224 
THE LADIES' FLORAL CABINET. 
NEWSPAPER WAIFS. 
“ Blood will tell," so be careful bow you make 
confideuts of your relations. 
A dumb-bell can only emit a mute tap peal.—.V. Y. 
Advertiser. 
A time-honored court-room—’The front parlor.— 
A". Y. Xeics. 
Jones says he feels sure that his young hopeful 
six-months old, will easily develop a love for field 
sports, because he is already such a base bawler.— 
T. H. F. 
The liuge stone hand of an idol iu a Chinese tem¬ 
ple recently fell off and severely injured a worshipper 
beneath. " Satin finds some mischief still for idol 
hands to do.”— Burling ton Free Press. 
Lady—” But. Professor, how came you to offend 
Mrs. Smith ?” Professor—” Ah. I rill tell you. 
Mine. Smit she come to me and she say I do vant my 
daughter to sing so high as Mees Brown, and she fly 
in one rage and say as cl ere is nosing low in her 
fa-mily. vep I say Mees Smit she haf a low voice." 
“My dear,” said Rattler at the tea table, looking 
up from his evening paper. ” this French-China trou¬ 
ble looks serious." ” Yes." answered Mrs. R., “ Brid¬ 
get broke the handle off the sugar bowl to-day, but I 
didn't think you would notice it so soon."—Boston 
Courier. 
Woman who has been looking over blankets in a 
Main Street store: ** Well. I didn’t mean to buy. Am 
just looking for a friend." Clerk, politely: “ Don't 
rhink you'll find your friend among the blankets. 
We’ve looked ’em all through." 
A little fellow of five, going along the street with 
a dinner-pail, is stopped by a kind-hearted old gentle¬ 
man. who says: ” Where are you going, my little 
man?" ‘‘To school." "And what do you do at 
school? Do you learn to read? " ” No." “To write?" 
“No.” "Tocount?" “No." “What do you do?" 
4 1 wait for school to let out." 
The sighs of a lover are supposed to indicate the 
size of his affection. 
When Brown broke one of his wife’s china tea cups, 
she bewailed the loss in doleful strains. She was so 
■sorry, she said, she had had that cup so many years. 
A day or two later, a new lamp globe was broken. 
Then Mrs. B. was so sorry because it was brand new. 
If it wasn’t for that, she wouldn’t have cared one bit. 
Women are wonderful creatures, but their logic is 
more wondei£ul than they. 
41 Yes." said Mrs. Towser, as she expiated upon the 
beauties of her flower garden, “I have given it great 
care, and if you come over in a week or two, I expect 
to be able to show you some beautiful scarlet pneu¬ 
monias."— Somerville Journal. 
At breakfast the other morning a New York dude 
declined a piece of shad, fie had been told that fish 
food made brain, and he didn’t want to unfit himself 
for the position he occupied in society. 
It took the ladies of the MichiganWomen's Christian 
Temperance Union a little while to get acquainted, 
but when the acquaintance was formed it ripened 
fast. “ How do you give your name ? " asked one 
lady of another, as they removed their wraps at the 
door one morning. “I have usually written it Mrs. ! 
James P. Jones.” “Did your mother name you 
‘ James P. * ” inquired the first speaker, with con¬ 
siderable emphasis. “/ will never call myself by 
my husband’s name." ‘‘Nor I,” “Nor I,” “Nor 
L" came from a number of bystanders. The little 
woman appeared surprised to find herself so largely 
in the minority, but she finally found breath and 
courage to say: “ Well, I suppose it does make a dif¬ 
ference what ldnd of a man the husband is.” And 
then the president rung to order, the knot of ladies 
dispersed, and there was a sort of a look upon their 
faces as if the little woman had come out ahead.— 
Adrian Times. 
Quick Wit Wins.— Years ago, into a wholesale 
grocery store in Boston walked a tall, muscular- 
looking man, evidently a fresh comer from some 
backwoods town in Maine or New Hampshire. Ac¬ 
costing the first person he met, who happened to bo 
the merchant himself, he asked : 
“You don't want to hire a man in your store, do 
you ?’\ 
“Well,”said the merchant, “I don’t know, what 
can you do ?" 
“ Do i" said the man ; “ I rather guess I can turn 
my hands into almost anything: what do you want 
done ?” 
| “ Well, if I was to hire a man, it would be one that 
| could lift well—a strong, wiry fellow; one, for in¬ 
stance, that could shoulder a sack of coffee like that 
: yonder, and carry it across ihe store, and never lay 
! it down." 
“There, now, capt’n,” said the countryman, “ that 
is just me. I can lift anything I hitch to: you can’t 
suit me better. What will you give a man that will 
suit you ?” 
” I tell you." said the merchant. “ if you will 
shoulder this sack of coffee, and carry it across the 
store twice, and never lay it down, I will hire you a 
year at a hundred dollars a month.” 
" Done," said the stranger : and by this time every , 
clerk in the store hail gathered around, and waited 
to join in the laugh against the man. who walked up 
to the sack, threw it across his shoulder with perfect 
ease, as it was not extremely heavy? and, walking 
with it twice across the store, went quietly to a 
large hook, which was fastened to the nail, and 1 
hanging it up. turned around to the surprised mer- j 
chant, and sai 1: 
“There, now, it may hang there till dooms-day; I 
| shall never lay it down. What shall I go about, 
mister ? Just give me plenty to do and a hundred 
dollars per month, and it's all right." 
The clerks broke into a laugh, and the merchant, 
discomfiued, yet satisfied, kept his agreement; and 
to-day the green countryman is the senior partner in- 
the firm, and is worth a million dollars. 
Young Wife.—“P m always saying something stupid. 
