900 
THE KURAI> NEW-YORKER 
July 4, 1914 
HUMOROUS 
A hen stood on the garden lot, 
Whence all but her had fled, 
And didn’t leave a planted spot 
In the early onion bed. 
With vim she worked, both feet and legs, 
And the gardener says he bets 
She was trying to find the kind of eggs 
On which the Onion sets. 
—Credit Lost. 
Farmer’s Wife (to visitor) : “Now, 
Johnny, will you go and collect the eggs, 
and don’t take the china ones. I suppose 
you know what they’re for?” Johnny: 
“Oh, yes, they’re for a pattern to show 
them how to make the others.”—Punch. 
Tommy arrived home one day with a 
nice new golf ball. “Look at the lost ball 
I found on the links, pa,” he said. “But 
are you sure, Tommy,” ask' father, 
“that it was a lost ball?’ ^ n, yes,” 
said the boy. “I saw tin £ and his 
caddie looking for it.”- jn Tran¬ 
script. 
“It’s going to be w * the knife,” 
declared the suburbanit ^ - was feeding 
his chickens. “What ■-“'o ^ ” asked the 
friend. “Why, Blink 'v me a box of 
• -Qj • 
axle grease and advi »*, ^ a to use it on 
my lawn mower.” .^ J?” “Well, I 
sent it back and told hm to use it on 
his daughter’s voice.”—Lippincott’s Mag¬ 
azine. 
Little Willie had been very naughty 
—so much so, in fact, that, after hav¬ 
ing reproved him several times, his 
mother was at last forced to severely 
punish him. When his father arrived 
home in the evening he at once perceived 
that Willie’s eyes were suspiciously red. 
“What’s the matter, sonny?” he cried. 
“Oh, nothing,” responded Willie uneasi¬ 
ly. “Come, don’t be frightened,” said 
the father, in coaxing tones. “Toll me 
all about it; I want to know.” Willie 
remained silent for some time, then he 
suddenly burst out: “Well, if you must 
know, I’ve had a thundering row with 
your wife.”—Pearson’s Weekly. 
An English artist, while sketching in 
the Alps one day, was searching for a 
suitable background of dark pines for a 
picture he had planned. Finally, he 
found just the scene he was seeking, and 
best of all, there happened to be a pretty 
detail—the figure of an old woman in the 
foreground. The artist asked the old 
lady to remain seated until he made a 
sketch of her. She consented, but in a 
few minutes asked how long he would 
be. “Only about fifteen minutes,” he re¬ 
plied. Three or four minutes later the 
old lady, with manifest anxiety in her 
voice, asked if he would be much longer. 
“Oh, no, only a very few minutes now,” 
again the artist replied. “But why do 
you ask so anxiously?” "Oh, it’s noth¬ 
ing,” she answered, sadly, “only I’m sit- 
tin’ on an ant-hill.”—Woman’s Journal. 
A lawyer for a railway company once 
had to defend his employers from the 
charge of negligence in the case of a 
farmer whose cart was demolished at a 
grade crossing. The accident happened 
at night, and the principal witness was 
an old colored man who was on guard 
armed with a lantern to signal the ap¬ 
proach of trains. “Now, John,” said the 
lawyer, “did you swing your lantern 
when you saw the cart coming?” “Yas- 
sir, I sut’nly did, suh, I done swung dat 
lantern right crost de road.” On the 
strength of this testimony the lawyer won 
his case. He took occasion to thank the 
witness. “Much obleeged to yo’, Marse 
Torrn,” replied that worthy. “I’se 
pow’ful glad I could he’p yo’. But I 
was plumb frightened dat other lawyer 
gwin ax me ef dat lantern was lit.”— 
Credit Lost. 
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These Costly Tires 
Now Undersell Nearly Every Make 
The tables are turned. Goodyear No-Rim- 
Cut tires—once the costly tires—now sell 
below most others. There are 16 makes 
sold at higher prices—up to one-half higher. 
Now these tires which rule Tiredom—the 
leading tires of the world—save you on first 
cost as well as on last cost. It is more im¬ 
portant than ever to get them. 
Reasons for Cost 
No-Rim-Cut tires for a long time cost one- 
fifth more than other standard tires. Thatwas 
due to four great features—costly features 
—found in no other tire. 
They ended rim-cutting by a method 
we control. It has saved tire users millions. 
They saved blow-outs —all the blow¬ 
outs due to wrinkled fabric. They did this 
through our “On-Air” cure—an extra process 
which costs us $1,500 per day. 
They reduced loose tread danger by 
60 per cent through a patent method. 
Our All-Weather tread gave to users 
a tough, double-thick antuskid. A flat 
tread, as smooth as a 
plain tread, but grasp¬ 
ing wet roads with 
deep, sharp, resistless 
grips. 
No other tire at any 
price has ever offered 
these four features. 
Reasons for Price 
The reasons for present Goodyear prices 
are just these: 
New factories, new equipment, new ma¬ 
chinery, new efficiency. A multiplied output, 
now the largest in the world. It has cut 
overhead cost 24 per cent and labor cost 
25 per cent 
A modest profit. Last year our profit 
averaged only per cent. 
No-Rim-Cut tires at present prices are 
even better than they were at high prices. 
They excel other tires just as far, and in 
just as many ways. 
(JOOD ^YEAR 
No-Rim-Cut Tires 
With All-Weather Treads or Smooth 
Up to now men bought these tires because 
of their hidden economies. They bought 
millions of them because of their known 
mileage records. 
Now you have in addition this visible 
economy—this saving which comes at the 
start. You have a price from $5 to $15 lower 
than many other tires. 
Any dealer will 
supply you Good¬ 
year tires at Good¬ 
year prices. If he 
is out, he will get 
them from our 
nearest branch. 
AKRON. OHIO 
THE GOODYEAR TIRE & RUBBER COMPANY, AKRON, OHIO 
Toronto, Canada 
Branches and Agencies in 103 Principal Cities 
London* England 
DEALERS EVERYWHERE 
Mexico City, Mexico 
Write Us on Anything You Want in Rubber 
(1631) 
MAKE BIG PAY DRILLING 
WATER WELLS 
Our Free Drillers’ Book with 
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ir of buying buggies direct. Learn how nearly 
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Station 290 Columbus, Ohio \\//pC 
H. C. PHELPS, 
President 
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S with some one of our 5!) 
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Chicago Office: First National 
Bonk building 
CANVAS C0VER$“”&,“y“SS 
W Hooting- waterproof 
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