1804 
•Jht RURAL. NEW-YORKER 
November 27, 1020 
The Wife’s Share 
We have had many letters in answer to the questions asked on page 1678, 
about the division of money on the farm. Naturally these letters cover all 
sides of the question. We cannot find space for them all this month, but give 
a few below. This matter of the wife’s share of the income is a burning one. 
While we cannot hope to settle it for all. we will, at least, let a little light 
into it._____ - 
A Difficult Question 
I am v-ory much interested in “A 
Wife’s Share,” page 1678. It has been 
the most difficult question to settle in our 
home. When I was married my husband 
seemed to feel he was the owner of all. 
It was “my farm,” “my house,” etc., 
even the possessions within the house, ex¬ 
cept as the children came they were 
“your children” or “the children.” lie 
had been brought up to believe the wife 
a dependent. It was his duty to “pro¬ 
vide” and her duty to accept whatever 
he provided. On the. other hand. I had 
provided for myself since about 17 years 
of age, had fitted himself for a profes¬ 
sional career, so knew the value of a 
dollar fully when in my thirties I ac¬ 
cepted the role of wife and homemaker. 
His ideas of support were different from 
any I had ever known, By buying a web 
he could get something off, so the whole 
family were outfitted from that as long 
ns it lasted, whether it were shirts, 
blouses, dresses or aprons. The children 
protested; so did 1. lie was faithful to 
provide for the kitchen, table and beds, 
but refused to furnish other things for 
comfort, especially it It tended toward the 
social phase of lift . A request for fur¬ 
niture or clothing other than the most 
durable used to evoke the remark that 
“John P.’s family was not in it with this 
one.” 
All this time the butter and milk money 
were mine, though it could not be much, 
for we are not in the dairy business. 
There was so little in the home by way 
of furnishings when I came into it that 
I had been trying to get things present¬ 
able. It was uphill work, for often he 
needed small sums of money' and would 
borrow of my fund, but never could see 
his way clear to pay it back. 
All this time my efforts were to have 
him see the injury he was doing himself 
in the eyes of his children, and also the 
injustice he was heaping upon ue all. A 
humiliating experience caused me to de¬ 
cide novel to hand any of my funds over. 
I stuck to it. Soon I bought myself some 
clothes—the first dress-up ones since my 
marriage. Quickly I sensed a changed at¬ 
titude toward me. Then a financial op¬ 
portunity presented itself, and without 
consulting my husband I took it. It 
proved all right, and how his eyes opened 
when he learned of it! lie began to con¬ 
sult me, though he had cast aside as 
worthless seven suggestions on financial 
lines. However, before 1920 came in he 
asked my plan, and the amount I thought 
we ought to set as our financial goal for 
the year. His plan was to pay our way 
and save what remained. My plan was 
to set a goal and live on the rest—if 
necessary to do some very close figuring. 
So in a few days I outlined) my plan, 
which was accepted without a word. 
How did it come about? 
Whenevei I asked my husband for 
money and he refused, often telling me 
that had I ept the last he let me have 
I wouldn’t be asking for more, I left him 
in silence. Men may “fight it out” in 
business, but fights in the home are ex¬ 
ceedingly rare that result in good. The 
effort to show him his attitude toward 
the family had its part, but the decision. 
“If k be possible, as far as lieth in you, 
live peaceably with all men” (Rom. 
12 :1S, with the emphasis on the “you”) 
had more weight, I believe. It is not 
embarrassing for me to admit that I 
prayed that the matter might be adjusted 
correctly, and meantime my attitude 
toward my husband might be fair, just 
and kindly considerate of him, owing to 
his early training, for he lost his mother 
vei*y early in life, and his father did not 
remarry until after my husband was in 
a home of his own. 
What is the result? 
We now’ have a joint checking and 
savings account in the local bank, where 
we are $200 ahead of the goal set for 
the year. I put in my funds and draw 
out whatever I need, without regard to 
the amount I enter. In fact. I look after 
the banking in general. The children 
feel it as w’e do, for they already know 
that certain limits are established and w r e 
all work together. They are now' “our 
children,” though he still believes that 
they belong more to the mother than to 
the father. 
