 
all over the country. Anything more pernicious 
to be placed in the hands of imaginative youth can 
not be conceived, especially the portion relating to 
the cure of diseases by “ magical, celestial and 
sympathetic means.” Here are five closely printed 
pages, setting forth what the book teaches. The 
whole would be a fit subject for ridicule, were it 
not that such books fall only into the hands of the 
young and ignorant, and being books of “ Secrets,” 
are concealed from parents and others. 
FARMERS ARE NOT FORGOTTEN 
in all the “ teachings ” of this book. They are 
taught how to make manure “ by a new, cheap, 
and easy process,” at one-fourth the usual cost. 
“ It teaches how to raise the most abundant crops, 
even treble crops, of grain, grass, fruits, etc., 
etc., with not a twentieth part of the usual labor 
and expense—in fact, scarcely any labor or ex¬ 
pense.” Connecticut farmers, this is what you 
want—crops with “ scarcely any labor or expense.” 
Go to Amzi L. Schofield, and put him at once at 
the head of your Board of Agriculture. Amzi’s 
book teaches how, by burning certain chemical and 
vegetable substances, to cause rain, thunder, and 
lightning.” Let us hear of no more injury to the 
tobacco and other crops by drouth. 
THE GREATEST AGRICULTURAL SECRET 
is this: “It teaches how to make a pumpkin, 
♦Persons sending us inquiries or information concern¬ 
ing this department, will please state the fact in their 
letters, if they do not desire their names mentioned. 
squash, potatoes, melons, etc., to so closely resem¬ 
ble a human being’s face aud features, as that no 
one can tell the difference, except in the different 
substances.” Amzi, don’t try if it will work in 
the other direction, and make the human head re¬ 
semble the pumpkin—you may not be able to 
break the charm. 
SOME VERY DANGEROUS TEACHINGS 
are given. “It teaches how to cause the human 
spirit to pass out of a living body, and to do cer¬ 
tain mysterious things while absent, and to return 
at will. ”... It teaches “ how to make any one 
imagine they (!) are a monkey, pig, horse, cow, 
cat, sheep, bird, fish, etc., and how, while under 
these influences, to imitate all these creatures.” 
Amzi, the donkey is omitted—but you don’t need 
to “ imagine ” in that case. But what a dangerous 
teaching this must be, when we are told that, 
“ Clergymen, while preaching, lawyers, while 
pleading, judges, while on the bench, ladies, while 
dancing or walking in the street, may all be thus 
easily acted upon, aud made to burst out into the 
wildest and most joyous freaks of laughter, to 
jump upon the people’s backs (oh, Amzi!), to turn 
somersaults, etc.” Amzi—just think of it—and 
yet yours is “ the land of steady habits ” ! There 
are other equally unsafe teachings, such as “ how 
to produce the most delightful sensations over any 
one or any number of people, at any time or place, 
so that they will not know what you or themselves 
are doing.” Amzi L. Schofield, do you know 
what you “ are doing ?” You are engaged in the 
sale of a most corrupt, lying, pernicious book, 
and your name properly belongs to the official list 
of “frauds.” 
A Digtliiiirria Remedy. 
Circulars of a “Diphtheria Remedy” are sent for 
our opinion. We might briefly express it by 
“ don’t.” If there is any one in the whole list of 
diseases that should not be trifled with, it is Diph¬ 
theria. Its progress is so rapid and its termination 
so often fatal, that one should not dare to dally 
with it, especially by giving secret nostrums. Every 
family should keep Chlorate of Potash at hand. 
At the first indication of pain in the throat, especi¬ 
ally if white patches are seen, use a gargle, made 
by stirring a large teaspoonful of the Chlorate in a 
tumblerful of cold water. Use this every half 
hour—no matter if some is swallowed—and send 
for the doctor at once. There must be no delay. 
Use no secret remedy, no matter how many or how 
strong may be the “ certificates." These remarks 
apply to every and all secret remedies, but we look 
upon the one in question as a little more con¬ 
temptible than the rest, as the circular says : “This 
Remedy is a Wonderful Cure-All.”—Put the life 
of a child at the mercy of an unknown compound, 
the recipe for which was procured by an unknown 
“ wandering foreigner !” Can a parent dare to do 
this 1” 
Buying and Selling. 
The desire for “ a bargain,” to get something for 
less than it is really worth, seems to be general, 
and a knowledge of this trait of human nature is 
at the bottom of many of the successful swindles 
of the day. A few years ago, there was a “ parcels 
sale” operated in Chicago and other Western 
cities. We cautioned our readers against it on 
general principles. After a while it collapsed, and 
many are still waiting for their goods or their 
money. .. Just now some chaps are “operating” 
in the Missouri towns. They sell only in bills of 
$75—for certain pieces of beaver cloth, and numer¬ 
ous other pieces of dry goods are “thrown in.” 
