July 2 G, 1913, 
888 
HUMOROUS 
“Jinks appears to be putting aside 
something each month for a rainy day.” 
“His failure to return umbrellas made 
me suspect as much.”—Buffalo Express. 
Hostess : “Oh, I hope your dog won’t 
go into the kitchen; the fish for baby’s 
dinner is on the table.” Caller: “I hope 
not, indeed. He isn’t allowed to have 
fish.”—Punch. 
Visitor (at Chicago restaurant) : 
“This bill of fare is in Fi’ench.” Waiter: 
“Yes, sah ; but the prices is in English, 
sah. Mos’ folks goes by dem.”—New 
York Weekly. 
“Harold, you mustn’t eat all the pea¬ 
nuts, even if you are pretending to be a 
monkey. You must give sister some.” 
"But, mother, I’m pretending she’s some 
kind o’ animal wot doesn’t eat peanuts.” 
—Life. 
“Father,” said a boy of 12, “who was 
Shylock?” “What!” exclaimed his father, 
“have I sent you to Sunday School for 
the past six or seven years, only to have 
you ask me who Shylock was? Shame 
on you! Get your Bible and find out 
this minute.”—Mother’s Magazine. 
McMasters was walking with a beau¬ 
tiful girl in a wild New England wood. 
“What is your favorite flower, Mr. Mc¬ 
Masters V” the girl asked, softly. Mc¬ 
Masters thought a moment, then he 
cleared his throat and answered: “Well, 
I believe I like the whole wheat best.”— 
Washington Star. 
The motor-bus stopped and the con¬ 
ductor looked expectantly up the steps. 
But no one descended, and at last he 
stalked up impatiently. “ ’Ere, you,” he 
said to a man on top, “don’t you want 
Westminster Abbey?’- “Yes,” was the 
reply. “Well,” retorted the conductor, 
“come down for it. I can’t bring it on 
the bus for you.”—Tit-Bits. 
“No,” said the stage manager; “you 
are the heroine. You are supposed to 
suffer more than anybody else in the 
play, l'ou must put yourself into a 
frame of mind which represents grief 
and remorse.” “I know,” replied the lead¬ 
ing woman, “I’ll try to make myse’f be¬ 
lieve I’m one of the people who paid $2 
to see this play.”—Washington Star. 
The Sunday School teacher had read 
the day’s Scripture lesson to the class, 
and she began asking questions to see 
how attentively the young girls had fol¬ 
lowed her. “And what,” she asked, “is 
the lesson taught us in the parable of 
the seven wise virgins?” Eleven-year- 
old Ruth held up her hand. “That we 
should always be on the lookout for a 
bridegroom.—Cleveland Plain Dealei’. 
“The way of the transgressor is hard,” 
said the justice, as he fined Bildad for 
exceeding the speed limit. “Not around 
here it ain’t!” retorted Bildad. “I never 
saw such mushy roads in all my life.” 
“Ten dollars extry for contempt of 
court,” said the justice. “Why, I haven’t 
said anything about you, judge,” pro¬ 
tested Bildad. “Yes, ye hev,” retorted 
the justice. “I’m i-oad commissioner here 
as well as jestice o’ the peace.”—Harper’s 
Weekly. 
In the haymai-ket one afternoon re¬ 
cently a couple of fariners stopped to 
talk crops and horses. “Are you in the 
market for a good horse,” asked one. 
“Always ready to dicker,” the other an- 
swered. “Ever see that little bay mare 
of mine?” “I think I know the critter.” 
“How’d you like to own her? She’s 
yours at rock-bottom price.” Gathering 
up his lines preparatory to leaving the 
spot, the other farmer replied. “Well, 
John, I’d buy her this moi-ning, but I 
hate to bust a dollar.”—Youngstown 
T. ’""ram. 
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WH 
URAjU NEW-YORKER 
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MS 
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H MFG. CO. 
^ 144 S.WaterSI. 
- WEST BEND, 
ms. 
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New York City 
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1426 Tuscarawas St. 
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rrmr ~i-- 
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