824 
'THE RUKAt NEWA'OKKER 
July 27, 1912. 
HUMOROUS 
Teacher : “What is velocity, Johnnie ?” 
Johnnie: “Velocity is what a fellow 
lets go of a wasp with.”—^Pathfinder. 
“They say that alcohol will clean sil¬ 
ver up nicely,” remarked the man who 
acquires facts. "It will,” agreed the 
red-nosed individual; “it cleaned up all 
my silver.”—Tatler. 
Customer: “1 want a ton of coal.’ 
Dealer: “Yes, sir. What size?” Cus¬ 
tomer: “Well, if it’s not asking too 
much, I’d like to have a 2,000-pound 
ton.”—Brooklyn Life. 
Landlady: “You believe in mustard 
plasters, doctor ?” M. D.: “Rather ! I 
always order them for patients who call 
me out in the middle of the night when 
there’s nothing the matter with ’em.”— 
Tit-Bits. 
Defeated Candidate: “You encour¬ 
aged me to run for the office. You 
know you did. You said you thought 
I wouldn’t make a bad alderman.” 
Trusty Henchman: “Well, the returns 
seem to show that I was right.”—Bos¬ 
ton Common. 
“Old man, we want you in our clean¬ 
up campaign.” “All right.” “Well, 
name your preference, committee on 
dumps, alleys, or backyards. What 
would you like to clean up?’ “I’d like 
to clean up about a million dollars.”— 
Washington Herald. 
“Well,” said the old man, after the 
college commencement, “I’ve made a 
lawyer out of John, a electric science 
feller out of Bill, a professor out of 
Thomas, while James is a preacher an’ 
Dick’s a politicianer; but I’m thinkin’ 
it’ll take about all that John, Bill, Dick, 
an’ myself kin make to keep the pro¬ 
fessor an’ the preacher above high 
water.”—Atlanta Constitution. 
The census taker in the course of his 
calls in the East End came to a tene¬ 
ment that was literally crowded with 
youngsters. Said he to the lady who 
was bending over the washtub: “Ma¬ 
dam, 1 am the census taker. How many 
children have you?” “Lemme see,” said 
the woman, straightening up and wiping 
her hands on her apron. “There’s Flor¬ 
ence and Mary and Angelina and Lucy 
and Charlie and Bob and Will and 
Horace and Jim and"-She paused for 
breath. “Madam,” said the census man, 
"if you could just give me the num¬ 
ber-” “Number,” she replied, indig¬ 
nantly, “we ain’t got to numbering ’em 
yet; we ain’t run out o' names.”—Mel¬ 
bourne Leader. 
The prisoner was charged with so 
trivial an offence that the judge told 
him that if he would plead guilty he 
would let him off with a fine. “Before 
we plead guilty,” replied' the man’s law¬ 
yer, “we’d like to know what the fine 
will be.” “Isn’t it rather unusual to at¬ 
tempt to bargain with the court?” asked 
the judge. “Perhaps it is, your honor,” 
replied the lawyer, “but in this case it 
is important. You see, the prisoner has 
only $12, and as my fee is $10 we can’t 
afford to plead guilty if you intend to 
fine him more than two dollars.”— 
Youth’s Companion. 
When you write advertisers mention The 
R. N.-Y. and you’ll get a quick reply and a 
“square deal.” See guarantee editorial page. 
T mV GREATEST OPPORTUNITY 
is offered to young men and women in agriculture. The farm is calling for 
trained men and women who shall be intelligent, farmers and home makers. 
THE NEW YORK STATE SCHOOL OF AGRICULTURE 
At Morrisviile, N. Y., Offers 
XO YOUNG MEN! Tvro year and short winter courses in agriculture; including 
general agriculture, dairying, fruit growing, poultry husbandry, etc. 
X'O YOUNG WOMEN: Two year and short winter courses in HOME ECONOMICS; includ¬ 
ing cookery, sewing, millinery, home nursing, household management, etc. 
School has large well equipped laboratories, modern 200-acre farm, pure bred stock, well trained staff- 
TUITION is free to residents of New York .State, For catalogue and. information, address 
F. G. HELYAR, Director 
Morrisviile .... New York 
ENTRANCE REQUIREMENTS are 10 years of age, good 
character and completion of 8th grade school 
work. 
EOT 
Bale Hay While The Sun Shines 
Last winter, when feed was scarce and the weather was 
zero, you were sorry that you had not baled hay. 
Better be sure than sorry. You can save your hay and 
straw and alfalfa and corn fodder with a 
Rumely Automatic Baler 
In our 59 years of experience we have sold many 
machines, hundreds of thousands, perhaps. 
But we have never offered a better bargain than this Baler. 
It is a money-maker for the man who owns it. 
No other Baler is like it. No other Baler cuts out the man on the 
feed-table. Ours does. 
If you want to know the fine points of a BaUr, write today for our Baler Bock 
RUMELY PRODUCTS CO., Inc. 11773 Main St., La Porte, Indiana 
IRON ACE 
Potato Diggers 
Dig the right 
way with the 
machine that 
suits your 
conditions. 
