848 
THE RURAL* NEW-YORKER 
July 12, 1913 
HUMOROUS 
Wife : “Do you know, I have a very 
little mouth. Iu the glass it doesn't look 
large enough to hold my tongue.” Hus¬ 
band (testily) : “It isn’t.”—Melbourne 
Australasian. 
Little Annette was taken in to see 
her new baby brother. “Huh!” she ex¬ 
claimed, “I’ll bet that’s a second-hand 
kid. Why, all the hair is worn off his 
head.”—Winnipeg Telegram. 
Young Lady in a Bookseller’s 
Shop : “I want a volume of poetry, 
please.” Bookseller: “Yes, miss. What 
author?” Young Lady: “Oh, I don’t 
mind; but the cover must harmonize with 
a red plush tablecover!”—Credit Lost. 
Girl : “Are you the man who was 
washed ashore from the wreck last 
night?” Tramp: “No, miss; I never was 
washed ashore in my life—nor afloat, 
either, for the matter of that.”—Mel¬ 
bourne Leader. 
“Patrick, you were on a bad spree yes¬ 
terday.” “Yus, sorr, I wuz. Bless me, 
if I weren’t a-laying’ in the gutter wid a 
pig. Father Dunn came along, looked at 
me, an’ says, says he : ‘One is known by 
the company he kapes.’ ” “And did you 
get up, Patrick?” “No, but the pig did.” 
-Tit-Bits. 
“Yes. I sell about 3,000 gallons of ma¬ 
ple syrup every Spring. Ship it all over 
the United States.” “Why don’t you 
market some here at home, and save all 
that packing?” “Oh, everybody around 
here knows I’ve only got four or five 
maple trees on my farm.”—Pittsburgh 
Post. 
In Americus, Georgia, there is an old 
man who has quite a record for marry¬ 
ing. Four wives have died on him and 
he has married the fifth. AffFV the fifth 
wedding a neighbor met the old man’s 
son and said: “Well, John, I hear your 
father has married again.” “Yes, sir,’ 
said the boy. “Every time the Lord 
takes one the old man takes another!”— 
Saturday Evening Post. 
“Your husband will be all right now,” 
said an English doctor to a woman whose 
husband was dangerously ill. “What 
do you mean?” demanded the wife. "You 
told me ’e couldn’t live a fortnight.” “Well, 
I’m going to cure him after all,” said 
the doctor. “Surely you are glad?” The 
woman wrinkled her brows. “Puts me 
in a bit of a ’ole,” she said. “I’ve been 
an’ sold ’is clothes to pay for ’is funeral.” 
—The Sketch. 
Tiie proprietor of the leading drug 
store in a small Kentucky town was com¬ 
ing out of the front door of his place not 
long ago, when a small boy came tearing 
round the corner at top gait with his 
head down and butted squarely into him. 
“Iley, kid!” demanded the druggist. 
“What’s the matter?” “I’m tryin’ to 
keep two boys from gettin’ into a fight,” 
panted the youngster. “Who are the 
boys?” asked the druggist. “I’m one of 
’em.”—Saturday Evening Post. 
Architect : “Now, where would you 
prefer the drawing room, sir?” Mr. 
Strukile: “Look here, young man, I’ve 
let you put up a smokin’-room when I 
don’t smoke; a music-room, when I 
couldn’t play a mouth-organ ; a nursery, 
when I ain’t got no nurse; and a pantry, 
when I don’t pant. But I’m goin’ to 
draw the line at a drawing-room, when 
I couldn’t even draw a straight line.”— 
Credit Lost. 
A benevolent old gentleman, seeing a 
little tot weeping, went up to it and said, 
“Now be a good boy and stop your cry¬ 
ing.” “I can’t!” sobbed the child. “But 
why can’t you?” “I can’t!” “Well, 
here’s a penny; tell me why you can’t be 
a good boy and stop crying!” “ ’Cause 
I’m a girl!”—Melbourne Australasian. 
SAVE HALF Your 
Paint Bills 
By using INGERSOLL PAINT — proved 
best by 66 years’ use. It will please you. 
Only paint endorsed by the “Grange.” 
Made in all colors—for all purposes. 
DELIVERED FREE 
From the Mill Direct to You at Factory Prices. 
INGERSOLL PAINT BOOK —FREE 
Tells all about Paint and Painting for Durability. 
How to avoid trouble and expense caused by paints 
fading, chalking and peeling. Valuable information 
free to you, with Sample Color Cards. Write me. DO 
IT NOW. 1 can save you money. 
