eao 
THE; RUFIA1V KEW-YORKER 
July 11, 1914 
HUMOROUS 
Pop : “Yes, all engines have cow¬ 
catchers. Sure, sonny.” Sonny : “That’s 
funny. I thought they only needed ’em 
on milk trains.”—Life. 
“Waiter, this knife is blunt and the 
steak is like leather.” “Ow’d it do to 
strop the knife on the steak, sir?”—Bos¬ 
ton Transcript. 
“Is there anything deleterious in these 
pies, ma’am?” “Certainly there is. I 
put in my pies all the best things go¬ 
ing.”—Baltimore American. 
Indignant Politician : “Why didn’t 
you print all of my speech?” Country 
editor: “Well, to tell the truth, boss, we 
ran clean out of capital I’s.”—Puck. 
“Is your husband troubled with in¬ 
somnia, Mrs. Nurich?” “No, indeed. He 
doesn’t sleep very well, but otherwise his 
health is perfect.”—Buffalo Express. 
“Quick, quick my dear—everybody 
else is in the lifeboat. The ship is sink¬ 
ing!” “Wait a moment. I cannot he 
seen like this. The life-belt makes my 
coat pucker.”—The Bystander. 
Hotel Waiter : “Come, sir, you really 
must go off to bed, sir.” (Yawns.) 
“Why, the dawn’s a-breaking, sir.” Late 
Reveller: “Let it break—and put it 
down in the bill, waiter.”—Punch. 
“Don’t you know that you ought to 
scatter seeds of kindness?” Aw, what’s 
the use? My neighbor’s chickens would 
get them all if I did.”—Boston Evening 
Transcript. 
A little nine-year-old was laboriously 
looking up his spelling words in the dic¬ 
tionary when he came upon one whose 
meaning was perfectly apparent to him. 
He dashed off a sentence containing the 
word “capsize” and passed to the next. 
Imagine the teacher’s amusement when 
he recited glibly, “My cap size is No. 6.” 
—Delineator. 
Lawyer : “Madame, I’m sorry to say 
that I don’t see the ghost of a chance 
for you to break your uncle’s will.” Cli¬ 
ent : “Well, to be frank with you, I don’t 
see the ghost of a chance to pay you for 
what you’ve already done if the will isn’t 
broken.” Lawyer: “H’m! On second 
thought, madame, I think the will can be 
broken.”—Boston Transcript. 
Observing an unfamiliar shrub by a 
country roadside a student of botany 
stopped to make an examination. “Are 
you acquainted with this flower, young 
man?” he asked of a passing yokel. 
“Yep,” the boy laconically answered. “To 
what family do you think it belongs?” 
Indicating a near-by house with a pudgy 
thumb the boy answered: “Higginses.”— 
Puck. 
Mrs Witann, the weeping widow of 
a well-known man, requested that the 
words “My sorrow is greater than I can 
bear” be placed upon the marble slab of 
her dear departed. A few months later 
the lady returned and asked how much 
it would cost to have the inscription ef¬ 
faced and another substituted. “No need 
of that, marm,” replied the man, sooth¬ 
ingly, “you see, I left jes’ enough room 
to add ‘alone.’ ”—Current Opinion. 
The teacher wanted some plums in or¬ 
der to give an object lesson during school 
hours, and, calling one of the small boys, 
she gave him sixpence, and dispatched 
him to the fruit shop at the corner. “Be¬ 
fore you buy the plums, Willie,” she cau¬ 
tioned, “you had better pinch one or two 
to make sure they are ripe.” Little Wil¬ 
lie flitted away. Soon he came back and 
smilingly put the bag on the teacher’s 
desk. “Oh, thank you, Willie,” said the 
teacher. “Did you pinch one or two as 
I told you to do?” “Did I?” was the re¬ 
sponse. “I pinched the whole bagful, and 
here’s your sixpence.”—London Opinion. 
SAVE HALF Your 
Paint Bills 
Bv using INGERSOLL PAINT — proved 
best by 66 years’ use. It will please you. 
Only paint endorsed by the “Grange.” 
Made in all colors—for all purposes. <•" 
DELIVERED FREE 
From the Mill Direct to You at Factory Prices. 
INGERSOLL PAINT BOOK —FREE 
Tells all about Paint and Painting for Durability. 
How to avoid trouble and expense caused by paintB 
fading, chalking and peeling. Valuable information 
free to vou, with Sample Color Cards. Write me. DO 
IT NOW. I can save you money. 
