©84 
THK RURAL, NBW-YORKER 
August 1, 1914 
HUMOROUS 
Bobbie (who lias been sent over for 
the fifth time to find out how Mrs. Brown 
is) : “All right, ma; she’s dead.”—Balti¬ 
more American. 
“Have you any taste for eugenics, Mrs. 
Comeup?” “I’ve never tried ’em. Do 
they taste best fried or boiled?”—Balti¬ 
more American. 
Jail Visitor: “You say that a love 
for books brought you here, my poor 
man.” Prisoner: “Yes, mum; pocket- 
books.”—Boston Transcript. 
. “Where do you live?” was asked of 
a childish newcomer to a quiet village. 
“Oh, I don’t live,” was the ingenuous 
answer. “I just board.” Chicago ltecor 
Herald. 
“What’s that new structure you ha' 
put up on the hill there?” “Well,” r 
plied Farmer Corntossel, “if I rent it, it 
a bungalow. If I don’t, it’s a barn.”- 
Washington Star. 
Bix: “Wasn’t it Admiral Porter wh< 
said, ‘Take no quarter from the enemy’?’ 
Dix: “Dunno! If it was, he’s the onli 
porter that ever said such a thing.”—• 
Boston Transcript. 
Passenger : That last station was my 
destination, sah. Why, sail, didn’t you 
stop thar? Conductor: We don’t stop 
there any more. The engineer’s mad at 
the station agent.—Sacred Heart Re¬ 
view. 
He : “The President has given those 
mediators to understand that he can’t 
recognize Huerta.” She: “How stupid; 
why, I would recognize him anywhere 
from his pictures in the papers.”—Birin-, 
ingham Age-IIerald. 
He (calling) : “I fear I must seem 
like a Sahara of dullness this evening, 
Miss Edith.” She: “Oh, no, Mr. Tim- 
mid, you are not at all like a desert; a 
desert has sand.”—Boston Evening Tran¬ 
script. 
“Y r ou do not speak to him?” “No,” 
replied the scholarly girl. ) “When. I 
passed him I gave him the geological sur¬ 
vey.” “The geological survey!” “Yes. 
What is commonly known as the stony 
stare.”—Washington Star. 
The fifth day drew to its close with 
the twelfth juryman still unconvinced. 
The Court was impatient. “.Well, gen¬ 
tlemen,” said the court officer, entering 
the jury room, “shall I, as usual, order 
twelve dinners?” “Make it,” said the 
foreman, “eleven dinners and a bale of 
hay.”—Credit Lost. 
“Who are those two sad-looking wom¬ 
en over there?” “They’re a couple of 
neighborhood women who always get to¬ 
gether to mourn.” “Torn by some com¬ 
mon sorrow?” “Yes, one’s husband never 
comes home, and the other one’s husband 
hangs around home all the time.”—Hous¬ 
ton Post. , " 
Old Uncle Andy was steering his mas¬ 
ter’s boat down the bay. They passed an 
ocean liner. “Andy,” said Mr. Blank, 
“just look how high that ship stands out 
of the water. I wonder why it is.” 
“Why, boss,” answered the old darky, 
“don’t yu know? We ain’t had no rain 
for nigh on three weeks now, and de 
water’s gettin’ low.”—N. Y. Evening 
Post. 
Harry, a bright youngster, was told 
by his mother that she would give him 
five cents for a dozen pins rescued.from 
the floors, thus preventing her year-old 
babe, who was just beginning to creep, 
from finding them. “What will you do with 
the money when you earn it, Harry?” he 
was asked by a neighbor. “With the first j 
five cents,” said Harry, “I will buy a j 
paper of pins and scatter them all over 
the house.”—National Monthly. 
SAVE HALF Your 
Paint Bills 
By using INGERSOLL PAINT — proved 
best by 66 years’ use. It will please you. 
Only paint endorsed by the “Grange.” 
Made in all colors—for all purposes. 
DELIVERED FREE 
From the Mill Direct to You at Factory Prices. 
INGERSOLL PAINT BOOK —FREE 
Tells all about Paint and Painting for Durability. 
How to avoid trouble and expense caused by paints 
fading, chalking and peeling. Valuable information 
free to you, with Sample Color Cards. Write me. DO 
'XT NOW. I can save you money. 
I. W. IngersoM, 246 Plymouth St., Brooklyn, N.Y. 
<r> 
o 
CD 
Things You Get Extra 
In.No-Rim-Cut Tires 
<z 
I, 
CO o 
l>ec DJ 
1-*“ 
1 Extra Tire in 4 
Goodyear tires now undersell 16 other 
makes. That is due to mammoth output— 
the largest in the world. 
Numerous tires cost one-third more. You 
can buy four Goodyears for what three of such 
tires cost. That means to you one extra 
tire in four. 
Or Extra Size 
Or you can do this: 
You can buy a half-inch wider Goodyear 
for less than some makers charge for smaller 
sizes. And the wider tires will fit your rims. 
The same rims will take 
A 30 x 31/2 or a 31 x 4. 
A 32 x 3^/2 or a 33 x 4. 
A 34 x 4 or a 35 x 4*/2. 
So with other sizes. The larger size has, 
on the average, 20 per cent more capacity. 
It has an extra ply of fabric. It has a thicker 
tread. It means far more mileage, far less 
trouble. 
