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THE RURAI> NEW-YORKER 
July 25, 1914 
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HUMOT -'US 
“Is a ventriloqu' . person who 
throws his voice?” £00 Mr. Lobrow. 
“So to speak.” “Wte ca-' e’ve got one next 
door. She hasn’t n it yet, but she 
is giving it a terms' Struggle.”—Wash¬ 
ington Star. 
“In choosing his men,” said the Sab¬ 
bath school superintendent, “Gideon did 
not select those who laid aside their arms 
and tin w themselves down to drink; he 
took those who watched with one eye 
and drank with the other.”—Philadelphia 
Ledger. 
“IIow are you going to explain your 
vote to the folks out home?” “I’m not 
going to explain,” replied Senator Sor¬ 
ghum. “The people out my way are all 
fond of music. I’m going to have a rally 
and announce myself for a big speech. 
Then I’ll hire a band to drown me out.” 
—Washington Star. 
“Well ! Well!” said the farmer as he 
rushed to the gate, his hand extended and 
his face wreathed in smiles: “I’m glad to 
see you! Come right up on the porch and 
rest yourself in the rocker.” “Thank 
you,” replied the visitor. “I came around 
to see about Summer board.” “Summer 
board! Why didn’t yon say so quick in¬ 
stead o’ raisin’ my hopes! I thought 
mebbe you was lookin’ for work.”—Wash¬ 
ington Star. 
Billy (who is putting in a long Sun¬ 
day afternoon) : “Let’s play auto with 
the chairs, mummy, and you take a ride 
with me!” Mother (with an eye to the 
uplift) : “I guess not, dear; I really don’t 
approve of pleasure rides on Sunday.” 
Billy (after a moment of earnest 
thought) : “But this isn’t a pleasure ride. 
We’ll play I’m taking you to see a mov¬ 
ing picture show of scenes from the 
Bible.”—Life. 
A Presbyterian preacher stopped at a 
Kentucky mountain cabin one day, where 
a gaunt, ragged woman leaned on the 
dilapidated gate. “Where is your hus¬ 
band today?” inquired the preacher. “Out 
huntin’.” “Any Presbyterians around 
here?” “Wal, now, thet I don’t know, 
stranger, but the hide of every kind of 
animal thet my husband ever killed is 
tacked up yander on the back of the 
smoke-house. You might step thar an’ 
look.”—Credit Lost. 
This open letter “To John,” in the 
"personal” column of a weekly paper: 
“To John—If you’ll come back home, 
John, I promise not to run for office— 
if I git a chanst—and not to search your 
pockets when you come home, as usual, 
in your cups; neither to lind fault with 
you morc’n what’s necessary for your 
own good, and not to throw up to you 
any more ’bout me havin’ to pay for the 
marriage license; and not to tell you my 
family is better’n your’n—though Lord 
knows it IS. So I close, hoping these 
few lines will find you on your way home, 
where any man with a grain o’ common 
sense orter be.”—Atlanta Constitution. 
The second-grade teacher was a young, 
timid girl. Among her new class was 
Tommy, who, for naughty deeds, had 
been many times spanked by his first- 
grade teacher. “Send him to me any time 
you want him spanked,” said the latter, 
“I can manage him.’ One morning about 
a week later, Tommy appeared at the 
first-grade teacher’s door. She dropped 
her work, seized him by the arm, dragged 
him to the dressing-room, turned him over 
her knee and did her duty. When she 
had finished she said: "Well, Tommy, 
what have you to say?” “Please, Miss, 
my teacher wants the scissors.”—Nation¬ 
al Monthly. 
SAVE HALF Your 
Paint Bills 
By using INGERSOLL PAINT — proved 
best by 66 years’ use. It will please you. 
Only paint endorsed by the “Grange.” 
Made in all colors—for all purposes. 
DELIVERED FREE 
From the MiH Direct to You at Factory Prices. 
INGERSOLL PAINT BOOK —FREE 
Tells all about Paint and Painting for Durability. 