Mrs. Giddigad was here to-day, and when she went 
away, she said, ‘Now, I’ve been here three times, 
and you haven't been to see me once. I shan’t 
come again until you have called on me.’ And I 
blundered out, ‘Thank you!" Wasn’t it ridicu-| 
lous?" Husband—“ Not a bit of it. On the contrary, 
it was quite apropos 
" Mary must have a summer bonnet,” remarked 
Mrs. Rattler to her husband this morning, “and I 
think I will have my old straw pressed over for her.” 
“ A ‘ chip ’ off the old block, I suppose," rejoined R. 
—Boston Courier. 
ASTHMA. 
A Most Distressing Case. 
On November 15th, 1882, Mrs. 3Iary Y. Hedges, of 
Danville, N. Y., came to our office, and put herself 
under the Compound Oxygen Treatment. She had 
been for many years a sufferer from Asthma. Her 
condition when she came was distressing in the ex¬ 
treme. She had exhausted the skill of all the differ¬ 
ent methods of curing asthma, including a long stay 
at the Institution in her native place. For about a 
year she had hardly been free from it at all, and had 
to take morphine every day. When she came, she 
remarked that she came to try the C. O. as a last 
hope for some relief, as she had not a particle of faith 
that anything in the, world can cure asthma. We 
promised to let her go home for the holidays deci¬ 
dedly improved. She was very skeptical about our 
being able to fulfill the promise. 
After one week’s treatment she was free from 
asthma. During the second week she had one attack 
for two hours, in which she thought she would die. 
j That was her last attack. 
! On December 9th she went home, apparently a well 
I woman. 
iiiree wocks alter UK 
wrote us the following lettor: 
wwuiuvr 1852 . 
” It’s now over three weeks since I left vour ©- 
"•■th my discharge papers, mul Itlmnktho Uinld- 
mucl. PS "' ens eu,dod t0 y°“> “> whom I owS 
'Jam feeling so well; better than in ten yean 
find I call walk, run sewing machine, do ninny ibj 
about the house I have not been able to do In Ve« 
Have no pain either hi lungs or shoulders; not 
hit ot pressure tor breath; going and doing with • 
Jeet ease and comfort whatever I undeitakr ' 
grea t change in me is truly marvelous. I am a i- 
d, r to myself as well as mg f riends, and otll‘ rs I 
say they shall test its merits in their own cases." 
Between two and three months after the above = 
written, we received the following letter from i 
Hedges, which we publish with her consent: 
“ Dansville, N. Y , March 13th. IS* 
” Dus. Starkey £ Polen : Dear Sirs:— In Xcc. 
ber, last. I called at your office in Girard Street.! 
ing to get relief from asthma, but not cxpectig 
get cured of it. 1 had been told so many tiin±&* 
cure' -simply endure. After consultation with i 
you said I could find relief, and in sly mouths of* 
sistent home effort, an entire cure. 
”/ have done so much better than youpromittd- 
that I feel I must write this letter to you andgAie 
praise to Compound Oxygen. Sixteen years ai 
had diphtheria, leaving me with brouchfal dffici 
About eight years ago asthma set in, and for all tb 
years 1 have suffered from a cough and ircqv 
asthmatic spasms, never more than two mos 
passing by without au attack nioer or less s-=v. 
For nine weeks before going to you, I suffered ■ 
and night , never finding relief except under th* 
fiucnee or oniates. They were my constant c 
iianions until I could endure the thraldom no loa; 
Life wasn't worth living, rtuffing and panting 
breath as 1 had to do. 
" To day. after four weeks's office treatment, ur 
the kind and attentive care of Drs. Starkey Jfc Pa: 
I cull myself well—perfectly well— having had: 
one spasm since my treatment commenced, and t 
while under your care iu Philadelphia. 
”/ breath? with perfect ease and freedom ; vr, 
about my house; walk long distances, and k brea 
like other people.' none knowing the luxury tfll t 
have suffered in like manner. I am ‘ armed for 
foe ’ with Home Treatment, and wisli every asthm: 
iu the land could hear and know of the Benefit to 
gained from the use of Compound Oxygen. W 
ing you long life and future usefulness. I am, 
cerely, Mary Y. Hedges. 
Our Treatise on Compound Oxygen is sent fn* 
charge. It contains a history of the discovery, 
ture, and action of this new remedy, and a recocj 
many of the remarkable results which have so 
attended its use. 
Also sent free , “Health and Life a quirs: 
record of cases and cures under the Compouud Cta 
gen Treatment, in which will be found, as reported 
patients themselves, and open for verificatt 
more remarkable results in a single period of O. 
months, than all the medical journals of the Urn 
States can show in a year. 
Drs. STAHKEY & PAIEX, 
1109 & 1111 Girard St., Phlla., J 
A Detroiter, who was taking a newly arrived Z 
lishman around town the other day, happened 
pass a carpenter’s shop, and the Englislmian rems 
ed that he had always heard that American works 
were rather slovenly and careless. “Wewill g< 
and see," was the reply, and they entered and 
down to wait for the boss. The carpenter was us 
his brace and bit to bore holes in a frame of sc* 
sort, and after each hole was bored he had to inset 
wooden wedge. When he had bored a hole he wo? 
walk off two feet and hang up his brace, which wo? 
be wanted again in about two minutes. After w! 
tling out each wedge, he would turn and place 
knife on a shelf, and every time ho wanted liis bu¬ 
rner it was on the bench six feet away. “ Ah! I £ 
I was sadly mistaken,” said the Englishman, as ti 
finally departed. “Why, that man lmd ns mu 
order and system as any workman I ever saw in E: 
land. He must have occupied four-fifths of Ills tiz 
walking back and forth for and with his toci 
“ Yes, he was working by the day, you see,” expli 
ed the citizen ns they walked on.— Detroit Ft 
Press. 