O.W. IngersoH, 246 Plymouth St., Brooklyn, N.Y* 
A I \ r\r\I\T Dollar-a-Knot Quality Equals 
l the Quality of Your Money 
You know the quality of your money is good. You should know the 
quality of the article you buy is as good. Before you build, insist on 
ALADDIN Dollar-a-Knot quality—it protects you in every way. For 
every foot of quantity, twelve inches of quality are included. 
ALADDIN Readi-Cut 
Summer Cottages $138 to $5000 
1 ALADDIN HOUSES are shipped immediately by fast freight direct from our mills 
in five states. The choicest timber is selected for every house. High prices, big: profits 
and costly freight are cut out. Ask about five-room home complete $29S 
What You Get for the One Price ing, sheathing, framing ^lumber, all 
cut to (it; all outside and inside finish: windows glazed, frames, —.. 
casings, stairways, glass, hardware, locks, nails, paints, lath and''fl~ 
plaster, or plasterboard; complete instructions and illustrations’ 
for erecting. Send today for Catalog 340. 
North American Construction Co. 
347 Aladdin Avenue Bay City, Michigan 
Efiis Champion Be Your Own Thresherman 
Th KAcRlAPC & ^ Save enough to own the Thresher. Be independent. 
k If I vwilvi O n„ ...L— ^ get ready. 
Suit everyone. Both the 
professional threshorman 
or the farmer who wants a home 
outfit will find the Champion 
rightly named. The picture shows 
ELLIS CHAMPION No. 2. It is complete 
with stacker, tailings, elevator and grain bag¬ 
ger. Connect it with steam, gasoline, tread or 
any other power, put in the grain and the Cham¬ 
pion does the rest. No straw clogging. Any size. 
We also make tread and sweep horse-power, drag or rircular saws, 
ensilage cutters, corn shellers, etc. Our catalog tells the whole story. 
ELLIS KEYSTONE AGRICULTURAL WORKS, Pottstown, Pa. 
SMALL INVESTMENT 
REASONABLE PRICE 
Thresh Grail) 
When You 
Have Time 
Capacities from 
500 to 1200 
Bushels Daily 
SMALL THRESHER INDEPENDENT 
rr Here’s the neatest little outfit for the farmer who raises a limited amount of grain. You^ 
aie dependent on no one. You can thresh when you choose. It’s a simple machine^ 
takes up little room. Has cylinder 23 inches wide and will thresh 400 to 600 bushels of 
oats a day. Write us—let us tell you how reasonable you can buy one of our 
THRESHERS 
Gray Threshers 
Gray Horse Powers 
Gray Saw Machines 
Gray Ensilage Cutters 
Gray Gasoline Engines 
They’re made in sizes to suit your farm and your pocket-book, 
light yet strong—have large capacity—durable—separate even¬ 
ly and rapidly. The repair expense is low. “it’s a hummer” 
says one man. I hey’re ideal for hilly districts. Require 
medium power. Don’t buy till we give you figures. Write 
for new 1914 Catalog It’s free. 
A. W. GRAY’S SONS 
14 South Street, Middletown Springs, Vt. 
They’re 
sisiisi 
5-;e: 
Build Clean, 
Smooth, Lasting Walks 
Nothing improves a property more than trim, durable 
walks. Keep out of dust, mud and slush. Board walks splinter, 
spatter, rot. Concrete walks are clean, smooth, solid, easy to 
free of snow, last like stone and stay more level. 
Concrete walks—made easily and cheaply with good cement, 
sand and gravel or stone—lead in satisfaction. But be sure your 
material is right. Cheap cement is likely to ruin the entire job. Use 
ALPHA 
THE GUARANTEED 
PORTLAND 
CEMENT 
and be sure. ALPHA is absolutely 
guaranteed to more than meet the U. S. 
Government standard. Insist on it; refuse 
“just as good” substitutes, lay your walks 
properly, and your work will satisfy you. 
The best dealers everywhere handle 
ALPHA; if yours does not, we will 
direct you to one who does. “Portland 
is only the kind of cement; ALPHA is 
the name to remember when you buy. 
Send Coupon for Concrete Farm Book 
The walk is one of a hundred concrete improvements that you can make for 
yourself. Our book, “Concrete in the Country,” 112 pages, tells how. Regularly 
25 cents. 
Free for the coupon or write, mentioning this publication. 
ALPHA PORTLAND CEMENT COMPANY gSS? Easton, Pa. 
Alpha Portland Cement Co., Easton, Pa. 
