3024 
THE RURAXi JM EW-YORKER 
August 15, 1914. 
HUMOROUS 
Mr. Lobstock : “Has yo’ any faith in 
banks, sah?” Mr. Bentover: “Yassah! 
I has plenty o’ faith in ’em, but I’s done 
got rnuh money buried in de ground.”— 
Judge. 
Postman : “Bad luck, Mr. Doolan! 
Here’s a black-edged letter for you.” 
Mr. Doolan: “It’s me poor brother Pat, 
dead. Oi’d know his handwritin’ any¬ 
where !”—Melbourne Australasian. 
Owner of bulldog : “Excuse me, sir. 
but would you like to buy a dawg?” 
“No, thanks very much. He looks as 
though he would bite.” “’E won’t bite 
yer if you buy ’im, Guv’ner.”—Punch. 
Blobbs : “Which do you prefer—life in 
the country or in the city ?” Dobbs: 
“I’m not sure. It depends on whether I 
am in a mood to be attacked by a cow 
or a motor-car.”—London Farm and 
Home. 
Willie (rushing into old Dr. Saw- 
bone’s consulting room) : Say, doctor, 
mother says please yer to come quick. 
Baby’s swallowed the latchkey an’ we 
can’t get in the house.—Melbourne 
Leader. 
Customer (irascibly) : “Your hair re¬ 
storer has made my hair come out more 
than ever.” Barber: “Ah, you must 
have put too much on, sir! Made the 
hair come right out, instead of only half 
way.”—Melbourne Leader. 
The young bride : “I didn’t accept 
Jim the first time he proposed.” Miss 
Ryval, (slightly envious) : “I know you 
didn’t dear.” The Young B..de: “How 
do you know ?” Miss Ryval: “You 
weren’t there.”—London Sketch. 
“Oh, George, before you get your razor 
I must tell you that I—I borrowed it 
yesterday.” “What, again!” “Y-yes. I 
had to do some ripping. But it’s just as 
good as ever. You’ll never notice the 
difference. I sharpened it on the stove 
pipe.”—Cleveland Plain Dealer. 
Uncle Ezra: How did your automo¬ 
bile accident happen?” Uncle Eben: 
“Well, you see, there’s one thing you 
keep your eye on, and another one you 
keep your foot on. and another one you 
keep your hand on, and I guess I got my 
anatomy in the wrong places.”—Judge. 
“IIow much is radium worth an 
ounce?” asked the man with an arith¬ 
metical mind. “That,” replies the prac¬ 
tical person, “is an idle question. After 
you get through imagining an ounce of 
radium you haven’t imagination enough 
left to imagine the price.”—Washington 
Star. 
“Poon!” said the one scornfully. “The 
idea of your being afraid of a poor old 
house dog! Why, he eats out of my 
hand!” “I don’t doubt it,” replied the 
other, dubiously, “but what I am afraid 
of is that he may take a notion to eat 
out of my leg.”—London Farm and 
Home. 
“An!” sighed the boarder who was 
given to rhapsodies, as they sat down to 
the Christmas dinner, “if we could only 
have one of those turkeys that we used to 
raise on the farm when I was a boy!” 
“Oh, well,” said the pessimistic boarder, 
“perhaps it is one. You never can tell.” 
—Puck. 
“Mr. Smith, won’t you please talk to 
me?” “Why, certainly, my little girl. 
But what do you want me to say?” 
“Won’t you please talk like you did when 
you were talking to yourself in the li¬ 
brary when the dog jumped at you? 
Mine’s so straight, and mamma said the 
way you talked made her hair curl.”— 
Baltimore American. 
SAVE HALF Your 
Paint Bills 
By using INGERSOLL PAINT — proved 
best by 66 years’ use. It will please you. 
Only paint endorsed by the “Grange.” 
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IT NOW. I can save you money. 
0.W' JngersoH, 246 Plymouth St., Brooklyn, N.Y. 
THE OHIO STATE FAIR 
COLUMBUS 
\X7INNING a prize at Ohio State Fair is a 
” sure sign that a real live citizen is get¬ 
ting home from third base. 
When the honors of the show ring are given to an 
animal, its owner is in the King Row of good breeding. 
When the Blue Ribbon of merit is 
laid upon the finished products of 
skill, toil and soil, somebody lias 
gotten upstairs in liis business. 
The Ohio State Fair shows result of 
mixing brain with sweat. 
Finding four-leaf clovers and horse¬ 
shoes may be omens of good luck, 
but winning State Fair premiums 
is a surer road to profit. 
A State Fair prize winner votes be¬ 
fore noon on election day. 
The State Fair Booster will give a 
dollar to any good cause. 
The State Fair Builder would rather 
see Santa Claus than a king. 
A good State Fair man will return 
the dollar he borrows from his 
wife. Applause. 
Ohio State Fair visitors are seldom 
pale or emaciated. They are red 
blooded and at quick-step. 
He, who in his own good way helps 
to build a great Exposition, is 
laying brick and stone in the walls 
of a greater state and a greater 
nation. 
