808 
THE RURAL, NEW-YORKER 
June 28, 1913. 
HUMOROUS 
Johnny, in his restless roving, 
Found a pot of liquid glue; 
John, the maple syrup loving, 
Thought the glue was syrup, too. 
J. no longer now is roving—; 
He is stuck upon the glue.—Life. 
Mrs. Proudman : “Our Willy got 
‘meritorious commendation’ at school last 
week.” Mrs. O’Bull: “Well, well! Ain’t 
it awful the number of strange dis¬ 
eases that’s ketched by school children!” 
-Tit-Bits. 
Rastus was ill and the physician was 
visiting him. “What yo’ t’ink is de 
mattah wif me, doctah?” he asked. “Oh, 
nothing much,” said the doctor. “Only 
a slight case of chicken-pox.” Rastus 
grew nervous. “I ’dare, doctah,” he said, 
earnestly, “I bain’t been nowhar whar 
I could "ketch dat!”—Ladies’ Home Jour¬ 
nal. 
“And whom does this statue repre¬ 
sent?” asked Mrs. Green, who was “doing” 
the museum under the guidance of her 
more sophisticated friend, ' Mrs. Brown. 
“That is Psyche,” replied Mrs. Brown, 
“executed, 1 believe, in terra-cotta.” “O, 
the poor thing!” exclaimed Mrs. Green. 
“How barbarous they are in those South 
American countries !”—The Lutheran. 
Two farmers met in a Western town 
a day or two after a cyclone had visited 
that particular neighborhood. “She shook 
things up pretty bad out at my place,” 
said one, stroking his whiskers medi¬ 
tatively. “By the way, Hi,” he added, 
“that new barn o’ yourn get hurt any?” 
“Wal,” drawled the other, “I dunno. I 
hain’t found it yet.”—Youth’s Com¬ 
panion. 
A man nearly 80 years old walked 10 
miles from his home to an adjoining 
town. When he reached his destination 
ho was greeted with some astonishment 
by an acquaintance. “You walked all the 
way,” the later exclaimed. “IIow did you 
get along?” “Oh, first rate,” the old 
man replied genially. “That is, I did 
till I came to that sign out there ‘Slow 
down to 15 miles an hour.’ That kept 
me back some.”—Youth’s Companion. 
“I’M afraid the fowls are a bit tough,” 
explained the host, ^ind his guest, after 
a “catch-as-catch-eau” with the liver 
wing, admitted that they were hardy. 
“Your cook didn’t put a rock in with 
them,” he added. “We always do it.” 
IIis host curiously asked the reason for 
the rock. “You boil both together,” ex¬ 
plained the guest,” until you find that you 
can stick a fork through the rock. Then 
the fowls are just about right.”—Mel¬ 
bourne Australasian. 
Tiie old farmer and his wife lived 
near the village church. One warm Sun¬ 
day evening, while they sat dozing on 
the porch, a cricket set up a loud chirp¬ 
ing. “I just love that chirpin’ noise,” 
said the old man, drowsily, and before 
the cricket had stopped he was fast 
asleep. Soon after the church choir 
broke into a beautiful chant. “Just lis¬ 
ten to that!” exclaimed his wife. “Ain’t 
it beautiful?” “Yes,” remarked the old 
farmer, sleepily. “They do it with their 
hind legs.”—P. F. P. 
“I tell ye,” said the grizzled old vet¬ 
eran of the farm, with a broad grin on 
his face, “these here lectures they give 
before them sassiety people up to town 
on the subject o’ farmin’ is mighty fine. 
My darter Mandy attended a dozen of 
’em up to New York while she was vis¬ 
itin’ thar last Winter, and, by gorry, 
what she don’t know about manicurin’ 
a cow’s hoofs, raisin’ water lilies an’ 
graftin’ roses on cabbidges so’s ye kin 
cook the cabbidges in a small city fiat 
without attractin’ the attention o’ the 
Board of Health, hain’t wuth listenin’ 
to.”—Harper’s Weekly. 
