1004 
THE RURAL NEW-YORKER 
August 8, 1914. 
HUMOROUS 
Fallon (who has bought a small 
farm) : “Tell me the truth, Mr. Carney, 
is the soil rich or poor?” Expert Gar¬ 
dener: “Well, sor, I should say it wor 
wanst rich, but it’s now in raydooced cir¬ 
cumstances.”—Melbourne Leader. 
Tiie superior one (who has swanked 
into the village shop) : “Do you sell pup¬ 
py biscuits in this one-eyed little shop:” 
The Shopman (getting his own back) : 
“Certainly, sir. Shall I put them in a 
bag for you to take home, or will you 
eat them here?”—The By-stander. 
Tiie young wife came hurriedly into 
her husband’s study one morning. “Her¬ 
bert, dear.” she said, “this recipe for ap¬ 
ple pie tells you to sit on a hot stove and 
stir constantly.” “Well, Alice,” replied 
the mere male, “if you do sit on a hot 
stove, I think you will find that you will 
stir constantly.”—N. Y. Evening Post. 
When the young physician’s motor car 
reached the scene of the accident there 
was nothing to do; all the victims had 
been so slightly hurt that they were able 
to walk home. The young doctor was 
keenly disappointed, but his chauffeur 
spoke up cheeringly: “Never mind, doctor. 
I’ll run down some business on the w 7 ay 
home.”—Credit Lost. 
The Sunday school teacher was mak¬ 
ing a review of the lessons. “Who was 
the wisest man, James?” “Solomon.” 
“That’s right. Now Frank, who was 
the strongest man?” “Jonah.” “Wrong; 
but what reason have you for believing 
Jonah was the strongest man?” “’Cause 
the whale couldn’t hold him after he got 
him down.”—National Monthly. 
“What do you want with all those 
hammocks and phonograph records and 
fancy groceries?” asked the storekeeper. 
“Going to have Summer boarders?” 
“No,” replied Farmer Corntossel. “I 
wouldn’t waste all that on Summer board¬ 
ers. I’m tryiu’ to make the place attrac¬ 
tive enough to persuade a few farm hands 
to linger around an’ help me out with the 
wheat crop.”—Washington Star. 
Mrs. It. was an extremely careful 
mother, and had repeatedly cautioned her j 
six-year-old daughter against handling 
any object that might contain germs, i 
One day the little girl came in and said: 
"Mother, I am never going to play with 
my kitty any more, because she has germs 
on her.” “Oh, no,” replied her mother, 
"there are no germs on your kitten.” 
“Yes, there are,” insisted the child. “I 
saw one hop.”—Harper’s Monthly. 
“Young man.” said the proud father, 
“in giving you my daughter I have en¬ 
trusted you with the dearest treasure of 
my life!” The young man was duly im¬ 
pressed. Then, during the few minutes 
of impressive silence that followed, he 
heard the patter of rain against the win¬ 
dow-pane. “Oh,” he exclaimed. “It’s 
raining, and I haven’t my umbrella! May 
I borrow yours to get to the station?” 
“Young man,” said the parent, “I 
wouldn’t trust anybody on earth with my 
umbrella.”—Australasian. 
Mrs. Flint came for a visit to her sis¬ 
ter’s home, and her little niece, Charlotte, 
was delighted to see her. “What became 
of the black kitten that you had when I 
was here before, dear?” asked Mrs. Flint. 
“Why, don’t you know?” asked Charlotte, 
much surprised. “I haven’t heard a 
word.” replied the aunt. “Was he pois¬ 
oned?” “No. ma’am,” said Charlotte. 
“Drowned?” “Oh, no.” “Stolen?” 
Ground Limestone 50c 
Per 
Ton 
The day of cheaper lime ia here. No need to let your 
soil stay sick and sour because of the lack of lime if you 
have lime rock available. No need to let acid land keep 
you from erowine clover or alfalfa. With a Jeffrey Lime 
Pulver yom can grind lime-rock right on your farm at a 
cost of 50c per ton! This does not include quarrying 
cost, which varies, but in some sections is almost nothing. 
Ground limestone is better than burnt lime. It doesn’t 
burn up the humus or waste the Nitrogen in the soiL 
Dig out those lime rocks that prevent your cultivating your 
fields. Feed the rocks to the Lime-Pulver, as large as you choose 
—any size up to 4 inches thick and 11 inches long. The rocks 
disappear in the hopper. Out of the funnel pours a 6tream of 
ground limestone—ground cither coarse or fine. It's like turn¬ 
ing rocks into dollars—"making bread from stones.” 
and 
Pulverizer 
Grinds 
the Big 
Rocks— 
Big 
Capacity 
Home Grinding^ 
of Limestone 
PAYSL 
Grinds 2 to 3 Tons Per Hour 
Grinds Rock for Road Work Too! 
W The Jeffrey Lime-Pulver is the machine that will take the big rocks 
V that come from the quarry and grind them to a powder that will go 
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giving price and full information about the Lime-Pulver. Write NOW. 
THE JEFFREY MFG. CO. 
©he Jeffrey Lime-Pulvei 
Ideal for 
Hilly Country— 
Simple—Few Parts 
— Medium Power 
LIGHT-STRONG-BIG CAPACITY 
It will soon pay for itself, Mr. Thresherman. It will serve you faithfully. 
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W. GRAY’S SONS, 14 South Street, Middletown Springs, Vermont 
Th 
arn 
Flo 
or Lver 
lasting 
“No.” “Hurt 
ma’am.” “Well,” 
can’t guess, dear. 
“He growed into 
—Credit Lost. 
in any way?” “No, 
said Mrs. Flint. “I 
What became of him?” 
a cat,” said Charlotte. 
Build a 
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RNY-Ag8 - 
Great on 
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■ ■■■■in ■■ r i 
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THE SYKES METAL LATH & ROOFING CO. 
516 Walnut Street, Niles, Ohio 
Direct from 
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to 
User 
2 H-P. §34.95 
4H-P. 69.75 
6 H-P, 99.35 
8 H-P, 139.65 
12 H-P, 219.90 
16 H-P, 298.80 
22 H-P, 399.65 
Portable Engines 
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WITTE Engines 
Kerosene, Gasoline and Gas 
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Ed. H. Witte, Witte Iron Wka. Co. 
1891 Oakland Av«., Kanaaa City, Mo 
When you write advertisers mention The 
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“square deal.” See guarantee editorial page. 