We are told that the chaps claim to be selling 
“ under the remnant act ”—whatever that may be, 
and “ are very slick-tongued”—which we can readi¬ 
ly believe. There is one very safe rule in all such 
cases : Avoid with suspicion all unusual methods 
of selling goods of any kind, and where unusual 
conditions—rules, the utility of which is not mani¬ 
fest—are imposed, it is safe to assume that they 
conceal some catch or trick. There should be no 
307 
mystery about buying and selling. There are the 
goods, the price is so and so ; take the goods and 
pay the money, or keep the money and let the 
goods go. All beyond this is suspicious. So with 
sales claimed to be made by coupons and certificates, 
which are sent with circulars, or to be cut out of 
newspapers. They are all unnecessary and all 
suspicious. Some silver ware and cutlery dealers 
in Boston, and jewellers in other cities are working 
this “coupon” business. To those who ask our 
advice as to these dealers, we would say, do not be 
tempted by any offer to buy any of their wares, 
unless you really need them. In buying plated 
ware and cutlery, recollect that these are standard 
articles, and there is very little difference, the 
country through, for goods of the same quality. 
If an article is offered much below the regular 
price, it is safe to assume that the quality is below 
the standard also. The purchaser of silver plate 
is entirely at the mercy of the seller. The thinnest 
plate is made to look as well as the best. There 
are honest makers of plate, who give all the silver 
that the price will allow. The cheapest is usually 
the dearest. One does not need to buy plate many 
times in a life-time, and it is worth while to pur¬ 
chase a good article, which can be had of those 
who are known as honest and reliable dealers. 
Spotted. Morses or fi B ouies. 
There is a ranche in Bexar Co., Texas, which the 
proprietor claims to be : “ The only Ranche on the 
Globe where Spotted and Fancy Colored Ponies are 
Bred exclusively.” It appears to be a ranche de¬ 
voted to a “ spotted ” business generally, and ap¬ 
parently gets its income, not so much from the 
sales of “ perfect pets,” and “little beauties,” as 
from selling small pieces of printed paper at an 
exhorbitant price. The “ ranchero ” announces in 
his circular that: “ it will be useless to write, 
under any pretext or excuse, in regard to our 
stock, unless the amount [$1] is enclosed, as no 
answer will be made.”. But we have evidence that 
“answer” is made, and when no money is sent. 
There was a chance of yet getting a dollar, and he 
wrote. The eleven-year-old daughter of one of our 
Connecticut friends, saw the advertisement of this 
Spotted Ranche, and sent a letter of inquiry. In 
due time a written answer, needlessly long for a 
business document, was received. In the early parts 
of the letter the little girl is advised to send for “ a 
general descriptive list,” and the reply ends by 
referring to the outside of the sheet “ where I give 
my reasons for charging for a general descriptive 
list, from this rule I never deviate. Full particulars 
and all details will be sent if you send for general 
list.” This whole letter shows, not so much a de¬ 
sire to sell ponies, as to get a dollar for a “ descrip¬ 
tive list.” The little girls’ father having giving her 
a dollar (of which he sees the folly, and asks us to 
not give his name as one of “the defrauded”), 
she sent for the “list.” We have this document 
at hand, and must say that it is the smallest dollar’s 
worth of print we ever saw. It is appropriately 
called “general,” but there is nothing like a “list” 
about it. It describes in the most “general” 
terms four classes of poDies, and gives the prices 
no more definitely than to say of one class : “ Price 
on the Ranche $75 to $200 per head,” and so on. 
This document has a little over half the number of 
words contained in this column of the American 
Agriculturist. Having seen this “General Descrip¬ 
tive List,” we do not wonder at the anxiety shown 
to sell it. Disposing of this slip of paper at a dol¬ 
lar, must be more profitable than selling “ Spotted 
Horses and Ponies” at any price. If this peculiar 
dealer really has any ponies, “ spotted ” or other, 
for sale, we advise him to charge such prices as 
will cover the ordinary expenses of doing business, 
and not charge $1 for a miserable so-called 
“ list,” which tells very little. It is well, even in 
Bexar Co., to avoid “ the appearance of evil.” 
The ICeiiii*nc<l Califoi-siian. 
Some twenty-five years ago, the returned Cali¬ 
fornian was frequently a conspicuous figure in our 
streets. The bronzed face, untrimmed beard aryl 
