TIT FOE, TAT. 
A young lady, the daughter of the owner of the 
house, was addressed by a young man who, though 
agreeable to her, was disliked by her father. Of course 
he would not consent to their union, rind she deter¬ 
mined to elope. The night was fixed, the hour came, 
the lover placed the ladder to the wiudow, and in a 
few moments the young girl was in his arms. 
They mounted a double horse, and were 
soon some distance from the house. 
After a while the lady broke the silence by 
saying: 
“ Well, you see what proof I 
have given you of my affection; 
I hope you will make me a good 
husband.” 
He was a surly fellow, and 
gruffly answered: 
- “ Perhaps X may, and perhaps 
not.” 
She made no reply, but after 
a silence of some minutes she 
suddenly exclaimed: 
“Oh, what shall wo do? I 
have left my money behind in my 
room.” 
“Then,” said he, “wo must 
go back and fetch it.” 
They were'soon again at the 
house, the ladder was again 
placed, the lady remounted, while 
the ill-natured lover waited be¬ 
low. But she delayed to come, 
and so he gently called: 
“ Are you coming?” 
Then she looked out of the 
window, and said: 
“ Perhaps I may, and perhaps 
I may not;” and then shut down 
the window, leaving him to de¬ 
part alone. 
them. Such beautiful men; some for $1,000, some for 
$500, and so on to $150. As I had not that amount 
I could not purchase.” 
“ Thinking to console her, B. placed his arm loving¬ 
ly around her, and asked : 
“And did you see any men like me there?” 
“Oh, yes,” she replied, drawing away from him, 
“ lots like you, they were tied up in bunches, like as¬ 
paragus, and sold for ten cents per bunch.” 
Bundy got up, and went to ask his lawyer if he had 
sufficient ground for divorce. 
A bashful young clergyman recently rising to 
A Dream that Parted Man 
and Wife. —Bundy has been 
married two weeks, and has left 
his wife. Bundy is a little man, 
and his wife weighs two hundred 
and forty pounds, and was the 
relict of the late Peter Potts. 
About ten days after marriage, 
Bundy was surprised, on awak¬ 
ening in the morning, to find his 
better half sitting up in bed, cry¬ 
ing as if her heart would break. 
Astonished; he asked the cause 
of her sorrow, but receiving no 
reply, he began to surmise that 
there must be some secret on her mind that she with¬ 
held from him that was the cause of her anguish, so 
he remarked to Mrs. B. that as they were married, 
she should tell him the cause of her grief, so, if possi¬ 
ble, he could avert it, and after considerable coaxing 
he elicited the following from her: 
“ Last night I dreamed I was single, and as I 
walked through a well-lighted street, I came to a store 
where a sign in front advertised husbands for sale. 
Thinking it curious, I entered, and arranged along the 
wall on either side were men with prices affixed to 
The Children’s Welcome to the Snow Birds. 
preach for the first time, made a terrible mix of it, and 
announced his text in this wise : “ And immediately 
the cock wept, and Peter went out arid crew bitteily. ’ 
A fashionable young miss was taken by her mother 
to the eccentric and celebrated Dr. Abernethy for treat¬ 
ment. The doctor ran a knife under her belt, in pres¬ 
ence of the mother, instantly severing it, and exclaim¬ 
ing, “Why, madam, don’t you know there are up¬ 
wards of thirty yards of bowels squeezed under that 
girdle. Go home, give nature fair play, and you’ll 
have no need of a prescription !” 
Two or three months ago a Detroiter started to build 
bouse, and as he had always heard his wife “jawing 
arpund” about the lack of closets in the house, he de¬ 
termined to give her an agreeable surprise. She went 
up with him a day or two ago, and he pointed out 
eleven different closets to her, and asked : “ Now what 
do you say ?” “ Well,” she replied, after another 
look around, “if there was another closet off the hall 
I’d he willing to live and die here.” 
A Little baby stranger came to a family in Au¬ 
gusta, last week, and a bright five-year-old brother, 
who had been heretofore the only child in that house¬ 
hold, was brought in to see the new-comer. 
He greeted the little one with apparent pleas¬ 
ure and delight, patting it playfully under the 
chin and smoothing its soft hair. Then all at 
once came the inquiry, “Say, 
how was God when you left ? 
During a class-meeting held 
by the Methodist brethren of a 
southern village, Brother Jones 
went among the colored portion 
of the congregation. Finding 
there a man notorious for his en¬ 
deavor to serve God on the Sab¬ 
bath and Satan the rest of cho 
week, he said : “ Well, Brother 
Dick, I am glad to see you here. 
Haven’t stole any turkeys since 
I saw you last, Brother Dick ?’’ 
“No, no, Brudder Jones; no 
turkeys.” “Nor any chickens, 
Brother Dick?” “No, no, Brud¬ 
der Jones; no chickens.” 
“ Thank the Lord, Brother 
Dick ! That’s doing well, my 
brother!” said Brother Jones, 
leaving Brother Dick, who im¬ 
mediately relieved his overbur¬ 
dened Conscience by saying to a 
near neighbor, with an immense 
sigh of relief: “If he’d said 
ducks, he’d a had me !” 
WEAEY. 
Weary of living', so weary; 
Lomring to lie down and die, 
To find for the sad heart and dreary 
The end of the pilgrimage nigli. 
Weary, so weary of wishing. 
For a form that lms gone from my sight; 
For a voice that is hushed to me ever; 
For eyes that to me were so bright. 
Weary, so weary of waiting, 
Waiting for sympathy sweet; 
For something to love, and love me, 
And pleasures that are not so fleet. 
For a hand to he laid on ray forehead, 
A glimpse of the dark glossy hair; 
For a step that to me was sweet music. 
And a brow that was noble and fail*. 
Tired, so tired of drifting 
Adown the dark stream of life; 
Tired of breasting the billows. 
The billows of toil and strife. 
Wishing and waiting so sadly 
For love that was sweetest and best. 
Willing to die gladly, 
If that would bring quiet and rest. 
Another Kind. —Two Irishmen, lately landed in 
New York, were hoarding at a hotel where they were 
sorely troubled with mosquitoes, and could hardly ob¬ 
tain sleep enough to satisfy nature. “ Put yer head 
under the blankets,” said Mike, “ an’ thin they’ll not 
bite yees.” Pat did as requested, but scarcely had he 
found himself free from, the mosquitoes when he was 
attacked by the bed-hugs that he had failed to notice. 
“Bad luck to me, Mike,” said he; “here’s another 
kind widout wings an’ fiddles; but, begorra, they 
bite as hard as the others.” 
Me Jellies' Moral fimlxuief tui3 fictorral Home feomjnaruon 
