248 
'Uhe RURAL NEW-YORKER 
Pastoral Parson and His Country Folks 
Some Auto Experiences and Lessons 
eyo. 
ery 
The UxRELiAiiLE Car. —“Have you 
ever riddeu in an autoV’ asked the Pas¬ 
toral I’ar.son of a real old native stock 
New Englander, as they were enjoying 
their fried ham sandwiches and coffee 
around the school-house stove the other 
Sunday. 
“Well, yes, I have,” said he, “but I’ll 
never take another ride.” 
“Why,” said the Parson. “What was 
the matter?” 
“Well I'll tell you,” said he. as he took 
another ham sandwich. “The man across 
Of the Native Old Stock 
the street had his son come to see him 
the other day. Me and Jane was just 
starting to town with our butter and 
eggs when he spied us and called that 
he was going up soon in his orter and 
would take us. We had never ridden in 
one of the pesky things and .so we 
jumped at the chance. Well, we waited 
round a while when he came and began to 
crank it. We igot in the back seat ready to 
go. but it didn't go. lie cranked and crank¬ 
ed and cranked and then more, while we 
sat in the back .seat. At last, covered 
with sweat and red in the face, he said 
he would throw her in high gear and we 
would push along the road a spell. She 
may have been in high gear all right but 
we were in low spirits, as the train had 
gone and we might have been in town 
long before this. 
Puts Ox The Horse. —“He admitted 
she pushed hard—he was on the front 
scat, holding the wheel, and said we 
better hitch on his father’s old horse. 
This took time, but was done, but to no 
With Jane in the Picture 
use. Then he said if he had her up on 
that side hill pasture lot and let her 
down hill full si)eed he would throw her 
in high and away she would fly. So the 
horse dragged her up and nature took her 
down and never a bark did she make. 
‘Are you sure the critter’s got ile?’ I 
asked. He looked and she hadn’t a drop. 
Some was borrowed from a neighbor and 
at last we got there. On the way home 
she got stuck again on Cone 'Hill and 
me and Jane had to push once more. 
Seein’ as how we are both a leetle over 
seventy we w.is some tired when we got 
home.” 
“Take in the luovie.s?” asked the Par¬ 
son. 
“No, no.” replied Albert. “Read 
enough ’bout them but never see ’um.” 
“You’ve been to the theatre in your 
day?” I asked. 
“Never was inside of a show house in 
my life,” was his answer. 
“Had your picture taken lately?" I 
asked. He had not and so we stepped 
out to the sunny side of the school- 
house and the job was done. 
“Kinder like to have Jane's picture 
too.” he shyly sugge.sted, and so we went 
over to the house. 
“C'an my cat 1)e in too?” asked Jane. 
So the Parson took the three. The pic¬ 
ture shows part of the old onginal 
homestead with its big chimney and fire¬ 
place and baking oven that cooked the 
food for eight sons and two daughters. 
The Parson’s Autos. —The old man’s 
story of his auto experience set the Par¬ 
son to thinking of his own. It has been 
varied; more or less eventful and cer¬ 
tainly costly. The first he owned was 
of the high-wheeled, cushion-tired sort. I 
supp(xse the man that got it up thought 
it would run and possibly he knew how 
to run it. But if he did he kept this 
information to himself. Once I ran it 
into a garage for repairs. The experts 
ran up a bill of $36 and then tried in 
vain to run her out of the door. I 
had to wait four days before they could 
run her out on her own power. 
Perfect Harmo.xy. —Every part of 
this marvelous machine worked in per¬ 
fect harmony with every other part, to 
wit—that it would run beautifully as long 
as you went away from home but har¬ 
bored as many evil spirits as it had 
joints as .soon as you turned around. 
The last trip I took with her, or ever 
will take, she ran me IS miles down 
county like a top. but stuck three times 
on the way back and I finally ran her 
down a bank into a man's dooryard and 
left her there. Had the Parson iised 
that car a \\eek longer he would have 
been in a madhouse or a grave. The 
strain was terrible. 