How to avoid trouble and expense caused by paints 
fading, chalking and peeling. Valuable information 
free to you, with Sample Color Cards. Write me. DO 
IT NOW. I can save you money. 
O.W. IngersoH, 246 Plymouth St., Brooklyn, N.Y. 
EASY TO BUY 
Capacities as low at 
400 bushels daily 
OWN THIS SMALL THRESHER 
It s cheaper for you to thresh with your own machine if you raise a limited amount of grain. We 
have figures to prove it. This money-savin?, little thresher was built to supply such need. We make all 
sizes to suit. Capacities from 400 to 1200 Bushels daily 
THRESHERS 
have no real competitors. Gray Machines stand in a class all 
by themselves. Famous now after 70 years of manufacture 
they have ful filled all oui claims for durability, light ness (ideal 
for hilly districts), strength, easy running with medium pow¬ 
er. correct capacity rating and reasonable price. If you raise 
grain send for our new 1914 Catalog full of pictures and 
figures. It’s ftee. a. W. GRAY’S SONS 
14 South Street, Middletown Springs, Vermont 
Gray Threshers 
Gray Horse Powers 
Gray Saw Machines, Gray Ensilage Cutters 
Gray Gasoline Engines 
Be Your Own Thresherman 
Save enough to own the Thresher. Be independent. 
get ready. 
Ellis Champion 
Threshers 
Suit everyone. Both the 
professional thresherman 
or the farmer who wants a home 
outfit will find the Champion 
rightly named. The picture shows 
ELLIS CHAMPION No. 2. It is complete 
with stacker, tailings, elevator and grain bag¬ 
ger. Connect it with steam, gasoline, tread or 
any other power, put in the grain and the Cham¬ 
pion does the rest. No straw clogging. Any size. 
We also make tread and sweep horse-power, drag or circular saws, 
ensilage cutters, com shelters, etc. Our catalog tells the whole story. 
ELLIS KEYSTONE AGRICULTURAL WORKS, Pottstown, Pa. 
CORN HARVESTER 
That beats them all. One horse cuts two rows. Carries 
to the shock. Worked by 1, 2 or three men. No danger. 
No twine, Free Trial. We also make Stump Duller* 
and Tile Ditcher*. Catalog Free. Agents Wanted. 
O. I). BENNETT A- C O., Westerville, Ohio 
BINDER 
ATTACHMENT with corn 
harvester cuts and throws in 
piles on harvesterorin win- 
rows Man and horse cut and 
■■ ™ ™ ™ shock equal with a corn bin¬ 
der Sold in every state. Price only £20.00with fodder binder. 
J. D. Borne,Haswell, Colo., writes: “Yourcorn harves¬ 
ter Is al I you claim for It: cut, tied and shocked 95 
seres mllo, cane and corn last year.” Testimonials and 
catalog free, showing pictures of harvester. Address 
PROCESS MANUFACTURING CO., Salina. Kansas. 
Protect Your Water Supply— 
Build a Concrete Pumphouse 
An abundance of clean, cold water is a luxury within reach of every 
farmer. A concrete pumphouse can be built at a very moderate 
cost, by the farmer himself. It protects the engine and pump from 
heat and cold, rain and snow; keeps the pipes from freezing in 
winter; improves the appearance of your place. You can put the 
pumphouse underground or on top. Whatever plan you follow, 
you will want to build it of concrete. 
UNIVERSAL 
PORTLAND 
CEMENT 
insures work of which you will be proud. Universal is of unvarying 
quality; tested constantly to secure uniformity in strength, color, 
fineness and setting properties. Be sure to ask your dealer 
for “Universal.” 
Our booklets, “Concrete in the Barnyard,” “Concrete Silos,” 
or other information on concrete construction, free to farmers. 
UNIVERSAL PORTLAND CEMENT CO 
CHICAGO, 208 South LaSalle Street. PITTSBURGH, Frick Bldg. 
MINNEAPOLIS, Security Bank Building. 