An old woman walked into a bank in 
Inverness, threw down her deposit book, 
and said she wished to draw all her 
money. Having got it, she retired to a 
corner of the room and counted it. She 
then marched up to the teller and ex¬ 
claimed : “Aye, that’ll doe, ma man; 
jist pit it back again. I only wanted 
to see if it was a’ rieht.”—Dundee News. 
“Now, children,” said the teacher, 
“who can tell me what the word ‘odor¬ 
less’ means?” Willie Jones was cure he 
knew. “Well Willie, what does it mean?” 
“Odorless means without scent,” he 
piped. “Right. Now, who can give a 
sentence using the word correctly?” con¬ 
tinued the teacher. “You may answer, 
Jimmy.” “Please, ma’am, when you are 
odorless you cannot ride in the trolley 
cars.”—Youth’s Companion. 
SAVE HALF Your 
Paint 
By using INGERSOLL PAINT —proved 
best by 66 years’ use. It will please you. 
Only paint endorsed by the “Grange.” 
Made in all colors—for all purposes. 
DELIVERED FREE 
From the Mill Direct to Vou at Factory Prices. 
INGERSOLL PAINT BOOK —FREE 
Tells all about Paint and Painting for Durability. 
How to avoid trouble and exponso caused by paints 
fading, chalking and peeling. Valuable information 
free to you. with Sample Color Cards. Write me. DO 
IT NOW. I can save you money. 
O.W. IngersoH, 246 Plymouth St., Brooklyn, N.Y. 
Do You Want to Save 
$25.00 TO $40.00 
On Your New Buggy 
Phelps says he’ll save you $25 to $40 on a genuine 
Split Hickory. Is it worth a postal to find out? 
Is it worth a postal to see the 140 styles of vehi¬ 
cles and complete line of harness all shown in 
Phelps’ new book. Is it worth a postal to learn 
the reasons ?c//>’ o 167,000 other people bought 
SPLIT HICKORY 
vehicles? Phelps sells direct from his own factory —on 
30 days’ Free Road 'Pest—2 years guarantee. You 
keep all the middle profits—you take no risk—every^ 
thing is clearly photographed and accurately de 
scribed and all guaranteed. Why not get 
Phelps’book soyou can compare with others. 
Phelps pays postage if you write him a let¬ 
ter or postal. Just say “Send Book.” 
H. C. Phelps, Pres., The Ohio Carriage Mfg. Co. 
Station 290 Columbus, Ohio 
EASY TO BUY 
Capacities as low as 
400 bushels daily 
OWN THIS SMALL THRESHER 
It’s cheaper for you to thresh with your own machine if you raise a limited amount of train. We 
bare figures to prove it. This money saving, little thresher was built to supply such need. Wc make all 
sizes to suit. Capacities from 400 to 1200 Bushels daily. 
THRESHERS 
have no real competitors. Gray Machines stand in a class all 
bv themselves. Famous now after 70 years of manufacture 
they have f ul filled all out claims for durability. liehtncsslideal 
for hilly districts), strength, easy running with medium pow- 
C.rav Threshers er. correct capacity rating and reasonable price. If you raise 
Grav Horse Powers Stain send for our new 191J Catalog full of pictures and 
Gray Saw Machines^^rayEiisilage Cutlers A-W. GRAY’S SONS 
Gray Gasoline Engines 14 South Street, Middletown Springs, Vermont 
TK 
These Plans Free 
To Any Farmer 
They tell you exactly how to build your cement porch, 
watering trough or sidewalk. The plans and direc¬ 
tions are complete; the instructions simple and clear. 
Any farmer can easily do the concrete work described 
with the help of these plans. 
We will send any or ail of them to you free. 
Just send your name and address to our 
nearest office, telling which plans you want. 
PLAN 1 —Cement Sidewalks. FLAN2 —Cement Troughs 
PLAN 3—Cement Porch and Steps. 
Universal Portland Cement Co. 
