828 
THE RURAL NEW-YORKER 
June 13, 1914 
HUMOROUS 
“Was your husband cool when you 
told him there was a burglar in the 
house?” asked Mrs. Hammer. “Cool,” 
replied Mrs. Gabb, "I should say he was 
cool. Why, his teeth chattered.”- 
cinnati Enquirer. 
“Did you kill the moths with t' ^ cli 
balls I recommended?” asked * ug- 
gist. “No, I didn’t,” said the ^ mer 
truculently. “I sat up all and 
didn’t hit a single moth.”—Cl 4 ^ '’Opin¬ 
ion. 
A; 
“See here, waiter,” excAs . the in¬ 
dignant customer, “here’s e of wood 
in my sausage!” “Yes,^ V replied the 
waiter, “but I’m sure- ^ ” “Sure 
nothing! I don’t mind c ' .ng the dog, 
but I’m blowcd if I’m going to eat the 
kennel, too.”—Tit-Bits. 
“With telephones and automobiles,” 
said the economist, “the farmer will soon 
be entirely independent of the city.” 
“Never,” replied Mrs. Corntossel. “We’ll 
j Iways have to be going to town—unless 
they discover some way of sending mov¬ 
ing pictures by mail.”—Washington Star. 
“Why, look here,” said the merchant, 
who was in need of a boy, “aren’t you 
the same boy who was in here a week 
ago?” “Yes, sir,” said the applicant. “I 
thought so. And didn’t I tell you then 
that I wanted an older boy?” “Yes, sir. 
That’s why I’m back. I’m older now.”— 
Ladies’ Home Journal. 
“It’s surprising how unpractical some 
very learned men are.” “Yes, there’s 
Professor Lingwist, for example. He 
spent over half his life in acquiring 
fluency in nine or ten different languages, 
and then went and married a wife who 
never gives him a chance to get a word 
in edgeways.”—Melbourne Australasian. 
“I understand that you have a very 
fine new baby brother,” said the minis¬ 
ter. “Y r es, sir.” replied young Percy. 
“He is a nice baby.” “And,” continued 
the minister, “I hope he is a good baby.” 
“Oh, I guess he is,” said Percy dubious¬ 
ly. “He don’t smoke or drink any, but 
sometimes he seems to me to swear 
some.”—Christian Advocate. 
Willis: “What’s the election today 
for? Anybody happen to know?” “Gil- 
lis: “It is to determine whether we shall 
have a convention to nominate delegates 
who will be voted on as to whether they 
will attend a caucus which will decide 
whether we shall have a primary to de¬ 
termine whether the people want to vote . 
on this same question again next year.” 
—Puck. 
When Jasper got back to his office 1 
his boss said: “Look here, does it take 
you a half hour to go down to the corner 
and do an errand for me?” “It did this 
time, sir,” answered Jasper. “A man 
dropped a quarter down a hole in the 
sidewalk.” “And it took you all this 
time to get it out?” “Yes, sir; you see, I 
bad to wait till the man went away.”— 
Savannah News. 
The school teacher exclaimed, impa¬ 
tiently, one afternoon: “Johnny Jones, 
what are you fumbling with there?” 
Johnny hung his head and was silent. 
But the telltale of the class spoke up: 
“It’s a pin lie’s got. ma’am.” “Well, 
take it from him,” said the teacher, “and 
bring it here to me.” This was done, 
and then, in a mollified voice the teacher 
said: “Now. Johnny Jones, get up and 
recite your history lesson.” But Johnny 
did not obey, lie blushed, hung his head 
and sat still. “Johnny,” said the teach¬ 
er, “rise, I tell you!” Then the little 
fellow blurted out, distressfully: “I can’t 
ma’am. That there pin you took is what 
holds me trousers up!”—Pittsburgh 
Chronicle-Telegraph. 
John Deere Motor Press 
THE TRINIDAD-LAKE-ASPHALT 
T HE press that gives the best 
service of any of its size be- mT-tti 
cause it does better work more Kg 
rapidly and with a smaller en- 
gine. It is the press with the gWKW 
powerful eccentric drive. Gears 
are mounted off center, giving 
greatly increased power on 
working stroke, just when it is 
needed, and a quick return of 
the plunger on the idle stroke. LSSSci; 
Double drive with Btraight ‘ T~» , 
belts and belt idlers eliminates 
wear on the belts, press and 
engine bearings, equally distrf- ~ 
butes the work, more readily transmits 
the power and results in Bmoother opera¬ 
tion. 
