080 
THE RURAL NEW-YORKER 
May 14. 1!)10. 
HUMOROUS 
fi 
! 
if 
fi 
fi 
si 
II; 
II 
I sing the hen. that noble bird 
With shiny yellow legs, 
Who, when she t'eeleth so disposed 
Supplieth us with eggs; 
Whose gentle, soothing “Cutter-quaw !” 
Cheers up our spirits some. 
Since we're reminded by the sound 
That gentle Spring has come. 
—Somerville Journal. 
“A man kin alius fix up arguments to 
quiet his conscience,” said Uncle Eben, 
“‘but 'tain’t no use. No matter how 
much you turns de clock back, sundown 
gwinter come jes’ dc same.”—Washing¬ 
ton Star. 
“Mother,” said a little boy, “isn’t it 
funny that everybody calls my little 
brother a bouncing baby?” “Why do 
you think it’s funny, William?” asked 
his mother. “Because when I dropped 
him in the porch this morning he didn't j 
bounce a bit—he just hollered!”—Credit 
Lost. 
“Do you think there is any likelihood 
that the comet will do any damage on 
the earth this Summer?” “No,” replied 
the pessimist, “there ain’t likely, after 
the grafters and the combinations and 
the Spring frosts get through, to he 
anything left to damage.”—Chicago 
Record-Herald. 
“You make it a rule to keep your 
constituents interested as much as pos¬ 
sible?" “Yes,” replied Senator Sor¬ 
ghum. “In politics there is no use of 
trying to let well enough alone. Jf you 
don’t give people something to think 
about they’ll be giving you something to 
think about.”—Washington Star. 
A tourist, while travelling through 
Arizona, noticed the dry, dusty appear¬ 
ance of the country. “Doesn't it ever 
rain around here?” lie asked one of the 
natives. “Rain?” The native spat. 
“Rain? Why, say, pardner, there’s bull¬ 
frogs in this yere town over five years 
old that hasn’t learned to swim yet.”— 
Credit Lost. 
“I had the loveliest dream last night,” 
says the fond wife. “I dreamed about 
a new Spring bonnet.” “There’s lots of 
dreams that never come true,” observes 
the brutal husband. “I'm afraid this is 
one. I dreamed that I purchased an 
egg at the millinery store and set it 
under a hen and hatched out one of the 
latest hats.”—Chicago Post. 
A negro house cleaner, whose speech 
marked him as one fresh from the 
South, was sent by an ' employment 
agency to answer a Brooklyn woman’s 
request for an able bodied man to as¬ 
sist in the Spring upheaval. When he 
presented himself at her door the house¬ 
wife asked him what wages he de¬ 
manded. “Ya-as’m,” the house cleaner 
answered, with an ingratiating smile. 
“Yo’ eats me an’ it’s $1 a day. But, 
ma’am, if ah eats mahself it’s one dol- 
lah two bits.”—New York Sun. 
The old colonel was spinning off 
yarns of the Civil War, and in the heat 
of reminiscent patriotism his memory 
became somewhat tangled. “Ah, gentle¬ 
men,” he related seriously.' “I shall nev¬ 
er forget the charge at Chickamauga. 
It was there that I lost my leg.” Ten 
minutes later the old colonel was rela¬ 
ting an incidenet of Gettysburg. “And 
when we climbed Little Round Top the 
bullets were whistling on all sides. It 
was there that I lost my leg.” And 
thirty minutes later, through a' misty 
haze of smoke: “Seven Pines, gentle-, 
men, Seven Pines! Ah, that was the 
battle. One of my legs was shot from 
under me, and”- But just then a 
timid little boy looked up and asked 
shyly: “Grandpa, were—were you a cen¬ 
tipede in those days?”—Chicago News. 
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entist who has taught 
the world how to con¬ 
trol lightning* 
D&S 
Not since the days of Franklin 
has any scientist done as much 
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Ben|amln Franklin, 
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Professor WEST DODD 
the inventor of the D. & S. system of lightning rod construction. The 
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EVERY TIME 
Lightning strikes _ 
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