CHICAGO PITTSBURGH MINNEAPOLIS 
72 West Adams Street Frick Building Security Bank Building 
Plants at Chicago and Pittsburgh Annual Output 12,000,000 Barrels 
"\ 
HERE COMES 
OPPORTUNITY 
It may have passed you up before 
or perhaps you overlooked it—but 
anyway it’s headed toward you now 
with a money making proposition. 
It wants to start you in the ditch¬ 
ing business—doing contract ditching 
with the 
BUCKEYE 
TRACTION 
DITCHER ? 
With this machine you can dig 
ditches far superior to those cut by 
hand labor. And yon can do the 
work in less than half the time. 
100 to 150 rods is an average day’s 
work for the Buckeye. This means 
a profit of from $15 to $18 a day 
for you. 
It’s easy to find work—the farm¬ 
ers all about you need ditches and 
they’ll keep you busy 9 to 10 months 
in the year. 
But these are only the details. Cata¬ 
log 3 contains all the information you 
want. Write for it today. It's FREE. 
THE BUCKEYE TRACTION DITCHER CO., 
FINDLAY, OHIO 
MAKE BIG PAY DRILLING I 
WATER WELLS! 
Our Free Drillers’Book with 
catalog of Keystone Drills | 
tells how. Many sizes; trac¬ 
tion and portable. Kasy 
terms. These machines | 
make good anywhere. 
KEYSTONE WATER DRILL CO 
Beaver Falls, Pa. 
When you write advertif 
reply and a “ square deal.” S 
isers mention The R. N.-Y. 
Save50 300 
I absolutely guarantee to save you $50 to 
$300 on any Galloway gasoline engine. Made in 
sizes from 1 3-4 h. p. to 16 h. p. My famous 6 h.p. engine 
—without an equal on the market—sells for $99.50 for 
the next 60 days only! Buy now! Samo size costa 
$326 to $300 through your dealer. Think of it! OverSO.OOO 
Galloway engines in ubo today. AM sold on same, liborsl, free 90 
l>ay Trial Oifor 1 make you--ond all giving satisfaction. Isn't teal 
proof enough? m „ 
Get My Catalog and Low Direct Prices 
Write mo before you buy any 4 %3^^sW 
other stylo or make. Get my cata- iwnrrWSL .vJvr 
log and low, direct price on the 
famous Galloway lino of frost¬ 
proof, water cooled engines. Free. 
Service Department ut your dis-* 
pn6al. My spocial 1913 offer will h«lp f 
you got on oneino partly or wholly with-' 
outoosttoyou. Wrlto today. Do it now. 
WILLIAM CALLOWAY COMPANY," 
Gullovray Station* Waterloo, Iowa 
Tested, Proved Reliable 
by forty-four years’ use in 
nearly all parts of the world. 
Many men earn big incomes 
with some one of our 55> 
Myles and sizes. They use 
any power. Made for 
drilling earth, rock and for 
mineral prospecting. Large 
catalog No. 120 FREE. 
THE AMERICAN WELL WORKS 
General Office and Workt: 
AURORA, ILL* 
Chicago Office: First National 
Bank Building 
Run on gasoline, kerosene, distillate, 
any cheap fuel oil. Cost less to run— 
develop more power. Patent throttle 
gives three engines in one. Many other I 
exclusive features — guaranteed 10 
years—we pay freight—30 days’ free 
trial. Send for catalogue to flay 
UU» Cnglns Co.,5 Mullot It, Botroltj Ml alb 
u 
$32 BuysThis IV2 H.P Enginer 
Puns for lc an hour. Uses either gasoline or kerosene. , 
Will drivo any machine not requiring more than 2 II. * • 
THE AMERICAN JUNIOR 
Cornea complete, ready to run. Mount¬ 
ed on skids. Lasily carried alxmt. 
Simple,strong,durable. Guaran¬ 
teed for life. Scud for circular. 
AMERICAN ENGINE CO., 
Anr.KlUAN Kfluinr. tu., ^ 
*H0 Heston 8L, Detroit, Mich. 
