23 NEWS-PAPER. 
tempting inducement. Here it is important to obferve 
how a play is caft, what great performers are concerned, 
and what farce or entertainment is to follow ; if a concert, 
what pieces are to be performed, and by whom. From 
amufements there is a tranfition to works of charity, to 
fubfcriptions of names'and fums of money for benevolent 
purpofes. Whether the arrangement here be judicious, or 
whether thefe ought not to precede amufements, I (hall 
not Hop to enquire. Perhaps the editor trulls to the good 
fenfe of his readers, that what he mixes heterogeneoufly, 
they wall feparate and arrange judicioully. Otherwife, 
there would appear to be a deligned confufion in the ad- 
vertifement-part of a paper, which would not be eafdy 
reconciled to common fenfe, and would ferve rather to 
perplex ourrefieftions than to call them forth to any uleful 
purpofe. With advertifements a paper ufually begins and 
ends ; and it is proper therefore that we confider them 
fir ft. They deferve this preference, too, on another ac¬ 
count. Attentively obferved, they will be found a very 
corredl picture of the times, and a very faithful record of 
the transfer of property, whether by fale or fraud. 
“ I have hinted that their arrangement is apparently 
confuted. We fee books and pills, eftates and lap-dogs, 
perfumery and charity-fermons, crowded together by one 
of thole accidents by which we may fuppofe chaos would 
be produced. Here a difconfolate widow advertifes that 
(lie carries on bufinefs as ufual for the benefit of her or¬ 
phan family: and there a lad): of quality offers five guineas 
for the recovery of a lap-dog which ‘ anfwers to Chloe.’ 
A perfon wants to borrow five thouland pounds tipon un¬ 
deniable fecui ity ; and a (table-keeper offers to fell a horfe 
for a hundred guineas upon his bare word. Servants 
want places, in which ‘ wages are no objeft ;’ and a place 
tinder government may be heard of, where wages are the 
only objedt. Humphrey Jenkins loll his pocket-book in 
coming out of the playhoufe; and Sarah Thomfon has 
eloped from her hufband, who will pay no debts of her 
contradling, ‘ as witnefs his mark.’ In one place, we 
have notice of a main of cocks; and juft by it, the candi¬ 
dates for a vacant chaplainfhip are defired to apply. 
“ But, of ‘ all people that on earth do dwell,’ the fick 
find the greateft relief in a news-paper? How it is that 
difeafes (hould prevail in fpite of all the infallible medi¬ 
cines that are, in a manner, thruft down the throats of the 
fick, is aftonifning. It would appear that the only difor- 
der patients are troubled with, is an incurable obltinacy, 
which prevents them from taking medicines that have 
‘ cured thoufands, who have been difmifled from the hof- 
pitals in a moll deplorable ftate.’ Do we not find that, in 
ibme cafes, one fingle box of pills will effedl a cure ; and, 
in others, that the patient may be relieved by the fmell 
only ? Will not thefe medicines £ keep good in all cli¬ 
mates ?’ and is it not notorious that they perform their 
cures, ‘ without lofs of time, or hindrance of bufinefs ?’ 
Why then do we hear of the fick and the dying ? Why 
are not our hofpitals turned into alms-houfes for decayed 
phyficians and apothecaries, who have no bufinefs ? 
“ Nor is our information refpe&ing the prefervation of 
health lefs important than that for the cure of difeale. If 
we turn our eyes to the fales of houfes and eftates, we (hall 
find that they are all (ituated in counties remarkably 
healthy, with plenty of fine foft water, charmingly fliel- 
tered, richly wooded, hill and dale, meadow and grove, 
where the eaft wind is not permitted to chill, nor the 
thunder to roll. Thefe, it is true, are chiefly calculated 
for perfons who can afford to pay rather extravagantly for 
the prefervation of health ; but this can be no objedl with 
thofe who know that health is the greateft of all bleffings, 
and that in this way it may be handed down to the lateft 
pofterity. The clergy, I muft obferve, are particularly in- 
rerefted in thefe advertifements. The reflories are all 
fituated ‘ in remarkably healthy fpots ;’ and * the prefent 
incumbent is nearly eighty years old.’ What greater en¬ 
couragement to a man who wifhes to do good extenfively, 
and to do it long, efpecially where ‘ it lies in the vicinity 
of a pack of hounds’—a circumftance of which we are fre¬ 
quently reminded, although the connexion between the 
bufinefs of the pulpit and the fports of the field is not 
quite fo obvious as might be expedited from the eloquence 
of'our fafliionable auctioneers—a race of men to whofe in¬ 
ventive genius we owe the converfion of horfe-ponds into 
beautiful (beets of water, ditches imocanals, and gibbets 
into hanging woods. But the ableft men cannot do every 
thing. There are bounds, even in thefe times, to human 
genius. 
