^Kp, Radies’ SPtarul ifiiaEiiiet J-Heiorcai BHEanie S^omjia-rtiow 
A new definition of politeness : “ Politeness is 
like tin air-cushion—there may be nothing solid in it, 
but it eases the jolts of the world wonderfully.” 
presents in the shop windows. The mother refused, 
and the boy went through the house slamming the 
doors after him with terrific force. The old lady 
calmly remarked, “ ’Pears to me Jimmy’s doin’ a heap 
o’ wooden swearin’ this mornin’.” 
A gentleman travelling through one of the most 
picturesque portions of the White Mountain region 
saw a farmer at work, and, being of a sociable disposi¬ 
tion, approached the man and expatiated on the beauty 
and majesty of the surrounding scenery, concluding 
with the remark : 
“ I suppose, my 
friend, you enjoy 
S& lyW - this glorious view 
■■ ■-ifk -:.i- - L-- :L. g .h; p '1 - 
. . — ■ ■ I so far to look at 
mmmmm SSSasmm “ why, y es ,» 
was the response; 
Si ; | jjjjjU “but if I’d had 
| ig yBBfiMMWHBMBBBB III the sortin’of these 
Ml M —liiiH 1 hills, Pd made 
i||| 1 I 1 ! ;; if^Bii BH II ’em a little peak- 
| |f m I ||j|i I eder.” 
i mm 11 I A lad y that 
Sill! fill 1 1 11 1 I sidf in marrying, 
| plV-hf V - ^ f'■ 1 ill! * ' was warned that 
1\'V hi" |i|| 1 ;l !! | her intended, al- 
in| I though a good 
flil ’.PillI I I I i sort °f !l man, 
| i r*^ I! 1 fflFt was very singu- 
HE WANTED TO JINE 
“ You wan’ to jine the ban’, do you ? ” said an old 
negro preacher to a young convert. 
“Yes, sar, I wan’ to jine.” 
“Well, sar, do you believe G-erliah, a pickaninny 
little* shaver, f|l|H|HPl|lillll l ||lHtiiffi^i Mili^ffiP l lil^ll l liMBlli |l PW3B 
slewed a great ■ ffBS «$$$> Lfi| 
big man called | 
David, that was illiPlill 1 1 ! ''* w*' 
ioi.ger Jau de 
srxfi flplilipfisH!!1 1 1 : i! i 
was n o bigger ||j|||lj|S|f^ IVlipg^d 
dan a lniekle- 1 llllllllllIB \ 1 ' j' 
berry ? Eh ? ” I ■MH!! ! j P|J 
“No! I don’t * 1 111 1 IS 111 
believe nothin’ j||lifl 
like dat, ” wastin' ll 1 111111 i ISlI 
Spurgeon says he has often thought, when hear¬ 
ing certain preachers of a high order speaking to the 
young, that they must have understood the Lord to 
“Don you 11 
can’t jine.” 1 
“ Well, den, I 
be’leves it. On 11 
wid de katekise.” 
“Do you be- 1 
leves,” continued 
the deacon, “ dat ll 
, I 
dar war a man ■ 
called Jouer who H 
fttHl 
swallowed a 
whale and kept 
it down a awful flP 
long time before 
h e spitted i t HB 
out?” ll 
“No-,sar; can’t HI 
make me b’leve 
dat,” was the re- Hi 
sponse. 
“Den you 
can’t jine.” 
“ Well, now, 
by jingo, I b’leve gg 
dat, too. G-o on 
wid de katekise.” w 
“Do you b’leve Hg 
dat dar was a ||h 
man named De- 
lilia, and dat a H 
w oman called l|| 
Samson got down 
in de cellar of a ||| 
big house what j||s 
weighed more’n 
d e Centennial, 
and lifted it ker- B| 
slap clean out ob |J 
de world ? ” Ej| 
“ Don’t b’leve Jj 
nothin’ ob de I SS 
kind,” was the . — 
indignant reply. 
“Den you can’t jine.” 
“ Don’t want to jine. I don’t b’leve dat fish story 
you just told me, either.” 
There was no further “katekise.” 
An old lady living in Springfield has a very high- 
tempered boy. A day or two since be came in and 
asked permission to go down street to see the array of 
| I | v , . L : j i 11 1111 11 I ; jl!| | !||. “Well,” re- 
X 'MM 1 ] fflpfl 1 plied the lady, 
j WM “if he is very 
jPSilw 1 ■' ■ H much more un-j 
jji.| I ykWM j' ll like other men, 
LtiHSIPI ML lie is much more 
E'frp . ]■. KH j 1C. 
;! '!||| || jtaasSaiiftH^ p [11 jMpPaijH : ! l| [' likely to be a 
'#["1**11" , |j| SB® good husband.” 
M feJ lilB ■P ■U|yJ| The color of a 
f?i11 lirSlilW fflSf'jilll | if'' I girl’s hair is reg- 
■lj|| ■ 'fisalj ilSpf 1 ulated by the size 
•ate .p|il|B3te l i''IjB| Xjk|| of her father’s 
|: ; lj ; 'U L'l]' pocket-book. If 
! [!| : i ; I 'IjMpl'il| It I ' Ifl the latter be {de¬ 
ll ftlijlll S rlwi ll I tboric, the girl’s 
j|J : J ! M 'iil '-il. ItiW® ' - 11 
|;; | ; j s; | , j tresses are golden 
; ;!W ; j i ; | ■ f .at ij ; -!|HhH| \ il I] or an burn ; if the 
p| : jh |.h V old man’s wallet 
1 j t.7; . ' ji ijlil" is lean, we hear 
' : .|il|LliljllBiliif ; l||| : | the daughter gpo- 
m l' on of as only 
i||] p ! j|ij lH “that red-headed 
1 gal.” You never 
saw a rich girl 
;i : with red hair. 
Jjgfm “So there’s 
another rupture 
on Mount, Yoci- 
•' ferous,” said Mrs. 
Partington, asshe 
P ut down the pa- 
-— ~— ~ her specs ; “ the 
papers tell about 
the bursting lather running down the mountain, but 
it don’t tell how it got fire.” 
mn 
In thk Library:. 
say: “Peed my camelopards,” instead of “feed my 
lambs,” for nothing but giraffes could reach any spirit¬ 
ual food from the lofty rack on which they place it. 
Inscription, copied verbatim et literatim from the 
handsome trade-wagon of a Lake street grocer, of Chi¬ 
cago : “H. Wichert, Dealer in Mustards, Spices and 
Hoarse Radish.” 
A Montana justice of the peace doesn’t splurge 
any when he marries a couple. He says : “ Arise ! 
Grab hands! Hitched ! Six dollars.” And that is 
ail there is to it. 
(A r 0 