Plants at Chicago and Pittsburgh Annual Output 12,000,000 Barrels 
You want your Threshing done 
quickly and you want it done well 
Clean, ripe grain threshes easy 
but it takes the quality of 
BATAVIA GRAINERSI 
to thresh out weedy and poorly 
riponed grain without waste. 
Use the BATAVIA and be sure «f results, 
If you’d thresh yonr Pea and Bean crops It 
at a profit, and so clean that they will " 
bring an extra price, get a 
BIDWELL BEANER 
Large size and a special “Jr.” size. Write 
for FREE Catalog and full Particulars. 
BATAVIA MACHINE CO., Box 8, Batavia, N. Y. 
For Middle West, J. M. Preston Co., Lansing, Mich. 
Make Your Own Concrete 
Save S3 
Requires , $10 
only a Day 
2 H.P. 
Engine 
Drmn'<& ■ ■ ' - 
36 ill. 
Dumps Clea rfrijjgiH j 
Full Length 
Weighs Only 
400 lbs. 
Champion Power Batch Mixer 
is a big money maker on the farm, lor laving barn 
floors and curbs, walks, fence p >sts, silo blocks, etc. 
Will mix more than one-third cubic yard at a batch- 
Can bo used as feed mixer when desired. Strongly 
built j repair proof, will do Htead.v, hard work for years. 
Prira flnlv CQC Guaranteed to satisfy you or 
I MvC LTIIIj money refunded. Special 
price when mounted on fruck with engine attached. Wa 
make also a hand mixer of same pattern at lower price. 
Shipment from v.arehouse stock: 
Albany, N.Y.; Cincinnati, Ohio or Factory. 
Write us today—Illustrated literature free. 
Champion Mfg. Co. 321 3. five. Cedar Rapids. Iowa 
Wears 10% Longer 
Wcbco Wcnrtcx Roofing is absolutely guaran¬ 
teed to wear 10% longer than any other roofing 
made. Back of this un«iualiiied guarantee stands 
our 18-ycar record and the reputation wo havo 
built up among over 30,000 customers. Yet 
tYebco Roofing 
COSTS 30 TO 50% LESS 
than you would havo to pay if bought from deal¬ 
ers instead of direct from our factory. You 
pocket tlio dealer's profit. All grades of roofing 
for all purposes Our policy “Money refunded 
•n every article not perfectly satisfactory.'* 
Write for Free Fuofing Catulog. Learn how 
we 6avo you money on higiiesl-qualily roofing. 
Write today. 
WEBBER LUMBER & SUPPLY CO. 
504 SUMMER ST. FITCHBURG, MASS. 
ggfpLE 
_ 
I will furnish free complete estimate of cost—then make 
■ comparisons and seo the big savings. 
■ Qii 
w 
■ tor. 
■ bea 
■ ffal' 
r 
DIRECT 
FROM 
Galvanized or Painted Roofing 
Quality Guaranteed-Best Open Hearth Product 
When you buy from ns, you buy from the mannfac- [ 
tarer. All galvanized Roofing and Siding have extra 1 
heavy tight coating of galvanize. Also makers of I 
galvanized shingles for houses. 
Established 1877 
THE SYKES METAL LATH & ROOFING CO. 
516 Walnut Street, Niles, Ohio 
MHPNILL prices 
Save Work, 
Time, Money 
By using: our low down 
steel wheel 
wagron 
-SSves high lifting, lighten 
draft, don’t rut roads. Spokes 
I don’t loosen—wheels don’t dry out or rot. 
Write for free book on Wagons and Wheels. 
P^EIactric Wheel Co., 48 Elm Street, Quincy. Ilk 
STANDARD EVERYWHERE 
Well Drilling Machines 
Tested, Proved Reliable 
by forty-four years’ use in 
nearly all parts of the world. 
Many men earn big incomes 
with some one of our 59 
styles and sizes. They use 
any power. Made for 
drilling earth, rock and for 
mineral prospecting. Large 
catalog No. 120 FREE. 
THE AMERICAN WELL WORKS 
General Office and Work*: 
AURORA, ILL. 
Chioago Office: First National 
Bank Building 
