THE LADIES' FLORAL CABINET. 
261 
of the house, and I noticed that he had hung his coat 
on the fence. I was busy and did not see him when he 
came in, but I heard him at the study window calling 
“Stop, thief! stop, thief!” and I stepped to the front 
door and, looking out, saw that his coat was no longer 
on the fence, but a man with a coat on his arm was 
running down the street in the direction of the railroad 
station. 
The wretch has stolen Aristarchus’ coat and means 
to take the next train and leave town with his booty, 
I thought; and I rushed out and ran down the street 
after him as fast as I could go. As I ran, I saw faces 
appear at the windows of houses, and small boys sprang 
up by the roadside, as if by magic; and I heard,, as if in 
a dream, one of them call out, “ Go it, Old Fatty!” 
And another yelled, “You’re all right, ma’am ; it’s 
leap year! ” 
Not being a thin woman I should have failed to 
overtake the thief, however, in spite of such encourage¬ 
ment, had not the train which he expected to take 
whizzed out of the station, and he slackened his run to 
a walk. As I came up behind him I snatched the coat 
quickly from his arm, saying as I did so, “ I’ll take this 
coat, and you may think yourself lucky to escape arrest 
and punishment.” 
The man turned, lifted his hat and said courteously, 
“If my summer overcoat will be of any use to you, 
madam, it is quite at your service.” 
It was Judge Leland, the richest and most influential 
man in town. 
My face was all ablaze as I gave back the coat and 
stammered forth: “ I beg your pardon. My husband left 
his coat on the fence. I heard him calling ‘ stop thief ’ 
while you were running down the street with a coat on 
your arm, and I thought—I—” I could not tell him I 
took him for a thief, but he helped me out. 
“ So you thought I had taken your husband’s coat. 
Ha ! ha ! Very natural mistake, very. Your husband is 
something of an elocutionist, I believe ? ” 
Nothing could have been more courteous and civil 
than were the Judge’s words and manner ; yet, I felt as 
if I had been asked if my husband was an ex-convict. 
When I got back to the house, Aristarchus stood at the 
front door with his coat on, and asked me why I had 
been running down the street after Judge Leland. I 
didn’t tell him. 
Not long after this adventure a worse one happened. 
Aristarchus had occasion to go down into the base¬ 
ment, and as he went was loudly declaiming: 
“Come out, you old speckled hypocrite, from that 
deep, dark den, overhung with alders, on the evil deeds 
of which no sunbeam ever shone. Nay, I have thee 
fast. Plunge not, wriggle not, jump not. It is all in 
vain. There—now I stretch thee on the stones ! ” 
Meanwhile, I noticed a couple of laboring men stand¬ 
ing at our gate evidently listening, and I ran to the 
cellar door to beg Aristarchus not to rave so loudly, but 
just as I reached the door his voice ceased, a loud noise, 
as of a falling body, succeeded, followed by an ominous 
silence. 
“What is the trouble, Aristarchus?” I cried in a 
fright. 
“]Mur-r-der, most foul and unnatural mur-r-der,” re¬ 
plied my husband, in tones of deepest tragedy. 
“ Oh dear ! Why will you cany on so ! ” I exclaimed 
impatiently. 
“ I assure you I was not at all to blame,” he replied, 
apologetically. “It was a mouse, he ran directly 
under my boot; my boot is heavy, the mouse was small, 
therefore the mouse is dead and my boot is entirely un¬ 
harmed.” 
There was no use in expostulating with him, and I 
went back to my sewing. Presently I was startled by a 
loud and violent ringing of the bell. Going to the door, 
I was confronted by a policeman and the two laboring 
men whom I had seen at our gate during Aristarchus’ 
harangue. The three were puffing like so many loco¬ 
motives, having evidently been running. 
“We must come in, madam,” announced the police¬ 
man, ‘ ‘ and investigate the murder that has just been 
committed here.” 
“ There has been none,” said I stiffly, and not moving 
aside to give them entrance. 
But at that movement the voice of Aristarchus be¬ 
hind me said solemnly : 
“Do not attempt to deny it, Cordelia. Walk this 
way, gentlemen, and view the body.” 
I fell into a chair, nearly convulsed'with laughter at 
this unlooked-for turn of events, and, burying my face 
in my handkerchief, exclaimed in smothered tones, 
“ Oh ! you will kill me, Aristarchus !” 
“Don’t be frightened, madam, heshallnot harm you,” 
said the policeman reassuringly, while he grasped his 
billy firmly and, holding it alarmingly near Aristarchus’ 
head, followed that eccentric person to the cellar, ac¬ 
companied also by Leander, who had just come in from 
play. 
“ Behold the remains !” said Aristarchus, solemnly, as 
they entered the wash-room. 
“ Where? There’s nobody here,” said the policeman. 
“ Here he is,” said Aristarchus, touching with a stick 
the small, furry body of a dead mouse that lay on the 
floor, “ and this is the weapon that did the bloody deed,” 
he added, turning up to view the sole of his right boot. 
“Good land! what a confounded sell!” exclaimed 
the deluded policeman. 
Leander picked the mouse up gently by the tip of its 
tail and held it up before the three men for their closer 
inspection saying, 
“ ‘ Take it up tenderly 
Lift it with care, 
Fashioned so slenderly, 
Young and so fair.’ ” 
And Aristarchus added, , 
“ 1 Nothing in his life 
Became him like leaving it; he died 
As one that had been studied in his death, 
To throw away the dearest thing he owed 
As ’t were a careless trifle.’ 
and you would agree with me, gentlemen, if you had 
seen how recklessly he ran under my boot.” 
“ Are you a couple of lunatics ?” exclaimed the police¬ 
man, looking wrathfully at father and son. 
“You might ask my wife about that,” suggested 
Aristarchus serenely. 
Three disgusted-looking men left our premises by the 
basement door and the rear gate. Aristarchus joined 
me in the sitting-room looking as innocent as a sheep. 
I did hope, however, that the occurrence would be a les¬ 
son to him, but if it was he failed to profit by it; for not 
long afterwards, as we were retiring one hot, sultry 
night he burst out in the midst of ‘ ‘ The Battle of Bunker 
Hill.” 
