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Catalog 40 
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American Agriculturist, February 2, 1924 
On Bringing Up Children 
Anonymous, Out of Consideration for My Own 
L AST Sunday I went to hear Dr. John 
Haynes Holmes of the Community 
Church in New York speak on “The 
Revolt of Youth.” I went because I 
think him almost the most inspiring and 
stimulating speaker I have ever heard, 
and because I was particularly interested 
in his subject. 
His ideas as to the training of children, 
upon which he just touched, met with 
my entire approval—theoretically. He 
spoke for the proper relations between 
parents and children: a sort of friendly 
partnership for mutual aid. He attacked 
the system of enforced obedience. He 
would advise, perhaps, but never com¬ 
mand. The child should be allowed to 
work out his own problems. It is what 
I have always believed, and endeavored 
to practise, with my own four, two girls 
and two boys, ranging at this moment 
from twelve years old to nineteen. Were 
children reasonable, Christian, human 
beings, and even fairly conscientious, it 
would probably work. As a matter of 
fact they are usually comparatively 
selfish savages. 
No Communism for Them 
From the time my own were tiny I have 
instructed them that a household is a 
community, and in it each person has 
certain duties and privileges. I have 
explained the home economics and the 
easiest way of accomplishing the work 
involved in running a house. For in¬ 
stance, if it takes one person an hour on 
a busy morning to make all the beds arid 
put all the bed-rooms in order, while it 
would take each person only a few min¬ 
utes to do his own room, it is reasonable 
as well as considerate for each person to 
do his own. If each child will do his 
small share no one need be badly over¬ 
worked. If a child wants a dog, he 
should take upon himself the responsibil¬ 
ity of feeding and exercising it. But 
after nineteen years I am still making all 
the beds and caring for all the animals. 
I tell the children that since I must bear 
with their occasional failings, it is only 
fair that they should bear with one 
another, yet the hardest part of my day’s 
work, and the most wearing, is trying to 
keep peace between them. If each child 
really believed in a communistic regime, 
I should be delighted, but while each 
child feels free to help himself to whatever 
he wants, whether it be mine or his 
brother’s, he is enormously indignant if 
one of the others takes something of his. 
Children have a natural sense of the 
sanctity of property—if it is their prop¬ 
erty: none at all if it is someone’s else. 
“Mother Won’t Care” 
• Dr. Holmes says we must not punish. 
Again I agree. It is degrading alike to 
the one who gives and the one who 
receives. A few weeks ago I was driven 
by the carelessness of a friend who did 
not return a borrowed umbrella, to buy 
a new one. I had it about a week when 
it disappeared. I asked the children if 
they knew anything about it. 
“Oh, yes,” said my sixteen-year-old, 
“I took it to Ruth’s the other day and it 
stopped raining, so I left it there.” 
Not a word of apology, and no effort 
either then or later to get back my prop¬ 
erty. I was obliged to buy another, 
sacrificing something that I needed almost 
as much to do it. That, too, disappeared 
before I had had it two days. A long 
search discovered it wet and muddy, 
thrust into the back of a closet under the 
stairs. It had been used in various trips 
and then carelessly thrown aside. The 
fact that it was my only one made no 
difference. 
Not long ago, I came in one day with 
a new hat for myself, which my oldest 
girl immediately begged for. I spent 
a whole morning (and eight dollars) 
tri mm ing it just as she wanted it. She 
was delighted with it, so I was surprised 
to find that she did not wear it. I asked 
why and she announced: “Oh, Ruth 
liked it so much that I gave' it to her.” 
She was astonished when I remonstrated. 
I could not afford to furnish the neighbor¬ 
hood with hats. One mother told me that 
I should make her go without one, but 
that would be punishment. Besides one 
can not go to church with no hat. Event¬ 
ually I was obliged to buy her another, 
and go with no new hat myself. If the 
child were at all ashamed or penitent she 
successfully concealed the fact from me. 
It Sometimes Goes by Opposites 
My experience and observation tell 
me that the more patient the mother, the 
more selfish the children. The strictest 
mother I have ever known, one who killed 
herself and nearly killed every one near 
her by her iron rule, had the three finest 
girls I have ever known. Never even 
once did she let things slide. If a child 
had neglected a task she could do nothing 
else till it was accomplished. If disorder 
were brought about in a room no pleas¬ 
ure could be indulged in till order once 
more reigned. If the culprit tried to beg 
off, punishment was meeted out for in¬ 
subordination. If a child w mt up stairs 
nine hundred times a day and each time 
put his hand on the wl ite woodwork, 
nine hundred times he would be made to 
come down, wipe off the finger-prints and 
go up again hands off. 
Exacting obedience from a weaker 
thing is degrading. I loathe it. But 
somewhere, sometime every man has to 
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learn to obey, and that unquestioningly, 
implicitly. Perhaps the lesson would haye 
been more easily learned in youth and at 
home. A parent must be unfailingly just. 
She must be kind and infinitely patient, 
but I am afraid she must be firm too. 
In my experience a child will take little 
responsibility even for his own pleasures. 
Everything must be done for him, or he 
must be forced to do it for himself. I do 
not think my children are horrible ex¬ 
ceptions to the rule. My friends find 
them charming and continually compli¬ 
ment me on success with them. “Suc¬ 
cess”! I could weep when I see how far 
short I have fallen from all I meant to do. 
I can not conceive of either of my girls 
running a home decently. They are 
both indolent and hopelessly untidy. 
And how can the boys, who are inconsid¬ 
erate and thoughtless to mother and 
sisters, be tender and wise husbands? 
They will all, eventually, I doubt not, 
develop into respectable members of 
society, but it will be when Life has given 
them the discipline that I should probably 
have given them myself. 
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