Plunger has a prying instead of but¬ 
ting action, relieving press of all jar or 
shock. There are no back gears or fly 
wheel, which means fewer parts to oper¬ 
ate, less repair expense and less power 
required to operate the press. Self feed 
carries hay well down into baling cham¬ 
ber, while improved block dropper, . 
patented tucker and powerful plunger ~ 
make smooth, well pressed bales, the £•>’ 
kind that bring the highest price. 
High grade steel frame is continuous 
throughout without joints or splices; 
baling case will withstand all strain. 
Easily removable, well built gasolene en¬ 
gine is mounted on main frame, making 
a complete, self contained motor press 
easily moved and always ready for work. 
makes all your buildings lasting¬ 
ly weatherproof. The natural 
oils of this asphalt give it life. 
The KANT-LEAK KLEET makes seams 
weathertight. Write for samples and the Good 
Roof Guide Book. 
The Barber Asphalt Paving Company 
Largest producers in the world 
of asphalt aud ready roofing 
BP Philadelphia 
■K£JH|L New York San Francisco 
KjHK a Chicago 
John Deere Self Feed 
Pull Power Press 
G IVES the best service of any two- 
horse press because it is a pull pow¬ 
er press. Pull power delivers bales to 
the front out of the way of dust and dirt 
and enables you to set press at center of 
stack, the most convenient point. You 
don’t have to move it from one end of 
stack to the other. Work can be 
® done with one less man than with 
jjj push power presses. 
Pull power feature does away with 
necessity for high, heavy and dangerous 
pitman. Horses do not have to delay in 
stepping over pitman, and you do not 
waste horse flesh in doing the work. Self 
feed increases capacity. Feeder arm car¬ 
ries hay well down into baling chamber 
and evenly packed square end bales are 
always assured. 
Built in three standard sizes, 14x18, 
16xl8and 18x22, with capacity of -Jtontoli 
tons per hour. A simple but very service¬ 
able press that always gives satisfaction. 
Wrniiafit Iron Pinn-° f sound, second-hand 
wrougnt iron ripe quality, with new threads 
aud couplings, 14-foot lengths and up. Also pipe cut 
to sketch for fences, or drilled for irrigation pur¬ 
poses. Wo guarantee enjire satisfaction or return 
money. PFAFF8 KENDALL, 101 Foundry St., Newark, It. J. 
Ask us for free booklets de¬ 
scribing John Deere Hay 
r . Presses. Ask for Pack- 
age No. M 33 
Galvanized or Painted Roofing 
.Write to-day for free sample and mill prices. Send 
B1 ?o°‘ buildinfirs, height and length of rafters and wo 
wil 1 furnish froo complete estimate of cost—then make 
comparisons and see the big: savinars. 
Quality Guaranteed-Best Open Hearth Product 
When you buv from us, you buy from the manufac¬ 
turer. AII galvanised Roofing and Siding have extra 
heavy tifrht coating: of firalvanizc. Also makers of 
IZ&lvanized shingles for houses. 
Established 1877 
THE SYKES METAL LATH & ROOFING CO. 
516 Walnut Street, Niles, Ohio 
John Deere, Moline, Ill 
Sill 
Write for 
FREE 
* Catalog 
& 1914 
Cider Presses 
You can earn money wher¬ 
ever apples grow if you own n 
a Monarch. A Monarch Aat 
g ets all the cider—you 
avc satisfied custom- f ~ 1 
ers. We also make 
apple-butter cook- 
ers and cvaporutors. qfi5.-~ " 
A. B. FarouharCo., Ltd. \ 
Box 130, York, P*. ^ 
Success with cheap kerosene or 
coal oil absolutely guaranteed. Try 
r. Most economical. 
before you buy. ___ _ , 
reliable and durable engine made. a " I ds | 
So simple and easy the wife or boy ■ L I 
can start and run It. People every- 
where throwing away their old engines, buying lies 
semers and making money by it. Get one for your 
self. Be ahead of your neighbors. Runs fast 01 
slow, will do a dozen things at once. Wondcrfu 
beyond belief. Pays for itself in fuel saved. Foi 
special discount write at once. 
