908 
THE RURAL NEW-YORKER 
Avgust 2 , 191 3 . 
HUMOROUS 
“We are taking our meals out now.” 
“Are you?” “Yes. Out of tin cans.”— 
Credit Lost. 
Woman (to druggist) : “Are you sure 
this rat poison is good?” “Certainly. 
It’s cheap, palatable and very nourish¬ 
ing.”—Fliegende Blatter. 
Rose: “He said he would kiss me or 
die in the attempt.” Mane: “Well?” 
Rose: “He has no life in 5 ^- L*e, and I 
pitied his poor old mothe- ^ ffiio State 
Journal. m 
“Didn’t I hear you f *— mething at 
that yowling cat early morning?” 
“Yes, I threw the alf 5 lock at it.” 
“Hit the beast?” “Nc ^ I got rid of 
the alarm clock.”—Tr\> opt. 
vj O’ 
Village Grocer : V- £ : are you run¬ 
ning for, sonny?” /‘I’m tryin’ to 
keep two fellers from sitin’.” Village 
Grocer: “Who are the fellows?” Boy: 
“Bill Perkins and me.”—Melbourne Aus¬ 
tralasian. 
Judge: “The prisoner claims that he 
tooted his horn before he ran over you.” 
Complainant (much damaged) : “Maybe 
he did, your honor; but what good is 
that when a car is traveling faster than 
sound ?”—Transcript. 
“Going to make a garden this Spring?” 
“No; I’m going to disappoint a lot of in¬ 
sects that have infested my yard for 
years, and I won’t care a bit if some of 
them starve to death.”—Kansas City 
Journal. 
“I am afraid, madam, we have shown 
you all our stock, but we could procure 
more from our factory.” “Well, perhaps 
you’d better. You see, I want something 
of a neater pattern and quite small— 
just a little square for my bird cage.”— 
Punch. 
“I hope you don’t object to my chil¬ 
dren practicing their music lessons,” said 
the fourth floor tenant to his neighbor 
below stairs. “On the contrary,” said 
the neighbor. “It has given me a first- 
class reason for demanding a reduction 
in my rent.”—Harper’s Weekly. 
Tommy went fishing the other day 
without his mother’s permission. The 
next morning one of his chums met him 
and asked: “Did you catch anything 
yesterday, Tommy?” “Not till I got 
home,” was the response.—National 
Monthly. 
“I can’t get that woman to take any 
fresh air,” complained the young physi¬ 
cian. “You don’t word your advice prop¬ 
erly,” said the old doctor. “Tell her to 
perambulate daily in the park, taking 
copious inhalations of ozone.”—Washing¬ 
ton Herald. 
Algy’s Mother: “I suppose yer git- 
tin’ a good fee, sir, fer attendin’ to the 
rich Smith boy?” Doctor: “Well, yes, 
I get a pretty good fee; but why are you 
asking?” Algy’s Mother: “Well, I ’ope 
yer won’t forget that my little Algy 
threw the brick that ’it ’im!”—London 
Opinion. 
After citing numberless ills and re¬ 
ceiving the physician’s prescription, she 
finally arose to leave the office. As she 
reached the door she turned around and 
remarked slowly: “And, doctor, I hear 
strange sounds in my ears.” “Well, 
where else do you expect to hear them?” 
answered the tired physician.—Brooklyn 
Life. 
The angry citizen puffed into the office 
of the city editor. “See, here, sir,” he 
yelled, “what do you mean by publishing 
ray resignation from my political office 
in this way?” “You gave the story out 
yourself, didn’t you?” asked the editor. 
“Of course I did,” replied the angry citi¬ 
zen. “But your fool paper printed it 
under the head of ‘Public Improve¬ 
ments.’ ”—Boston Record. 
SAVE HALF Your 
Paint Bills 
By using INGERSOLL PAINT —proved 
best by 66 years’ use. It will please you. 
Only paint endorsed by the “Grange.” 
Made in all colors—for all purposes. 
DELIVERED FREE 
From the Mill Direct to You at Factory Prices. 
INGERSOLL PAINT BOOK —FREE 
Tells all about Paint and Painting for Durability. 
How to avoid trouble and expense caused by paints 
fading, chalking and peeling. Valuable information 
free to you, with Sample Color Cards. Write me. DO 
IT NOW. I can save you money. 
Q.W. IngersoM, 246 Plymouth St., Brooklyn, N.Y. 
Symbols 
of Protection 
Ancient Egyptians carved 
over their doorways and upon 
their temple walls the symbol 
of supernatural protection; a 
winged disk. It typified the 
light and power of the sun, 
brought down from on high 
by the wings of a bird. 
Mediaeval Europe, in a more 
practical manner, sought pro¬ 
tection behind the solid 
masonry of castle walls. 
In America we have ap¬ 
proached the ideal of the 
Egyptians. Franklin drew 
electricity from the clouds and 
Bell harnessed it to the tele¬ 
phone. 
Today the telephone is a 
means of protection more 
potent than the sun disk fetish 
and more practical than castle 
walls. 
The Bell System has carried 
the telephone wires every¬ 
where throughout the land, so 
that all the people are bound 
together for the safety and 
freedom of each. 
This telephone protection, 
with electric speed, reaches the 
most isolated homes. Such 
ease of communication makes 
us a homogeneous people and 
thus fosters and protects our 
national ideals and political 
rights. 
American Telephone and Telegraph Company 
And Associated Companies 
One Policy 
One System 
Universal Service 
Wheat or Straw? 