A B.\i) C’ouGH.—From the first this 
car had a terrible cough. The experts 
called it “backfire'’ and said it came 
from a bad mixture. They were never, 
however, able to turn it into a front 
fire or to find the proper ratio of gas 
and air. If this cough would only have 
killed it. I would not have minded but 
like old-fashioned consumption, you knew 
it would always grow worse but never 
prove fatal. Late one night we came in 
on the car with the babies and started 
through the city for home. About half 
way down Main Street, we heard the 
sound of running footsteps behind us 
and glancing round beheld a policeman 
giving chase with upraised club. We 
put on the brakes, knowing it was use¬ 
less to try to run away as he could easi¬ 
ly overtake us. We expected to be ar¬ 
rested for disturbing the peace, but the 
complaint was that one of our lights was 
out. Of course we knew it was out— 
it was always out. We marvelled that 
the other was burning, and if so that 
he could have seen it with the naked 
^Ve borrowed a lantern of a liv- 
stable and tied it on the da.sh. 
Sometime after midnight we reached the 
open country and headed down a long 
grade at the foot of which was a farm- 
hou.se. Here the machine was seized 
with such a perfect spasm of coughing 
and internal explosions that a lantern 
soon emerged from the farmhouse and 
was being carried at full speed toward 
ua Unattuned to such unheard-of 
groans and gasps and coughs, the far¬ 
mer's ears had aroused him to rush forth 
into the night and discover what new 
species had come to disturb his quiet 
valle.v. The Parson had refused to sell 
this demoniacal contrivance knowing per¬ 
fectly well that sooner or later, the gov¬ 
ernment will want it for the Smithson¬ 
ian Institute at Washington. 
The Next Auto. —About this time the 
I’arson began to hear rumors that he 
was to be given a real auto for his work 
down county. Some friends about the 
.State were to raise the money for it. 
Our hopes ran high, especially when the 
day arrived that we were to go to a 
nearby city and get the car. And when 
we beheld the thing! Such a looking 
car! It seemed that the man doing the 
business and holding the money was a 
perfect rascal. It is certain that he 
bought the car from his partner in busi¬ 
ness and stole $20 for himself at that. 
It took two experts to get it running at 
all and we hired a man at 70 cents an 
hour to drive us home in it. Mi-i?. Pas¬ 
toral Parson and one baby sat on sort 
of a rumble seat in back while the I’ar¬ 
son himself sat by the driver to learn 
how to manage the beast. This was in 
the Fall and the car was put in the barn 
where it stood till the next June, when 
it was towed to a garage for repairs. It 
cost just $72 to put this ear in any kind 
of .shape. Some of those who had given 
the car, being mortified at its condition, 
raised a good share of this. 
Handy Body. —I had the rumble 
seat taken off and a body put on in back 
—nine inches high and five feet long, 
wdth a regular let-down end board. How 
handy this has been I We have another 
auto seat to go right on this body. 
Boards, with blankets on them, can also 
be put across. The I’arson has had 14 
children in this car. Then it answers 
the purpose of a light truck, carrying 
the ice cream, phonograph, stereopticoii. 
etc., with ease and plenty of room. This 
is the style of car for all-round use on a 
farm and pleasure both. The l’ar.son 
would not think for a minute of having 
any other kind, where you have one car. 
Some Disadvantages. —So much is 
written about the great advantage of hav¬ 
ing a car that it is well to look at the 
other side. In the first place, autos are 
expensive things to keep up. Where you 
get a wagon or buggy repaired for 50 
cents or a dollar, an auto will cost you 
$8. $10 or $12. or a great deal more. 