THE BESSEMER GAS ENGINE CO. 
123 Lincoln «vi. GROVE CITY PA. 
2 H-P, $34.95 
4H-P. 69.75 
6 H-P, 99.35 
8 II-P. 139.65 
12 H-P, 219.90 
16 H-P, 298.80 
22 H-P, 399.65 
Portable Engine* 
Proportionally Low . 
Direct from 
Factory ski 
WITTE Engines 
Ellis Champion 
Threshers 
Be Your Own Thresherman 
Save enough to own the Thresher. Be independent. 
Do the work when you /a get ready. 
Suit everyone. Both the 
professional thresherman 
or the farmer who wants a homo Cgf >-7 r , 
outfit will find the Champion V 
rightly named. The picture shows ’"vS.U i 
ELLIS CHAMPION No. 2. It is complete 
with st icker, tailings, elevator and grain hag- 
ger. Connect it with steam, gasoline, tread or 
any other power, put in the grain and the Cham- ^ 
pion does the rest. No straw clogging. Any size. 
We also make tread and sweep horse-power, drag or circular saws, 
ensilage cutters, com shelters, etc. Our catalog tells the whole story. 
Hew Book Free. T .e» s 7 ou L he I 
_- . mm side of engine sell- ' 
i 11 g as well asmamifacturing. Gettho 
facts whether you buy from me or not. 1 
Ed. H. Witte, Witte Iron Works Co. ' 
1898 Oakland Ave., Kansas City, Mo, 
SAVE HALF Your 
Paint Bills 
ELLIS KEYSTONE AGRICULTURAL WORKS, Pottstown, Pa 
Capacities as low as 
400 bushels daily 
By using INGERSOLL PAINT —proved 
best by 66 years’ use. It will please you. 
Only paint endorsed by the “Grange.” 
Made in all colors—for all purposes. 
DELIVERED FREE 
From the Mill Direct to You at Factory Prices. 
INGERSOLL PAINT BOOK —FREE 
Tells all about Paint and Painting for Durability. 
How to avoid trouble and expense caused by paints 
fading, chalking and peeling. Valuable information 
free to you, with Sample Color Cards. Write me. DO 
IT NOW. I can save you money. 
Q.W. IngersoM, 246 Plymouth St., Brooklyn, N.Y. 
The Fuller & Johnson 
Farm Pump Engine 
And Sits 
M Friends 
Thresh 
Grain 
Y ourself 
On Skids 
or Trucks 
The Fuller & Johnson Farm Pump 
Engine makes friends with everybody. 
It is tho friend of the farmer, of his wife, his 
family, the hired men, and his thirsty cuttlo. 
Why Not? It relieves himself, family and hired 
help of a disagreeable job and administers to 
the wants of his faithful animal servants. 
It is very simple to run and entirely Rafo. 
The operating cost is very small. It comes all 
ready to run and needs no beltB, braces or 
special platform. 
Besides pumping, it will run the grindstone, 
churn, separator, wash machine, etc. It is 
as handy as the thumb on your hand. 
Let us send you our Catalog No. 17 and fully 
describe the wonderful little engine to you. 
FULLER & JOHNSON MFC. CO. 
6 ROWLEY ST. MADISON, WM5. 
^ Tells 
how to use your old run¬ 
ning gears for many- — 
mg gears tor many years; save 
10,000 high lilts; save repair bills. 
have no real competitors. Gray Machines stand in a class all 
by themselves. Famous now after 70 years of manufacture 
they have fulfilled all out claims for durability, light ness (ideal 
for hilly districts), strength, easy running with medium pow¬ 
er. correct capacity rating and reasonable price. If you raise 
grain send for our new 1914 Catalog full of pictures and 
figures. IP. ficc. a. W. GRAY’S SONS 
14 South Street, Middletown Springs, Vermont 
Steel Wheels 
M«ko bulling 30% to !M% easier; 
don’t rut roads or fields:can’t break 
or dry apart, bond for illustrated 
book of whcelsand wagons. A 
Electric Wheel Co., 
48 ElrniSt., quiucy, 111- 
j Gray Threshers 
Gray Horse Powers 
Gray Saw Machines, Gray Ensilage Cutters 
Gray Gasoline Engines 
DIRECT 
MILUMILL PRICES 
FROM 
TRIAL 
OWN THIS SMALL THRESHER 