Send me your book, “Concrete in the Country,” Name_ 
and information about ALPHA, the Guaranteed 
Cement. I may build a_ Address.. 
RNY-Jyll 
Bale Hay! 
Can start f Coupled 
or stop | up short 
instantly 
Thia Free Book tells 
of profits baling hay. 
Sandwich owners lead 
all others: Make $200 to 
$300 clear profit every 
month baling hay for 
growers in their district. “32 tons in 8 
hours with a 3-man crew” writes C. W. 
Brown, Merrill, Michigan. Plenty more bale 
20 to 30 tons daily, rain or shine. Big Tonnage. 
SANDWICH 
HayPresses 
This mighty, solid steel MOTOR BALER supplies 
its own power from high grade, hopper cooled. 
Gas Engine, 4, 6, 8 or 10 H. P. mounted on same 
truck. Geared Magneto. No break downs. An¬ 
other exclusive feature—full power delivered to 
Press by heavy steel roller chain. Turns out solid, 
salable bales. No dangerous belts to slip or 
stretch in wet weather. No other baler has 
this friction clutch on press, can start or stop 
instantly.Simpleself-feeder that stands hard crowd¬ 
ing. We make Horse and Belt power presses too. 
Grasp This Golden Moment 
and mail a postal for our famous “Tons TeD” 
catalog that shows you in actual figures the 
money made with the Sandwich Press and how 
you can pay for your press from your first year’s 
earnings. Sent free postpaid. Address today. 
Sandwich Mfg. Co., 1190ak St., Sandwich.ltl. 
Box 119 • Council Bluffs, la. Box 119 Kansas City. Ko. 
You want your Threshing done 
quickly and you want it done well 
Clean, ripe grain threshes easy 
but it takes the quality of 
BATAVIA GRAINERS 
to thresh out weedy and poorly 
ripened grain without waste. 
Use the BATAVIA and be sure of results 
If you’d thresh your Pea and Bean crops 
at a profit, and so clean that they will 
bring an extra price, get a 
BIDWELL BEANER 
Large size and and a special “Jr.” size 
Write for FHE1C Catalog and full Particulars. 
BATAVIA MACHINE CO., Box 8, Batavia, N. Y. 
For Middle West, J. M. Preston Co., Lansing, Mich. 
Direct from 2 H-jP, $34.95 
Factory ___ 4 H-P® 69.75 
to «H-P, 99-35 
User 8 H-P. 139.65 
user HEEIM! d 12 H _ p> 219.90 
16 H-P, 298.80 
22 H-P, 399.65 
Portable Engine* 
Proportionally Lena. 
WITTE Engines 
Kerosene, Gasoline and Gas 
Stationary, (skidded or on iron base) .and Mounted 
Styles. Long-wearing, separable, semi-steel cylin¬ 
ders and 4-ring pistons; automobile ignition; spark 
shift; vertical valves; variable speed; and other 
merits without which no engine is now high-grade. 
LIBERAL FIVE-YEAR GUARANTEE 
Casn or Easy Terms. Why pay double price for 
any good engine,or take a poor one, 
for any price, when the WITTE costs 
so little and saves you all the risk? 
Npw Rnnk Frpp Tells you the “in- 
wew book rree. Bide engrine scll ~ 
ing as well as manufacturing. Gettho 
facts whether you buy from me or not. 
Ed. H. Witte, Witte Iron WorksCo. 
1898 Oakland Ave., Kansas City, Mo. 
CIDER MAKING 
Can be made prolllablc If the rlgrht kind of machinery 
U U8td. WE MAKE THE RIGHT KIND. 
Send lor cttalo Established n*T2.. 
BOOMER & BOSCHERT PRESS CO. 
312 West Water Street, Syracuse, N. Y. 
AND 
UPWARD 
ON TRIAL. 
AMERICAN 
CREAM 
SEPARATOR 
A SOLID PROPOSITION to 
send fully guaranteed, a new, 
well made, easy running, perfect 
skimming separator for $15.95. 
Skims warm or cold milk; mak¬ 
ing heavy or light cream. The 
bowl Is a sanitary marvel, easily 
cleaned. 
Absolutely on Approval. 
Gears thoroughly protected. 
Different from this picture, 
which illustrates our large 
capacity machines. Western 
orders filled from Western 
f oints. Whether your dairy is 
aige or small write for our 
handsome free catalog. Ad¬ 
dress: 
AMERICAN SEPARATOR CO. 
Box 1075 
BAINBRIDGE, N. 
Y. 