This year we have lived as well as, if 
not better, than any previous year, and 
without the spirit of unrest or contention 
(even if it be unexpressed) known so 
well heretofore. Best, of all is this: We 
are working harmoniously together as a 
family. There are no dependents to be 
supported, but a firm of equals. We re¬ 
joice in the unity of purpose, and.hope 
others may work out their problems with 
as much mutual satisfaction. MBS. K. 
Should Be Properly Mated 
I suppose the question of the wife’s 
share must be a serious one in many 
homes, as the subject is so often discussed, 
but personally I have never had to con¬ 
sider the matter, as there is no such 
question in our home. In all the families 
with which I have been iutimutgly con¬ 
nected. the money has been ns free to the 
Wife as the husband. I have never known 
a woman who had to beg from her hus¬ 
band, or deceive or scheme as some I 
have read of, but where such conditions 
exist it is time for a rebellion. In evei’y 
home strict account should be kept of all 
sales and expenses; ours are kept under 
the various headings—farm expenses, 
household expenses, expenses for car and 
a separate account of personal expenses 
for each member of the family, etc. It is 
very easy to see at any time if one ac¬ 
count is using more than a proper share 
of the income. 
While I well know there are lean years 
when all must sacrifice, there arc also fat 
years, when all should share the surplus. 
Where people are properly mated, it is 
not a question of “mine and thine,” but 
ours. The farmer’s wife cannot expect to 
spend money as freely as the single bim ; - 
ness woman or teacher with no one but 
herself to consider, but, on the other 
hand, most farm wives can look forward 
to a home and comfort as age comes on; 
the teacher must deny herself many 
things if she would look forward to the 
same independence. 
When the teacher pays board, clothes 
herself ns a teacher must, perhaps at¬ 
tends Summer school, lays by something 
for the proverbial “rainly day” and o’d 
age, she will not have any more left for 
luxuries than the average farmer’s wife 
as I know her. MBS. I. O. B. 
New York. 
This Wife Is a Partner 
The wife’s share is a problem which 
we as farmers’ wives are up against. It 
may be different with a city man’s wife, 
but I believe every woman should have 
an allowance or some share for what she 
docs. No woman will be satisfied long 
if she has the same thing to do every day 
without something to work for, and give 
her courage, especially if she earned her 
living before marriage and knew how it 
felt to have her own money. I know of 
a case where the man gives his wife 
everything and then has to ask her for 
what he wants use. One woman I 
know kept a flock of turkeys, all Summer, 
then took the money to buy a sofa for 
her husband to i*est on. Very generous, 
I must say; but I do not believe in either 
case. “Share and share alike, both in 
work and play” is what, is fair. 
As for myself, my husband and I start¬ 
ed with very small capital, owing to 
various losses, but. we had good health, 
plenty of grit, and also a determination 
to own. a home. The first year we were 
in partnership with his father, but we did 
not feel satisfied with the results. The 
next year my brother joined us, and we 
rented the place, but, not wishing to put 
improvements on a rented place, we ar¬ 
ranged to buy it at a set figure, having 
a certain length of time in which to pay 
for it. I had some money which I had 
saved, *«> I put that into the farm, the 
firm paying me interest on it. That, I 
decided, would be the nest egg. I have 
never used it; my husband still pays in¬ 
terest on it, and it will eventually go to 
the children. 
When my bi*other came he was not mar¬ 
ried, so lived with us. We also had sev¬ 
eral hired men. I did the cooking for all, 
with tire help of a young girl, for which 
the firm paid. For this I received a cer¬ 
tain amount each month. It was not 
much as we look at it today, but it saved 
hiring a woman, and I felt as if I were 
helping at the same time, as it was kept 
in the family. If I had any spare time 
I picked berries, packed fruit and eggs, 
or, in fact, anything which would save 
hiring outside help, the firm paying what 
was fair. 
After a time my brother married and 
lived in part of the house, his wife board¬ 
ing the help one year and I the next. I 
had more.time then for other things, so I 
took up all work of packing the eggs. 
After several years my brother left for 
something better, and we bought out his 
interest in the place. Our business has 
grown so that on our twenty-fifth anniver¬ 
sary, three years ago, everything was paid 
for. Since then I have not charged for 
extra work, but I still have a certain 
sum each month, as do the children when 
they are here. They have their own bank 
account, ns it teaches them to save ..and 
know the value of money. 
