170 
A CRUSADE IN THE EAST. 
of forms; it has become a seven headed dragon; he doesn’t 
know which head to attack ; he retorts on the use of bowie- 
knives in America—the lawless state of things, where a man 
cuts another down for looking at him. True; we admit 
that; it’s a habit we have—a short way of doing justice ; 
but that’s not the point—the point is this ; has England ever 
produced any thing like the gold mines of California? Brom¬ 
ley smiles contemptuously, points his finger toward Australia, 
and says : “You only beat us in a yacht race—that’s all.” 
“ Yes, sir, we beat you, sir, in steamers; in all sorts of sail¬ 
ing vessels ; in machinery ; in enterprise ; in—by Jupiter, sir, 
what haven’t we beaten you in? eh, sir, what?” The En¬ 
glishman asks : “ Where’s your Shakspeare, your Milton, your 
Byron, your—dooce take it, where’s your literature ?” And 
so the battle rages, till both parties having exhausted all 
their ammunition, Bromley admits that America is a rising 
country ; a great country; a country destined to be the most 
powerful in the world. Brother Jonathan is moved, and in 
the fullness of his heart protests that Great Britain is the only 
free government in the world besides the Republic of the 
United States. Bromley yields us the palm in the construc¬ 
tion of steamers and sailing vessels ; Jonathan cheerfully ad¬ 
mits that England is ahead in literature; Bromley confesses 
that he always likes to meet Americans; Jonathan swears 
that he is devoted to Englishmen ; finally both parties con¬ 
clude that it is useless for people of the same race to quarrel; 
that all the difference between the two countries is merely 
the difference of latitude and longitude. So we journey on, 
as far as our roads lie together, very amicably, and find that 
with a little mutual concession to each other’s vanity we can 
be very good friends. True, Bromley reminds us, now and 
then, that we chew tobacco ; which we repel by an allusion 
to wine-bibbling; this reminds Bromley that we have a nasal 
accent, and use slang terms; that we say “ I guess,” when 
we mean I fancy” or “ I imagine ;” but we make ourselves 
even with him on that score by telling him that John Bull 
speaks the worst English we ever heard; that he does it from 
pure affectation, which makes the case unpardonable ; that 