The Ohio State Fair is the trophy 
field on which can be laid the re¬ 
sults of teaching, preaching, ex¬ 
periment and experience. 
How many progressive folks dare 
enter the arena of peaceful battle 
and by their success or failure be 
measured by what they do? 
The water’s fine. Dare you take 
the plunge? 
A. P. SANDLES, President. 
ENTRIES CLOSE IN LIVE STOCK AUGUST 1511) 
Write for Elegant, Color Illustrated Catalog. Do It Now. 
Cut Ensilage With The Light Running “Papec” 
A 4 h. p. engine will run “The Wonderful Papec.” It cuts and 
elevates the ensilage In a full steady stream to the top of the highest 
silo as fast as you can bring the corn to the machine. The 
PAPEC PNEUMATIC ENSILAGE CUTTER 
Is simple in construction—easy to set up and take down—convenient 
to operate — gear driven — no lost power. Write today for illus- 
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Throw^L PAPEC MACHINE CO., Box 10 SHORTSVILLE, N. T 
®nd SB Convenient Distributing Point* in U. 8. 
Blows" 
Drawn from a Photograph 
The loss of property or even life when 
a wooden bridge gives way is a monument 
to false economy. See that the bridges 
and culverts on your place, and between 
you and town are made of Atlas Portland 
Cement. Atlas built the Panama Canal, 
and will make your culverts last forever. 
Ask your dealer for Atlas. 
PORT LAN 
J/W PORTLAND % 
D] ATLAS 
EMENT 
When you write advertisers mention The 
R. N.-Y. tmd you’ll get a quick reply and a 
“square deal.” See guarantee editorial page. 
Free Box of Samples 
sent to your station charges prepaid. 
Delivered prices quoted on request. 
All sizes, 2 inches to 20 inches. 
THE E. BIG LOW CO., New London, 0. 
COMPLETE WATER .only i 
Tower OutfitJ* 
500 Gallon Cypress Tank * 
ond 20 foot Steel Tower , as shown 
in cut. Other sizes equally cheap. 
Tank guaranteed for five years. Same outfit on 
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Works equipment. Better get our catalogue 
today .and ourNewWaySelling PlanNo.26 free. 
BALTIMORE CO., Baltimore, Md. 
THRESHERS 
HORSEPOWERS 
SAW MACHINES 
ENSILAGE CUTTERS 
GASOLINE ENGINES 
Don’t buy any of the above till you get our Catalog and 
reasonable price*. We’ll surprise you. Hundreds testify 
to the wisdom of this counsel. Send for new 1914 
Catalog full of pictures. A. W. GRAY'S SONS, 
14 South Street, Middletown Springs, Vt. 
HAVANA 
. STEEL WHEELS 
* AND 
FARM TRUCKS 
with either steel or wood 
wheels. We have a free 
Catalog that tells you how to 
measure your skein or steel 
r axle. Write for it at once. 
Havana Metal Wheel Co. 
Box 17, Havana. ILL. 
electric 
82 WKS 
. Save draft —save repairs. 
f Don’t rut roads or fields. Send today for free 
Illustrated catalog of wheels and wagons. 
Electric Wheel Co., 4 8 Elm St., Quincy, III. 
HI HARVESTER with binder at- 
B B K 1 ■ B BUi tachment, cuts and throws :o 
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HHl ■ HE IH Man and horse cut and shock 
BV lilf equal to a corn binder. Sold in 
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with fodder binder. J. D. Borne. Haswell, Colo., write*: 
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Testimonials and catalog free, showing pictures of har¬ 
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mm B Miri i i 
Get Your Canadian Home 
From the Canadian Pacific 
E will make you a long time 
loan—you can move on the 
land at once — your Cana¬ 
dian farm will make you 
independent and 
We Give You 20 
Years to Pay 
Rich Canadian land Jll fo 830 per acre 
—one twentieth down, balance in 19 pay¬ 
ments with interest at 6%. Long before 
final payment conies due your farm will 
have paid for itself. 
We Lend You $2000 
For Farm Improvements Only 
No other security than the land. Twenty 
years to pay with interest at 6 per cent. 
In case of approved land purchaser, we 
advance live stock to value of 81,000 on a 
loan basis. 82,000 Improvement Loan and 
81.000 Cattle Advance will apply only to 
land in the irrigation block after Dec. 31st, 
1914, or if you want a place already estab¬ 
lished. you will find one on our Ready- 
Made-Farm. Service and advice by our 
experts free. 
This Great Offer Is Based 
On Good Land 
Finest on earth for general mixed farm¬ 
ing-irrigated and non-irrigated lands. 
Located on or near railway. The famous 
Canadian West has magnificent soil.good 
climate, churches, public schools, good 
markets, good hotels, unexcelled trans¬ 
portation—and 20 years to pay. Time is 
precious. Write today. 
K. S. THORNTON, Colonization Agent 
Canadian Pacific Railway 
Colonization Department 
112 West Adams Street, Chicago, Illinois 
FOR SALE—Town lots in all growing 
(owns. Ask for information on in¬ 
dustrial and business openings. 
MflM MII IIII I II I I I II II I W 