For the ordinary farmer to use an auto 
for short runs in town and out. etc., 
with horses standing in the barn eating 
their heads off. is to invite disa.ster. I 
know it is fine to sail around in a car, 
it is so quick and easy, and you feel 
right up in the same class with the rest 
of them, but it has spelled ruin to many 
a man. It takes nerve to hitch up old 
Dobbin and jog along in town with a 
good car all primed and ready, but if a 
penny saved is a penny earned you ai'e 
making money a good deal easier than 
producing milk at six cents. It costs the 
Parson 30 cents to go in town with a 
February 17, 1917. 
car, while old Doll is none the wor.se for 
the trip; quite likely all the better for 
the exercise this time of year. I get 
home just about half an hour s;)oner 
with a car but I save 30 cents by tak¬ 
ing the horse; in other words I earn 
.30 cents in 30 minutes—good pay. 
Reducing Cost. —Of one thing the 
Parson is convinced, and that is. for us 
folks who have no money to spare, the 
onlj' way is to do our own repairing 
just as far as possible. The actual cost 
of new parts does not seem to be so great, 
but the expense of getting them put in 
the car! New brake-bands all round for 
our car cost $1.20 but it is around .$5 
to get them put in. .lust as we were 
leaving the city a few weeks ago for a 
down-county trip we broke a rear axle. 
The cost of this new part was just $2.50, 
but towing the car two blocks and put¬ 
ting it in cost ju.st .$0.05! Better fix 
up a good bench, buy such tools as are 
actually necessary, which are really very 
few, and somehow find time to do our 
own work. 
• The Actual Cost. —Because a car 
will run .so many miles on a gallon of 
gasoline we are aj)! to think of that as 
the cost of a trip. But the Parson finds 
this to be just about a third of the whole 
co.st of running and up-keep, not count¬ 
ing depreciation In value of car. While 
of course the car made the trii)S a great 
deal quicker and easier yet for what it 
cost last year we could have bought a 
fine large horse, a new carriage to drive 
it in, and grain to feed it a year. Then, 
too. we who live on a. farm can raise a 
good deal that the horse consumes, i)rob- 
ably pasturing it a good deal of the time, 
and it is of constant use about the farm, 
while everything for the auto ha.s to l)e 
bought at ever increasing prices. 
Go Slow. —When people first get a 
car the temptiition is to go, go, go all 
the time. Take the car for everything 
and every trip. Even if just one per- 
.son is going and there is a trolley right 
side the road, still they take the car. 
Running at moderate speed makes a tre¬ 
mendous dift'erence in the cost of a car, 
both as to the tires and the car itself. 
With the aid of a tester keep the tires 
up where the maker says they ought to 
be even if they do seem to be terribly 
hard. I.ack of air means death to a 
shoe when it hits a sharp stone. If your 
car uses asbestos linings for low gear 
and braking, let up with your foot 
every little while and at the top of every 
water bar. This will let in the oil. keep 
the lining from burning out, and cau.se it 
to wear a great deal longer. If the engine 
stops part way up a steep hill and you 
have something of a load, it is better, if 
you can, to let the car back to the bot¬ 
tom of the hill or a water bar where she 
will start ea.sy. Not doing this, cost the 
Parson .$8.40 one day. 
Plenty of Gasoline. —One of my 
first “close calls” was when the engine 
unaccountably stopped going up a very 
steep county pitch. With a heavy load 
on, she set back in the ditch and I near¬ 
ly, tipped over. With only two or three 
inches of gasoline, the pitch was too 
steep to let it run to the engine. Many 
get fooled this same way. The other 
day a minister friend of the Parson’s 
took his new car and his bride and two 
fellow ministers to go out for a ride. 
The Car Loaded Down 
He got along line for about six miles 
when going up a hill the thing stopped. 
All three men could not start her. They 
got a nearby farmer who said he knew 
all about that make of car and he could 
not budge her. Then they ’phoned back 
to the city and out came two m'eu from 
the garage, only to find there was not 
gas enough to feed uphill. 
A Close C^vll. —We certainly cannot 
be too careful with these powerful ma¬ 
chines we run around so lightly in. Only 
three weeks ago the Parson had the 
On the Way Home from Church 