O.W. IngersoW, 246 Plymouth St., Brooklyn, N.Y. 
m 
John Deere Spreader 
The Spreader with the Beater on the Axle 
The John Deere 
Spreader has 
Revolutionized the 
Spreader Business. 
Here are Some of 
the Reasons: 
The Low Down Spreader with 
the Big Drive Wheels 
What You Want 
Here’s your chance to get exactly what you 
want in a manure spreader. 
One that is easy to load, light for your 
horses free from constant repairing, and one 
that will last as long as you think it ought to. 
What You Get 
With a John Deere you get a low-down 
spreader in which the advantage of big drive 
wheels is not sacrificed for the low down feature. 
You get a spreader that is easy for your 
horses because it has these big drive wheels, 
together with roller bearings, few parts, the 
center of the load comparatively near the horses 
and evenly distributed over all four wheels. 
No clutches to get out of order, no chains 
to give trouble, no adjustments necessary. 
Built with steel frame, securely braced, like 
modern railway bridges—strong and durable. 
Why You Get These Things 
Mounting the beater on the axle makes all 
these things possible in the John Deere 
Spreader. 
It does away with some two hundred trouble¬ 
giving parts. It makes the spreader low down. 
It permits the use of big drive wheels. It does 
away with clutches, chains and adjustments. 
It puts all the strain and stress of spreading on 
the rear axle, where it belongs, not on the sides 
and frame of the spreader. 
It does a lot of other good things, too. They are fully 
illustrated and described in our new spreader book. 
Get this Spreader Book 
It tells how the John Deere Spreader is made and why it 
is made that way. It contains illustrations of the work¬ 
ing parts and colored pictures of the John Deere Spreader in 
the field. It also has valuable information in regard to stor¬ 
ing, handling and applying manure to the land. 
Get one of these books free, by asking us for our 
spreader book, Y 33. 
John Deere Plow Co., Moline, Illinois 
_ ___ llllllllllllllllllllllllllE 
CD C C Let Me Pay the Postage 
llkk On My Buggy Bargain Book 
My 1913 Offers Save You $25 to $40 
Don’t buy a buggy, surrey, phaeton, carriage, runabout, 
spring wagon, or set of harness till you see what sensational 
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harness—all direct from factory—all highest quality ever 
turned out—all priced to save you $25.00 to $40.00 on your 
buggy. Don’t forget—you get 30 Days’ Free Road Trial 
and 2 Years’ Guarantee. 
Send In Your Name Now 
Get Phelps’ book first—post yourself on the latest buggy and harness 
facts—get the news about styles and prices—then compare with others 
and decide. Be sure to write now. Just a postal will do. Address 
H. C. Phelps, Pres., The Ohio Carriage Mfg. Co., Station 290,Columbus, Ohio 
BEATER and all its driving 
parts are mounted on the 
rear axle. Power to drive it 
is taken from the rear axle 
through simple gears like 
those that have been used 
on horse-powers for many 
years. This construction is 
patented. You cannot get 
it on any other spreader. 
ONLY HIP-HIGH, easy to 
load. The top of the box is 
only as high as your hips. 
Each forkful of manure is 
placed just where it is need¬ 
ed. You can always see into 
the spreader. 
FEW PARTS. Clutches, 
chains and adjustments— 
in fact, some two hundred 
parts in all—are entirely 
done away with. To throw 
the machine into operation, 
move the lever at the driver’s 
right back until the finger 
engages a large stop at the 
rear of the machine. 
ROLLER BEARINGS togeth¬ 
er with the simplicity of the 
machine itself, make the 
John Deere Spreader light 
draft. There are many more 
reasons that have helped to 
make the demand for John 
Deere Spreaders greater than 
all those interested in the 
spreader business thought 
possible. These features are 
fully discussed in our 
spreader book. You can 
get it free. 
Let This Caille Engine 
Furnish You 1!4 H.P. 
Yli Hours for \% Cents 
L ET it put dollars and cents in 
your pockets every day in the 
year, by saving you time and 
hired help. Let it pay for itself in a few 
short months and then be a right hand 
helper to you—furnish you power for 
years to come—for a penny an hour. 
CAILLE 
Perfection Engines 
are so simple, so easily started, so easily 
cared for, that a child can run them. Two 
hoys can easily carry a Caille Perfection en¬ 
gine wherever work is to bo done. The 
women folks can easily operate it in the 
dairy, laundry or at tho pump. Needs no 
special foundation—is perfectly lubricated— 
absolutely frost-proof—and there is but one 
adjustment to make on the entire engine. 
Use Gasoline or Kerosene 
For $1.00 extra wo furnish tho necessary equip¬ 
ment so engine can bo run on cither gasoline or 
kerosene, further reducing tho slight fuel expense. 