This Is No.155 for 
heaviest conditions. 
Three styles tochoose from,each 
practical for certain conditions. 
Perftct adjustment for digging 
and thorough separation. Each 
can be backed, each can be 
thrown in and out of gear from 
the scat. Ask your dealer to 
sh w you this machine and write 
to us for booklet 
Potato Digging." 
Free to all. 
Bateman M’f’g Co. 
Box 102 D, Grenloch, N. J. 
Don’t You Dig Potatoes 
You can earn more money—get at least 15 cents 
more profit perbushel—getthe crop outof the 
ground clean and whole by using a 
Farquhar 
Elevator 
Potato 
Digger 
Just as much difference using this digger- 
just as much advance over hand digging as 
modern machinery beats old style methods. 
Works in any kind of soil You need this dig¬ 
ger if you have an acre or more in potatoes. 
Write or book on potatoes and how to dig them, 
and new catalogue of other farm machinery and 
our new trying-out plan. 
A. B. FARQUHAR CO.. Ltd.. Box 200. York. Pa. 
THIS UTICA ENGINE SENT DIRECT ON 
30 DAYS TRIAL 
Built on now principle. Long stroke—saves 25 
to 40 per cent fuel. Our 10-year guarantee protecta 
you. Repairs FREE. Valuable service of bureau of 
engineering experts at your disposal. 
r lia | Thn Utica ia the ONLY farm 
DllrflS fstly ■ IICI enirino on the market that gives 
PERFECT results from kerosene, gasoline or distillate. 
Write for 1 Free Book all about this wonder¬ 
ful engine and our 
for free engine book 
Xargil Mfg. Co. 
71 Lafayette St. 
UTICA 
bw 30-Day Trial Offer. Writo 
bijf 3U 
I TODA 
2-Cycle 
and 
4-Cycle 
N.Y. 
Dain Perfection Motor Press 
(T 
Wonderful Advance in Press Bmilding 
C OMPLICATED machinery, heavy and costly engine and expensive 
operation are done away with in this motor press. 
It is the most profitable to operate of any motor press because of 
the combination of features that save labor, time and power and increase 
baling capacity. 
Greatly simplified construction has made possible the use of a smaller 
engine, and at the same time increased capacity of press. 
Eccentrically mounted gears furnish increased 
leverage so smaller engine can be used. 
They give plunger a slow stroke on com¬ 
pression, and quick return stroke, 
requiring less power, and maintaining 
large capacity. Maximum power is fur¬ 
nished where needed, by a steady run¬ 
ning engine, without the heavy high 
speeded, dangerous fly wheel to pull. 
An exceptionally large feed-opening, together with self-feed and 
eccentric gears make the Dain Perfection a press of large baling capacity. 
Automatic tucker folds over charge, making smooth square-ended bales. 
Neat bales always bring top price. 
The Perfection frame is not jointed and is all steel, mounted on all steel 
truck. This guarantees it to be substantial and durable. 
A quiet, light running baler of large capacity, profitable 
to operate, and easy to transport, backed up by a quarter 
century’s success in building better 
hay machinery, is what you get in 
the Dain Perfection Motor Press. 
Ask for Free Circular No. M 33 
John Deere Plow Company 
Moline, Illinois 
U. S. DEPARTMENT OF AGRICULTURE 
FARMERS' BULLETIN 461 
THE USE OF CONCRETE 
ON THE FARM. 
Uncle Sam 
spends considerable money in preparing and dis¬ 
tributing bulletins containing information which 
will increase the farmer’s profits and improve farm 
conditions. One of the most valuable of these 
bulletins is No. 461, entitled, “The Use of Concrete 
on the Farm”. It is sent FREE to anyone by the 
Dept, of Agriculture. Write for it . Address United 
States Department of Agriculture, Division of 
Publications, Washington, D. C. 
When you build, use 
UNIVERSAL CEMENT 
SAVE HALF Your 
Paint Bills 
By using INGERSOLL PAINT— proved 
best by 66 years’ use. It will please you. 
Only Paint endorsed by the “Grange.” 
Made in all colors,—for all purposes. 
DELIVERED FREE. 
From tbe Mill Direct to You at Factory Price*. 
INGERSOLL PAINT BOOK —FREE 
Tells all about Paint and Painting f"Tr Durability. 
How to avoid trouble and expense caused by paint* 
- fading, chalking and peeling. Valuable information 
fre« to you. with Sample Color Cards, Write me. DO 
IT NOW. I can eave you money. 
0. W. Ingersoll' ?46 Plymouth 3L, Brooklyn, ILV. 
FREPARED BY THE OFFICE OF 
PUBLIC ROADS.' 
Farmers intending to build silos are invited to write us. 
We will be glad to help you in building a concrete silo and 
in finding a contractor, who will do the work reasonably, 
if you do not want to undertake the construction yourself. 
UNIVERSAL PORTLAND CEMENT CO. 
CHICAGO PITTSBURGH MINNEAPOLIS 
72 West Adams St. Frick Building Security Bank Building 
Plants at Chicago and Pittsburgh. Annual Output 12,000,000 Barrels 
WASHINGTON! 