Yet the price men pay for many tires buys 
this half-inch wider Goodyear. 
Four Extra 
Features 
You get in Goodyear No- 
Rim-Cut tires 
the best tires 
men can build. 
A better tire, 
so far as 
known, is 
utterly im¬ 
possible. 
G oodSyear 
AKRON. OHIO 
No-Rim-Cut Tii es 
You get the tire which outsells any other, 
after millions have been tried. 
And you get these four great features 
found in no other tire: 
No-Rim-Cut feature —which makes rim¬ 
cutting impossible. 
Our “On-Air” cure —an exclusive, costly 
process which saves all the blow-outs due to 
wrinkled fabric. 
Our rubber rivets —hundreds of them are 
formed in each tire to combat tread separation. 
All-Weather treads —the tough, double¬ 
thick anti-skids. Flat and regular, so run like 
plain treads, yet they grasp wet roads with 
deep, sharp, resistless grips. 
Those four great features—used by us 
alone—have saved tire users millions of 
dollars. 
Reinforced 
Inner Tubes 
You get another extra when you buy the 
Goodyear Reinforced Tubes. Where the 
pinching comes which ruins most tubes, these 
are heavily reinforced. They are made of 
pure rubber—never colored. 
Colored rubber must always 
be alloyed. The extra thick¬ 
ness means 30% more rub¬ 
ber than most 
inner tubes. 
Any dealer, 
if y o u ask 
him, will sup¬ 
ply you Good¬ 
year tires and 
tubes. 
THE GOODYEAR TIRE & RUBBER COMPANY, Akron, Ohio 
Toronto, Canada 
Branches and Agencies in 103 Principal Cities 
London, England 
DEALERS EVERYWHERE 
Mexico City, Mexico 
Write Us on Anything You Want in Rubber 
(1765) 
“BADGER” Guarantee Is Positive 
No strings attached—no catches or technicalities in onr 
guarantee. Your engine must satisfy you, for your good 
will means our success. Our guarantee covers event vart 
and is good for five years. 
itiey cost little to run. Consume no fuel which is not turned 
into power. Develop more power than rated. Speed adjusts 
awe at will. Runs smoothly; needs no blocking; wearing parts 
hardened and made adjustable. Use gas, gasoline or - 
crude oil. Finest power plant for grinding, wood sawing, fodder cutting ; 
churn, separator or milking machine, Made in portable, semi portable and 
stationary types. to 30 H. I’. ’ 
Send for Catalog. Free Engineering lessons, sent on receipt of dealer’s name. 
Address, Tho Chrlstonson Engineering Co., Milwaukee, Wl». 
° r J- B. NORTON CO., Inc., Distributors, 20* Elizabeth St.,Utica.N.Y 
are case 
GASOLINE ENGINES 
THRESHERS 
HORSEPOWERS 
SAW MACHINES 
ENSILAGE CUTTERS 
GASOLINE ENGINES 
Don’t buy any of theabov. till you get our Catalog and 
reasonable prices. We’ll surprise you. Hundreds testify 
to the wisdom of this counsel. Send for new 1914 
Catalog full of pictures. A. W. GRAY’S SONS, 
14 South Street, Middletown Springs, Vt. 
Free Box of Samples 
sent to your station charges prepaid. 
Delivered prices quoted on request. 
All sizes, 2 inches to 20 inches. 
THE E. BIGL0W CO., New Londoo, 0. 
by selling 
er in my 
•‘freight paying, free trial 
tling plan.” I have invented 
Steel Frame Pitlesa Scale 
I Will Send My Scale 
On Approval 
To any business-like farmer wfaa 
knows the profit in buying, sell¬ 
ing and feeding by weight and 
not by guess. Forty-nine years 
ago I first fought the scale trust 
to the buy- 
originstl 
before eet- 
th e BEST 
made which 
I sell for less money 
other reliable pitless scale. _ 
approval and ask nomoneyuntil 
ory. New compound beam and 
free. Let me send a free price list. 
“JONES, He Pay* The Freight.” Binghamton, N. Y. 
than any 
send it on 
s a tis fact- 
beam box 
HAVANA FARM TRUCKS. 
Both Steel or Wood Wheel. 
Especially adapted for farm purposes and 
coming into more general use every day on 
the roads, because of the wide tire. You will 
appreciate our free catalog. 
HAVANA METAL WHEEL CO., Boi 17 HAVANA, ILL 
nfliTTTEl 
e*.el Wheels 
fave YOUB Back 
L 
Save draft —save repairs 
Don’t rut roads or fields. Send today for free 
Illustrated catalog of wheels and wagons. 
Electric Wheel Co., 4 8 Elm St., Quincy, III. 
loline-Kerosene^ 
i nest 
I vWwwwWwwwwVW 
No matter what work you want to do, 
there’s a Jacobson engine that’s just tho 
thing. One of our newest operates on cither 
gasoline or kerosene# Jacobson Portable 
Gusoline Engines are approved and labeled 
by the Underwriters. They carry the heavi¬ 
est loads, with ease. Material’and work¬ 
manship finest obtainable. 
JACOBSON MACHINE 
MFG. CO. 
Dept. D, Warren, Pa. 
S fo n r d m 
Free - 
__Booklet 
