loral feiliinet «wi3 .Pictorial 
ome 
onijiaiuori 
A SPINSTER’S CHANCE. 
It is generally the ease that the more beautiful and 
the richer a young female is the more difficult are both 
her parents and herself in the choice @f a husband, and 
the more the offers they refuse. One is too tall, another 
too short; this not wealthy, and that not respectable 
enough. Meanwhile one spring passes after another, 
and year after year carries away leaf after leaf of the 
bloom of youth and opportunity. 
Miss Harriet Selwood was the richest heiress in her 
native town, but she had already 
completed her twenty-seventh 
year, and beheld almost all her 
young friends united to men 
whom she had at one time or an¬ 
other discarded. Harriet began 
to be set down for an old maid. 
Her parents became really un¬ 
easy, and she herself lamented 
in private a position which is not 
a natural one, and to which those 
to whom nature and fortune 
have been niggard of their gifts 
are obliged to submit. But Har¬ 
riet, as we have said, was hand¬ 
some and very rich. 
Such was the state of things 
when her uncle, a wealthy mer¬ 
chant in the north of England, 
came on a visit to her parents. 
He was a jovial, lively, straight¬ 
forward man, accustomed to at¬ 
tack all difficulties boldly and 
coolly. 
“You see,” said her father to 
him one day, “Harriet continues 
single. The girl is handsome; 
what she is to have for her for¬ 
tune,. you know; even in this 
scandal-loving .town not a crea¬ 
ture can breathe an imputation 
against her.” 
“True,” replied the uncle; 
“but look you, brother, the grand 
point in every affair in this world 
is to seize the right moment; this 
you have not done. It is a mis¬ 
fortune; but let the girl go along 
with me, and before the end of 
three months I will return her to 
you as the wife of a man as 
young and as wealthy as her¬ 
self.” 
Away went the niece with her 
uncle. On the way home he 
thus addressed her: 
11 Mind what I am going to 
say. You are no longer Miss Selwood, but Mrs. Lum- 
ley, my niece, a young, wealthy, childless widow; you 
had the misfortune to lose your husband, Col. Lumley, 
after a happy union of a quarter of a year, by a fall 
from his horse while hunting.” 
“But, Uncle - ” 
“Let tne manage, if you please, Mrs. Lummy. 
Your father has invested me with full powers. Here, 
look you, is the wedding ring given you by your late 
husband. Jewels and whatever else you need your 
aunt will supply you with; and accustom yourself to 
cast down your eyes.” 
The keen-witted uncle introduced his niece every¬ 
where, and the young widow excited a great sensa¬ 
tion. The gentlemen thronged about her, and she 
soon had her choice of twenty suitors. Her uncle ad¬ 
vised her to accept the one that was deepest in love 
with her, and a rare chance decreed that this should be 
precisely the most amiable and opulent. The match 
was soon concluded, and one day the uncle desired to 
say a few words in private to his future nephew. 
“My dear sir,” he began, “ we have told you an un¬ 
truth.” 
“How so? Are Mrs. Lumley’s affections -” 
“ Nothing of the kind, my niece is sincerely attached 
to you.” 
% 
Spring Time— Coming of the Birds. 
“Then her fortune, I suppose, is not equal to what 
you told me ?” 
“On the contrary, it is larger.” 
“Well, what is the matter then ?” 
“A joke — an innocent joke, which came into my 
head one day when I was in good humor; wo could 
not well recall it afterward. My niece is not a widow.” 
“What! Colonel Lumley living?” 
“No, no; she is a spinster.” 
The lover protested that he was a happier fellow 
than he had ever conceived himself, and the old maid 
was forthwith metamorphosed into a young wife. 
A rich, but parsimonious old gentleman, on being 
taken to task for his uncharitableness, said: “ True, 
I don’t give much, but if you only knew how it hurts 
when I give anything, you wouldn’t wonder.” 
An enterprising superintendent of one of our city 
Sunday schools was engaged last Sunday in catechizing 
the scholars, varying the usual method by beginning 
at the end of the catechism. After asking what were 
the requisites for the Holy Communion and Con¬ 
firmation, and receiving very satisfactory replies, he 
asked : “And now, boys, tell me what must precede 
baptism ?” Whereupon a lively urchin shouted out, 
“A baby, sir.” Fact; followed by sensation and 
laughter. 
Old bachelor uncle: 
“Well, Charles, what do you 
want now ?” Charlie: “ Oh! I 
want to be rich.” Uncle: “Eich ! 
Why so?” Charlie: “Because I 
want to bo petted, and Ma says 
you are an old fool and must be 
petted because you are rich. But 
it’s a great secret and I mustn’t 
tell!” 
A high-school pupil in a 
cross-town car reciting her geome¬ 
try lesson to a fellow-girl, re¬ 
cently, as follows : “If the 
angles at the base of an isosceles 
triangle are equal to the square 
of the hypothenuse of a right- 
angle cone, then the rectangle of 
the diaineter of a circle is equal 
to the square of the — ah —to the 
■—ah—is equal to the—ah—to the 
square—to the — ah—oh, bother ! 
Gimme that book ! I wish pa 
’ud let me take dancing lessons 
instead of these horrible squares, 
and angles, and hypotlienuses.” 
According- to the entertain¬ 
ing London correspondent of the 
New York Times, the Duke of 
Somerset lately told a good story : 
“When Bishop Burnet was at 
Home he met Christina, Queen of 
Sweden, who, though born a 
Protestant, had become a Roman 
Catholic, and asked her what she 
thought of the Pope’s infallibility. 
She replied that she did not 
know much about his infallibility, 
but that she had a firm faith in 
the Popes being under super¬ 
natural guidance, because she 
had herself known four of them, 
and they were all such consum¬ 
mate fools that if they had not 
had Divine assistance she could 
not see how they could ever have 
got on at all.” 
The Hebrew Leader tells a good story and appends 
a moral: “A young lady of big accomplishments 
(and no pride) in the absence of the servant, stepped 
to the door on the ringing which announced a visit 
from one of her admirers. On entering, the beau glanc¬ 
ing at the harp and piano which stood in the apart ■ 
ment, exclaimed, ‘ I thought I heard music; on which 
instrument were you performing, Miss?’ 4 On the grid¬ 
iron, sir, with an accompaniment of the frying pauj’ 
she replied ; 1 my mother is without help, and she says .1 
must learn to finger these instrument sooner or later, and 
I have this day commenced taking a course of lessons.’ 