On some of the best wheat land the crop runs to 
Straw. This is because there are not enough avail¬ 
able mineral foods tobalance the manure or clover. 
A field test on such land showed that Potash 
increased the grain from 20 bushels on unfertil¬ 
ized soil to 31 bushels where 
POTASH 
was used, and to 37 bushels where Potash and 
phosphate were used. Both were profitable. 
Supplement the humus of such land with 200 lbs. 
acid phosphate and 30 lbs. Muriate of Potash or 
125 lbs. Kainit per acre. Potash Pays. 
If your dealer does not sell Potash, write us for prices 
stating-quantities required and ask for our free book on 
“Fall Fertilizers.” Study of the fertilizer question 
means saving and profit to you. 
RIGHT PROPOR¬ 
TION OF HEAD 
TO STRAW 
GERMAN KALI WORKS. Inc. 
NEW YORK -42 BROADWAY 
CHICAGO— McCormick Block 
NEW ORLEANS—Whitney Central Bank Building 
SAVANNAH—Bank & Trust Building 
ATLANTA—Empire Bnilding 
BAN F&ANCISCO— 20 Calilornia Street 
CROP RUNS 
TO 
STRAW 
Ellis Champion 
Threshers 
Suit everyone. Both the profes 
sional threshonnan or the farmer 
who wants a home outfit will find the 
Champion rightly named. The picture 
shows ELLIS CHAMPION NO. 2 It is complete 
with stacker, tailings, elevator and grain bag 
ger. Connect it with steam, gasolene, tread or 
any other power, put in the grain and the Cham 
pion does the rest. No straw clogging. Any size. 
We also make tread and sweep horse-power, drao or circular saws 
ensilaae cutters, corn shelters, etc. Ourcatalogtells the whale story. 
Be Your Own Thresherman 
Save enough to own the Thresher. Be independent. 
get ready. 
ELLIS KEYSTONE AGRICULTURAL WORKS, Potts town, Pa. 
When you write advertisers mention 
The R. N.-Y. and you’ll get a quick 
reply and a “square deal.” See guaran¬ 
tee editorial page. : : : : 
No more engine worry. No fear of fire. 
No insurance troubles. The really safe en¬ 
gine-investigated and now sealed with the 
label of security—is here. Every 
Jacobson Engine 
is'personalty inspected, approved and labeled by 
the Underwriters Laboratories Co., Inc. Good 
every otherway. too. One-third more than rated 
capacity. Easy, sure starting. Never kicks 
back. Hopper cooled. Write for Booklets. 
JACOBSON MACHINE 
2 to 13 (ft MFG. CO. 
H. P. v Dept.D. Warren, Pa. 
Caldwell, 
The Price Maker 
Gasoline Engines, Cream 
Separators, Manure 
Spreaders, Pump Jacks 
and Feed Grinders at 
prices with quality that 
can’t be beat. 
Caldwell, The Quality Man 
The quality of my goods permit of a 
five year guarantee. Ask the user— 
you will find him well pleased and has 
saved big money by buying from me. 
Caldwell, Your Friend 
Because he sells on 60-day free trial, per¬ 
mits you to use the goods before paying 
for them and allows you to be the judge 
of their value. Just write me before 
placing 
your order. 
J. 0. Caldwell 
Caldwell- 
Hallowell 
Mfg. Co. 
5H ComniercialSI. 
WATERLOO. IOWA. 
Waterloo Gasoline Engines 
extra good for mounting on wagons, 
engine frame is long and well sup¬ 
ported back of the crank shaft 
box; they are slow speed and 
— consequently don’t jump 
around like an engine 
running fast. Our cata¬ 
logue tells all about 
them.it’s free. We make 
quick shipment from New York. 
Waterloo Gasoline Engine Works 
202 FULTON ST., NEW YORK CITY 
Save $ 50‘° s 300 
I absolutely guarantee to save you S-50 to 
$300 on any Galloway gasoline engine. Made .in 
sizes from 1 3-4 h. p. to 15 h. p. My famous 5 h.p. engine 
—without an equal on the market— sells for $99.50 for 
the next 60 days only! Buy now! Same size costa 
$225 to $300 through your dealer. Think of it! OverSO.OOO 
Galloway engines in use today. All sold on same, liberal, free 90 
Day Trial Offer I make you— and all giving satisfaction, I»n t that 
proof enough? _ „ 
Get My Catalog and Low Direct Prices 
Write me beforo you buy any 
other style or make. Get my cata¬ 
log and low, direct price on the 
famous Galloway lino of frost¬ 
proof, water cooled engines. Free. 
Service Department at your dis-* 
posul. My special 1913 oiTer will help (a 
you an engine partly or wholly witn-t 
outoost to you. Write today. Do itnow. 
WILLIAM GALLOWAY COMPANY; 
275 Galloway Station. Waterloo, Iowa 
MAKE BIG PAY DRILLING 
WATER WELLS 
Our Free Drillers’ Book with 
catalog of Keystone Drills 
tells how. Many sizes ; trac 
tion and portable. Msy 
STANDARD EVERIWHIIE 
Well Drilling Machines 
Tested, Proved Reliable 
- ~ , Z VI 
forty-four years’ use 
in 
nearly all parts of the world. 
Many men earn big incomes 
with some one of our BO 
styles and sizes. They use 
any power. Made for 
drilling earth, rock and for 
mineral prospecting. Large 
catalog- No. 120 F a*' 1 '” 
THE AMERICAN WELL WORKS 
Cneral Office and Worki: 
AURORA. ILL. 
Chicago Office: First National 