Send for details* Get tho facts, learn all 
about this wonderful, economical, littlo time savor. 
A postal brings all. 
CAILLE PERFECTION MOTOR CO., 
1260 Caille St. 
DETROIT. 
MICHIGAN 
Buy Direct For 
.Fac tory Prices. 
and get better engines. We sell 
to users direct for less than deal¬ 
ers pay for low-grade engines. No 
one cansell better englnesthan thefomouo ' 
ITTE Engines 
54 styles and sizes. 114 to 40 H.P. 1 
Standard for 20 years. Thousands jn use every- 
I where, winning praise,using Gasoline, Gas, 
Naptha, Distillate or Kerosene lor fuel. 
No Cranking to Start, and continuous 
running,(24 hours a day If needed). Is a sure 
thing, summer or winter, of every WITTE. 
60DaysFreeTrial. 5-YearGuarantee. 
NEW BOOK— (most understand¬ 
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latest reduced prices , 
‘ FREE by return mall. t 
k ED. H. WITTE, 
WITTE IRON WKS. CO., ' 
1M)i! Oakland Avenue,! 
KANSAS CITY, MO. 
EauAL To Finest Auto Springs 
>in principle, quality of steel and grade / 
I of workmanship—in fact, made in a large \ 
' auto spring plant—Harvey Bolster Springs can I 
not be excelled for resiliency, durability and | 
appearance. Get a set and save many dollars t 
hauling your perishables. Beware of 
substitutes. If not at your dealer’s, writs us. 
Harvey SprlngCo., 71617*hSt., Bacine.Wis. 
h0HC OITTIB 
WEY BOLSTER SPRINGS: 
$32 BuysThislV2HP Engine 
Runs for lc an hour. Uses either gasoline or kerosene? 
Will drive any machine not requiring more than 2 U. P.* 
THE AMERICAN JUNIOR 
Comes complete, ready to run. Mount* 
ed on skids. Easily carried about. 
Simpic, strong,durable. (3 uaran- 
teed for life. Send for circular. 
AMERICAN ENGINE CO., 
480 Boston St., Detroit, Mi eh. 
‘ When the Juice is in the Apple " 
MT. GILEAD CIDER PRESSES 
;The beat, most efficient and most econo¬ 
mical method of getting the money 
out of that apple crop is to squeeze it 
out with a Mount Gilead Cider Press. 
Capacity range of from 10to400bbls. 
daily. We make a press for every 
purpose. Also cider evaporators ■ 
apple-butter cookers, vinegar! 
generators, spraying outfits,etc. j 
HYDRAULIC PRESS MFC. CO. 
(Oldest and largest manufacturers of 
” cider presses in tho world.) 
137 Lincoln Avenue, - - Mount Gilead. Ohio 
Or Room 119 L 39 Cortlamlt St., New York, N. Y. 
TRY THIS HEW 
HORSE COLLAR 
Half a million leather collars thrown 
in the scrap heap every year. Our Inde¬ 
structible Hamel ess Steel Horse and Mule 
(dollars wear forever.. Prevent galls, 
'it any horse. Made of polished, zinc-coated 
metal. No hames, oads or straps. Cost less— 
save horses. Write today—exclusive territory. 
JOHNSTON SLOCUM CO.^^Stale SI.. Caro.Mich. 
tun on gasoline, kerosene, distillate, 
any cheap fuel oil. Cost less to run— 
I develop more power. Patent throttle 
, gives three engines In one. Many other | 
exclusive features — guaranteed 10 
years—we pay freight—30 days' free 
I trial. Send lor catalogue today. 
I Uli tngin* Co.,5 Null.! $1., Detroit, Ml. It, 
YOUR APPLES 
WILL NET YOU 
MORE MONEY 
After you have installed a 
Mouarch Hydraulic Cider 
Press. We are the largest 
mfrs. of presses, apple- 
butter cookers, evapora¬ 
tors, etc., in thccountry. 
A. B. Fsirquhar Co., 
Ltd.Box 103,York,Pa. 
Ask for our 
free 1913 
Catalog, 
telling 
why. 
_ The natural oils in Trinidad Lake as- 
plialt give life to Genasco and make it last. 
Get Genasco for all your roofs, and lay it with the Kant-leak Kleet. 
Write us for samples and the Good Roof Guide Book. Free. 
The Barber Asphalt Paving Company Philadelphia 
New York San Francisco Chicago 
It pays to bale your hay in 
DEDERICK’S 
STANDARD 
Baling Presses 
* 
Catalogue Free 
P. K. DEDERICK’S SONS, 
42 Tivoli St., Albany. N. Y. 