“ Now, when all thefe fubjefrs are introduced at the 
breakfaft-table, what a copious fource of con verfiition for 
the reft of the day, efpecially if any of them (hould create 
a defire to be a bidder, or purchafer. What hopes, what 
fears, what enquiries, what confuitations ! But this is 
not neceffary to the pleafure a news-paper affords. A 
man may give a very able account of an eftate, without 
the lead defire of purchafing it; and a whole family may 
difpute on the merit of an entertainment, which not one 
of the party means to partake of. It is poflible to com- 
paflionate the diftrefles of an orphan-family, without con¬ 
tributing fixpence to their relief; and even to read of the 
cures performed by a famous fyrup, without defiring to 
tafte a drop of it. Converfation and adtion are two dif¬ 
ferent things; and, if a news-paper furnifiies the former, 
it is doing much. 
<! Before quitting the advertifements, it may be .necef¬ 
fary to mention two defcriptions of perfons, who never 
appear to meet, and yet who never ought to be feparate; 
namely, thofe who ‘ are defirous fo lend money,’and thofe 
who are equally ‘ defirous to borrow it.’ Why people 
that might be fo mutually ferviceable, (hould (land in op- 
pofite columns in a news-paper, is very extraordinary. 
There muft be feme fecret in this, which we, who neither 
want to borrow nor lend, are unacquainted with. That 
the party wifhing to borrow (hould conceal his name, is 
eafily accounted for ; prudential reafens require that a 
man’s temporary embarraflinents (hould be concealed as 
much as poffible; but that be who ‘ would be happy to 
lend,’ or, as it is fometimes called, ‘ to accommodate,’ 
(hould court obfcurity, is not fo eafily explained. If it 
be from a motive of modefty, it is highly praifeworthy, 
as modefty always is ; but it prevents us from handing, 
down the names of thefe benevolent perfons to future 
ages, as they deferve. Pofterity can only know that all 
the letters of the alphabet, from A. B. to X. Y. have been 
eminent for their benevolence in accommodating diftrefted 
perfons with ‘ fums of money lying at their bankers from 
jool. to 2o,oool.’ And thus I clofe my meditations on 
the advertifements. I might mention more,indeed; but, 
as the poet fays. 
The reft appears a wildernefs of ftrange 
But gay confufion ; rofes for the cheeks. 
And lilies for the brows of faded age, 
Teeth for the toothlefs, ringlets for the bald, 
Heaven, earth, and ocean, plunder’d of their fweets, 
Neiftareous eflences, Olympian dews, 
Sermons, and city-feafts, and fav’rite airs, 
iEtherial journeys, fubmarine exploits, 
And Katterfelto, with his hair an end 
At his own wonders, wond’ring for his bread. Cowper. 
“ But yet all thefe would probably fail of their effefl, 
were they the only contents of a news-paper. There are 
thoufands who are indifferent to a change of fitnation ; 
who are confined to bufinefs, and cannot leave it ; who 
love a good dinner, but hate medicine; who are bloom¬ 
ing, and want no waffles ; who are cheerful, and want no 
amufements; or, who are charitable, and want no puffs 
and quackery to prompt their benevolence ; yet who want 
all that the red of a news-paper fupplies, that dear and 
exquifite food, news, the daily bread of curiofity, and the 
panacea of all the evils arifing from dullnefs and filence, 
the fovereign fpecific that applies to every man’s cafe. 
“ This part of a paper, though I have gonfidered it laff;, 
is 