We have about all the improvements 
anyone could ask for, as I believe in liv¬ 
ing comfortably as we go along. Nearly 
all the money I earned went back into 
making the home better. Now that our 
place if freo from del>e, the children edu¬ 
cated and earning their own way, we 
divide at the end of each year, between 
us, what is left after all bills are paid, 
including income tax, and we can invest 
it as we choose. I think this a good way 
to solve what the wife’s share shall be. 
I only receive what a hired girl would, or 
even less, yet there is a feeling of inde¬ 
pendence in having your own check book 
and paying your own bills. I hope this 
may help someone else to try our plnu, 
and I feel sure they will be better satis¬ 
fied with life on a farm. j. n. w. 
A Town Woman Talks 
I have read the views of F. W. about 
the country woman’s hard lot. I am a 
town woman, and never having lived on 
a farm, perhaps I cannot fully appreciate 
the trials of the woman who does. Most 
women who live in the country are of the 
opinion that they are the only folks who 
work, aud that town women sit with 
folded hands and look pretty. . From my 
standpoint such is not the view, and a 
number of my friends who have lived in 
the country and later moved to town “to 
take it easy” tell me they never worked 
harder in their lives than since leaving 
the farm. The duties that occupy one’s 
time in town and country are necessarily 
entirely different, but are equally exact¬ 
ing- 
As to the remuneration for work, it 
seems to me there should be an equality 
of partnership in the home. Why should 
a woman have to “ask” for money aud 
have it doled out to her grudgingly if she 
has faithfully done her duty in her domain 
as has her husband in his? The days 
when men can say: “What’s yours is 
mine, and what’s mine is my own,” are 
fast passing away, and men recognize 
that women need tools and conveniences 
for efficient work in the kitchen quite as 
much as they do in the fields, and the 
man today whose wife is a “household 
drudge” is looked upon with disdain. But 
among my country friends I number so 
many happy wives—mothers and home¬ 
makers—that I feel their “right” are duly 
respected, and that they are greatly in the 
majority. 
The matter of a teacher’s salary is 
quite a different proposition from the 
building up of a happy home, “a heaven 
on earth,” which no amount of money 
alone can do. It takes love to do that. 
The trust of her husband and the love 
of her children will mean much more to 
a true woman than a salary and “pleas¬ 
ure once in a while.” The harmony ex¬ 
isting between husband and wife, their* 
mutual esteem, their united interests, 
their comradeship, their ideals aud am¬ 
bitions, their Christian fellowship, ought 
to preclude any feeling of “mine and 
thine”; it should be “ours.” They may 
not always see eye to eye on all matters, 
but should defer to each other. 
“For still in mutual mi Iterance lies 
The secret of true living.” 
Have F. W. and her “partner” had a 
kindly, confidential, comradely talk to¬ 
gether about their mutual duties, respon¬ 
sibilities, plans aud work? mbs. b. 
A Meeting with the Partner 
What are the wife’s rights on the farm? 
I think it is one that must be settled 
in the home. It is not the matters of 
dollars and cents. Who can set wages 
for a good wife and mother? It is her 
husband and family who must decide. It 
is the amount of appreciation and respect 
she is given that counts. Most wives 
not only raise a large family, but do out¬ 
side work, keep books and help in every 
way. Surely she is entitled to more than 
her “keep.” 
Yes, many of us would rather go with¬ 
out than ask and be refused. A farm 
wife is, or ought to be, her husband’s 
partner in all matters, and share alike. 
The trouble with most men is that they 
are thoughtless. Ask them for your 
rights or wages and they will says: “Why, 
don’t you have all you want? Don’t you 
get it out of the big heap?” The farmer 
in most cases settles up his books in the 
Fall, and if at that time he would give 
his wife a check (the amount to vary 
according to his means) and let her feel 
it is her own, it would be appreciated. 
If she helps during picking season, let 
him call mother to fall in line and be 
paid with the rest; she will be happy. 
When he buys improvements lor the barn, 
add something for the home. For sev¬ 
eral years we are busy raising a family 
and become so accustomed to self-denial 
that we spoil husband, children and our¬ 
selves by not asking for what is due us. 
There comes a time to most of us, and 
especially at the present time, when big 
wages are being paid for labor, that we 
feel our lot more keenly. Let us call a 
business meeting with our partner, the 
farmer, and come to some understanding 
in regard to money matters. 
AUNT ELIZABETH. 
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